The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Boneyard51, Apr 2, 2018.
"I don't care if it is double strength, I'm still going to fold it". Richard Pryor
Before you speak, or type, your words should pass through three gates;
No.1 Is it true.
No.2 Is it necessary.
No.3 Is it kind.
Thats like good fast cheap pick 2.
Speak the truth with love is hard enough.
Excuse me Madame, the light is green now and the road is clear, its time for you to put your phone down and drive with rest of us who are paying attention.
If at 1st you don't suceed, you should avoid skydiving.
"Built up to a standard, not down to a price." Packard Salesman's Handbook
My high school pals' dad was a long haul truck driver and always had some little pearl of wisdom or something funny to say, sometimes years later we'd still laugh about them when we got together, I have borrowed one when behind someone at a traffic light, if the light changed and they didn't move he'd go " its not gonna get any fucking greener".
He'd have a field day now with all the crap people are doing when they should be paying attention while behind the wheel.
My tag line is from a sign hanging in a shop in my home town, I think it was the late 60's when I first read it. It was still hanging in the same spot when I worked there in the 80's. Here's a few others:
Helen Waite is our credit manager. If you want credit, you must go to Helen Waite.
You're drunk if you can't hit the ground with your hat in 3 tries.
OK brain, I don't like you and you don't like me. Let's just get through this so I can get back to killing you with beer. - Homer Simpson
Approach all things with an open mind, but not so open your brains fall out.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Colder then a witches tit in a brass bra.
Lead, follow, or get the *uck out of the way.
Life is not a bitch, a bitch would be easy. Life is more like a virgin, virgins are much more difficult.
The only thing in this life you can really control is your attitude, and you are the only one that can control it, unless you give up that control.
Wow! Its going to take a month of Sundays to do that.
If I would have known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
As I get older, I think I'm going to tell everyone I think I'm in great shape for a guy that is 99 years old. When I tell them my real age, they usually say something about how bad of shape I'm in for my age.
I have discovered that that hill they always talk about when the say your "Over the Hill" refers to how much faster the time goes by each year after you turned 39. Time moves a lot faster with each additional decade. The great irony is that as we slow down, time moves faster. Gene
As a great man once said “Give me liberty or give me death!”
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" The difference between a brown noser and an ass kisser is depth perception"
" The primary similarity between a divorce suit and a tornado in the Southeast United States is that one way or the other someone is fixin to lose a trailer "
" The difference between a drunk an an alcoholic is that us drunks don't have to go to all those damn meetings "
" I'v taught you everything I know and your still stupid."
" The whole world is a Tuxcedo and I'm a pair of tennis shoes."
" The nicer the nice, the higher the price."
Then there`s also"Colder than a tax collectors heart".
Good luck.Have fun.Be safe.
"Strong like bull, smart like tractor".
"He's dumber then a bucket of rocks".
Smart as A mule, hung like Einstein.
"It's 12 inches long, but I don't use it as a rule".
The only thing you hear when you're talking is things you already know.
A good friend is the guy that sits next to you in jail and says, Boy that was fun.
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Don't try to make something out of something that ain't something!
If it Fly's, Floats, F---'s or Rolls you will be way better off Leasing!
I may not know what I need to do but I will always know what you need to do!
Our Company motto, "We will Fix it or F--- it up so bad no one can fix it"!
If Hind sight was important Man would have had a third eyeball in his A Hole!
When told I ought to do something my reply is, An Otters ass is bigger than a Beavers!
"not all that wander, are lost"
“If it’s not right, make it bright.” - machine shop saying, I know some who make some shiny scrap.
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My dad always told me. To get a lot when you are young. I thought originally he was talking about real estate.
"Real hot rods have three pedals!"
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I buy you books, send you to school and you eat the teacher!
I think this is an old Army motor pool saying from WW II- We have done so much, with so little, for so long , now we can do anything with nothing.
Do right, fear no man.
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We the willing,Led by the un knowing,
Are doing the impossible for the un grateful
We Have done so much with so little For so long
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
One guy I used to work for, ask him for something needed, anything at all.
" you've been without it this long you damn sure don't need it now"
Not really one to live by but really handy to remember
"There's nothing more dangerous than a man with nothing left to loose"
No matter where you go, there you are.
Run your welder, not your mouth.
" Close counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, and tactical nuclear weapons "
Applied to my old 50 F1 that's just a wore out old truck with a souped up engine at least twice as powerful as what it was designed for....
Just because it can, does not mean it should.
Well all the flys were chowing down on manure. One fly in particular ate, ate and ate. All the other flys flew off and it was his turn. Well, seems he ate so much he could not take off. So he spied the pitchfork, climbed it and jumped.
Straight down he goes splattering himself all over the manure pile.
Don't fly off the handle when you are full of shit.
Separate names with a comma.