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Hot Rods Quotes to live by...

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Boneyard51, Apr 2, 2018.

  1. verde742
    Joined: Aug 11, 2010
    Posts: 4,760


    Why did God give us two heads and only enuff blood to function One at a time?

    What was SHE thinkin'?

    guy ask his date: Ya 'all put out on the first date? She said: NO, Not even !!!

    He said: How bout on the LAST one?
    Last edited: May 5, 2018
    chryslerfan55 and cracker head like this.
  2. ramblin dan
    Joined: Apr 16, 2018
    Posts: 1,045

    ramblin dan

  3. Truck64
    Joined: Oct 18, 2015
    Posts: 2,762

    from Ioway

    "Don't drink my first beer, don't drink my last, we'll get along fine."

    Roomate at my new duty assignment at Schofield Barracks, HI
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2018
    Joined: Dec 14, 2009
    Posts: 1,466


    Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

    Don’t shit were you eat.

    When I’m dealing with someone who is complaining to me about an issue or problem that really does not concern me....

    Me-Are you my aunt/uncle ?
    Answer -No
    Me-Then why the fuck should I care! Not eating Christmas dinner with you !

    My dads favorite “ fuck off and stay fuck off, and don’t stop being fuck off untill I tell you !”
    Boneyard51 likes this.
    Joined: Jun 3, 2005
    Posts: 7,554


    When given painfully long answers;

    "I asked you the time and you built me a clock."

    When someone's in the habit of such, before they get started;

    "Is this a long story? If so I need a coffee."

    To the ones who always have unwanted opinions;

    "You have the right to remain silent, try it some time."
    chryslerfan55 and Boneyard51 like this.
  6. verde742
    Joined: Aug 11, 2010
    Posts: 4,760


    Secretaries : Don't get your meat, where you make your bread.....
    IF YOU GET BRED THERE, you might get in a Jam there also...
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2018
    Clay Belt and Boneyard51 like this.
  7. sevenhills1952
    Joined: Mar 14, 2018
    Posts: 561


    When I was a kid after dinner one evening we go in the living room, Dad takes this really bad dump, stinks up the whole house. Mom comes running in from the kitchen with this new pine scent spray. Dad says now it smells like somebody shit in the woods.

    Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk... Gary from Virginia
  8. From work, bunch of engineers, "Just release it we'll fix it later". Caught another guy saying BHP = bkW... few others
    Boneyard51 and chryslerfan55 like this.
  9. Another of my favorites is this one “I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon “

    Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
    Boneyard51 and ramblin dan like this.
    Joined: Dec 14, 2009
    Posts: 1,466


    Your dad took a dump in the living room?!?!?
    No wonder it stuck so bad !!
    Boneyard51 and chryslerfan55 like this.
  11. sevenhills1952
    Joined: Mar 14, 2018
    Posts: 561


    I forgot to mention bathroom was off of the living room. Living room was reserved for gas only.

    Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk... Gary from Virginia
  12. buffaloracer
    Joined: Aug 22, 2004
    Posts: 720

    from kansas

    John 3:16 works for me.
    kbgreen, 56premiere and Ned Ludd like this.
  13. ramblin dan
    Joined: Apr 16, 2018
    Posts: 1,045

    ramblin dan

    Follow a nun ya get none! norman_chubby_chaney___bargain_day.jpg
  14. The speed of light travels faster than the speed of sound....
    That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth and speak...

    Sent from my SM-G955U using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
    kbgreen, Ric Dean and 532r5 like this.
  15. mopacltd
    Joined: Nov 11, 2008
    Posts: 635


    Do as I say, not as I do
    olscrounger likes this.
  16. verde742
    Joined: Aug 11, 2010
    Posts: 4,760


    You can NEVER pay TOO MUCH for a good toilet seat !!!!!!!!

    best seat in the house, mention my name, get a great seat...
    Clay Belt and chryslerfan55 like this.
  17. Ned Ludd
    Joined: May 15, 2009
    Posts: 3,790

    Ned Ludd

    My wife has the thing of calling a stench, especially one associated with bodily functions, a "noise". If she needs the loo after me she'll ask, "Is it noisy in there?" Then I'd give an answer in decibels.

    And of course it grew from there:
    "Better close your eyes."
    "I'm going to make a noise." ...
    kbgreen and Baumi like this.
  18. bundoc bob
    Joined: Dec 31, 2015
    Posts: 102

    bundoc bob

    Times were tough and I was wrenching for Snappy Joe, a good wrench but boy, did he auger the customers into the ground when the bill came. Not too much repeat business...anyway, he did time way out in the sticks for years in a truckshop and one of the guys there was a 50 year old bachelor that had never got lucky. One day they lined him up with a local scrag and out they went on a date. Of course next day everyone wanted to know if'n he did and he finally admitted that he had got lucky. In describing it, he said that when her drawers came down "it smelled just like a burned clutch."
    Clay Belt, blackrat40, Jet96 and 6 others like this.
  19. luckythirteenagogo
    Joined: Dec 28, 2012
    Posts: 1,207

    from Apex, NC

    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  20. Dan in Pasadena
    Joined: Sep 11, 2009
    Posts: 800

    Dan in Pasadena

    I told my kids that all the old sayings are true including the ones that are seemingly contractions.

    I try to remember, "The smart man learns from his mistakes, the WISE man learns from other men's mistakes"

    I also live by: "A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.”
    Oscar Wilde
    Last edited: May 15, 2018
    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  21. Getting old ain't for sissies.
  22. Sky Six
    Joined: Mar 15, 2018
    Posts: 857

    Sky Six
    from Arizona

    Good credit and bad taste don't make it cool.
    arthurC3, fauj, kbgreen and 2 others like this.
  23. Bandit Billy
    Joined: Sep 16, 2014
    Posts: 4,567

    Bandit Billy

    It's not you it's, it's you!
    61cad likes this.
  24. Mr cheater
    Joined: Aug 18, 2010
    Posts: 363

    Mr cheater

    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  25. bobw
    Joined: Mar 24, 2006
    Posts: 2,316


    Men go for looks, women go for status.
    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  26. R A Wrench
    Joined: Feb 4, 2007
    Posts: 402

    R A Wrench
    from Denver, Co

    The older I get---- the faster I went.
    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  27. wahoo
    Joined: Feb 23, 2011
    Posts: 28


    Speed kills... but what a way to go!
    Clay Belt likes this.
  28. Murphy32
    Joined: Oct 17, 2007
    Posts: 637

    from Minnesota

    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
    - Dean Martin
    Last edited: May 16, 2018
  29. Truckdoctor Andy
    Joined: Jan 13, 2017
    Posts: 429

    Truckdoctor Andy

    Shit will do for brains when you got luck!
    “This man is questioning our integrity, we’re going to have to f$&k him!”

    Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
    chryslerfan55 likes this.
  30. All home built airplanes should be single seaters.
    Clay Belt, Murphy32 and j-jock like this.

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