Regarding tools, this reread might be of some assistance: DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh sh–!’ SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON-OF-A-B!TCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘Son of a B!TCH!’ at the top of your lungs.. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
We need to revisit that list. POCKET PROTECTOR GREEN VISOR for HAMB viewing. KNEE PADS SHOULDER PADS JOCK STRAP STEEL TOE BOOTS STEEL TOE BOOT PROTECTORS BOOTIES HARD HAT EAR PLUGS ZERO NOISE HEARING PROTECTION SAFETY GLASSES FULL FACE HELMET SWAT APROVED BULLET PROOF VEST LEATHER JACKET EXPLOSIVE ORDNANCE DISPOSAL SUIT MOUTH GUARD TAMPONS All the gear to install that billet part that just arrived from speedway.
Don’t forget about a 3/8” VSR drill, a tool used to spin rivits in their holes. Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
Don't forget the 3 inch jumper wire used to look for shorts/grounded wires that turn a good harness into a smoking pile QUICKLY when used in place of a fuse.
Definitely worth the read... Hilarious and some truth can be told to the outcome of what these tools will do if you are in a hurry... LOL Sent from my Moto Z (2) using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
Here's some more.... A Chase Tap... A tap used to clean rust and debris from threaded holes, including the threads. Ease out or EZ out... A special device used to replace the missing mild steel with diamond hard high carbon steel in a drilled out stuck bolt. Penetring oil....A special perfume used to coat rusted nuts and bolts before you cut, drill, grind and or chisel them off. Brake Spoon or Flat head screw driver... A magical tool that always tightens or loosens drum brakes no matter how you turn it. The Half Inch Wrench.... A tool that only exists in theory, try to find one...
I had that sign in my shop, sadly we needed these bolts more often than I thought necessary, WE had experience elongating holes along with other engineering improvements.
While I was getting ready to PM saltflats I came across this old post of his. Anyone got anything to add?
Maybe scared. Maybe intrigued. Here's the dope on table saws from above: TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. They can also be used to remove an inch from the middle finger of a hand. Radial arm saws are quite capable of launching wooden projectiles also. I can attest, from personal experience, to both of these. I am a bit fascinated with the chain hoist being used above to break free a stuck bolt. I would never have used the open end of the wrench. And if it were indeed necessary, for some reason, to use the open end I'd have turned it around to the proper direction. This looks like a more serious version of some of the funny situations alluded to in the original post and responses. I'm thinkin' that the final resolution to that one might involve an ER. But back to the original intent: ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes. EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle. (see Hydraulic Floor Jack) TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use. RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures. (pretty much identical to Hammer in OP) MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. (twin of Utility Knife)
Magnetic parts tray. Helps you pick up all of those ireplaceable little clips you put in there at one time, even though that was not your intention, and then they fall on the floor. B
The Jalopy Journal
