The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by AutoArt66, Jan 25, 2013.
"Don't start the washing machine until you know where your cell phone is".
A lesson learned hard is a lesson learned well.
Just today Dad went out to the shop early and fired up the furnace. He has been working on the top for his 24 Olds. Let it heat up for 2 1/2 hours- went out for about 3 seconds and came back inside "It's colder than a whore's heart out there!"
Pops has lots of good-uns, I just need to sit a remember them.
My signature has a saying as well!!!!!
I'm as full as a TICK !!! It's hotter than two fresh foxes fucking in a forest fire !!
i would rather eat worms than have women in a hot rod club fellow members saying. does not want his wife there his other 1 is, i have to sleep with her i want a bit of my time at least 3 hrs a month.
When something broke in our shop our boss always told the guy responsible
"The only way you could be any dumber is if you was twins!"
He'd laugh and help get whatever was needed to make the repair.
That's longer than a whore's dream.
Tighten it down till it smokes then give it another half a turn.
They's as simple as a creek minner. (Gosta be frum the Ozarks for that'n)
Slicker n Owl Shit.
And my tag line.. Father in law used that one all of the time..
Referring to a car with really bad bodywork "that thing is lumpier than a sack of walnuts"
Or one with really loose steering, "like driving a hammock"
a friend of mine had a particularly ill handling drag car said once commented " it drove like a safe in a wheelbarrow"
My personal fave "If its got tits or tires, its gonna cause you trouble"
Cant make cheesecake out of horse shit
Looks like a turd in a punch bowl.
You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter !
From T-Bucket guys....fenders are for guitar players...
An old one....if you gotta raise the hood to see the engine, you ain't got a hot rod..
Another 80-some year old buddy of mine...Don. I help him out a couple days a week.
Him: "I enjoy you comin' over here."
Me: "Me too."
Him: "Yeah...if bullshit was music, you'd be a brass band."
My dad used to say to me, "You're gonna look funny walkin' sideways the rest of your life."...........
Out of the blue to a buddy, "You ate a what?? And you liked it??
The sun will shine on a dogs ass sooner or later
Fucked like a couple of twins on an oil rig.
"Runs like a raped ape"
"better than a hot blow job on a cold night"
"put the two tones to the floorboard"
"smooth as a silk pussy"
Close enough for government work.
While standing at a distance..... Looks good from here.
Does a Monkey have a climbing gear?
Slicker than Cum on a Gold Tooth!
Aint had this much fun since the hogs ate my little brother.
Happy as Dead Pig in the Sunshine!
Tighter than a Nun's C*&!
Stop a quarter turn before it breaks.
Sent from my DROID device using the TJJ mobile app
torque spec. 1/4 turn past snap
on a sbc valve cover bolt......... why did ya break of two ............... hell I aint pullin it back off for one !
O, and dear ol dads ...... BOY? you could F#@K up a wet dream...........
In answer to "Whats going on ?" ---- "The rent!"
Heard a mechanic once tell a customer who had been hanging over his shoulder all day as he worked , slowing him down , when quitting time came and he started to put his tools up , the guy complained about his car not being done yet. The Mechanic looked at him and totally deadpan said-- "I don't care -- MY car runs!"
I always tell my wife, If you'd bought me for what I knew and sold me for what I thought I knew you'd be a rich woman .
Bent over like a dog rootin' a tennis ball.
Fits like a bum in a bucket.
Fits like a cock in a sock.
You can shit into brains but you can't put brains into shit
G'day...how's your bum for grubs?
What's up your arse?
I grew up with very influential uncles.........
Can't remember if I posted this or not, but since it is winter.....
"colder than a mother-in-laws heart"
"Hope it didn't smell like that when you ate it"
"better to burp and taste it, than fart and waste it"
Separate names with a comma.