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Hot Rods Quotes to live by...

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Boneyard51, Apr 2, 2018.

  1. Truck64
    Joined: Oct 18, 2015
    Posts: 2,365

    from Ioway

    Were you Home Schooled?

    1 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

    2 My mother taught me RELIGION.

    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

    3 My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

    If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

    4 My father taught me LOGIC.

    "Because I said so, that's why.”

    5 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”

    6 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.”

    7 My father taught me IRONY.

    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”

    8 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

    9 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

    "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!”

    13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

    "Stop acting like your father!”

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.”

    16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

    "Just wait until we get home.”

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

    "You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

    19. My mother taught me ESP.

    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?”

    20. My father taught me HUMOR.

    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.”

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.”

    22.My mother taught me GENETICS.

    "You're just like your father.”

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM

    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand.”

    25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

    To be honest with you, I heard more of these than I didn't hear.
    VANDENPLAS, pitman, j-jock and 12 others like this.
  2. seb fontana
    Joined: Sep 1, 2005
    Posts: 5,397

    seb fontana
    from ct

    Damn I thought I had it rough!
    lothiandon1940 likes this.
  3. verde742
    Joined: Aug 11, 2010
    Posts: 4,404


    Hell Yes ! I can keep a secret, I haven't told my wife I know how to fold a fitted sheet.!
  4. karl share
    Joined: Nov 5, 2015
    Posts: 51

    karl share

    To ask a stupid question is better than making a stupid mistake. - dad.
    We are lucky we don't get as much government as we pay for.!!!
  5. BAD ROD
    Joined: Dec 16, 2004
    Posts: 1,529


    Boneyard51 and chryslerfan55 like this.
  6. ramblin dan
    Joined: Apr 16, 2018
    Posts: 851

    ramblin dan

    You never know how dirty a song's lyrics are till you hear a child singing them.
    j-jock, Boneyard51, kbgreen and 4 others like this.
  7. The Shift Wizard
    Joined: Jan 10, 2017
    Posts: 961

    The Shift Wizard

    Some Groucho Marx gems........
    "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
    "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
    "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
    "It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."
    "Before I speak, I have something important to say."
    "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
    "No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."
  8. sevenhills1952
    Joined: Mar 14, 2018
    Posts: 386


    The Marx brothers were comedic geniuses. I can watch those old movies over again. So funny.

    Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk
  9. Speedwrench
    Joined: Nov 21, 2009
    Posts: 904


    Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip.
  10. sevenhills1952
    Joined: Mar 14, 2018
    Posts: 386


    Years ago Dad was #1 salesman and his boss asked what his secret was.
    He said "I'm bald enough to look distinguished and have hemorrhoids enough to have a look of concern".

    Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk
  11. Chappy444
    Joined: Jan 27, 2012
    Posts: 418

    1. Maryland HAMBers

    my dad used this one on me as well... but he always added "...and i will make another one that looks just like you"
    Petejoe, Boneyard51, j hansen and 2 others like this.
  12. X-cpe
    Joined: Mar 9, 2018
    Posts: 162


    According to Archie Bunker it was getting someone to do something they didn't want to do by promising to give them something you were never going to give them.
    Boneyard51 and chryslerfan55 like this.
  13. One of my favorite Marx Brothers gems is this. Cicco: I think we should have a standing army “ Groucho: why?, Cicco: cause then we’d save money on chairs!

    Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
    Boneyard51 and tb33anda3rd like this.
  14. 34Larry
    Joined: Apr 25, 2011
    Posts: 456


    If I had a dog as ugly, as you are, she/he is, they are; Id shave his ass and make it walk backwards.
  15. Mark Hinds
    Joined: Feb 20, 2009
    Posts: 508

    Mark Hinds
    from pomona ca

    Me to some customer with parts that need to be thrown away;

    I can polish it and it's still gonna be a turd.

    My wifes favorite;

    Doesn't matter who's shoe it's on, shit is still shit..

    My brother to a braggart;

    You'll shit too, if you eat regular
    j-jock and Boneyard51 like this.
  16. johnnymac1
    Joined: Sep 16, 2012
    Posts: 108


    It's good that the right people hate you for the right reasons.
    Clay Belt, Truck64, j-jock and 2 others like this.
  17. ramblin dan
    Joined: Apr 16, 2018
    Posts: 851

    ramblin dan

    We met for a reason. Either you're a blessing or a lesson.
  18. Fitnessguy
    Joined: Sep 28, 2015
    Posts: 939


    Too soon old and too late smart
    Boneyard51, Thor1 and chryslerfan55 like this.
  19. murpa
    Joined: Aug 25, 2009
    Posts: 108


    My Dad use to say. Four rubber wheels are better than two rubber heels.
    Boneyard51 and sevenhills1952 like this.
  20. maplefrm
    Joined: Aug 15, 2010
    Posts: 493

    from Central IL

    When someone gets something he didn't work for, someone else worked for something he didn't get.
  21. Speedwrench
    Joined: Nov 21, 2009
    Posts: 904


    We are all put on earth for a reason, even if it's just to serve as a bad example.
  22. johnnymac1
    Joined: Sep 16, 2012
    Posts: 108


    Everyone brings joy to a shop, some by entering, others by leaving.
    pitman, sevenhills1952 and Boneyard51 like this.
  23. CodeMonkey
    Joined: Sep 13, 2012
    Posts: 90

    from Moline IL

    We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things go downhill.

    Never criticize someone without walking a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes.

    And from one of the farmers I used to work for: "It's not so bad getting old, just unhandy at times."
    sevenhills1952 and Boneyard51 like this.
  24. BrerHair
    Joined: Jan 30, 2007
    Posts: 4,105


    My dad had a boatload of sayings . . . one in particular he used a lot: Two or more folks struggling with some task, he would say "Like two monkeys trying to fuck a football."

    His favorite quote was from Satchel Paige: "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

    Paige had as many great quotes as Yogi. Here's a few more:
    "Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching."
    "Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines."
    "Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with money."
    "Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
    "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
    "Mother always told me, if you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to no one else."
    "Don't eat fried food, it angries up the blood."
  25. BrerHair
    Joined: Jan 30, 2007
    Posts: 4,105



    Seems appropriate what with this being D-Day anniversary. My dad was a WWII vet and he always got a kick out of saying this. I would say this qualifies as a quote to live by for when things aren't exactly copacetic.
  26. Rick & Jan
    Joined: Apr 9, 2008
    Posts: 312

    Rick & Jan

    My Dad once said to me " That must be your Ass talking cuz your Head knows better"
    chryslerfan55 and Boneyard51 like this.
  27. jnaki
    Joined: Jan 1, 2015
    Posts: 2,613


    While visiting a friend for a nice dinner, overheard were many questionable sayings by the head of the household. Being nice to the whole family, one learns to just say nothing in reply.

    A grumpy old man (gone now) once said to his wife, many questionable quotes over the years. One time, after she served him his dinner, she asked how was the ....... The answer was: " I'm eating it, aren't I?" That guy was full of not just dinner, but other stuff, too.

    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  28. I used to use this one on my kids, "Are those ears painted on?"
    Now, they use it on me.

    You're the kind of guy that would piss on my boots and tell me they're wet because its raining.

    She's got a face that would make a freight train take a dirt road.
    sevenhills1952 and chryslerfan55 like this.
  29. sevenhills1952
    Joined: Mar 14, 2018
    Posts: 386


    So many good ones!
    When I brought my wife to meet parents 46 years ago we were having dinner when Dad farted at the table "George!" she exclaimed. Dad said "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was your turn Ma".

    Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk
  30. 6sally6
    Joined: Feb 16, 2014
    Posts: 119


    My Dad told me more than once......
    "Boy....I'll beat you till you shit......then I'll beat you for shit'in"!
    "I'll beat you like a borrowed mule"
    "I'll stomp a mud hole in your ass...and then I'll walk it dry"
    "Can't never did do nuth'in"!
    He's been gone a long time but his "say'ins" still make me smile
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2018

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