Technical What is the goofiest “On the road” repair you have ever done?

One Sunday evening I was trailering my dune buggy home after a weekend of trail riding up in Northern Michigan. The alternator on my old Ford pickup died about 100 miles from home. This was back when all the auto parts stores were closed on Sundays. Luckily I happened to have a large spool of wire with me. I ran two wires from the dune buggy battery up to the truck battery. I let it charge for a while, got the truck started, and drove it home with the dune buggy running on the trailer and providing electricity.

 

Years ago, I had a winch truck for the city I work for , quit running. I caught the service call. A 51 Flat head, no spark, so I remove the distributor cap and the little springing thing was broken off of the rotor. I looked around and found a little piece of wire laying in the street, twisted in on the bug, put it back together, truck ran fine!
Next day it was all over the street dept that the new kid in the shop fixed the truck with junk off the street! Lol






Bones

 

Middle of nowhere in a Nissan 4 banger pickup when fuel pump died. Had a full gallon gas can and a Ford rear end in the bed. Twisted a section on 3/16 brake line off the rear end, wired gas can to vent louvers in front of widshield, and started a siphon from can to carb through the brake line. Engine started but rolled cloud of black smoke till it reached a certain rpm which turned out to be 44mph in 4th gear. Any increase in rpm caused back fire and any decrease rolled black smoke. Limped back to civilization.

 

mine are minor but funny. I have a friend that bought a new crate motor for his 40 ford, he was putting it at my house. I said to him you should probably put a new starter on at the same time being you have no history on the car, he says it works perfect why bother? You know what happens when you say that? we were at back to the 50s following june and guess what? The starter would engage the drive but not spin. He would have to hold the key to start and i would jump the power to the starter. I could get to it from the topside so not to bad.
The other one that comes to mind was actually a guy at another shop here in town. His FIL's fuel pump quit in the city about 40 miles away so instead of having it towed back he took the shops motorvac machine to the truck, strapped it down and hooked into the fuel system to drive it home.

 

About 1965, I was commuting to the University of Minnesota, driving a '61 Corvair my folks bought new. By this time it had been around the block a few times, including engine removal at the dealership a couple of times to solve some valve problems. I was coming down Hennepin Avenue on my way home when I heard a strange grinding sound, and the car kind of squatted down and stopped. When I got out to investigate, I first saw the rear wheels were at a strange angle, and when I got around to the back, I saw the rear of the engine laying on the ground. The rear motor mount had one bolt pointing downward, and evidently, the nut holding everything together had worked itself loose and fallen off.

Luckily, the car had a scissors jack that I was just able to wiggle under the side of the engine and jack it up high enough to set the spare under it. I was then able to reposition the jack and when it was centered, I was able to jack the engine up the rest of the way. The hole in the tab on the engine assembly went right up over the bolt sticking down like it was made for it (it was). By this time, a good-sized crowd had gathered to see what was going on. A remark was made from the crowd, something to the effect of "Well smart guy, now that you got it jacked up, how are you going to hold it there?". To their credit, several in the crowd helped me walk back over the last couple of blocks to see if we could find the lost nut, or maybe even a length of wire or rope so I could lash it back together. Of course, we had no luck.

Sitting on the curb, I had a gnawing thought that that bolt sticking down looked sorta familiar. In an act of desperation, I removed one of the lug nuts from a front wheel and tried it on the motor mount bolt. It fit perfectly. I tightened it up with the lug wrench (I also made sure the remaining 3 on the wheel were tight), and removed the jack. Everything looked good, so I tried the engine. It started right up. I stowed the jack and spare away, closed the deck (remember, this was a Corvair), and drove away to a smattering of applause from the crowd.

Oh yeah, I forgot. The next day I went to the local hardware store and bought the proper size "fibre-locking-nut" (this was before "nyloks") and a brand new lock washer.

Anybody who doesn't believe me, go find an early corvair and check out the rear motor mount and the lug nuts. You'll find they are the same thread size. I believe it is 7/16 UNF.

 

Drove Chevy home 55 miles stuck in low gear pushed in clutch to coast . Drove 50 mph pushed in clutch coast for awhile then up to 50mph and coast. By the time I got to the garage got out of the car and couldn't stand up my leg hurt so much from clutching .

 

I was back so far in the country with my nine inch equipped 4x4, they had to pipe in the sunlight! Drivers side axle snapped , wheel fell off.
My son caught a ride back to civilization to retrieve an axle from a friend about a hundred miles away. Since it was getting dark I set up camp. About four o’clock in the morning, he showed up with the axle. Well it seems I had the small bearing axle and he brings a large bearing axle! Shit! I look in the back of my vehile, and there is a box that was built with some 3/8s carriage bolts! I take them out , four of them , and bolt the larger bearing on the outside of the housing. Put the wheel back on, put it in four wheel drive and make it back to civilization! Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! Lol








Bones

 

This was in the work parking lot, but at the time I was driving an OT Mercury which had sprung a pin hole in the upper rad hose spraying coolant everywhere. I wiped it off got it good and dry and took a roll of electrical tape and wrapped it nice and tight and overlapping. It held up and never leaked I even debated about whether or not I needed to replace it.

 

3WJohn broke a rear coil over shock bracket on his coupe coming home from the All Deuce Run a few years ago, and the tall tire was rubbing the body.

We found a short piece of 4 X 4 at a closed gas station and wedged it between the axle housing and the frame, I then crawled under his car and wrapped my belt around the axle and frame to hold it in place this actually got him home, he said the ride was a little rough but it lasted over 100 miles.

He washed my web belt and returned it to be but it was still a little dirty, so he bought me a new belt, I'm wearing it now. HRP

 

I had a 61 econoline van, it had a huge home made crossmember for a V8 conversion but now had a 144 6 cylinder. We drove to a secluded area of the lake accessed by miles of dirt roads. A couple miles from the lake we hi centered this massive crewmember twisting it back and shearing off the fuel pump. I had tools and gallon jugs of water so I considered many options to gravity feed fuel to the carburetor. I wound up pulling off the engine cover off so so could sit on the floor and hold the broken fuel pump and manually pumped it using a screwdriver while my friend drove the van. Made it to the lake, had our barbeque and swim then drove it back to civilization 40 miles where we bought an electric fuel pump to get home.

 

I've told this before.
I had a 65 ElCamino in the early 70's, took it fishing one time on a pretty hairy mountain gravel road and the original idler arm seperated, pushed it back in place, took a chain type fish stringer and wrapped it around the idler arm and went on our way, drove back home 60 miles like that.

 

I was towing a boat down I90 in western NY in an old snow commander.
That clunking U-joint at the back of the truck decided to let go...
We tossed the drive shaft in the truck and put it 4 hi and drove the last 20 some miles with front wheel drive... we had to stop every few miles and check that the yoke wasnt working itself out of the trans. Remarkably it all stayed together.

When I was in high school I had an old VW beetle that tossed a belt while i was out on a date... the girl I was with happened to be wearing nylons that she reluctantly donated them to the cause... I wrapped them around the alternator and crank pulley as tight as I could and tied them off... surprisingly it worked pretty well. It still didnt get us home in time and her dad was waiting for us. She told him we had car trouble and he gave me that look and I thought I was dead... I explained everything to him and when I said I used his daughter panty hose I thought I was dead again... I finally had to take him out to the car and show him the broken belt and the panty hose in its place all the while professing my innocence and my utmost respect for his daughter....
Needless to say we didnt go on anymore dates.
I did see the dad a number of years later out at a bar when I was home on leave and he bought me a drink and we had a good laugh about it all...

Chappy

 

Got two stories.First one as a teen my brother managed to loose the gas tank out of a 65 Ford Ranchero. Dropped on the ground.I couldn't fix it where it sat so using Model A technology I rigged a coke bottle full of gas higher than the carburetor ,and gravity feed it to get it home.Worked. My favorite ,things only happen when im in clean clothes.I was changing Coast Guard duty stations with two other guys so we took my 55 Chevy.Going to check in so dress Blues.Half way there one of my home made traction bars broke,and started dragging on the ground.I took off as much uniform as I could,and climbed under the car with a coat hanger from one of the guys,and wired it back up.Good to go.Dusted my pants off,and put the rest of my uniform on,and away we went.

 

On our trip through Croatia last summer the pinion nut came loose and the noise became unbearable coasting down the hills . I had to retighten it a couple of times until we had the chance to put the 55 on a lift and torque it properly. Changed the crush sleeve as soon as we came back home.


There´s at least one loose nut under that car:

 

The only thing goofy about my story turned out to be me. My wife and I were on vacation on the way to Florida a few years ago and stopped at a rest area. I came back to the car and here was this hot looking girl trying to get the hood up on her car. I ask if she had a problem and she said she it wouldn't start or even try to turn over. I got her hood up and checked her battery terminals, clean and tight. My wife walked up at about this time, I was telling this girl how these new cars with, computers, sensors and electronic everything there was no telling what the problem could be. My wife looked inside the car and said "or you could put the gear shift in PARK" I still hear about me being the "hero" now and then

 

Coming home from Knoxville one day and the truck backfired and quit.Seems like the roll pin that holds the distributer gear in place died.Fixed it with a piece of wire clothes hanger.Got me home ok.Installed a new roll pin and all was well with the world again.
Good luck.Have fun.Be safe.
Leo

 

That dreaded breakage of the panhard bar bracket! Nothing puckers your ass like instant 4 wheel steering you know, when you turn the steering wheel and the only reaction is from the ass of the car, the steering wheel seems to be more of a suggestion than an input so i got to the side of the road, pushed the frame to one side and used one of them 1" cheap ratchet straps to hold it until i got back home, yeah, genius huh?

 

Mine was on a Shovelhead, an almost unbelievable story. Engine quit, exactly mid-span on the Golden Gate bridge, beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. There's no shoulder, so while the lane is shut down, cars honking, a couple of the many tourists helped me lift it up onto the sidewalk. Didn't take long to diagnose, fuel petcock was plugged. I pulled it off, and while holding the fuel in the tank with one thumb tried to blow the crud out. Meanwhile 10,000 Japanese tourists have their cameras trained on the chopper riding American biker invading the sidewalk. I oblige by flipping them off with my one available hand. To make matters worse, the bridge patrol truck shows up and tells me in no uncertain terms to push it off the bridge, about a mile, no riding on the sidewalk, and drives off.

After a bit more time cursing at tourists, along comes a young couple pushing a stroller. Nice guy and I'm at my wits end so I tell him what's going on. He thinks for a second, reaches down into the stroller and pulls out the largest safety pin I have ever seen, a good 3-4 inches. Within two minutes I had the petcock cleaned out and back on. Offered him a 20, he said no, this will make for quite a story to tell his son one day, how he helped rescue a biker on the G G bridge.

My day was far from over however. I pushed the hog about 20 ft. and decided enough of that. So I commenced riding slowly in 1st gear, the loud pipes doing the job of alerting the tourists. Except for two guys walking in my direction. Must have been Italians because their arms were waving as they talked, and as I rode by an elbow first caught my mirror and then my ear, under my half helmet. I heard him yell something but wasn't about to stop.

Finally made it to the north end, only to ride right by the bridge patrol. Oh shit! Rather than continue on the highway, where the CHP have likely been notified by the bridge patrol and the Italians, I gun it into Sausalito, chill for awhile and fill my almost empty tank.

Still not over. I get back on the highway to head north, eyes peeled for cops. Suddenly, im the fast lane, my helmet flies right off my head, and only about 10 miles to go! Appatently the Italian elbow dislodged the buckle or something. And the helmet law is in full force.

Sure enough, I spot a CHP parked on the shoulder, and despite shielding myself as best I could behind traffic, he spots me and immediately the red lights go on and he's right on me. I figure he got the APB and I'm going to the big house. And my mug shot is sitting in 10,000 cameras as evidence.

He comes up and immediately asks why I'm not wearing a helmet. I tell him you're not going to believe this but it flew right off my head a few miles ago. He then gives me a hard look and says "What's all that blood on your shoulder? Oh, it's coming from your ear." I tell him the buckle must have caught my ear as it came off. He shakes his head, takes my license back to his cruiser. Now I figure I'm dead. To my surprise, he returns and says he wouldn't have believed me except for the bloody ear, hands me my license and says ride straight home. Yes Sir, Officer!

Made it home, grabbed the bottle of JD and waited for repercussions. Never came. Flushed my gas tank and got a new helmet.

 

A few years ago I was in my "hot" 69 Camaro when it started to piss coolant from the water pump to block gasket. It was a bad leak and I had a long desolate drive home. It was Sunday afternoon in a small town. Nothing much was open so I walked around looking for anything that would help. I found a repair shop with a couple guys hanging around drinking beer, they didn't have anything as far a stop leak type junk, but one guy looked at the table and picked up the pepper shaker and said try this. Well nothing from nothing leaves nothing so I headed back to the car, along the way I found a gallon jug and filled it from someones spigot. I poured the pepper in and filled it with water and watched the leak stop! It lasted the rest of the summer. I fixed it in the off-season.

 

Many moons ago in my 67 c10 something caused my side post battery terminal to vaporize. I had a hole in the battery where it went and the bare end of the cable. I jammed the cable in and found a twig to stuff in for a little tension, it started right up and got me home!

 

in high school my buddy had a mid 60's Chevy van that developed a BAD oil leak. We stopped at a gas station and filled a 5 gallon gas can with used oil, then took the cover off the motor and drove home dumping used oil into the motor.
another time my car club was on a short cruise and the top nut on a shock absorber came off and was lost. The owners wife ripped off a piece of her nylon stockings and wrapped it around the shock top to keep it in place.

 

A leaking heater outlet on a SBC water pump, and I had a 3/4" garden faucet in the trunk. Unscrew the leaking rusty steel plug, screw the faucet in, turn it off, and go! I also had a thermostat cover spring a hole, and it had corroded through from inside. Whittled a plug from a twig, knocked it in with another piece of wood, and all was sealed. It actually sealed up better when the twig got hot and soggy, it expanded and is probably still there!

 

valve stem breaks, used a hose clamp to hold the inner brass tube inside the base. Had one of those noisey 12v cigarette pumps and filled the tire.
Driving in BF Florida and my upper radiator hose splits 6" inches, com,on. Pulled down a dirt road and stopped at a gate for a field. next to the gate was a 12" piece of PVC pipe. Cut it with my handy knife. I loosened the cap and drove it about 7 miles to a mom and pop store where I bought some hose clamps, refilled it and tightened the cap. I drove it like that for about 200 miles. BTW: white PVC will soften if exposed to high temps. Changed to a gray pipe and drove it another 500 miles until I could replace it.
We were going to run at another track and thus needed a gear change. 12 bolt GM rear ends are NOT the same internally. Found a ring gear and a pinion gear in my buddy's junk pile that had the same ratio.......lasted through the warm ups, heat race and 5 laps of the feature. The driver said that is was so loud he pulled into the pits. Adams County Speedway

 

When I got drafted in 69 I sold all my stuff except a ragged MGA I wanted to get to my younger brother in Denver, 600 miles away. Middle of the night I get to about Salina on I-70, charging system quits. Drive down into Salina, miraculously there is an auto electric shop. Sleep in the car till they open, they fix me up I'm back on the road. Go a ways farther, the electric fuel pump quits.

Lying on my back under the car, somebody runs into the car, bashes up the rear end of it. I come charging out, it's an elderly deaf and mute couple. Wave them off and back under the car. I discover after taking some kind of cap off, I can click the points with my hand and get a shot of fuel. Drove 300 miles with my right hand back by the axle clicking those points. When my finger would get real tired car would slow way down, but I made it.

Brother traded car for a beater Corvair after I was gone.

 

Off-topic Javelin.
The left and right windshield wipers we're still connected together, but became disconnected from the motor.

A big long fat bright red piece of insulated wire tied to both wipers looped in through the vent windows allowed me to operate the wipers "manually".

Goofy looking as could be.
But it worked.

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Two stories.
1) long ago in far away place I broke 4 studs on one rear wheel during an evening of street racing. Jacked the car up in front of a bar at 2 AM, drove out 2 studs from the other side, installed them in the broken side for the trip home. That should have been it, but...a guy comes out of the bar, we have words about the shittiness of my car, he pulls a gun, I agree with him about the car. End of story.

2) alternator of friends pickup dies on the way to a gentleman’s club for a bachelor party, battery is about dead when we begin our trip home. I stand in the pickup bed with a flashlight aimed at the white line for the 55 mph 60-mile trip home. I recall it was cold.

 

Holy cow, Leon.

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Holy cow, Almostdone.

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I Stopped At A Rest Area On The Idaho/Oregon Border One Morning And A Retired Gentleman Was Pacing Around His Motor Home The Size Of Warehouse And Cussing In Euro. He Said That He Had Already Replaced 3 Inline Fuel Filters And Could Not Get Over 30MPH. I Looked At The Dog House To Find A 454 With Q-Jet And Told Him To Remove And Discard The Factory Filter Where The Fuel Line Enters. He Handed Me A 20 Just When My Wife Came Out Of The Bath Room And She Commented "What Are You Doing In The Parking Lot To Make Money?"...

 

A fellow veterinarian, who may have been one of the cheapest guys in the world, had a beat up Datsun vet truck and we were at an event when his truck wouldn't keep running. We determined the problem was a bad fuel pump. Since he was less than 15 miles from home he siphoned some gasoline out of the tank and put the gas in a bottle with an IV set up on the bottle. He then duct taped the bottle to the radio antenna and dripped the gas into the top of the carburetor. It would rev up then die but he finally got it to keep running. He actually made it home and never caught anything on fire.