O/T What is it about people and cancer?!

I just found out a very good friend of mine for 20 years has terminal cancer this weekend. The family has known about this for 30 days before we found out by accident by actually calling them to say hi after rumors were spread. Other friends of both of us have known the entire time, but were told not to tell anyone about it at all.

WTF?! Get the word out and everyone helps out and try to make things better. Telling us 30 days later that there are running their *sses off trying to take him to the doctor every day is wearing them out. There are people out here that want to help and HAVE NO F*CKING idea what is going on until 30 days later? <sigh>

I just lost another good friend last year of ours the same way. He got cancer and just hid from the world until we all met up at as funeral after it was all over. WTF good does that do?

Enjoy your life, enjoy your friends, enjoy everything you can while you still can. We are here for you good times and bad, and even ugly. Don't keep us at arms length trying to save us from your pain and suffering. We don't care about anything other than friendship and trying to help each other..

Heck, I think the best idea I've heard in years is having a cancer party. Get together with all of your friends while you still can and have the best time that you can. There is no reason why people should get together after it's over and talk about the past. Get together now and enjoy it while you are still ALIVE and with us.

<sigh>

Sorry for the rant...

 

I hear what you are saying. BUT, People deal with it the way they do. It is personal and will be different for everyone. I speak with experience on my side. It WILL change your perspective on life very quickly. You are right enjoy life now!

 

My wife is a cancer survivor.Lost a good friend to cancer last year.Have no clue how to deal with it ,

 

Some people dont want to hear a bunch of " im so sorry" from people they havent heard from in years. Sounds kinda rude, but i have known a few people like that. Sucks for sure, but yeah, everybody reacts differant.

 

I shared mine on the HAMB here and got great support! Cancer or no cancer, enjoy every day you have. Learn something new every day. Teach someone else something every day.

Good rant, Mark.

 

I agree with the "enjoy everyday".. I just don't see how people can just hide in a corner and not include everyone.

We're not just friends for the "good times" only.

 

Everyone deals with it in their own way. I sure miss my friends that lost their battle with it, but I think of them in the good times, not as the were in the end.

 

My wife has terminal cancer i just dont see the need to post about it.........But thats just me sorry for the rant..............

 

Not trying to jump on your boat, but why do you feel that way? Do all of her friends and family know? Have people come to help out now that it's needed?

I know it's very hard to ask for help in times of need, but there are people out there that don't care about donating time/money to help out with nothing to ask in return. That's what real friends are for.

I'm not talking about posting to random pages on the internet, but letting the close 20-30 friends know what is going on.

 

Yeah, there are people that will be depressed no matter what when they get the news. But this is time to pool together and help each other out and make things the best they can.

Once it's over it's over. Why wait until then?

One of the best times I remember with my Grandma is in her hospital room during her last days with us. She was dying of cancer then, but the entire family was there and around her, as well as her good close friends. We did everything we could to make her comfortable and tell stories.

Over all of the years that I knew her, that last night I stayed with her, we talked and I learned more than I ever did in the many years before it.

 

If it were me, I would want to deal with it on my terms, without everyone knowing.

 

I totally agree.

 

The people on the outside looking in, might not feel the same way.

 

I had a very nasty form of cancer and I amazingly beat it. But I gotta say, getting diagnosed with Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma blew a few fuses in my head. Sometimes it's tough to deal with what's almost always a death sentence, I've been clean of it for 2 years but chances are, it'll come back and get me. Took a shitload of time for me to be OK with that.

For quite some time I just could not deal with life very well, then I got my ass in gear and got on with it but everyone is different.

 

I have a Cancer there is no cure for, BONE AND BLOOD, it's rare and its called Multiple Myeloma. I feel I am living with it, not dyeing of it. I am 67, 240 lbs, 6'0 tall and live 25 mins. from the Mayo Clinic,Dr. Stewart, is my main man, an expert on this Cancer,

If it comes up in conversation, I talk about it, but you just don't run door to door, announcing. Medicare and Blue Cross is picking up the cost beyond the $200.00 deducted from SS each month, and the $200.00 I pay to Blue Cross each month.

 

As a (hopefully) survivor, I agree that all people deal with the news differently.
When I first got the news, My wife and boss were the only ones I told. This news is tough to take, and in my case, I wanted to deal with it MY way and not have a bunch of people having a pity party for me- which is how a lot of these things turn out-not my style. To a lot of people, the more people you tell, the more depressed you get about it. I'll deal with the expenses myself just like I've dealt with the cancer. This is my second go around in six years-next time I doubt if I'll go through with treatments-at my age,fuck it!! I've done more in my life than I ever dreamed.
What pisses me off are the people with VERY good health insurance policies that cover a majority of their bills, having benefits, poker runs, etc.to raise money, and use that money to buy a new car, bike, house, or whatever. WTF??
I guess it's theirs to do with...

 

Its up to the individual to go there own way,if you havent been there dont assume or comment on whats best!

 

I too lost a good friend to cancer, but he told me only a week before he died. I was shocked of course that he didn't tell me sooner, but after I thought about it a bit, he was alot like me in that he didn't like to be the center of attention. And with something like cancer, if you let people know that you have it, LOTS of people will be coming out of the woodworks to offer help and sympahties etc. And for soeone like myself (kind of an introvert), it can be overwhelming. Again everyone is different, but I also know how you fee, because I would have been HONOURED to help my friend in any way I could.

 

Its not just people with cancer, some of us just don't think it is any of anyone's fucking business how sick we are.

Sorry to sound so rude that is just how it is. Always best to let people do things their own way, you can either accept that or be bothered by it. Life will be easier for you if you accept it.

 

Last thing I'm wanting to think about when I log on the hamb is CANCER! This forum is for traditional hot rods and customs.

 

But just like some things, which I understand, life and problems take over and have the be dealt with personally.

Just a reminder, don't forget to include your close friends in the family list.

 

I understand what you are saying about them not wanting to have feel sympathy on you for the issue at hand. But this goes deeper than that.

Some people may take it that way, but usually it's the way the issue is portrayed makes them feel sorry for you. At least that's the way I feel. Friendship should go deeper than that.

I'm not saying you should stand on a pedestal and announce it to the world. I'm saying bring in the best friends you have and let them help you through it.

Enjoy your friends and family. Don't do it alone.

 

Am I still on the HAMB?

 

Yep, and with age range out here, I'm hoping people learn from each other more than about cars.

I know cancer is sometimes a death sentence, but it doesn't have to be dealt with alone. I think that's the point I'm going for here.

-Mark

 

If you are not you are missing the best chance you ever had.

Mark,
I really don't have a family. There are people that are related to me but they only have ever wanted me around when they needed something. I figured that out a long time ago and so I am very suspicious when one of my "family" contacts me.

I have a very small group of friends, the majority of them have their own lives to live. If or when I have problems be it health or whatever I don't see the need to burden someone else with it. Maybe I am wrong here but I think there are just a lot of people that feel the same way.

 

I should add... my respect to you markjenks, in that you have a friend that is sick and will likely pass away. My respect and (condolences forthcoming) to you. It aint easy to lose our friends.

 

As a peer counselor for cancer patients and a 4 time cancer survivor I think I can speak with some authority on this subject. Everyone who battles this beast handles it differently. I lost my crew chief and good friend in February from the beast and he showed me how to do it right. He kept doing the things he loved doing. Going to car shows and events. Driving his hot rod. Hanging out with friends right up until the last week or two. On the other hand I have had people who kept it close to the vest until the end. I don't think you can understand until you've walked in their shoes. I have and I understand both points of view. So I understand your anger but right now he just needs you to honor him and hopefully you will understand later. It's good to know he has a friend like you who cares so much.

 

As for me I find that the more I share my journey the less power the beast has in my life. After I had my little pitty party I decided to live life full tilt. SO I made a Bucket List, only four items, that I really wanted to do. Last year I took this tired old Bonneville car


and with help from people all over the country we managed in only 8 months to restore it to racing form and race it at El Mirage

Then we finished making it right and raced it at World of Speed at Bonneville in September.

I firmly believe that I am alive today and feeling great because of how I chose to fight the fight. I have lost too many cancer buddies in the last 6 years but I decided to honor them by placing their names on the front of the car (four names will be added this year) so they could have the best seat in the house.

So while this is a car forum none of us is immune from this disease. We all know someone who is fighting or has fought or has lost the battle. As for me I choose to live life and honor my friends while I can.
Dan

 

"I know cancer is sometimes a death sentence, but it doesn't have to be dealt with alone. I think that's the point I'm going for here." Quote

Life is a death sentence. We are not here that long. Today is everything. Have fun See ya out there

 

This is a great statement....