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Guess What I Got for the Holidays?

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Voh, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. Voh
    Joined: Oct 18, 2006
    Posts: 853

    Voh
    Member

    big o fricking request for divorce! not nearly as cool as what some of you got. Its frickin tough. Worse part is the kids, and what thats gonna do.

    Yeah, its been pretty stressful, but i never saw divorce.
     
  2. Sorry to hear that! No way to work things out with a counselor/church elder/etc?
     
  3. brady1929
    Joined: Sep 30, 2006
    Posts: 8,382

    brady1929
    Member

    sorry to hear that. hope things work out ok.
     
  4. Voh
    Joined: Oct 18, 2006
    Posts: 853

    Voh
    Member


    i would have liked to think so, but she has no interest in talking to me or anyone. She said one of her friends went to talk and ended up getting "drugged into submission" and wasnt having that.
     

  5. Again, sorry to hear that- if, at some point, she is willing to listen, I can recommend some folks that can help. Just shoot me a pm if you're interested.
     
  6. cleatus
    Joined: Mar 1, 2002
    Posts: 2,277

    cleatus
    Member
    from Sacramento

    Been through it and it sucked huge.
    Many years later I can say I am glad it happened - it was for the best and I am much happier than I ever could have been had we stayed together, and now I know what it is like to be married to someone who actually gives a shit about me.
    Hang in there...it does get better (eventually).
     
  7. 067chevy
    Joined: Sep 18, 2005
    Posts: 2,073

    067chevy
    Member

    Damn man thats tuff. Been there, done that.
     
  8. I've been there too, it does suck at first then gets pretty good later on. There's always greener pastures but you need to keep it watered to stay green.
     
  9. 35desoto
    Joined: Oct 6, 2009
    Posts: 760

    35desoto
    Member

    Love your children and never loose sight of them. They may be swayed or influenced by the other half however in time they will see you for a good father. They come to learn and understand that there is two sides to a story. I;ve been there and done this and no I would not like to repeat it however as Cleatus says it does get better
     
  10. robertsregal
    Joined: Oct 2, 2008
    Posts: 743

    robertsregal
    Member

    It sucks now, and the kids will survive it may take a little more to keep them close but it can get better. I have been there done that and my wife Laurie is the best she is supportive of the car thing,goes to the junk yard with me and loves the old car thing,all the things the 1st wife hated. Yes I'm Lucky!! Good Luck!!
     
  11. Big_John
    Joined: Mar 28, 2006
    Posts: 326

    Big_John
    Member
    from Upstate NY

    Been there, done that. Two pieces of advice, number one being keep it civil. You are going to have to see her and her family at every school function, wedding, graduation etc. that your kids are involved in.

    Number two, go see a lawyer tomorrow. If she hasn't started the proceedings, get the ball rolling yourself. She has made up her mind, this will happen no matter what you want and the best thing you can do is to have the upper hand legally. Some guys just wait for it to happen and they get screwed. I did this on the advice of another lawyer and I managed to keep my cars, my house, my retirement, my business AND my kids!!!

    I've remarried to a very wonderful woman that I wish I'd met a long time ago. When we see my ex and her new husband at family functions, we all get along great and everyone is happy, especially me.
     
  12. Buddy Palumbo
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
    Posts: 3,870

    Buddy Palumbo
    Member

    You're right - that's a pretty shitty gift :mad: !

    It's happening for a reason . Stay tuned and I'm sure things will get better for ya . The part with the kids will definately suck , but they'll adjust and it'll work out , trust me .
     
  13. Don's Hot Rods
    Joined: Oct 7, 2005
    Posts: 8,319

    Don's Hot Rods
    Member
    from florida

    Man, I really feel for you and understand completely..........that was me about 13 years ago after being married for 28 years. I literally went off the deep end and became a person I didn't even know. Finally, my company had a provision in the health insurance that paid for 3 visits to a shrink, and it helped me out immensely. Now I look back and realize it was the best thing that happened for the two of us.

    The kids part is the worst of it, that, and the changes it makes in everyone's living arrangements. I hate to see kids shuttled back and forth, one week here, one week there. Luckily, mine were grown at the time but it still was rough on them.

    Get some counseling, if not to save the marriage to get you through it. It DOES help. Try to stay on good terms with the soon to be ex for the kids sake. Like it or not, you will be linked to the ex for a lot of years and it makes it so much easier on everyone if you are civil and keep the best interests of your kids at the forefront.

    Keep your chin up bud, it will get better in time, believe me. In the meantime, you are doing the right thing, talking to your friends about it. I knew I was getting better when I got tired of bending my friend's ears with my tales of woe. It also helps to realize women are just nuts.

    Don

    And yes, that is great advice about getting a lawyer. Everyone starts out thinking they can work it out in a civil manner, then friends and family get involved and it becomes war. Get your rights and some good advice now. You didn't want this, she did, so that puts some good points in your corner.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2012
  14. NINE INCH
    Joined: Dec 26, 2005
    Posts: 1,020

    NINE INCH
    Member

    I could not have said this better.
     
  15. chopnchaneled
    Joined: Oct 21, 2004
    Posts: 1,389

    chopnchaneled
    Member
    from Buford Ga.

    10-4 on keeping it civil and getting a lawyer. be fair but firm!
     
  16. Voh
    Joined: Oct 18, 2006
    Posts: 853

    Voh
    Member

    i have an appointment in a couple of hours. She said it could be simple, then proceded to tell me how it was gonna be. No thank you.

    i do appreciate the words. i will keep them all with me.
     
  17. farmergal
    Joined: Nov 28, 2010
    Posts: 2,074

    farmergal
    Member
    from somewhere


    Really sorry to hear that. Divorce is never an easy subject and it's really really tough on everyone but you guys will get through it. I have a close friend whos parents have been divorced for many years but everyone stillgets together for the holidays so they can all be together. Keep your head up :(
     
  18. chris' 38
    Joined: Oct 24, 2010
    Posts: 307

    chris' 38
    Member

    I got divorce papers for Christmas also. Stung a little at first, but realizing how much better off I am. My boys are 3 and 6 so it's important to stay in there lives, they wil be old enough one day to realize it wasn't your fault. Good luck
     
  19. KWashburn
    Joined: Jul 23, 2006
    Posts: 109

    KWashburn
    Member

    This is merely a suggestion. For the sake of the kids involved, speak nothing but kind words about their mother, when speaking to them about the situation. My old man did this and I think it payed off for him in the long run. My mom did nothing but trash my old man, while my old man did nothing but speak kindly of her. Granted, he didn't want to. Hope everything works out for you.
     
  20. Boeing Bomber
    Joined: Aug 5, 2010
    Posts: 1,079

    Boeing Bomber
    Member

    I never would have found my best friend / fiance' if my first wife didn't serve me with papers. It was hell, but looking back on it some 20 plus years ago, I could have handled it better, and gotten through it better. My kids were 5 and 7 when we split. That was the worst of it. But now they're great kids, and there's no resentment between any of us.
    DO NOT drop your drawers and take it. get a lawyer for fathers FAST to realize what your rights are. The first thing on her list of "Wants" was for me to pay her lawyers fees. All I had to say was "NO" and that was a done deal. Good luck Buddy, Prayers go out to you and yours.
     
  21. OldTC
    Joined: Aug 18, 2011
    Posts: 770

    OldTC
    Member

    Breaks my heart to see anyone go through that, man,...I'm sorry.

    As each situation is different it's tough to give advice.

    Mine was a little easier than it could have been due to a few things I did...that have already been suggested here; we remained civil and only used one lawyer.

    Hang in there, it does get better.
     
  22. petritl
    Joined: Jul 31, 2006
    Posts: 950

    petritl
    Member
    from Marion, TX

    I'm sorry to hear about this.....it looks as we were on the same christmas list as my wife had the same discussion with me.
     
  23. BISHOP
    Joined: Jul 16, 2006
    Posts: 2,571

    BISHOP
    Member

    Its only as bad as your perception. Attitude is EVERYTHING.

    Keep your head up, Its all going to get better and better.
     
  24. Lawyer up man, I havent delt with this, but being in the military I see ALOT of divorce and alot of people getting screwed. Good luck.
     
  25. 1971BB427
    Joined: Mar 6, 2010
    Posts: 5,891

    1971BB427
    Member
    from Oregon

    Sucks! No matter how it turns out, it will always be a bad situation with the kids involved. One thing I can tell you is from this point on until the kids are all adults, they must always be the number one thing in your life before anything or anyone else!
    I went through a divorce over 35 years ago, and my ex took the kids out of state. It was a constant battle to keep in touch and keep close to them. Haven't spoken to or seen the ex since the kids turned 18, but before that I just had to bite my lip and not say anything to ruin my relationship with the kids.
    My present wife and I have been married for 33 years now, and looking back the divorce was a blessing. I'd never have found a good one if the ex hadn't divorced me!
     
  26. That's the gift that keeps givin' the whole year 'round.
     
  27. Mayor of G-Vegas
    Joined: Nov 10, 2010
    Posts: 507

    Mayor of G-Vegas
    Member




    Great advice! Been in this situation myself . Divorces are no fun but a positive attitude def helps out alot . - Mayor
     
  28. We all have no guarantees in life with health, marriage, finances, or jobs.......but if you open your eyes each day it is a blessing and you have another day to manage what you can and make healthy choices. Bottom line it sounds like you got blindsided.....so if there is no chance of reconciliation then just move forward with a good positive attitude because right now that is what YOU want for yourself......so as you can show the kids the strength of being a real man. A lot of people in the beginning of divorce want the worst for the other.....don't do it.......get tough and be the best person YOU can be.......if this is an Absolute decision on her part then you need to move on now........for whatever reason people think the grass is greener on the other side I always say yeah but you still have to cut it! They usually find that out. She is the one unhappy......you were ok until she sprung the news.....you can and will recover from the sorrow......do not let her drag you into her unhappy world........sometimes I have seen where the other cannot stand to see you moving on and will throw every mental game out there your way to bring you down. Pray.....for your destiny and watch for the answers along your path since it will be a new road you are traveling this year. On a lighter side her is a real quick one........A man asked his wife what she wanted for Christmas?.....She replied," A divorce", He replied, "I wasn't planning on spending that much this year." Is there anything else I could get you?:eek::) I hope it all becomes clear to you because there is a better time ahead. My prayers are sent ;).
     
  29. verde742
    Joined: Aug 11, 2010
    Posts: 5,408

    verde742
    ALLIANCE MEMBER

    Divorce usually cost a lot, often times its worth it,,,,, Man should file first, cause takes the wind out of her sail, and the judge says this woman deserves what she doesn't get, 30 years , I never said a bad thing about their mother, she still tells how much I ruined her life, 3 divorces later, I am still the one she talks about to anyone who will listen. The kid say Mom, we are done listening, I am still their hero.. she STILL hasn't found what she was seeking. Sad....
     
  30. I guess getting a gas monkey garage t-shirt was better than I thought! Hopefully you guys work it out, if not, make it a point to get along with her the best you can.
     

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