TECH - Keeping the Boss Happy during a Build

If you have a significant other and are working on a project, you quickly discover there's a balancing act between working on the car - and keeping the boss happy. If you're not careful, the 'project' can quickly become a battleground, as they often feel like they're competing for your attention. While that may seem silly - it's how they feel, and you can't discount their feelings.

I've done a few projects since marrying the object of my affection nearly 21 years ago, and here's how I cope - and get stuff done in the meantime:

1) To set the boundaries and tone, gently remind her that you were a car freak long before you met her; she found it attactive that you were a car nut, and after XX time together - you're not gonna change. Some women get the idea they're gonna 'change' their men; to prevent further friction, you've got to get this point in stone ASAFP. If this is an issue with the woman of yer dreams - you've got a nightmare on your hands. It won't get any better, trust me on that.

2) It's important to minimize the impact of the project on their lives, and one way to do this is to keep the shop clean, your clothes clean, and your body clean. Some women like the smell of carb cleaner; if you have one who secretly snorts gumout - you've a treasure on your hands. the rest of us? Lots and lots of hand cleaner; multiple showers durung a project day. If your garage is attached (like mine) check with the boss before opening up really stinky chemicals; she'll say okay most of the time - or go shopping to get out of the stench. At least you've given her a heads-up.

3) Get her involved in the process. I usedta have the boss do all my wet sanding prep; she seemed to like the car more if she had some time in it. Nowadays, she's involved in color palette picks - the interior is the hot spot this week. As long as she has some say, it's hard for her to be hatin' on the latest set of wheels.

4) Gotta pay the girl tax. Depending on the woman, you've GOT to pick time AWAY from the project to do things with her. Yeah - it costs time and $$...I think I've spent as much money on dinners out over the past couple of months as I have at Speedway, but it's all part of the budget. Besides; you picked her for a reason, and you need to remind her from time to time. Finally - a few bux on dinner now and then is a HELLUVA lot cheaper than a divorce!

5) Keep the 'Honey Do' list current. She can't complain if you've knocked off the projects that are important to her. Just make sure she doesn't 'invent' work to keep you off your project - if she does, see the back half of #1, above.

Tellyouwhut...don't care how mad a fabricator you are, if you don't follow 1-5, your project is gonna suffer.

Keeping the women of the House of Speed and Chrome happy,

Chuck.

 

Ain't that the truth!

 

My shop time usually starts after family time around 8:30pm at night. I never seem to get any sleep. But you got to keep family first. this hobby/ lifestyle can take over if you let it.

 

Never ever show her any receipts.
I started picking specific days out of the week that I spend with my wife of 34 years.
Usually three days. Two full days and one half day.
This way they can look forward to your presence.
And worth repeating.. Never show her receipts.

 

Sometimes hand cleaner just doesn't cut it. So I use dish soap, works real good, girls like the smell better than GoJo. One guy told me to put lotion on my hands before working on a car, said it would stop the oil from soaking into dry skin. Hell, I always forget to do it.

 

My wife takes care of the reciepts. I don't want to know how much I've spent!!!.
J

 

Saturday is the ultimate project day, but to stay out of heat set up a time to go out to dinner Saturday night, and be on time. cut off the car thrash at 7(allow for a 15 minute hand scrubbing/fingernail cleaning session ) to be ready to go out to dinner at 8 and the problem is solved. get back to it sunday morning.
hand lotion is OK pre car work, old fashioned hand degreaser works better, gets into the pores of your skin and makes it easier clean up.
theres no cure for gear lube in the hair though.

 

I even wash my own shop clothes... You got my vote for Tech Week..

 

Excellent topic, Chuck. Here's my contribution:
http://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32236&showall=1

 

Ram a fist up her and tell her if she don't like it she can fuck off....



JOE

 

Something that's starting to work for us is to have a weekly schedule of sorts. So that there's a general plan for what's gonna happen on any given night. That way nobody's whining about not getting to work on the car/scrapbook/etc. cause they know this is the night for whomever to do whatever. We know what to expect.

[99% of the time that I get pissed off is because my unrealistic expectations don't get met. Drastically reducing unrealistic expectations = drastically reducing pissiness.]

Weekends change from one to the next, but we're getting better about telling each other ahead of time what needs to happen... that way we have a couple weeks to "negotiate".

 

Shhh - the laundry fairy might be listening; you'll ruin it for the rest of us!

 

I killed the laundry fairy once. I washed my Carharts and broke the washer. $1500 later on a new, state of the art washer and dryer and I never have to worry about washing my own clothes. She doesn't trust me! But she'll let me build my own car???

 

Ive been dating the same girl for about 2 years now and she knows that Saturday is shop time until about 5:00 or so. I try to go there durring the week at least 3 times till around 9:30 after we have dinner togeather. She thinks she knows how much I spend on my projects. i found that shampoo works food to get grease oof your hands. It is made to remove greese from your hair!!

Great thech article. If your lady isnt happy then you cannot be happy working on your project

 

Mine is ok with everything except the money. She just doesn't understand how "that little metal thing" can cost $500.00. I'm working on her right now to let me buy Trailer-Ed's extended cab Model A p/up body and it's a major battle. I need to take her out shopping or plant some flowers.

 

Chuck; just to ADD to number (3).
When I bought my '28 "A" Tudor, my "boss" wasn't overly thrilled.
I asked her, "OK, how would you like to be involved in MY "project?"
She mulled it over for a couple of days, and came back with, "I'm drawing up a contract that gives me the decision on the color of the body and the interior."
"For the right to choose those things; I'm buying SHARES in your project."

Well, we DID draw up a contract, and she feels that the "A" is partly hers.
She DOES have some say; and there is "bliss!!"
Oh ... she bought 100 shares at $10 each!!
(thank god she LIKES a black paint job!!)

 

^^^ screw that!

she can pick the paint on HER car if she wants, and offer suggestions all day long on mine, but when it comes down to it, it's MY project.

do you guys pick colors of the f-in bed spreads or any other home decor? I know I don't! I'd suck at it probably, but that's HER thing...

 

DIGGER DAVE- If she gets to buy shares in your "A" do you get to buy shares in her "Y"...?



JOE

 

As long as I try to abide by these life is good. I slip every once in a while but overall I try to stick to it,

1. I work Every other night out in the shop, and if I have to work every night to get something done then I rotate early out in the shop with getting out there late after the kiddos are down.
2. I have to rotate feeding the children and giving them a bath.
3. No car stuff every single weekend.
4. One special night a week to just talk when the kids go down. And we usually have a good dinner at the local steak house.
5. One big trip by myself a year like Paso, Boneville, etc, not counting all the smaller venues we already go to.
These guidlines usually donot interfere with what we do. We still get to go to plenty of event throughout the year. Money is usually not ever a object because she knows at any moment I can have a change of heart and sell something to pay a bill off. I hate bills. So sometimes I build to sell.

With all this said family is first. sometimes we gripe and moan about this and that but it is today that will never be today again. Everyone is getting older by the minute, My daughter is already three and my son just started walking at one. I would hate to say I missed something at there early age just because I wanted to get out to the shop at 6 instead of 8.
Rusty

 

Rusty, You sound like a man with alot of experience! So young ,yet so wise
Count yourself lucky you dont play in a band!

 

I agree 100% that family comes first! We have two boys ages 20 and 24 (St Patricks' day) who are both great kids. I was their Scout leader, fishing buddy, hunting buddy, etc. as well as being dad and husband. We are about 60% through building a '50 Fordor which will be the 20 year olds daily driver.

We figured out years ago (actually she figured out and showed me) how to balance our activities so we don't end up meeting ourselves coming and going. The secret to a good relationship and having old cars is to remember there are lot's of old cars out there but only one good wife, girlfriend, etc. Mine suggested I take money from savings and build a new shop in 2001. She even helped put the skin on the new 30 x 40 commercial steel building.

cb_chief

 

I hope the young married guys are reading this, if they want to stay married. My wife is very understanding and tolerates alot of what I do. When my son was younger I abided by the "no work until after the kids in bed" rule. Now he helps and is involved too. We now have to be careful not to totally dominate everything with car projects. I like the "don't show the boss the receipts" rule. I tell her about major purchases, so she isn't shocked when seeing the credit card bill, but I try not to show her the receipts.
I also operate on the points system. She really doesn't know about the system but all my friends around here operate on the same system. You get points for doing what she thinks are good things. Taking her out for dinner, going shopping, cooking dinner, or other household chores. You gain points for doing good things, then use the points you gained, when you want to buy something or go to a week-end event, or something else you want. It's a constant battle, gain points, use them up, gain points, use them on something. You can also loose points though by doing something dumb, like hurting yourself, running out of gas, forgetting an appointment, or any time she gives you "the look". She doesn't know about this point system, and I don't tell her, but it works.
Red

 

I bet she probably does.

 

I have something that recently came to a head.. the money end of the build. the ol lady and I are dateing and about a year ago we decided to combine $$ in one account. one weekend I went and dropped 1000 on my landcruiser project and well lets just say there was a lil "discussion" on that... talked to my uncle and he laid it out like this works for him the last however long and me for about the last 8 months.

(first off bills decribed inclued houseing in hawaii.. so the numbers ARNT inflated.....)

I make about 3000 a month.. the ol lady around 1800/2400 a month (hairstylist depends on cilants...) so lets say 2000 to make things easy. for a total house income (take home..) of 5000k a month. with 3000 of 5000 grand being 60% of the total household income. so when we add all of our bills up inclueding rent, utilities, insurance, food.. blah blah it adds up to about 2100 a month. I pay 60% of that to a seperate account. so 1260 goes into an account, she pays 840. then we both throw in about an extra 100 , 200 a month into a vacation fund/ what ever fund.. (just bought a 37" plasma outa that!!) now she has her spending money I have mine. little thins like eating out lunch become my desion to spend my project money. my clothing comes outa my spending money. her make up and clothes come outa HER money.. (yelling at me for spending 1000 on tires after she bought a prada bag and a pair of verchace sunglasses....) no the one bill that is MINE and not her well two.. Matco and Car payment.. her car is hers and comes outa her money.. I unno if this makes since.. but it sure does cut down on the fights to almost none..

OH and NEVER get a creditcard cept for traveling. save or do side jobs...

OH and side jobs are 100% project money!!!

Make since /coments?

 

You guys are pussy's.. My wife loves the car's and the harley . I dont have to kiss any ass to work in the garage. I get all the money I want for parts too. yupper im one lucky son of a bitch and you guys are still pussy's.. Ha Ha..
Dave

 

Got yerself one of them Stepford wives?

Bryan

 

The eighth best ride I ever had was runnin' a 12 second 440 six pack out at Lapeer and nosing him out by a hundreth of a second. We ran another 500' B4 backing off the throttle - cuz the race wasn't done at the trap.

The first seven best rides? They were in the same night; I'll give you one guess. Keepin' the woman happy has its own rewards, man.

 

This woman obviosuly has a sizable Life insurance policy on you!


Chuckspeed--my question is on those 7 rides--did you better your 12 seconds time?!

I'd like to hear some of the (few, and lovely) spouses who are on here chime in on this. What's it like from your point of view?

And of course you never show receipts...I don't even tell myself how much I spend!

Tucker

Tucker

 

All bull shit aside my wife is great.. She loves the rods and the bikes and im usually the one bitching about money and i spend most of it! I do have certian obligations just like you guys maybe just not as many Anyone that spent 12 days out of 13 at the hospital after my heart attack is a keeper.. She couldnt wait to buy the new harley last may! I just wanted to fire you guys up a little
Dave

 

That's a good woman you've got there Dave...I'm a little jealous since my situation's more like the rest of the guys in this thread.

I have to agree...you've got to condition 'em early to the fact that you're going to spend a few nights a week and a weekend day in the garage, your greasy friends are here to stay, and going to Paso over Memorial weekend is a great way to spend an anniversary. This is what makes us happy, that should reason enough.

There are guys convincing women that polygamy is common-place and that cosmic kool-aid is delicious, we should be able to at least get 'em to put up with our cars

Bryan