The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by tb33anda3rd, Nov 25, 2015.
My brother fell down a flight of stairs when he was a kid, which also explains a lot...
i had a full head of hair back then.........i probably would hit now.
That reminds me of when I was a junior in high school and the main street in the town adjacent to where I lived was being widened. They had those safety barricade/saw horses with the blinking lights along a sweeping turn. They had them spaced so close together that they would fall like dominos if someone gave one a nudge. Some of my buddies would knock them over. Someone would have to come out and stand them back up. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a night. One night I was driving and my buddy that was riding shotgun told me to get as close as I could so he could knock them down. I told him by now the contractor had probably caught on and set the first one in concrete. He said no problem! I got as close as I could. We were going about 35. As we passed the first sawhorse Vern reached out the window just in time to stiff arm the 2nd barricade.....which was set in concrete. Judging by the way Vern screamed, a dislocated shoulder and broken arm must hurt really bad.
I have a story with a similar ending to this, but I have already said too much about my hoodlum past.
Kinda off topic. Once about 40 years ago. I was moving a D8 H caterpillar. Came to a steep grade a 1/4 mile long. and they where widening the road. they had cut down the pavement leaving just the one lane 10 ft wide open going up the hill. they had those baracades with the flashing lights set up on both sides. and the dozer blade was 14 ft. My escort just kept going and remained radio silent. and I did the same. The blade was hitting the baracades on each side and I was hammering on it. Flashing lights and wood was flying in all directions. We got several miles up the road and We pulled over. There was about a dozen of those flashing lights piled up between the goose neck and dozer blade. I bet the contractor was really ticked off when he seen the damage. When it became almost dark we had to pull over because you cant move oversize loads after certain hours. we went back the same way in the escort vehicle to rent a room for the night. and the police where out there and some workers where trying to fix those lights.
Kind of OT, I knew of someone who didn't get along with a person on the town plowing crew, and every winter the plow guy would intentionally take out his mailbox. One year he had to take down a large maple tree right behind the mailbox; in a moment of inspiration, he left the stump about four feet high and mounted his mailbox on top. The following winter, here comes the plow guy with a new plow truck...
It didn't end so well for the truck.
technically as a tax payer, he wrecked his own truck.
lol - great story. "I meant to do that."
Couple of trucking buddies of mine were doing the bump the barrels deal one night going up I65. They'd swing the trailer just enough to bump a barrel and send it spinning off the road, yakking and laughing about it on the CB. Got to the end of the construction and a TN Highway Patrol pulled them over, he had been listening to the whole episode on his CB. gave them the choice of going to jail for the night or going back and putting the barrels back in place. They both said dragging the barrels back up out of the ditches and valleys and putting them back for the two or three miles wasn't near as much fun as knocking them down! Took them a while to get them all back in place, then had to walk back to their trucks and wait on the Officer to inspect their work. He was happy, they stayed out of jail, and never did that again!
My mailbox was constantly being run over. The wooden post wasn't a deterrent. Now I could be held liable if I installed a large enough post to stop anyone. So I got a piece of drill steel and welded a flat one inch plate 2 ft by four foot to it. welded stingers made from railroad spikes around the premeter in a horizontal position. I buried the plate and post a few inches under the ground. And took 1 inch pine and built a box that looked like a 4 inch post around the drill steel. Mounted a brand new large mail box. And within 24 hours I trapped a 4 wheel drive. he hung up and punctured his oil pan. Middle of the night and a teenager with his dads truck. I simply called the father and let the kid face his parents wrath. Its been run over one time since then. The county road grader accidently ran over it. The county mechanics came out and fixed it and installed a new mail box.
@Old wolf, good one!
I have a couple of stories but they involve beer and sex so I'll tell you an old truckers story.
An old trucker had to renew his CLD and went for the test. He passed the driving and written tests and was waiting to finish up when the state trooper came over and said he had one more question before the test was complete.
The trooper said I'm going tell you a critical situation and you have to answer it. So, the trooper says, you're driving a tanker down a 10° grade loaded with 10,000 gallons of gas, in front of you is an old dump truck, so you put on your brakes and nothing happens, you start to go faster, there is no run off ramp and coming up the lane is another tanker truck coming up the grade, trooper says "what are you going to do?"
The old trucker thought for a while and said, "I'm going to wake up Jim", trooper asks why wake up Jim? Old trucker says "because he ain't ever seen a fucking wreck like this.
any other truck stories?
I could tell the one about when I built a solid lifter LT-1 clone for my brothers yellow and white '78 GMC long box work truck. It had 4.11's in the back, but it really needed a converter. But it was still surprisingly quick. He'd drive around with a shovel standing up on one of the stake pockets "for effect" and beat up on disco gold chainers in Corvettes, and guys in "Smokey and the bandit" firechickens, lots of laughs.
So this went on for a couple months, and then the novelty wore off, so he started hunting bigger game. He figured if he started doing 6500 rpm neutral drops, he didn't really need to spend the $$ for a decent converter. I told him he really should stop, and I figured if he didn't, the T350 would last about a week. Nine days later he calls me, and says "Ha! You don't know what your talking about! It didn't last a week, it lasted nine days!" And yes, this is the same brother that fell down the stairs and landed on his head...
loved that truck!
I still laugh my ass off at the first paragraph. I loved your truck in December, and I still love it today !! I would have enjoyed the ride in the European car behind you with the headlights that went up, then down ...... yeeeeeeha ! Them crazee' Connecticans' !!
No Revenge but a trucking story. I was hired to drive lowboy moving heavy equiptment. The trailer was a big old 48 ft with three axles. Good heavy trailer. The Truck a old cab over international with a 300 cummins and ten speed. tall rear gears for highway use. Not a heavy haul rig. So First trip I went to Mt view ark. And loaded a D8K dozer. And left out. creeped down the back side of Sylamore Mtn. and crossed the white river at Calico Rock. I noticed the truck would heat up on the hills And cool down on the backside downgrade. made it through Hardy and started up the steep grade at Bowman Hill just south of Hardy. I shifted down to third gear before starting to climb the grade. And sure enough it was gonna pull the hill in third without having to downshift. The the water temp began to rise. And kept climbing. About a third of the way up a alarm went off and the murphy system shut the engine off. There I was stopped dead on a steep grade. The guy escorting me got out of his Pk and placed some large wood blocks behind the rear lowboy tires. So I got out and turned the fuel injection pump on manual. fired it up the alarm went to ringing and I let it idle until it cooled off. I knew no way was it going to take off loaded that heavy on that steep of grade. But what the heck? So I floored the throttle and came off the clutch. It pulled a 6 foot wheelie and I guess the good lord started pushing because it started moving. I left the pump on manual and decided the cummins must have a bad (cracked) head. Just put it in low gear and hold the brakes and let off the clutch and stall the engine to kill it. Well that is not the really good part. The owner parked that truck on top of a mountain and left it there for a long time. the batterys became low and caused the starter selonid to kick in. the injection pump on manual and in first gear it fried up and drove off a cliff. a 1/4 mile drop off a cliff. It broke into a dozen pieces. I made what I thought was a funny comment about it commiting. suicide. That didn't get any laughs.
Here's a revenge story for you. No alcohol or sex so it may be boring.
It was dusky dark and I was driving my 80 chevy pickup on a long stretch of road that we refer to as simply "the ridge." True to it's name it goes along the top of a ridge and is like a snake. No hairpins but a lot of S's. This was back when the trend started for "kids" to have dropped ricers with pieces of what I assumed was fiberglass stuck all the way around the bottom called "ground effects." Well this kid came flying up behind me in a ground effected Honda. He was laid back in the seat with his ballcap twisted to the side. He rode right on my ass for a mile or two which is mildly annoying when you are doing five over the limit. We had started into a curve to the right and I see a near perfect square of asphalt that had been removed from the entire right lane. The hole went from the double yellow line to the sidewalk and was no more than three inches deep. No barricade (as there should have been) just a 2x4 laid flat in front of the hole and a flashing light sawhorse ON THE SIDEWALK. No way that "slick" could see any of this. You've probably figured out the rest of the story but I will finish it anyway. At the last possible second I juked into the oncoming lane and after I was back in my lane I looked in the rearview and ole Slick was right in the middle of it. I still remember the image like it was yesterday. A cloud of dust was kicked up so you couldn't see nary a ground effect. There were bits and pieces spewing from the cloud. The look on the guy's face was priceless. His eyes were squinted shut and I could see him grittin his teeth for all he was worth. He hit that hole so hard it loosened MY teeth. I grinned and drove on while I laughed like hell on the inside. Probably the wrong thing to do but it got did anyhow. As I eased on down the ridge, I felt a sense of satisfaction. Was that wrong?
So..... A friend of mine lived in a tiny town in NH. One night the Brand New Cop was sitting in his Brand New Cruiser (2 weeks old) at the edge of the road with his radar on to catch speeders. Someone goes flying by. Barney Fife turns on the lights, starts the engine, drops it in drive and floors it all in one beautifully orchestrated motion. Thirty feet down the road is a huge tree which he plows into, totalling the cruiser, owing to the fact that the cowl-mounted spotlight was wired into the headlight circuit and had been left turned on and facing into the windshield blinding him. A huge chunk of bark was ripped off the tree, so the next day the owner of the tree hangs a sign on it reading "POLICE BRUTALITY." But wait, there`s more....... A few months later (winter, a few inches of new snow on the ground) my friend and his brother were hiking on a logging road through the woods and come upon a stolen-and-burned car. They go home, call the police and report it. They return to the car and wait for the authorities to appear. Up the trail comes Barney. Upon securing the Scene Of The Crime and making his Assessment Of The Situation he declares- " Oh, no. Oh, Jesus, this is really bad. I don`t know how we`ll ever be able to trace this one." The plastic insert nuts on the front bumper had melted causing the license plate to drop into the snow, which my friend picks up, knocks the snow off and hands to the cop and says "You may want to start with this". I love it.
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