Projects OT: Ratrod reckoning

Sorry to offend the eyes of the faithful, but we can't always build Bad Ass M/F HOT RODS!

I gotta eat, so I take what comes my way.

The story goes like this, Mr Funk called my sidekick Dr Marvelus on a late Friday night just after picking his "Rat Rod Hudson" from another shop here in town. Mr Funk was pleased as punch to get it on the road after his two year build process and many foldable greenbacks, but was absolutely terrified by what he now owned. The good Dr told him to bring it in Saturday morning.

What showed up on my doorstep may just be....... I digress. On with the story.

Lets back up a few hours, yes hours.

Upon picking up his car, the owner at Puerile Customs told Mr Funk to take it easy, don't go out on the highway and learn the car because its a bit of a handful. Mr Puerile assured Mr Funk that the car was sound and he "stood by" his work. By Mr Funk's account this car needed your undivided attention 100%, no taking your eyes off the road even for a second to look at the oil pressure or temp gauges. He was uneasy but had no major complaints as he drove his car home. Enjoying his conveyance it was time to hit the local, ahem, pub. Mr Funk recounted a tale of showing off his new joy to some colleagues and after some good natured ribbing and displays of encouragement, Mr Funk stepped on the gas and the trouble began.

The car careened in an uncontrollable manner and started the dreaded "death wobble" with the brakes applied at maximum sphincter gripping pressures, nothing happened. No control, four lanes of traffic were crossed before the car came to rest. Now terrified, Mr Funk made the call to Dr Marvelus.

And so, this is what landed at my doorstep.



Initial inspection, the drastic negative Ackerman, Model A wheels and steering location warranted a closer inspection. There was quite a lot to take in. Someone had obviously spent some time trying to produce something that would stagger its onlookers.

This car is definitely not HAMB material. Certainly not worthy of our notice. A breed that deserves our disdain and upturned noses. However there is a lesson to be learned here, an example needs to be made of those who have wronged Mr Funk and an opportunity for myself and Dr Marvelus to showcase our finely tuned skills and abilities.

If you would like to skip ahead and view the visual documentation, feel free to click this link, HERE

 

Yeah, they took that dreaded term to an all new low....and is that nitrous where the back seat used to be? Must be only for show, cause that would be one unrecoverable "go"!

 

Wow! El Polako, you have your hand's full. My hat is off to you.

P.S. I have the utmost resprect for your vast knowledge. I always look foward to your contributions to the message board.

Greg

 

All I gotta say.... I LOVE your truck!!!!!!

 

Trust me having seen this 4 wheeled abortion in person it was even worse than what the pictures show. Steve's work here is truly making a silk purse out of a sows ear.

 

At least you're fixing it, but........ damn. Did you HAVE to post that big picture?

 

Sweet mother of all that is holy and right in the world. I got the pic 2 and.... Well did I see a connecting rod and fucking REBAR in the suspension?

What the fuck did they use for brake lines? Pixie sticks?

 

easy fix; pull the four wheels, drag the pile between them away, replace with something good.

 

I hope that's a heavy duty bungee cord holding the right door shut.

 

Let me bore you with the intricate details of this so called "rat rod" shall we?


This first set of pictures is from my initial inspection, all I was truly concerned with was the condition of the front suspension and why it had the guidance system similar to that of a Scud Missile.

The first thing to draw my eye was the steering linkage, made up from pipe wrenches and connecting rods with a few machined bits thrown in for good measure. The steering box is a Saginaw 525 possibly from a Jeep because it takes 6.5 turns from lock to lock. The box mounted on studs just aft of the radiator were not sleeved. The holes were near edges and the plates were not fully welded. The steering shaft back to the steering wheel consisted of welded couplers, universal joints and a stub shaft from a VW bug mounted in a single bushing hanging from the dash. No substantial support left the steering wheel a bit flaccid. I apologize for letting that tidbit escape my camera's eye.

 

That air-bag, connecting rod steering set up scares the shit outa me.

 

I thought I saw this posted already, but anyways - I looked at the photo's briefly and I am wondering about the wheel bearings. The photo's don't speak clearly enough, but I have to ask....Were they put in sdrawkcab? (that's backwards, spelled backwards)

 

Elpolacko, I am always super impressed with your knowledge, design, and fab skills.

 

So you don't think I'm a retard, was it just lack of grease that you were showing? Anyways, looks like you're getting it straightened out.

 

ElPolacko,,Just how hungry are you?????? I believe I'd have passed on that job,and eat bologna sandwiches for a week or two.
Good Luck to you,,

 

Nice shiny nylock.

 

Lordy-B.-Gordy that is nasty stuff.

 

At a loss for words on the hack job!

 

What he said!! Holy crap what were they thinking?

 

how much did he pay for this in total the first time, and then add in what it costs to fix and poof... nice car. or it could have been had he not let somebody with a welder and a garage needing cleaned out get ahold of it.

 

Wow!!

 

If you would take notice, the welds holding the pipe wrench to the steering system in the above pictures. Notice how over temp and undercut the welds are.

I broke that bit off with a two foot prybar and about 30 pounds of force.

The next bit of bother was the tie rod. Most of you fine chaps know that mounting the tie rod out ahead of the axle is not always the best solution to your problems. However when building a "rat rod" getting the car as low as possible is your only concern. This means placing the front beam axle ahead of the radiator. This not only allows the lower tank of the radiator to be as low as possible, but also nudges the front axle out for at least another foot of wheelbase. This leaves the problem of what to do with the tie rod. Behind the axle is an issue as it interferes with the radiator and it's rakish angle so your best bet is to flip the steering arms around front. If Mr Puerile had known about the work done by Mr Rudolph Akerman he could have avoided this folly into a steering system that caused the vehicle to push so severely that turning the wheel to full lock had a turning radius somewhat inside that of the Queen Mary.

The steering arms you see are most likely from a 1953-1956 Ford F100. Wait for the more creative uses of more of this donor vehicle.





Not truly concerned with the air spring mountings or any of the other gear, Mr Funk and I agreed to a figure and the vehicle was left to me. I pulled the vehicle inside my shop. It took me 20 minutes to achieve this due to the small 8' door and 90º turn to enter the shop.

Here is a surveillance video of me doing so.

 

I just looked through all 102 pictures..... the engineering in the new front suspension you built makes my brain hurt trying to understand how you came up with that. Now i have to look at the pictures on a real computer instead of my phone to take in all the details i missed. Incredible engineering. Your posts of your work make me want to just give up and throw my welder in the street.

 

I kinda like the.....air cleaner.....and the headers........
My mother taught me, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all........
Somebody actually let that crap out on the public roads?

 

Take it back, I wish I would not have followed the link!

 

Holy Crap...........

 

Is Dr Marvelus copyrighted? That thing is horrible....

 

All your questions will be answered in due time chaps!

I shut the doors late Saturday night and left the little Hudson to think about where it had been. On the following Monday when I opened the doors and flicked on the lights the little Hudson greeted me by pops and creaks. It was resting firmly on the ground and the air pressure in its scuba tanks was at naught, but still, the suspension was so bound up that it continued to settle over 24 hours later.

The entire air system would not hold pressure for more than 20 minutes. In fact, it leaked so badly that it needed adjustment every 5 minutes or so just to maintain altitude.

And on to that. In adjusting the suspension from drivable to flat on the floor was not even remotely smooth. It did take a considerable amount of time to build up enough pressure to overcome the sticktion of the suspension mountings. And it was not easy to replicate the driving position. Dr Marvelus and I donned our handschuhes and went to work.

We found many things awry, the connecting rod bell crank system was merely hand tight, without any manner to keep the Grade 5 bolt in place that acted as the pivot. No inner sleeves, no bearings or bushes. We now know just some of what caused all the creaks and moans.















During dissasembly we notices several of the "welds" were poorly executed and were already showing cracks. The problems were mounting up and the agreement I made with Mr Funk were starting to fall out of favor with me.

 

YEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dang it Tinshed, I'm trying to eat a granola bar and knock back a glass of milk. Now ive' got it coming out of my nose!

 

No, but he is closely related to Dr Tran!

Pardon the language used by Dr Tran's handlers.