A year in reflection. As this year comes closer to an end, I took some time and reflected about all thats happened. My life has changed so much. My family has changed so much. My mind has changed so much. My taste has changed so much. I'm not sure if this all has happened because I'm growing older or just because I needed it. My Life: My career has taken a different path than I could have ever imagined. I never would have thought I would be doing what I now am doing. I never thought I would be getting paid what I'm getting paid. And even though it may not be as much as some it was more than I ever felt I was worth at the time. I've since learned I am worth it, and I earn it too. I've bought a hundred plus year old house. Its got some creaks and some groans, but dont we all? It needs some fixing up, but then again dont we all? My Family: Family is a very touchy subject and sometimes a sore one for me. I grew up never knowing my dad, and it was actually better that way once I did meet him and talk with him. I met his children who now I'm proud to call my brother and sister. And I hope somehow they feel the same. I had one more runt to add to my litter, a little precious girl. She turns my cold heart to mush every time she looks at me and smiles. I am still fighting to this very day for my twin boys, from my failed attempt at marriage. And with that failed attempt also came my new, albeit smaller, family. Once I had a huge family that I thought would always be mine, but they chose to adopt my ex-wife and disown me. I was shunned by my own mother, brother, and grandmother. I had my foundation pulled out from under me at one of the hardest times in my life, just when I needed them most. So thats why the coldness to most anyone except my kids. I say most because there is a select few who have remained with me throughout it all. These I call my new family. They are true people, but will never have the opportunity to sink as deeply in my heart as could be, simply because I'm too weary of everyone. I feel that if my own mother who raised me can turn her back on me, anyone can. So I shut alot of people out. I also gained two of the best friends I ever could ask for. They are my confidants, my loyal family, and I am theirs. My two pit bulls who were both rescues. No person could ever be as loyal or as loving. I can talk with them and tell them my real feelings. I'm not afraid to cry around them and open myself or my heart to them. My Mind: I have thought alot about everything over this year, and I mean everything. From cars, to homes, people, and of a whole new life. At some points in 2007 I felt as if thats what I needed to do was start over. Clean slate, no past or people to haunt me or my thoughts. But I realized that isnt possible. You can change everything about your life and you will still have your memories. They can haunt you through or help you through. And I just couldnt leave my kids behind. My mind has been toughened and brought to a wiser state by this year. I act only after thinking things through and duking it out in my head before letting it hit my body. I wont regret anything in my life, simply because of every action I have performed I have learned something. Whether I was right or not, whether I keep heading the same direction or not. I've also realized we can give more than we ever think about. I have been on both sides of this now and know without a doubt I'd like to keep being able to give and help when possible, than to be the one who has no where to turn and living in a car, not knowing what tomorrow brings, or if its coming at all. My Taste: I have become, what I think, is more refined in my tastes. I learned the reason people such as Vern Tardel take so much time and thought to build a piece of rolling art. I realized its not all about looking like a badass or a hardass. Its not about who has the lowest car or the rustiest. Its also not about who has the shiniest or the most expensive. And it sure as hell isnt about who has the most practical or impratical. Its about you. Its about what you like. Its about your tastes. And no one elses. Some need to stop trying to impress someone else, and start looking at our cars through our own eyes. Maybe not just our cars. Maybe take a look at your own life through your own eyes and not how someone else views you. My taste I will admit was off when I started looking at hot rods, I thought the more rough and lower the better. Now I find myself wanting to build a high-boy A roadster, just as slick as they come. Shiny paint and everything! So I guess I come here to the HAMB to rely on some of my family on here that I've gained. To some I hope you sit and reflect on your life to make sure you are a true person, and choose wisely who you run with. To others, I know you know exactly where you stand in life and who you stand with. I look up to you and commend you. I admire true people. I hope to grow up being a true human being in every sense of the word. I may not be the most hardcore person in the world, or the coolest, or the most interesting, but I did learn something this year and I wanted to share it. This is just the rambling of a 23 year old wanna-be hot rodder/dad/artist/human being (not in that order). Take it for what its worth.
I thought I was reading a chapter from my own life there for a while, well right up until the point I found out you were 23! Hell it took me until I was in my late 30's to realise that the only person you really have to please is yourself and, once you have realised that and are true to yourself, how everything else just drops into place. I am lucky in that I have a great support network, both in my family and friends, but it has not always been like that. Stick with it and when you have another 23 years on the clock you will be able to look back and realise that the first 23 years are just part of the growing up process. Thankfully, I am still growing up and hope to become a mature adult sometime in my mid 100's..... Merry Christmas and keep smiling, looks like you are doing fine. P.
Hang in there brother and stay positive. Try not to be too hard on people as "they know not what they do". Hopefull we all learn to be a better person as we grow older. You have a few years to go yet and you might find things will continue to change as you experience them. Life, you know. Everything is subject to be in the mix. Merry Christmas.
Ratstar I wish I'd had my shit as well together at your age as you seem to have. Hang in and go forward. One thing I have learnt is you can't change the past no matter how much we would like to. The trick is not to let the past limit your future. Good luck for the future and ALWAYS remember how special you are!!!!
23 eh?..........sounds like you are doing just fine. I am 65 and still doing my best to grow with the times. Don't be so hard on family, they will work it out in the future and things will change as time goes along. I especially like what you said about your outlook. It is not about being the "baddest, etc".....it's about doing the BEST that YOU can. Anything less will not please you. Mark
your family is ALWAYS going to be your family. friends come and go for the most part. you'll see. good luck to you.
Never ever shut your family out regardless of what happened in the past. Your last sentence in this quote says it all. Memories will not change. But attitudes do. By making peace and giving forgiveness the memories will fade and new positive ones will emerge. Your too damn young to be burning bridges and installing dams. Dogs arent people. There is absolutely nothing more important than family. Don't ever forget that. This Christmas season is a good time to start forgiving.
Let me say you are fortunate to be as young as you are and having already seen somethings that all of us are likely to see sooner or later. As young as you are you have plenty of time to forgive and be forgiven, forget and be forgotten, and move on with more appreciation for who and what really is good or important.
thanks man..As I read, It opened my thoughts up to a lot of whats going on in my life as well...Its amazing how much a year can change things.. It seems I'm back to where I started a decade ago..but I'm much wiser for it...I have never been married, or have my own kids, but I did fall head over heels in love with a girl who has 2 sons...Both of which also got ahold of me and my life was so richly filled by it...It unfortunately didn't work out with us, BUT, it did give me the strength to change what needed to change..I wish you the best man, and I'll be praying...Merry Christmas guys
sort of looking in a mirror to an extent for me. i've been thru some odd shit in my day, but as time passes, i find myself looking back on things and then looking at where i am, and it all kind of makes sense to me, kind of like, 'well, had that not happened, i wouldn't have taken this direction, and had i not taken that direction, i wouldn't have ended up at this point'. keep positive, and don't be afraid to let people in your life, you never know who's going to turn into the best friend you ever had.
Keep confidence in yourself and you will always come out OK. You may have learned a few lessons in the school of hard knocks, but as long as you learn form it, it becomes a positive experience to use for future. We all hit a few bumps along the way. Some due to others, some due to our own mistakes. Stay confident in yourself and learn from the hard times. Sounds like you are doing that just fine.
I read these responses and I'm suprised that so many people say they have simlar experiences. It makes me feel alot better about my situation. I have forgiven my family, I made the decision to always be there for them. But right now its left up to them.
I learned years ago.. never burn a bridge, cross it. You never know when you might need it again, either for yourself or to go back and help someone. If you are like the rest of us, life will change things many times for you. Your mark in life will be how you handle those changes and how you treat the people around you. Best of luck.
Just spent a great Christmas eve with my, now grown, daughters that I almost just walked away from many many years ago because their mother made me crazy. Looking back, staying true to them and being there even when I wanted to bail, has made my life worth living. Yeah, it's off topic, but it's Christmas and you got a brand new year coming, so make it a good one son!
Man, that takes balls to really really look at one's self and situation. It takes even bigger balls to put it out here on the Web for everyone to see. So, Merry Christmas ,and have a happy new year to you (and your big balls).
hang in there man as you get older things have a way of working out for the better .. merry christmas and a happy new year..
40 years ago when I was your age I didn't have as good a grasp on my life as you have on yours. You are very fortunate in many ways. Just be patient and be thankful for the good things in your life.
Many dwell in the past and think about it to much. I say fuck it and move on and make better for my self and dont look back!
Thanks for posting this....may be o/t,but I appreciated reading it...burned a few bridges in my life,and can't go back and change that...I wasn't anywhere near as reflective at 23 as you are,so I'd say you will be OK... As a youngster,I guess I always thought being an adult meant you had the answers.. Boy,was I wrong.. At 55,I still don't have a clue.. Merry Christmas,everybody
Sounds almost like my story. Keep your head up. It sounds like you have your stuff together. That being said, I chose to do the opposite of Vito Corleone, I have become great at keeping my enemies and bullshitters in general, as far away as possible. I have 5 great people I can call friends, the rest will probably have to prove themselves for the rest of their lives. I wish it was different and maybe one day it will be.
hang in there bro your not alone , try to keep your head on straight...i'm here to tell dont go thru life like a raging bull...its exhausting to have all that on you mind...
You sound wise beyond your years, thats good stuff. Glad to see you opened the door for your family, now it's up to them to walk through it. Always be there for your family.
I'm not wise beyond my years, I think I'm too damn old already! lol Almost time to get put out to pasture!
I have some advice for you, #1. Its a small world so dont talk shit on other people its bad karma! #2. Some day your kids will want to be part of your life, so use this as the fuel to be the best person you can. #3. Prove them all wrong use your energy to move forward never back.
Well brother, welcome to the awareness that many never realize. You have found a place at the right time for the right reason. We go through life searching for those of like mind. Sometimes we can travel for years without finding someone of a similar soul. Those are the years that we learn and earn our own lessons. Then, when we need it the most, the right people come to our lives. Others have commented that your words sound as though they are our own and indeed, they are. We find ourselves outside of the traditional world because we are unique and have chosen the path less traveled. We prefer our own path, our own unique way to travel this life. For that individual path that you have chosen, congratulations. The fact that you were able to post your feelings on this board is a confirmation that you are on the right path. Family has always been a difficult challenge for me. Family is born to you, not chosen. Friends are gifted to you. Family rarely will treat you as well as friends. That has been a burden for me. My continuing lesson with family is to be cautious, treat them well yet don't let them hurt you. For many of us, this is one of the most difficult times of the year yet your post helped me to shake off the black dog of depression. For that, I thank you. We're here for you and thank you for being here for us. Take care my friend, Dale Cleveland Oh
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