The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Boneyard51, Apr 2, 2018.
"The difference between a Dog and a Fox is 3 drinks!"
Hard tellin not knowin.
From Jerry Lee Louis, "A two at ten, is a ten at two".
from "All the Girls Get Prettier at Closing Time"
I have the song on a tape, but I couldn't find it on youtube
I love the lyrics, because there is so much truth in them.
Didn't read through all the pages so this may have been already posted. My dad used to use the phrase, " well that's shinier than a diamond in a pig's ass". It always got kind of a confused look in return.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drin.......
O WAIT, you can suck on his ass and fool your friends...... for a while....
The German way of doing things: If it jambs, force it, if it breaks, it was weak and needed replacing anyway.”
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Can't see it from my house Ex FIL when building houses.
How tight do Germans make things? Good n tight
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You mean Guten Tite
Slap some bacon on a biscuit and let’s go. We’re burning daylight……. The Duke
When you make a little mistake, such as a chip or a scratch or a gap is just not right……The smart ones won’t look and the dumb ones will not know the difference
Putty comes in all sizes.
I always thought " GudenTite " was the German word for Virgin
I had a great uncle in his 90s. He would visit the shop quite often.
I would always greet him with "What do you know today?"
He'd say, "It takes a big cat to weigh a ton."
Or "All around a hogs ass is pork."
He had so many I can't remember .
One time it was raining buckets. He pulled up in his Caddie and parked about 20 ft. from the door. He moved pretty slow, so by the time he made it in he was soaked like he fell in a ditch. I held the door open for him. Rain was still running off his hat in a steady stream. He looks up at me and says, "Its a damn good thing the rooms inside today." Then he'd buy his 2 packs of Phillip Morris commanders (non filter) and leave.
He'd say sucking tobacco through a filter was like sucking tittie through a shirt.
Try Mickey Gilley and you will find it
I used to say It takes a big dog to weigh ton to my nieces and nephews since they were little kids, now most of them are in their 50's now, and every time I see them now they still ask me what I know. I still give them the same answer we both get a chuckle out of it.
I want to say this to every news reporter ever.
If you think anyone gives a rat's ass how you feel you're not thinkin!
I checked it out, and it is the same song, and most likely the right singer. I love that song. Funny, yet deeply philosophical, particularly on the day after St Paddy's day.
Teenagers - - The end of the world as we know it.
Side note: Jerry Lee Lewis and Mickey Gilley are cousins, they often sing the same songs and have similar voices. Jimmy Swaggart the tv preacher was also a singer and cousin to both. Back to hot rods and customs now.
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If you marry outside the family you're gonna have trouble! - Terry Bradshaw
Never rub another man's rhubarb. - The Joker
Keep your powder dry. - Me
It's better to have and not need than to need and not have.
"Let those who don't want any have memories of not getting any"
Brother Dave Gardner
I had an employee tell me this just before I pushed his tool box out of my shop.
Butt holes and opinions have three things in common.
1 everyone has one
2 some stink
3 some are just full of shit
We were having a discussion about him coming to work an hour late three days that week.
Someone once ask me where I attended college . My answer was “ State Pen, graduated as a BMF “ He just shook his head and walked off talking to himself .
Another version of that is, "I went home at 2:00 with a ten and woke up at 10:00 with a two."
I just HAD to be smarter when I was younger.....
I seemed to know EVERYTHING then......
Finer than frogs hair....
Blacker than the inside of a cow....
More chins than a chinese phone book.
The favourite expression back in the early 70s of an air force friend from Freer TX was,
"Man, she has a face that would make a freight train take a dirt road".
Always tell the truth - even if it's a lie.
The way that I have heard this one is: "Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to try and remember what you said".
Separate names with a comma.