The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Irish Dan, Mar 17, 2010.
HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY to all my fellow Micks!!!!!!!!!
Yes...Happy ST.Patty's Day!
Same to you!!!!!!! I'm leaving work early, goin to the shamrock club....guiness,jamison, vomit, sleep j/k
I love Saint Patrick's Day!
I feel the need to celebrate after work work with a pint!
no green beer ,face painting or lucky charms!!!!!give ireland back to the irish! sinn fein!
Green Beer,Corned beef & cabage....and did I say green beer....Happy St. Pat's Day ......
Yes please - can't be soon enough.
I'll be tippin a few fer sure. Enjoy the day ..........An Irishman walks into his bedroom with a goat one morning his wife still in bed. He says " This is what I fuck when you have a headache " She says " You are disgusting fuckin a goat " He says I was talking to the goat you presumptious pig...........
Hopefully celebrating after with with a couple "Irish Car Bombs" and "Bangers and Mash" at a local pub.
Amen to that, from the this side of the water.
Happy St.Patricks Day to all !!!
St Patrick regrets driving the snakes out of Ireland
I'll raise a pint or two to all you folks this evening.
I love St. Pat's day. Tis' the day to drink green beer and get punched in the face.
Happy St. Patrick's day to all and to all a good night!
That's pretty damn funnny!
Two Irishmen walked out of a bar..........hey, it could happen.
Irish are the Best!
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?'
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Michael O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?'
'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk.
'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.'
'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.
'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'
'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'
She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'
The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'
She says, 'That he did, Father.'
The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?'
She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun....'
AND THE BEST FOR LAST . . .
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
Its time for the puke'in of the green.
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!! Lets drink some F^%&* BEER!!
I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my H.A.M.B. cyber friends a very Happy Saint Patrick's Day... If you happen to be a gardening enthusiast like myself, be sure that you plant your pea seeds today!... St. Patty's day is always the day when pea seeds get planted in the garden... Peas don't mind the occasional cold temps of March, they actually like it and are able to establish roots-- So y'all get out there and plant your peas today!... I know that there's lots of "traditional" hot rodders who also share a love for "traditional" gardening... Not to mention the fact that peas are green, so they're the perfect veggie to plant on Saint Patrick's day!... "The Doc" (Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary)...
Know where an Irish family goes on vacation?
A different pub.
I'll be settelin down with an Irish 7 course meal tonite.
A six pack and a bag of potatoe chips.
Happy wearin-o-the green everyone.
"Give Ireland back to the Irish! Sinn Fein! "
Hear hear, to the Homeland!
Picture of my bus at the 2010 Greenville ave. St. Patricks day in Dallas parade last Saturday !!!!!
Erin go bragh!
Green beer is for Rookies.
Happy St. Patricks Day!
I'll eat when Im hungry and I'll drink when I'm dry and If the Moonshine dont kill me I'll live til I die
Why did the Irishman wear two con doms?
Aye, to be shore, to be shore!
Tiocfaidh ar la!
Tu ra lu ra laddy
got pissed in Limavaddy
Got a kicking from the locals
There's a bunch of drunkin' paddys
With a nick nack paddy whack
give a dog a bone
Send the stupid bastards home
- Shane MacGowen
Separate names with a comma.