Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

That body looks like a sac of walnuts

 

mechanical asshole

 

"I know your car is fast....'cause you were haulin' ass when I passed ya..."

 

He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel. (hamber)

A wise old owl sat on an oak,
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard.
(Edward H. Richards)

 

...that shouldn't be a problem to a man of his (your) bore n stroke...(used regarding
many a difficult problem)..

...a blind man on a fast horse would be happy to see that!...

...can't see both sides at once!.. (used by many a bodyman doing repairs)

 

To my pitiful driving friend....You could'nt drive your finger up your ass with a road map

 

Also - "Don't sweat it. You'll never
even see that when it's 10,000 ft.
up." (used by aircraft mechanics!)

And - "If some is good and more
is better..than too much should
be just enough." (a precise
formula used by fuel drag racers
for calculating exactly how much
nitro to mix with their methanol! )

And "Ah, hell..throw the label from
the can in too" (another, even more
precise formula used by fuel drag
racers when they decide that even
too much nitro is still not quite
enough!)

Mart3406

 

Old boss used to say this :

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

 

I always said that " If it was worthwhile doing , SOMEBODY else really would have done it.

 

two thing i dont loan out my ol lady and my truck they are to easy to throw a rod in

 

Favorite one liner told by gearhead,
.
.

"This thread for the most part, has gotten' pretty tired..."
.
.

 

you boys know what chevrolet stands for dont you cracked head every valve rattles oil leaks everytime

 

Never heard that one...too funny!...

 

From my dad
Regarding an old vehicle
Its in Pretty good condition for the shape it's in

Regarding a homemade minibike I just finished when I was 16-he was not impressed
If that ain't a pigs turd shit in a hurry I'll kiss yer ass

Regarding a nut on a farm implement we could not loosen
That's tighter than the hubs of hell

My wife's response to my saying I'd like something that will go from zero to 200 in under 10 seconds
"I'll get you a new bathroom scale"

 

If you haven't got anything done by noon,
don't bother starting.

My father

 

Have we burned through all the phrases found on every cheesy bumper sticker and Chinese-made tin sign out at Spencer Gifts from coast to coast yet? Me thinks so...

 

Thats shiner than a nickle in a goats ass.

 

.
.

..........."But wait,. there's more!"

 

Something I made up.
Any engine can fit any car, if you drop it far enough.
Mark L

 

Careful of the hillbillies.
Yes the gang banger may kill you,
But a hillbilly will keep your ass.

 

When try to decide if something will work or not on someone else's ride, fu%k it, it's not my car....

 

few more.....
Grind to fit, caulk to cover....
Uglier than a bucket full of old armpits

And from dear old dad (said often to me in my youth).......Why didn't they send Francis the talking mule to college? Nobody like a smartass

 

You forgot the most important one...


F O R D First on Race Day !!

 

I asked my Dad if the 41 Lincoln Zephyr he had would really run with the v12. His reply was "The only thing that thing wouldn't pass was a gas station".

His other valuable quote -"There's two kinds of women, son - whores and those you marry. Don't get 'em mixed up."

 

One of my Dad's famous quotes " His mouth runs like a flapper on a ducks ass!" Huh????

 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
.
.
.

 

hahaha i like this one..

bert monroe said when told he had a flat tyre "well lucky its only flat on the bottom"
or when his breaks were right out of the 1800s he replied "im planning on going not stopping"
was a awesome new zealander this guy.

 

When hearing someone grinding gears "That's OK - they're making them out of rubber next year"

 

I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole one, and asked for forgiveness.

 

good enuff for me and the girls i go with