Hot Rods Quotes to live by...

Why did God give us two heads and only enuff blood to function One at a time?

What was SHE thinkin'?


guy ask his date: Ya 'all put out on the first date? She said: NO, Not even !!!

He said: How bout on the LAST one?

 

"Don't drink my first beer, don't drink my last, we'll get along fine."

Roomate at my new duty assignment at Schofield Barracks, HI

 

Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

Don’t shit were you eat.


When I’m dealing with someone who is complaining to me about an issue or problem that really does not concern me....

Me-Are you my aunt/uncle ?
Answer -No
Me-Then why the fuck should I care! Not eating Christmas dinner with you !

My dads favorite “ fuck off and stay fuck off, and don’t stop being fuck off untill I tell you !”

 

When given painfully long answers;

"I asked you the time and you built me a clock."

When someone's in the habit of such, before they get started;

"Is this a long story? If so I need a coffee."

To the ones who always have unwanted opinions;

"You have the right to remain silent, try it some time."

 

Secretaries : Don't get your meat, where you make your bread.....
IF YOU GET BRED THERE, you might get in a Jam there also...
.

 

When I was a kid after dinner one evening we go in the living room, Dad takes this really bad dump, stinks up the whole house. Mom comes running in from the kitchen with this new pine scent spray. Dad says now it smells like somebody shit in the woods.

Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk... Gary from Virginia

 

From work, bunch of engineers, "Just release it we'll fix it later". Caught another guy saying BHP = bkW... few others

 

Another of my favorites is this one “I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon “


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Your dad took a dump in the living room?!?!?
No wonder it stuck so bad !!

 

Hahahahahaha!
I forgot to mention bathroom was off of the living room. Living room was reserved for gas only.

Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk... Gary from Virginia

 

John 3:16 works for me.

 

Follow a nun ya get none!

 

The speed of light travels faster than the speed of sound....
That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth and speak...

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Do as I say, not as I do

 

You can NEVER pay TOO MUCH for a good toilet seat !!!!!!!!


best seat in the house, mention my name, get a great seat...

 

My wife has the thing of calling a stench, especially one associated with bodily functions, a "noise". If she needs the loo after me she'll ask, "Is it noisy in there?" Then I'd give an answer in decibels.

And of course it grew from there:
"Better close your eyes."
"Why?"
"I'm going to make a noise." ...

 

Times were tough and I was wrenching for Snappy Joe, a good wrench but boy, did he auger the customers into the ground when the bill came. Not too much repeat business...anyway, he did time way out in the sticks for years in a truckshop and one of the guys there was a 50 year old bachelor that had never got lucky. One day they lined him up with a local scrag and out they went on a date. Of course next day everyone wanted to know if'n he did and he finally admitted that he had got lucky. In describing it, he said that when her drawers came down "it smelled just like a burned clutch."

 

"I was only wrong once, I thought I made a mistake "

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I told my kids that all the old sayings are true including the ones that are seemingly contractions.

I try to remember, "The smart man learns from his mistakes, the WISE man learns from other men's mistakes"

I also live by: "A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.”
― Oscar Wilde

 

Getting old ain't for sissies.

 

Good credit and bad taste don't make it cool.

 

It's not you it's m...no, it's you!

 

If your going to be dumb you better be tuff


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Men go for looks, women go for status.

 

The older I get---- the faster I went.

 

Speed kills... but what a way to go!

 

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
- Dean Martin

 

Shit will do for brains when you got luck!
“This man is questioning our integrity, we’re going to have to f$&k him!”


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All home built airplanes should be single seaters.