History So Stupid Car tricks how many did them?

My most stupid period was from about 65-70 when I was about 14 til I was 20 when Mr. Nixon decided to give me a uniform and a M16 for a couple years. I done too many dumb things to tell all of them. One that comes to mind was when one of my buds turned 16 and traded a Stringray bike for a 57 Imperial with a good running Hemi, what a boat but that sucker would burn rubber FOREVER! He was a couple years older than I was so anytime he let me drive I was ready. One winter night in the middle of Dec. there was 5 or 6 of us kids fooling around and he said" Hey Dickhead you wanta see if you can handle this rig in the snow?" Hell yea! Then one of the other wise asses thought it would be a good idea for all of them to climb out on the snow covered top and hood to do some wind surfing. Things went pretty good until I decided to go into an empty shopping center parking lot and do some donuts. I had that big old Mopar in a world class drift when it hit the curb broadside right in front of a Christmas tree lot. The"surfers " flew through the air like Superman , a bunch of trees broke their fall, at least they were not rooted in the ground. With the snow and the soft trees no one was hurt and they all came running laughing like a bunch of idiots. Bent a couple wheels on the Imperial and I didn't get to drive for a while but it was worth it. By the time the story got around school I was the hero of the 9th grade for almost a week!

 

I learned to drive in an ’80 Mustang. Four cylinder, automatic, two-tone blue and white with turbine-style hubcaps, no air. I hated that car, and I hated kissing Dad’s ass to get the keys.

Pittsburgh, 1985. I was driving alone and bored, at night along East Ohio Street when I looked to my left and saw something I never saw before. A brightly lit, brand-new road seemingly in the middle of the Allegheny River. Actually it was on Herr’s Island; once home to a slaughterhouse and rendering plant. When I attended North Catholic High School in the early ’80s the overwhelming stench from the rendering plant rose up Troy Hill like the foul miasma of death that it was and forced us to shut the windows to keep it out, even in late May when our unairconditoned building was sweltering inside.

Anyway. In 1985, my senior year in high school the plant was shut down (yes!) and the island was being redeveloped for a tony condo development. The first thing they built was that long, straight, smooth road. I had to check it out.

I crossed over a bleak, rusty, unlighted iron bridge that crossed the backchannel to the island and found myself on that brand-new strip. Being the invincible 18 year old that I was I decided to see how fast my Dad’s four-cylinder automatic Mustang could go, which turned out to be not very. But fast enough that the end of the paved road came up before I knew it. The city was kind enough to put up a warning sign that said “Pavement Ends”. Right at the end of the pavement.

The lights ended as well, and I found myself plowing through door-handle high weeds in the pitch dark. As I turned back toward the light and the road I thought to myself, “Boy, I’d hate to get stuck here!”.

I got stuck there. Literally axle deep in mud. Or so I thought. “Oh shit!” I said. Then I opened the door and the smell hit me. “Oh SHIT!!!”

I was stuck up to the floorpans in a field of manure from the old slaughterhouse; it’s unlighted silhouette looming nearby.

I had a long way to go to get to a phone, and that island was dark and frigging SCARY. I saw two burnouts in the distance smoking while sitting on the hood of a Dodge, but I wasn’t about to ask them for help. So I RAN back to the road and along its entire length which I think was about a quarter mile, up the ramp and across that gloomy iron bridge that looked like it was blacked out during World War II and not relit or painted since, across East Ohio St. which was not a street at all but then a 4-lane high-speed arterial, because there was no sidewalk or crosswalk there; and maybe another 1/8 mile to a gas station to use the phone. I was an out of shape asthmatic and couldn’t have done that before even if you paid me.

I called Pete Hartz, a friend of my grandfather’s. He had a rattletrap ’63 Chevy tow truck and hauled junk cars away for a living. Pete got out of bed, drove all the way from Stanton Heights, met me at the gas station in about 20 minutes and we went back to the island to get the car. It took us awhile to find it with his powerful spotlight, then after he hooked the car it took some determined yanking to free it from the island’s oozing grasp. The price? No charge. Pete was a good guy.

So I started it up and drove off. You can imagine the smell coming off the feces-caked hot exhaust system. I drove to my grandfather’s house in Lawrenceville-I didn’t dare drive home because I’d still be hearing about it from my Jagoff dad to this day. Pappy gave me a roll of quarters and I used them all at the car wash on Butler St. I hosed off the entire underside of the car, the floor mats, door panel, my shoes and pants legs.

Dad still doesn’t know that it happened. Pappy never told his son; he was a good guy too.

 

We invented "the shopping cart game" one Sunday afternoon. Most supermarkets were closed on Sundays but carts were loose in the parking lots. So we rounded up a few. In the lot we would be face to face in out cars about 500' apart with a shopping cart in front of our front bumpers. Propel the carts towards each other and if we were spot on, the carts would collide and be decimated. It was like chicken, but both cars veered off and the carts were on their own.

 

I grew up in the country, local sherif was 40 minutes away...hehe

We'd drag race on the sidewalk there on Main Street bc we could!

Out ran a state patrol officer, ducked into town and hid between a couple Tuff sheds

The depressed part in my trunk for the spare tire...got holes drilled and would fit a keg and ice perfectly. Ran the tap up between the seats, nobody ever knew....until I thought the side window could hold up against a BB gun and Dad went out early and decided to "help" change it out before my hungover butt got out of bed

Stole a life sized fiberglass horse, trolled it around in the back of my truck all night long and somehow it ended up on top of the high school!!!...???....

Pulled over (in college) drag racing my 73 Camaro at 3:00am clocked going 118. Town cop knew me from the bar I bounced at and Woody told me to go home, he hated paperwork and I beat that stupid Honda!

Local fire department in all their glory ran us out of a corn field...high speed chase style! Can't drink in privacy with 40 of your closest friends?

Bank president's son had autism, didn't know what that was at the time....Jim (the son) liked keys and could look at a key and copy it...we asked him to get us into the bank...in a matter of 2 weeks we had hatched that plan along with putting acetylene into balloons that ended up blowing up inside my buddies car. Needless to say the good Lord was giving us a sign. Never wanted to steal a penny, just wanted to drink a cold one inside the vault......

I could go on and on

STUPID STUPID STUFF

My little boy is going to make me pay.....my poor parents!


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There was a straight-ish stretch of rail road track about 15 miles away from the town I went to high school in. it was raised above the roadway on one side and above the onion fields on the other side.

Anyway my '55 Ford was just the right width to ride the rails and it was a neat trick to get on the rails at one access road and ride to the next. We knew the train schedule so it wasn't really as dangerous as we made people believe it was. So one night we are out partying, and decided it would be fun to ride the rails. I looked at my dash clock and off we went. We are a ways into the run and still a ways from the next access road and my buddy says, "Hurry up that guy on the motorcycle is catching up with us." look in the mirror and all at once it occurs to me that the headlight is too high for a motorcycle and I am already driving as fast as I dare on the tracks. So decision time, onion patch or highway, highway side has a ditch, so onion patch it is. Didn't get very far before I buried the old ford. One of the guys went and got the farmer who took us home, next day we are pulling the car out and repairing the damage and I notice that my dash clock has quit working.

 

Anyone ever put limburger cheese on somebody's muffler?

 

A potato not limburger.

I worked with an old guy in the '70s named Mel, I was in my 20s as was his wife, he would have been in his later 50s at the time. He actually drove the sweetest '60 F-100 in the world, dropped just enough, maroon as deep as the ocean, Lincoln Y block. We put lacy panties on his mirror at work once, thought he would get a laugh out of it. We had no idea that his young wife was bringing his lunch to him. LOL

 

My friend John used to like to take his Dads Impala when his parents were out with another couple. He thought I was good at rolling back the speedo so I would always be the guy to go get the car and drive it to meet him and a couple girls at one of the local dances or hangouts. This worked out great until one night after we parked the car and his Parents got home, his Dad finally caught on to our plan. Seems we had a very light snow that evening and his Dad noticed the tire tracks we left in the driveway when we brought the car home. Got a good ass chewing from his Dad. I never did tell John that I was not rolling back the speedo, I was simply disconnecting it and if he knew that he probably would not have needed my help.

 

back in late sixties i was on my honda splitting lanes on i-10 in pomona during LAfair. super heavy traffic moving at a crawl... and i'm doing 70. soooo stupid. i was lucky no body decided to change lanes or open a door.

 

My friend Ronnie (6'3" 250lbs) bought a early 70's pinto hatchback in between our junior and senior years(1980), the motor lasted about 2 months before there were parts scattered every where. So being the very intelligent young men that we were we decided maybe the pinto needed a bit more horsepower than what it came from the factory with. So off to Rocky's auto salvage to dig through his engine pile out back. we came up with a slightly used 289 w/auto trans. rebuilt the engine in auto shop class(I was a student teacher/helper) and stuffed it in to that poor pinto. The shop teacher wanted nothing to do with the car or having it in his classroom. So we are putting the engine and trans in the pinto in his moms basement garage, we got everything hooked up that we thought we really needed to make it go----who really needs exhaust after the manifolds any ways? So we blasted it down Ronnie's road and thought it would be fun to cruise into town, see if any of our other friends were around. Well we made 1 pass down our 4 lane main drag and were on the return trip when lo and behold the red lights come on behind us. So Ronnie pulls over in the next parking lot and jumps out to talk to the cop. The cop walks up and is looking over the car, he asks Ron where the license plates are? Ronnie looks right at him and says I borrowed my dads car while we were fixing this one and I stuck the plates on the other car. Cop says were are the front turn signals for this heap? Ronny says we had to take the grille out to get the motor in it, the signals are hanging in the grille. Cop says I need you to start it up I want to check the exhaust because I think its a little loud, so I jump in the car and hold the brake because we didn't get around to hooking up a shifter or a wire from the ignition switch to the starter solenoid. I hold the brake and Ronnie proceeds to jump the solenoid. The cop is looking down at the back of the exhaust manifolds(did I mention no hood either) and says Ronnie where are the exhaust pipes? So at this time Ronnie decides to interject some intelligent thoughts to the cop(I told you we were intelligent right?)by telling him that there were a lot of cars around town that were louder than his. So at this point the cop is STARTING to run out of patience with the intelligent Ronnie, so he decided at this point in time to give old Ronnie a choice on what he wanted to do. He looked straight at him and says this is your options--- you can take this f***ing pile of crap home right now, do not come back to town in it with out the proper equipment OR we can just have you drive it up to the station and we will start inspecting it and write up some tickets for everything we see wrong or think maybe wrong with it, your choice. So we decided that now would probably be a really good time to make for home, the cop followed us to the city limits, pulled over and made sure we kept on going.
He did fix everything on it to be legal, his mom rode in the car once and refused after that with the statement of "that car is a time bomb and I am not going to ride in it ever again" and the shop teacher still refused to allow it in the school shop.

 

WHOA!!! LOL.Bruce.

 

I got a ton of car stories but this one was to get even with a real A hole that used to chase us thru town with his car and always ran us off the road or beat the heck out of us. He worked at a 7 -11 store and we knew what time he got off at night. It was winter time{back in N.J.} and we built a snowman right in the middle of the road. The only thing was we had put 2 cinder blocks in side the snow man. Well the guy closes the store and like always was shit faced{he would always steal the beer from the freezer in the store}He come tearing out of the parking lot with his 64 G.T.O. and see the snowman and just tromps on it making a beeline for it. He hit the snowman and even with all that snow we still could see sparks flying every where. We were laughing our ass off.{hiding of course}We know he lost the exhaust system and must of screw up the front end too because he had to go back to the store and call a tow truck to tow it away. We were crazy way back then .Now they would throw you in jail and forget about you. LOL. Bruce.

 

Back in the late sixties my buddies and I drove up to Big Bear lake in the winter to play in the snow in three cars. We decided to play follow the leader in our cars on snowy roads back in the residential area. Going way to fast we ended up drifting out of control in turns going thru peoples front yards taking out hedges, bushes, etc.. all of a sudden the CA Highway Patrol had us. They chewed out asses out and told us we were kicked off the mountain. There was a Highway Patrol car in the front, our three cars and a cop car in the back. They escorted us down the mountain to San Bernardino and told us not to come back. We never got in trouble or a ticket. The good old days!!


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DID SOMEONE SAY STUPID, I'M IN. High school drags, 1978, my car broken. Got up in the morning. Pushed out of the driveway my father 1957 for pickup. Bearing banging, low oil pressure. Got it 50 feet from the house and started it up. We drove to BEELINE DRAGWAY 10 miles from home. Hot lapped it all day. E.T.'s 19.3's all day. Battery started going away. Late at night started loosing power with the headlamps on. I turned the headlights off and the truck ran great. Turned them back on until it started to buck and jerk. Did this for a few miles. One STUPID moment, I turned the light on and pumped the shit out of the gas pedal, started to buck and jerk and when I turned off the head lamps the engine fired and all the gas I was pumping into the intake and muffler ignited, and lit the dark night up like daytime. The muffler spit and I now had the loudest car in town. Getting close to the house I could be heard from a mile away. It was a longer push back to the house than it was leaving the house. Next morning the old man got into his truck and started it. The rest is history. Lets just put it this way. I never did that again.

 

IN high school a bunch of us picked up the Principals new vw bug and jammed it between the school
and a telephone pole, with about 3 inches at each end.

 

"Somebody" pooped in a paper bag and wiped it underneath the door handle of the HS athletic director's mini van.... does that count!


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lilman , I bet it counted to the poor bastard who tried to open that door on the min van!

 

lilmann, why didn't y'all use dog shit its nastier?

 

Sardines down between header pipes on cousins 69 camero on weiding day . said he made it ten miles be for him and her had to puke.

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Once slipped a container of Chicken McNuggets between the seat springs and cushion in my buddy's Chevy truck. Took about three days before it started smelling like a corpse. He looked everywhere for the blinding stench, looked under the seat but the nuggets were tucked up there tight well above eye sight. stripped out the carpet and heater hoses. That truck reeked from across the parking lot !

We convinced that he probably ran over some animal and the guts were all over the bottom of his car, stuck in the suspension, coating everything and there wasn't too much that he could do about short of a full steam cleaning. Obviously, hitting the car wash and spraying the under carriage did nothing, but he tried it.

He moved to Charleston with his wife and kids, took the truck down with him. Never ever found the cause of the stench which lasted FOREVER. Hopefully the nuggets eventually dried out and mummified. He may have eventually found them but luckily he was seven states South.

And he was a friend . . .

 

With friends like you a guy doesn't need any enemies.

 

The first one that popped in my head was when my neighbor stopped by one day with his grandpa's mid-70's Chevy pickup. We went for a ride, on a paved road in the middle of nowhere. He was traveling at the old legal max of 55 mph, put the truck in neutral, wound it up as tight as it would go and put it in reverse. It left a smoking black mark that seemed to be a quarter mile long. Then he did it again. Some other friends and I had seen a couple of these black marks and were wondering who had made them and how.

 

Back in HS, a few of the Varsity Football team studs, recruited me and a friend to knock the hinges off the Gym doors.
So while we're doing that they're out in the parking lot and you'd hear this..."Heave...Ho"...little pause.."Heave..Ho", well they were lifting this little early 60's Honda square back car up the steps and into the Gym then put it in middle court, and helped us get he door back on.

Turns out it was a Teachers car...it sat in the Gym for several days till someone figured out to take the doors off to get it back out side.

 

No, but my dad and his buddy put some on a steam radiator at Chauncey-Dover High School in 1951. School got out early that day.

 

We had this dork named Herbie in out vocational school auto shop that couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel, to top it off he was a mommies boy and went home and told her all the shit we pulled on him every day. As a special treat she let him drive his 59 six cyl. Biscayne to school on Fridays. I made up a "coil wire" out of vac. hose and put it on his car one Friday afternoon. I layed the real coil wire on the air cleaner so he would see it when he opened the hood when it didn't start. After school numnut cranked it til the battery died and had to call mommie to come and get him. Monday morning the shop teacher told us Herbies mom was on the way to school to get to the bottom of who tampered with the Chevy. I ran out and put the coil wire back on with out getting caught. Momie comes and the whole class had to go out to the parking lot. Every one in the class but dickhead Herbie was in on it, so as mommie was giving us all hell and going to put who ever done it in jail for life, I said maybe Herbie just flooded it,and the battery might have recovered enough to start now. Sure enough it cranked about 3 times and fired up. The old lady was really pissed at her baby boy, told us how very sorry she was and went out and bought the whole class donuts and milk. Herbie didn't get any donuts and got his licence taken away for a month.

 

One hot August evening when I was in high school.,a buddy of mine and I were bored,driving his 64 442 and doing a little mall crawling.All of a sudden,he decides to spin a brody and out of the corner of my eye I spot a cop.I tell Dave not to do it,but he obviously didn't see the cop.He kicks it hard and the linkage gets stuck and it isn't until the 4th or 5th rotation before he realizes that we are spinning around a cop.Thinking quick,I shut the ignition off and we drift to a stop.The cop gets out,ready to read us the riot act and give us a slew of tickets.I jump out,thank the officer for saving us ,and pop the hood.He sees the linkage bound up,proceeds to use his mechanical prowess,and after gushing on him for 10 minutes about saving our lives,he and his swollen ego decided to let us off the hook.It helps to be a salesman

 

We wanted to light the bag on fire but nobody had a lighter....so now we were stuck with a perfectly good bag o poop and no where to stick it


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About the worst thing I did was when I was in college. Brought my girlfriend at the time back with me to go to a party at school. After the party, I drove us back to my apartment, roughly two miles. I was really drunk. The next morning, I thought about it and realized what a stupid thing that was.

 

Hello,

After cruising around all over So Cal in my black 58 Impala, my friend said we should make the big circle and end up in Bixby Knolls. We hit all of the local hangouts, drive-in restaurants and even made a jaunt to Newport Beach to the south and Harvey’s to the north. We were all set with the motor tuned, the 4:56 gears in place and the Bruce Slicks on for those impromptu races that one could not turn down.

We had a couple of races that were exciting, but not such a big deal. It was time to go to our final destination at Grissinger’s Drive in in Bixby Knolls. After all of the hot rods we saw, the best just happened to be at our local hangout. It was fun hanging out and reminiscing about the night’s events. Prior to entering the parking lot, we had stopped in the neighborhood and uncorked the exhaust cut outs underneath the car. Now, it was showtime…

After all of the excitement of the evening, I dropped off my friend at his house just around the corner. He told me to stop at the end of his street and blast the car one more time, "uncorked" of course. The Bruce Slicks grabbed, the 3 carbs kicked in, the noise was deafening and off I went down the street.


When I let off, little did I know that the 3-carb progressive linkage got stuck. (we had just put on the progressive linkage earlier in the afternoon and took off the vacuum unit) I was blasting towards a busy cross street, full bore. I pulled up on the pedal, nothing, I braked as hard as possible, a little better, but still the throttle was stuck. Total panic popped up as the cross street was getting closer. Finally, I turned off the ignition and skidded to a halt in the first cross lane of traffic. A short 270 degree spin and stopping, facing the lane of traffic…

Jnaki

I immediately started the motor and it was normal, so I quickly got out of that first lane of traffic. Luckily, there were no cars in that lane, but the driver of another car in the fast lane was also in a total, panic mode… I am sure he called me an F^&%^&V idiot… My friend heard the powerful motor, the gear shifts and the loud skid and quiet. He was running around the corner to see what had happened. I drove back to his house to calm down before my trip back home. What a crazy night…

 

Hey Lippy When I drove for a commercial roofing co. back in N.J back in the 80s there was a boss that was always so mean to me. My dad being German always ate limburger cheese YUCK!!! so he taught me tricks to do with the cheese. I smeared the cheese on the guys desk lamp and he couldn't figure what the bad smell was when the light got hot. Another time we had a job over in the islands off shore and had all the roofing put in sea land containers and when the container came back in to the U.S.A. They gas then to kill any foriging stuff that might be in them. We got the container back in the yard and i cracked it open. Out fell this about 8 inch green gecko with huge eyes{dead of course} I put in the mean bosses coffee cup with it front legs hanging over the cup and it just staring. This guy went for his cup to put coffee in it and screamed when he saw it. All the driver and I were cracking up. Last one. It was winter time and real cold. I found a skunk that had froze to death in the yard with its teeth beared .I put in the back of this bosses El caminol and covered it with the tarp he had it the back.They say when he got to the job sight and uncovered the tarp and saw the skunk they thought he was going to shit a purple turd and screamed again. Boy he knew it was me because I hated him. And man he came looking for me that night. Rough job but payed real good. Thats why I stuck it out.LOL. Bruce.