The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by fortypickup, Mar 11, 2008.
Fixed it for ya.
Always have more than enough to drink before operating machinery.
Incase of fire in the garage, use any flammable liquid near by, gasoline and paint thinner are the most effective.
Work in the dark, safety is never important.
When sweat gets all over your glasses lens while working on yer rod always put 'em on your wife's car hood next to you so she can drive off and you can buy a new pair for $475 like I did yesterday!
If you can't fix it with a hammer, then it is an electrical problem...
When welding underneath a car - you wouldn't want to lie on a cold concrete floor, now would you?
How about using an old piece of cheap nylon carpet? After all, you wouldn't want to ruin a nice piece of old wool carpet now, would you?
What's that you say?
Yup - the freakin' carpet caught fire.
I was only just a little bit stuck, but got out unscathed.
Next problem - put out the rapidly expanding fire.
Fire is spreading - to conveniently located nylon car cover, which is, you guessed it rather combustible.
Solution - stomp on it in your man-made runners that melt and stick to the carpet......... and stick to the car cover, which is really goin' now.
I eventually got the fire out, I wasn't burned more than pride, but fuck was I ever lucky.
Lucky the fire didn't get to the paint I had stored a few feet away.
Try it - I'm sure you'll like the whole adrenalin buzz.
OMG, I need a cigarette after reading that!
Make sure you take the brake shoes off of both sides of the axle, 'cause you'll remember how it all goes back together, tommorow.
Well yeah, you just run them till you get to the hub. If you're lucky you can find a dremmel with a smaller hub to run the rest down to that little metal ring!
hahah these are great!!
If you need to plug something into a socket you can't see because it's behind something, you can stick your index finger between the prongs on the plug so you can feel the outlet and get it plugged right in.
Tooooo funny! Pics soon!
Please don't waste money on tools, you only need vise-grips for every nut and bolt and a butter knife for any screw.
When using a cutting torch, and you need to stop and adjust something don't shut it off. Just hang the trigger handle in the pocket of your coveralls. You won't catch on fire. Honest.
When using a tool in a manner in which it is not intended be sure to say out loud "Never do this"!! peace
1. Best place to set freshly welded parts is on a plastic milk crate, until they fall through.
2. Best thing to step on when getting out of a pickup box is the milk crate from step 1. When you fall through it and end up on the floor your knee that ended up under you will only hurt for 2 months and off and on for 10 years.
3. Don't bother to pickup that fender by the shop door with the glass window. When you trip and put your hand through the window in the door you will get an ER visit, stitches, physical therapy, good pain pills, and blood on your buddies 38 ford assembly manual because you where helping put the body back on the frame when you tripped.
None of these are from personal experience and I don't have all the scars on my right hand either.
Or when you set down the torch to reposition stuff don't worry about that smokey smell.
I do that but finally got smart and wear leather gloves on my feet.
When buffing paint always lock the buffer trigger to the on position. That way when the electrical plug comes loose you can plug it back in and the buffer will eat it's own cord while trying to eat you or your newly buffed paint. For the best results have the buffer set to the highest speed.
The little 4" size vise-grips are best for this application.
Mine do, but they have the little Z-87 numbers on the lenses and side screens on the temples. I usually forget and leave them in the case while using my street glasses.
Here are some interior installation tips that I learned from the previous owner of my truck:
If you want to install bucket seats but you don't own a welder, you can simply construct a frame from old 2 x 4s and lag bolt them together, then lag bolt the entire assembly to the steel floor.
The wooden frame will also make a perfect mount for your seat belts...again, use lag bolts to mount them. This will function as a safety mechanism. Instead of a solid mount, which can cause injury by holding the seat and the occupants too firmly to the vehicle in an accident, this will serve as a "breakaway" type mount. The resistance as the mounts "breaks away" will absorb some of the forward motion energy, thereby lessening the chance of injury in a collision.
When you are finished, you can glue carpet over the whole thing and "voila!", a beautiful new interior!
Be sure not to tell anyone how you did this. Let them be amazed and surprised when they discover your ingenuity later on!
I think I may have just spent 3 hours of my life reading this entire thread...co-workers are wondering what the hell I am laughing out loud about...I love this place...
If you can't reach something at the top of your 10' set of sheves just drag one of the 2 old 5 gallon buckets your father in law dropped off in your garage(filled with unknown liquids) over and stand on the very edge of it while holding onto the shelf so that you don't put your whole 250lb frame squarely on the center of the lid.
I promise that you won't loose your ballance and put your foot squarely in the center of said lid, and then your sandal clad foot won't bust straight through and leave you standing up to your knee cap in used motor oil, and 2+ gallons of the oil wont run all over the inside of the freshly cleaned garage, and under every shelf, part, and card board box in a 10' radius.
Ask me(and my father in law) how I know this, And yes my 45 dollar pair of sandalls were completely ruined!
I need printer ink I need to print this entire thread,put it in a book and send it to my dad
the difference between a good welder and a great welder ,,,,, PAIN TOLERANCE
ALSO, Dad told me I'd be a great grinder , before I ever become a good welder !!!
always use drill press bare footed, the curly ques give better traction, and they look more manly as steel toe knuckle hairs,
Once you draw blood , It's a good day.....
Weld that quarter panel on first.... THEN test fit the door...... Test fitting is a waste of time....LOL......
Oh yeah..... Nothing holds like a good cross thread......
When your drunk friend cuts his hand severely in the shop, in order to avoid a trip to the emergency room, just tell him to grab on to the hot header to cauterize the wound. Don't be surprised when he actually does it!
The burnt flesh can be removed later with steel wool.
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