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OT: A kick in the head at the doctors office and life in general

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by chromedRAT, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. chromedRAT
    Joined: Mar 5, 2002
    Posts: 1,730


    Well, things very recently moved me to check in on the old HAMB. The job, family life, pitfalls of being a first time homeowner, and paying the bills pretty much took me away. My first year teaching, they had me busy with five completely and totally unrelated topics, three of which were out of my area of expertise, which meant that most of it, I had to teach myself, then try to teach the kids. Had a good year, bought a house with a space enough that at least one of my old cars gets to live with me. The old high school sweetheart that I ran into back in '07 (and whose kids occupy most of my time) and I got married, the plymouth coupe was the wedding car. Never thought I'd see the day. I sculpt some and do a bit of the old work that was the main thing that kept me going for a couple of years there, but it's hard to do more than an hour or two of it at a time given all the other stuff that needs doing.

    I've not been very good at answering emails and the like for a lot of folks, I see I have quite a few messages to read yet, but I pretty much realized that I needed to all but stop talking business, because the time was suddenly gone. I used to work until past midnight damned near every night, of course there wasn't anything to go back inside for then either. A few people, not many thankfully, had to wait way too long for their pieces. I'd never operated that way, and can't stand to do so. I used to be able ship a piece that wasn't even in metal yet in a week or two at the max, so taking orders based on that wasn't a problem back then. Much harder to do now, and I'd like to be remembered for my art and not the WAIT that came with it. Business isn't why I came back today.

    The other thing occupying my time up until yesterday was taking care of my wife. We managed to wait until after we were hitched to get pregnant, and like a lot of us that have been in a similar situation, I was at her beck and call as much as I could. I was also trying to wrap my mind around being a "real" dad, and starting at it from square one. I'm the only dad her twin boys have ever had, but I didn't get started at that until they were five. I was scared shitless for the most part.

    Well, we went in for check up part 2 yesterday. I look at the screen, and the big black blob that looks like it kinda has flippers appears. I suddenly feel the fatherly pride, what all my buddies had said was right, you worry about it till it happens, then you see your kid, and it makes a bit more sense. Well, it did make sense until the doctor spoke, and I realized the block blob wasn't my kid. My kid was the tiny white dot floating in the black blob, and that the tiny dot was 4 weeks smaller than it should have been. It also lacked a heartbeat. Yesterday was a shitty day for us.

    As I sat here on the computer last night, I felt a pull to check out the HAMB. Today I had to email a bunch of folks; we made the mistake of telling everyone we were going to have a kid, so I hoped to let our acquaintances know and ask them to pretty much let us deal with it, mostly for my wife's sake. Seeing as how the baby wasn't inside me, I'm doing a bit better than my wife. Worst problem I have is that the ultrasound pictures they printed off of my dead baby keep popping into my head. Why the hell they gave them to us, I sure don't know. At the same time, though, as off topic as it is, and from someone that somewhat turned his back on the HAMB to look after other responsibilities, I felt compelled to blab all of this personal stuff here. Old times' sake again, I guess.

    In the years I have been here, I've met friends, learned a lot, picked up a couple of skills, made friends with folks all over the place, and read about their builds, as well as the trials and tribulations of their lives, too. Felt the pull of the place that was one of a few things that kept me going for a long time. I thank the HAMB for it. And I will try not to be such a stranger.
  2. Nothing I could say will make you feel much better. But I've been there. It sucks. Your right about this place, you become a part of it, it becomes a part of you.
  3. Ghost28
    Joined: Nov 23, 2008
    Posts: 3,194


    I am sorry for you and your familys loss. Togetherness is what you all need at this time...John
  4. skunx1964
    Joined: Aug 21, 2008
    Posts: 1,455


    sorry to hear that bad news, never a good thing to hear

  5. Sorry for your news. Wife and I have had a few of those fun especially after telling everyone a new kiddo is on the way. It's a hit, but you'll both get back in the saddle and hopefully next time will be the blessing you have been waiting for. :D
  6. 1950ChevySuburban
    Joined: Dec 20, 2006
    Posts: 6,188

    Member Emeritus
    from Tucson AZ

    Thats cool though, that you married your high school sweetheart. Just wanted to focus on the good things.
    Good to see ya out here again.
  7. Rich Rogers
    Joined: Apr 8, 2006
    Posts: 2,018

    Rich Rogers

    Take your time and when you're ready and even if you're not, we'll still be here for you. Take care of the family first always and we're sending our prayers
  8. Greatly sorry for your loss. Our first pregnancy ended in the same manner, just having told everyone. It hurts deeply and typing this actually brings tears seven years later.

    We now have two beautiful children. It will eventually happen for you.
  9. Fatbob309
    Joined: Jan 1, 2009
    Posts: 491


  10. Gotgas
    Joined: Jul 22, 2004
    Posts: 6,987

    from DFW USA

    Awful news. Sorry to hear that. You sound like a young man, so time is on your side. Be thankful for the twins you already have and be glad you and your wife have each other to help through this. Take care-
  11. Abomb
    Joined: Oct 14, 2006
    Posts: 1,659


    I (we) have been there several times over the course of the last 10 years. I know that there's not much a person can say or type that would make you feel much better right now.....I'm sorry for your loss, but don't lose hope or give up, it's worth the effort, because being a father will change your life and make you be a better man.
  12. Tony
    Joined: Dec 3, 2002
    Posts: 7,350


    Very sorry to hear the news.
    You guy's are in my thoughts.

  13. thoughts and prayers from my family for you and yours
  14. RodLand
    Joined: Dec 19, 2005
    Posts: 369


    I am so sorry for your family's loss. You are all in my prayers.
  15. Kingcrow
    Joined: May 8, 2009
    Posts: 343


    I am so sorry about you loss, we will pray for you and your wife. And yes you will get through it, please be strong for your wife as I am sure you will be. My wife was 6 month pregnant when we lost our twin boys 13 years ago, and yes we think about it, but time does heal the pain.
  16. rc.grimes
    Joined: Aug 14, 2007
    Posts: 698

    from Edmond, OK

    Do whatever you can for the misses. It's a real delicate line between showing too much or too little emotion and the parameters will change constantly but just be there. Take care of each other.
  17. BinderRod
    Joined: Jul 9, 2006
    Posts: 1,736


    Keep your chin up. Things like this are a real wake up call. Be thankful for what you have and take extra care of your wife.
  18. Sorry to hear this news. It sounds like those boys and your wife are fortunate to have you in their lives.
  19. Sprout
    Joined: Mar 26, 2001
    Posts: 741


    thoughts and prayers, been there my self just keep your head up
  20. Thanks for sharing, I'll pray right now for you.
  21. My prayers go out to your and your family. May God give you peace at this time of need and pain. Gary
    P.S. check in at the HAMB chapel lots of greta support there.
  22. 19Fordy
    Joined: May 17, 2003
    Posts: 7,275


    I am very sorry for your loss and pray that special Blessings come your way to ease you and your family's pain.
  23. Johnny1290
    Joined: Apr 20, 2006
    Posts: 2,834


    Been there, threw away the ultrasound pics, maybe they help someone but didn't us. I'm sorry for you loss, bro. Hang in there man, it really does get better.
  24. Blown 61
    Joined: Feb 22, 2005
    Posts: 266

    Blown 61

    Sorry for your loss, had that happen too.
  25. I know it wont help much but I've been there too, I had to look at those same pictures last year. My wife is 50 and I am 45, we got married late and I think that was our last chance. But we keep trying. ;)

    Life deals you a hard hand sometimes and it's all you can do to go on, but that's what we do.
  26. pastlane
    Joined: Oct 4, 2007
    Posts: 1,063


    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts & prayers are with you & your wife.

    The HAMB is the best place for all kinds of help. It can make you laugh, cry, spray beverages through your nose and get you back on the road before you know it.

    The best bunch of people I've never met.
  27. Smokin' Joe
    Joined: Jul 4, 2006
    Posts: 1,000

    Smokin' Joe
    Member Emeritus

    Prayers sent, Bro. Like already mentioned, spend a few minutes in the HAMB Chapel even if you aren't the "church-y" type. The guys in there really care and will keep you and your family lifted up in prayer.
  28. 52pickup
    Joined: Aug 11, 2004
    Posts: 833

    from Tucson, Az

    Really sorry to hear that. I was just thinking of you the other day... I was looking at my bomber shift knob sitting on a bookcase wondering where you've been. I hope the best for you and your wife.
  29. vintagedrags
    Joined: Aug 24, 2008
    Posts: 314

    from Erie, PA

    Things happen for a reason,this is why your HS sweetheart and you found each other. Together you two will get through this. Just be there for her and we will be sending the prayers for both of you.
  30. rustrodder
    Joined: Nov 15, 2005
    Posts: 276


    Sorry to hear about your loss. Take care of your wife and the twins. Things will get better, but it takes time. Glad to see you checking back in. I'll put you in my prayers. alex

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