Art & Inspiration "How to interpret antique car ads" handy chart!

I got this off the internet today. Thought it was humorous! Merry Christmas Hambers!

 

Yep, used most of them at one time or another.

 

My favorite was always: Lost storage...........neighbors finally called the cops.

 

Some assembly required.

 

It is all about perspective.

 

• "Ran when parked".....If it ran good when parked, it wouldn't have been parked.
• "Will run with battery and carb" .....Seems like every parked car has the air cleaner and carb laying in the trunk, as if someone is making sure you can't try to quickly fire it up with a battery and fuel shot. The intake is usually left wide open for rain and rodent entry.
• "Paint ready".....surely means it's NOT anywhere close to being ready for paint.
• "Older restoration".....Means the car is ready for a full, frame off restoration. You'll probably find pop rivet and chicken wire, newspaper or brazing in the bodywork courtesy of Uncle Joe.
• "50k in parts and labor already invested".....In actuality, 10k. It may need another 50k to finish.

Other red flags;

• "No title/bill of sale only. I can tell you how you can get a title for it".....Run!
• Entire car just shot in a fresh coat of red oxide primer.....Why do sellers do this? Sure it looks more 'presentable', but I always wonder what they're trying to hide. Just more paint I have to strip off to see what I'm starting with.
• When a seller boasts "I've owned over 100 old cars in the last 15 years". This tells me he's a car dealer/does this for a living. Some would think he's into old cars for the wrong reason (money over pleasure).

 

I was just checking out an auction listing yesterday and one comment on this bucket was that it was 50% restored... Not sure which 50% was restored. Also guessing it is more like "Can't find all parts" instead of "Can't guarantee..."

 

Nice rust-free body really means no extra charge for the rust!

 

@Hot Rods Ta Hell your remark about "why do they shoot a coat of Red Oxide Primer..." sure caught me That is exactly what "someone" did to the Studebaker in my Avatar. It was an original white car but as I sand blasted it I never saw much/any white paint. I had two pairs of rose colored glasses on when I bought it.

 

Usually when dive into a deal I wind up wishing for a morning after pill.

Once the seller told me as I left, "It was never hit in the rear"
I actually found that the front sheet metal was new, new.

 

I always like when the picture on the add for the car isn't even the car for sale but what the car "could look like" if you put it back together and spend a ton of money that they didn't want to spend on it.

 

well, I wouldn't describe myself as a dealer, however I have had my share of vehicles over the years, well over 300, closer to 400 in the last 30. I'm more like a dog in field full of squirrels. I dont know which way to look, and cant control myself. I mean, if 1 is good, 5 are better right.

 

Lets add a few of the newer ones you see nowadays.

"Real Henry Steel" = It's rusted up to the beltline, but that beltline is gen-U-ine "Real Henry Steel".
"#Trog" = Can't sell it at the swap meet so I'll mark it up and list it on the internet.
"#Jalopy" = This stuff is popular on that angry hot rod forum, that means it's eBay GOLD!
"Barn Find" = I raped some widow out of her dead husband's cool stuff in order to turn a quick buck.
"Don't call or text, email only!" - I'm pricing this astronomically because It's not really for sale, I'm only listing this to shut her up because my wife told me it was "her or the car", therefore, if it's listed and it doesn't sell, it's not my fault.
"Magazine feature car" - there was one grainy, out of focus photo that was submitted to the "readers rides" section which I can't really prove is this particular car.
"Recently Updated Interior" - I butchered the dash and installed a poorly wired stereo and slapped in a pair of Chevy Cavalier bucket seats that are a different color than the rest of the interior.
"Upgraded Suspension" - I BOLTED a Mustang II suspension under that thing, with only a few left over. It tracks on an angle. The rear is being held on by booger welds and a prayer. But, it's upgraded.
"Patina" - "That'll be $4500 for the extra rust, please. he he... sucker.

 

My personal favorites are any sentences in the ad that do not actually contain a verb.

Needs restored.

Needs rebuilt.

To be, or not to be, it belongs in the sentence.

 

"Rare"
"Cars like this sell for $XXXXX"

 

That is a great list.

 

My favorite is "This car is worth X, but for a quick sale I'll take Y." If it was really worth X, that's what the price would be. Or, "restored this is worth 50k." What they aren't saying is it's worth 50k after 60k is spent restoring it.

 

I've got one some won't like:

“No bullshitters, time-wasters or scammers!!!” – I’ve got a Y-block sized chip on my shoulder and will be a bear to deal with.

Seriously, what the hell do sellers think this admonishment will accomplish? The sad truth is, bullshitters and time-wasters lack the basic self-awareness to even know that they are bullshitters and time-wasters. In fact, their total lack of self-awareness is a huge part of what makes them bullshitters and time-wasters in the first place. As for scammers, what, you think a scammer is going to respect your instructions? “Oh no, he said ‘no scammers!’ I better not call.” Yeah, big rule-followers, those scammers.

All this does is drive away rational potential buyers who don't want to deal with the attitude.

 

I know what I got !

yes junk , you have junk .


The one that gets me is a car that’s completely disassembled into 12356778889865 bits and pieces, but the seller states “ 99% of parts there “. Yeah, but the 1% missing is gonna cost me $15,000 dollars and 2 years of searching .on top of the $50,000 dollar resto .


No papers , title , ownership always make me not bother , but they will say “ SUPER EASY TO GET PAPERS “. If it was that easy why not get it sorted snd sell for more ? Oh , yeah … it’s nearly impossibly to the car titled !!!!

wayy to many dreamers out there raiding granddads barn when they pass thinking they are sitting on gold .

 

"I won't sell it to anyone that is not going to restore it. No hot rodders!"

Once someone owns what they purchased from you, you no longer have any say in the outcome.

 

Ran when parked.

I inherited a 1972 BMW motorcycle that was ridden regularly. I have never ridden it and have had it for close to 30 years. "Ran when parked" in this case means the motor is not siezed, and nothing is messed up beyond repair. it has been inside since I have owned it. the tires even hold air. 5 years in I emptied the tank and carbs. I'd bet money I could get a battery, change the oil, put gas in it and it would fire up and I could take it for a ride around the neighborhood.

ran when parked is not a stupid thing to say when the vehicle in question has been stored well.

 

I have lost track of exactly how many BMW motorcycles that I have had. It will run again.

I am down to one, a 1965 R69S. 14K miles, unrestored.

 

That attitude is noble but when someone advertises it as such, why don't they take the time to get it running for a potential buyer?

 

needs a little TLC= Takes Lotsa Cash

 

this bike is not for sale. I could get it running, get new tires, go through the whole thing if I chose to. not everyone has the ability, and paying someone takes money.

there are many reasons for a person to sell something as is. quick cash needed right now, lost thier storage, lost interest, no time, nowhere to work on it. on and on.

 

How about "All the hard work is done"

 

"Complete original car, just missing the motor, transmission, rear axle, brakes, interior and all the glass."

 

Seems like the chart I posted needs a "Page 2".

 

Two big turn-offs:

(1) No title (I got bit on this one once, and yes, I was able to get a legal title with a LOT of work).
(2) Serious buyers only (means the seller is NOT serious about selling).

Jon

 

Never understood what original miles are. Must be a different length to those 1760 yard miles?

Chris