THE DONKEY One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. 2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen. 3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
heh heh A man comes into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. He says, "Honey, this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache." His wife looks at him sternly and says, "I'll have you know that is not a pig under your arm, it is a sheep." So he says, "And I'll have you know, that I was not talking to you."
...see kids, this will happen to you when you turn 60 years old...you'll get all mushy inside... Happy 'belated' Birthday Phil...
Thanx, Larry OK, here's another animal story: These two little boys were cutting across a farmers field and came upon a big hole in the ground. As kids are likely to do, they threw a couple of rocks into the hole to see how deep it was. The rocks didn't make any sound, so the older one says, "We need something bigger". They spy an old transmission near the hole, so they drag it to the hole and push it in. Looking over their shoulder the younger one spots a billy goat charging at them, head down, going full speed. They jump out of the way just in time and the goat goes into the hole with a huge clatter as he hits the bottom. They're standing there when the farmer walks up and asks them if they've seen his goat. They tell him that the goat just jumped into the hole. The farmers says:"That's impossible, I had him tied to an old transmission". ;-)
A baby bird is flying south for the winter when his wings freeze up and he falls from the sky. A cow comes and takes a big steaming shit on his frozen body. The steaming shitpile thaws the bird out until he's nice and warm. Then a barn cat digs the bird out and eats it. The moral of the story is that someone who gets you into shit isn't always your enemy and someone who gets you out of shit isn't necessarily your friend.
I heard the same story except the bird started to sing once he warmed up, and that was how the cat found him. The moral went: "Someone who gets you into shit is not always your enemy, and someone who gets you out of shit is not always your friend. If you are warm and safe, shut the hell up."
Hey, Ive got a pretty good one. "What do you call a guy with his hand up a horse's ass?" "An Amish mechanic" hahaha Ive always thought that one was funny.
See what happens when you hang around for 60 years! My turn is comming in July. I'm almost looking foward to getting senile, but for now, I have work to do in the garage. The mighty '53 Chevy pickup must live again! pigpen "It lives! It lives! The thing that would not die!" (Old horror movie)
I cant resist, A guy comes home drunk leading a goat, says to his wife look at the goat I won tonight, playin poker. She says great what are you going to do with it, he replies keep it, she says where will it sleep, and he replies under the bed. She ask him, what about the smell?, and he replies let him get use too it like I had too.
different donkeys, different lesson. my great grandpa had two bad ass hard working donkeys. these donkeys were the best anyone has ever seen or heard about. and word really got around about them. one day a man from texas arrived at my grandfathers farm to purchase one of the donkeys. but he totally refused.even though he offered triple what they were worth. so the texan left and went home pissed. well, the next day my grandfather woke up and one of the donkeys was dead. { natural causes} |GOOD STORY WHEN WONDERING ABOUT SELLING SOMETHING. *
Hey, Damit Chili! I thought you were gonna bring up my misspent youth in the bars in Tijuanna. Donkeys, jeese! Happy birthday Phil, Swankey Devils C.C.
Guy and his grandson have an old donkey they keep in the side yard. One day the old man decides to take the donkey to town and sell it. Better some cash than an old donkey who can't work. So they start to town and on the way pass the spit and whittle club by the store and one of them says, "That's dumb one could be riding" so the old man didn't want to look dumb so he jumps up and rides. They pass another group and one says something about a mean old man making the kid walk so he gets down and lets the kid ride. They pass the vets office and an old lady with a cat what's got distemper says they gonna spavm up that pore ole donkey ridin it like that what cruel people so they both walk again. Another group says they're dumb to walk it so they both ride. Another group says this and that and pretty soon one's walking another is riding and back and forth it goes till one old wag says "By the time they get that mule to town there ain't gonna be enough mule to sell so they both get up under the donkey and begin to carry it on their shoulders. Before town there was a wooden foot bridge they had to cross. But the old boards were slippery and they lost their footing and dropped the donkey from their shoulders where he fell to his death at the bottom of the gorge and was killed stone cold graveyard ded. Moral: If you try to please every one you'll eventually will lose your ass. You're welcome here endeth the lesson VonDad
The Jalopy Journal
