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One year ago today,My son died.

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by oldfart, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. swimeasy
    Joined: Oct 17, 2006
    Posts: 1,067


    I don't know you, but I hope that this bond that we all call the HAMB will make things a little better.
  2. No better support group than the HAMB when you get kicked in the teeth. Found that out myself last year, and I think I also heard from that one Jerk. Give that grandchild a hug from our family.
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2009
  3. Mr48chev
    Joined: Dec 28, 2007
    Posts: 28,545


    It's just short of 20 years and eight months since I lost my oldest son. I can say from experience that you never get over it and there are good days and bad days and the best a guy can do is make the best of the good days and don't let the bad ones get him down.
    The best advise I can give and I didn't follow it myself is don't shut out your other kids and don't be so protective that you don't give them space to grow on their own. My 25 year old son and I still aren't as close as we should be and it's my fault entirely as I dwelled on loosing his brother too much when I should have been paying more attention to him. The good thing is that he is starting to get involved in my projects with me when he has time and he can weld a lot better than me.
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  4. wetatt4u
    Joined: Nov 4, 2006
    Posts: 2,146


    Damn has it been a year already!

    I remember just like you and it seems like just yesterday!

    God bless ya Fred ,

    keep your head up and be on the look-out for what God has in store for ya..

    Bless ya Brother....
  5. I'm happy you found comfort among friends. Remember, that grandchild is a tangible part of your son that is with you now. Although I can't say what the after-life will be like, I am certain that we'll be reunited with our loved ones that have gone on before us.
  6. Big Tony
    Joined: Mar 29, 2006
    Posts: 3,589

    Big Tony

    Time may heals wounds, but the pain is always there. Keep trucking on as I'm sure thats what he would want. Keeping his memories alive is good. Take care and give that Grand daughter a big ol HAMB Hug from all of us. Thanks For Sharing and here's to a good year for ya.
  7. Bruce Lancaster
    Joined: Oct 9, 2001
    Posts: 21,682

    Bruce Lancaster
    Member Emeritus

    I hope you are up and moving don't get over it, but you do find ways to keep going. A friend quoted a rabbi who said approximately that you do not get over it, but you will eventually reach a place where it's not always the top item in your mind.
    People on here were a tremendous help to me when my wife was not just a death, it was a crushing defeat at he end of her 52 year war with diabetes and my 12 years of that war with her. We got run over by a tank ...
    Something you might want to try that helped me a LOT recently...a memorial dinner. We pulled together people who had known Alice at different parts of her life from grade school up to her death, and we just swapped stories about her. Almost everyone had known her in times and settings unknown to the others present.
    You are a year into the mourning. Throw a dinner gathering and invite your son's grade school friends, work associates, etc. Sharing experience really helps. Bruce
    Joined: Jul 16, 2006
    Posts: 2,571


    What a great idea.
  9. czuch
    Joined: Sep 23, 2008
    Posts: 2,688

    from vail az

    I cant say anything to ease your pain.
    I have a shoulder to help you bear it though.
  10. skull
    Joined: Jun 26, 2007
    Posts: 498


    :(7 1/2 years ago this month l lost my son. he was 15 years old and he blessed me with a grandson.

    its hurts like nothing else in this world.

    take care and love the heck outta the grandchild.

    it does get better but takes a loooooooooooonnnnnnggggg time to heal.

    Last edited: Dec 11, 2009
  11. sodas38
    Joined: Sep 17, 2004
    Posts: 2,310


    Keep your head up and know he's right there next to you. My dad passed away just over a year ago and when I'm in the garage I talked to him like he standing there next to me. I try to make sure noone is around, it is kinda weird if they hear ya. :)
  12. Mr.Musico
    Joined: Jan 7, 2007
    Posts: 1,598

    from SoCal

    our thoughts are with you and your family
  13. Petejoe
    Joined: Nov 27, 2002
    Posts: 10,801

    from Zoar, Ohio

    Yes I remember your circumstance and was just wondering how your family has been doing over the holidays.
    You guys are in my prayers.
    My son's birthday, who passed away, is on the 16th of this month. Both he and his brother two years younger have the same birthday date.
    As the years pass the hurt becomes less intense. Its funny how special holidays and family events tear open that deep wound that will never heal. Watching another parent go through the same torture is more disturbing for us than anything else.
    Its been 11 years now for me. One time if feels like a millenium the next time it feels like yesterday. The years will be your friend. They are there to heal.
    God Bless. PJ
  14. luciomduran
    Joined: Sep 18, 2006
    Posts: 556


    Man, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Take comfort in the fact that there always will be an angel by your side every where you go.
  15. miller 35
    Joined: Aug 13, 2009
    Posts: 22

    miller 35

    Old fart===all i can say is hang in there, its a rough and rocky road i'll kid you not cause i do know what your going through, i lost my son a week before his 16th birthday, but time will help believe me, you will never be as happy as you once was, but you will be happy again, spoil the hell outa the grandchild, i am, don't think i would have made it if it hadn't been for my grandchild, my heart goes out to you.====miller35
  16. I'll be praying for you. The holidays make it tougher too.

    My sister was killed by a drunk driver in 85 and my Dad died when I was 8 back in 73. It's still hard for me. Last Sunday my wife's mom passed away. We got done cleaning her appartment out today. It brings the memories and pain rushing back.
  17. mratt
    Joined: Nov 17, 2006
    Posts: 118


    With each day that passes, you will understand more. May You and You Family
    have peace and comfort.
  18. sololobo
    Joined: Aug 23, 2006
    Posts: 8,164


    These anniversarys are tough, we still love ya as much as ever and are in your corner always. Yeah, lottsa big ass talk on here, but the real deal when a sister or brother is in need. Keep the faith my friend and enjoy that darling grandchild. Best to you!!~Sololobo~
  19. A 31 MO FO
    Joined: Nov 3, 2005
    Posts: 1,416

    A 31 MO FO
    from D/FW

    Best to you and your family Fred.
  20. Kail
    Joined: Jul 7, 2007
    Posts: 827

    from Austin, TX

    You never get over losing a loved one... but as time go's on, it gets a little easier.
  21. You were there for me, when I was so down and feeling very lost, a couple of years back. That's when you offered that free HAMB calendar, to someone really in need. That gesture, brought many positive thoughts back, to a very depressed and troubled individual. It's good solid people like you, that really make this "HAMB Family" a great supportive place. Thanks "Oldfart",I'll have you, and your loved one's ,in my thoughts.
  22. There can't be anything worse than losing a child. God Bless you and your family.
  23. freebird101
    Joined: Feb 13, 2009
    Posts: 1,203


    PRESIDENT LINCOLN, hearing that a mother had given five sons to the Union army, and that all of them had been killed on the battlefield, wrote her the following letter of sympathy :
    " Dear Madam—I have been shown, in the files of the War Department, a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

    " I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which shall attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.

    " I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

    " Yours very sincerely and respectfully, A. LINCOLN."
    I hope this helped
    Joined: Jan 4, 2008
    Posts: 1,467


    keep your head up high and spoil the hell out of your grandbaby
  25. 1952henry
    Joined: Jan 8, 2006
    Posts: 806


    God bless. Having recently become a father, I can't imagine a child going first.
  26. Smokin' Joe
    Joined: Jul 4, 2006
    Posts: 1,001

    Smokin' Joe
    Member Emeritus

    Man, it sure doesn't seem like a year has gone by. It's my prayer that every day you'll feel a peace that can only come from above.
  27. I lost my 32 year old son 3 years ago with brain tumour. I miss him every day. He left us a beautiful 1 year old grandson as well. My heart goes out to you and anyone who has lost a child. Peace be with you....
  28. skidsteer
    Joined: Mar 19, 2007
    Posts: 1,251


    Oldfart, hang in there. Time and friends will help, however will never replace what you had.
    P.S - I'm heading for the Keys again in a few weeks. Are you up for having me stop by for another visit?
  29. rainhater1
    Joined: Oct 5, 2009
    Posts: 1,147

    from az

    As has been said before we never get over it, lost my 38 yr old daughter in Feb, left two girls 5 & 7, Have been seeing them every chance we get. Hope things get better in your world. Still working on mine
  30. redlinetoys
    Joined: May 18, 2004
    Posts: 4,301

    from Midwest

    It is never easy losing anyone. Thoughts and prayers from Indiana.

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