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old car jokes, lets hear em

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by junk yard kid, Jan 19, 2008.

  1. junk yard kid
    Joined: Nov 11, 2007
    Posts: 2,714

    junk yard kid

    so i serched this and couldn't find it, so complain only if its funny

    So back in day around 1948, a buisnessman was drivin thro the country in his new cadilac and ran across an old boy in a model a sedan with a bad fuel pump. the buisness man asked if he could help and the old boy asked for a tow to the next town, they decided he'd honk if there was any trouble. well the buisness man turned on his radio and after a while got it up to a pretty good speed, and flew by a gas station. Well the gas station attendent called the sheriff and told him about a cadilac that passed his station doin about 80 90 mph. the sheriff said "so what", to whitch the attendedt replied well the was a guy in a model a right behind him honkin try to pass, you should pull him over.
  2. unclerichard
    Joined: Jun 30, 2005
    Posts: 235

    from Michigan

    No fuel pump on a Model A
  3. Bob and Pete were out in the desert looking for vintage tin. Pete has to take a leak so he heads over near some rocks and whips out his dick. No sooner does he do that when a resting rattlesnake bites him where it hurts the most. Bob! Call the doc cause I just got bit on the dick by a rattler! Ask what we can do!!! Bob gets the doc on the phone and asks what should he do to help his buddy...Doc says "You are going to have to suck out the poison or Pete will die! Bob says thanks and hangs up the phone. What did he say? asks Pete. Doc says you,re gonna die........
  4. What does a bathtub and a model T have in commom.........

    You wouldn't want to be seen on main steet in either :D

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  5. cruiserbuddy
    Joined: Oct 21, 2005
    Posts: 397

    from Germany

    An old lady in a VW Bug drives down the freeway. All of a sudden the motor breaks down and she has to stop on the side. She gets out of the car, walks to the front and opens the hood. Another lady in a VW Bug comes by, stops and walks out to the lady. She asks:"Whats the problem?"
    "Oh, I must have lost my motor!"
    "You're lucky, I have a spare engine in the trunk of my car! You can have it!"
  6. cruiserbuddy
    Joined: Oct 21, 2005
    Posts: 397

    from Germany

    An eskimo is on vacation in Australia. He rents an rusty old car to make a trip in the outbacks. Suddendly the car breaks down, steaming out of the engine bay.
    He opens the hood to look for the reason. An Australian comes by, takes a look at the engine and says:
    "Man, You have blown a seal!"
    Eskimoe:"You must talk, You sheepshagger!"
  7. seventeenseconds
    Joined: Mar 21, 2007
    Posts: 241


    maybe that was the problem :D

    How many HAMB'ers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Four, one to screw in the new one, and three to talk about how great the old one was...
  8. wrong generation
    Joined: Jul 30, 2007
    Posts: 224

    wrong generation
    from new jersey

    lol these are funny so far the vw one is my fav reminds me of my sister
  9. moefuzz
    Joined: Jul 16, 2005
    Posts: 4,951


    Jeronimo was hitch hicking into town to get a case of beer and got picked up by a hot rodder.
    The hot rodder put his foot to the floor and drove at 120 mph into town
    Jeronimo asked the hot rodder ..
    "Hey Why you drive so fast?" to which the hot rodder replied
    "Keeps the inside cool, keeps the outside cool"
    Later Jeronimo was riding his horse across the desert at full tilt screaming
    "Keeps the inside cool keeps the outside cool, Keeps the inside cool keeps the outside cool " when the horse dropped dead from shear exhaution at which piont he said
    ...."Hmmmm, musta froze"

  10. junk yard kid
    Joined: Nov 11, 2007
    Posts: 2,714

    junk yard kid

    thanks unclerichard, i know there gravity feed but thats the way the old man told me the joke its stupid and funny but ya got the idea
  11. junk yard kid
    Joined: Nov 11, 2007
    Posts: 2,714

    junk yard kid

    so this guy in his 55 chevy stalled his car down the road from his house with a dead battery, his wife drove buy and asked how she could help and after checking the owners manual the husband said it says here if you get going 35 mph the powerglide will kick and it will start, so he gets in and the wife goes around the block and gets it up to about 35 mph and plows into the back of him.
  12. wyoming
    Joined: Feb 15, 2007
    Posts: 394

    from My house

    you know Jesus was a ford man right ?

    he walked every where he went
  13. Joe rolls up to his shop in the morning only to find a gorilla in the tree out front. He runs in the shop and calls Jim's gorilla removal. In 3 seconds flat Jim pulls up in his truck, jumps out with a pitbull & a 9mm and runs up to Joe and tosses him the gun. "Alright!!... I am going to climb up the tree, shake the tree until the gorilla falls out and then the pitbull is going to drag him back to the truck by his balls" says Jim. Joe looks at Jim and asks... "whats the gun for"?. Jim replies "if I fall out of the tree you shoot that fuckin dog".
  14. DrJ
    Joined: Mar 3, 2001
    Posts: 9,422


    A classroom is like a Model T.

    It's got an old crank in front and a bunch of loose nuts in the back

    Just change the Model A fuel pump story to a Model B... They have a fuel pump. :rolleyes:
  15. moose
    Joined: Jan 11, 2005
    Posts: 353


    I almost woke a sleeping baby laughing at this one!
  16. MUNCIE
    Joined: Jan 24, 2006
    Posts: 2,207


  17. garvinzoom
    Joined: Sep 21, 2007
    Posts: 1,169


    I don't blame him. The only dealership in Israel sells Chevys. :D
  18. That's some funny shit there, I don't care who you are!
  19. carmarket
    Joined: Nov 15, 2007
    Posts: 231


    there once was a man from Boston,Who owned a little Austin,He had enough room for his ass,and a gallon of gas,and his balls hung out and he lost them.
  20. belair
    Joined: Jul 10, 2006
    Posts: 8,189


    Jesus may have driven a Ford, but God is a Mopar fan-the Bible says he drove Adam and Eve from the garden of Edenin a fury. And of course, the roar of King David's triumph was heard throughout the land. And all the believers were in one accord. Sunday School's over.
  21. das imp
    Joined: Dec 30, 2005
    Posts: 20

    das imp

    I was out for a cruise with my favorite girl , as we cruised the back roads I secretly reach down and turn off the engine and let it coast to the side of the road . She says " your not going to tell me you ran out of gas are you ? That's the oldest trick in the book and I'm not falling for it !" I said " Why baby ! I would never think about doing that to you ! Besides I'm into the here after ! She said "I don't get it " to which I answered "Its like this Baby , If you ain't here after what I'm here after , Well I'm afraid you gonna be here after I'm gone !!"
  22. moefuzz
    Joined: Jul 16, 2005
    Posts: 4,951


    Blanch walks in the house and says "there's something wrong with the car".....

    John:Whaddya mean there's something wrong with the car

    Blanch:Well, I think there's water in the carburetor

    John: Blanch, How would you know weither there is water in the carb or not? You not a mechanic....

    Blanch: Well, I'm pretty sure it's water in the carb

    John:Why do you say that?

    Blanch:Cause the car's at the bottom of the Lake.

  23. leocad
    Joined: Sep 7, 2007
    Posts: 306

    from LA, CA

    hey did you guys hear that one about the Pollock that bought a Cadillac just so he can cut the fins off? Yeah, and his gf use to have 36D's until she met him.

    I made this joke up for another thread in reply to some genius that thought it was a good idea to cut the fins off of a Cadillac. I crack myself up sometimes.
  24. 6ck Pony
    Joined: May 11, 2007
    Posts: 76

    6ck Pony

    A while back I was having some work done at a local Ford Dealership. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
    We all looked at each other and then finally another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
    She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one."

    She said that she did not know what it was, but this piece had always been there.
    He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
    She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

    Click here to see what she pointed to:
    710 Picture
  25. Ever hear about the mechanic with the cork in his ass? No? Well here is the story.... pay attention... it's a quick one.

    A mechanic was mulling over which wrench to use when a genie popped out of his toolbox and said "I will grant you one wish".

    In amazement the mechanic says "no shit"!!....
  26. texastomeh
    Joined: Dec 23, 2007
    Posts: 7

    from Dallas, TX

    Saw a billboard:

    Need Help? Call Jesus.
    (800) 555-1234

    So, I did and a Mexican showed up with a tow truck.
  27. G V Gordon
    Joined: Oct 29, 2002
    Posts: 5,665

    G V Gordon
    from Enid OK

    From 1960:

    Bob: Hey I just bought me a new Ford!

    Ralph: Did you get a Falcon

    Bob: Nope, got a pretty good deal!
  28. VNCduke
    Joined: Nov 22, 2007
    Posts: 659

    from Washougal

    Ahahaha, now thats rich!
  29. das imp
    Joined: Dec 30, 2005
    Posts: 20

    das imp

    mind your own Falcon business
  30. garvinzoom
    Joined: Sep 21, 2007
    Posts: 1,169


    Ouch, that hurts. LOL

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