O/T What is it about people and cancer?!

I've lost friends and family members to this horrible disease and thankfully I was able to share their final days with them. It was important to me and I know it was important to them.

 

I remember Ryan saying once that if you feel the need to put O/T in the title then don't bother. The thread doesn't belong here.

 

markjenks, this is an important discussion.
Both my parents passed away this spring with in a range of 2,5 months. I had my fair deal of just breathing and maintain everything.
I couldn't let the "Beast" get to me. It can be tough though with all that nagging: "Sorry for your loss", "We'll be praying for you", "I know they're together in heaven now, son".
But that's just another way of caring. Another way of dealing with their own mortal fear.

So, there's no simple way of dealing with theese questions. Some of us reacts in the most illogical way and becomes unpredictable and difficult to understand. My way of dealing with it, is to roll along with a certain resistance. Let them express themselfes. I'll be fair to them. It'll be over soon.

A Cancerparty... What a morbid and funny idéa!!
Come on and show us your melanoma, get free cytotoxin drinks and a last ride in a vintage Hears!

Sorry! Just a sense of humour as a way of dealing with life.

 

What has this to do with Traditional Hot rodding?

 

I don't know guys it really helps when people gets together and help out ,i got cancer 5 years a go ,lost everything we had even a place to live ,it was really hard on the wife and family ,until a small town in Indiana pulled together an gave us back our lifes .Now we are more closer to the people of the town than we are of our own family ,life is great when your not a lone in it and you ask God to be there with you .

 

You got that right !

 

When my Dad found out he had cancer he didn,t want it out either. He told me standing in the front yard,that dieing was personal. He did not want sympathy at all. Ended up he fought lung cancer 11 years. The doctors gave him 6 months. I understand not wanting to tell everyone,but probably would my closest friends. If ask they would tell knowone. TP

 

Hope you never have to make the choice.Have known many.Never questioned their actions. No regulation dealing with cancer lists or on personal choice pertaining to it that I know of.Yet!

 

In the animal world, the sick will often go off alone to die. Maybe that's more peaceful than being surrounded.

 

Maybe I just didn't feel like saying "Hey, guess what the Dr, says I have?" Maybe I didn't want you to know. You would find out soon enough, and what was it that you could do, Really. So almost everyone who heard of it, heard after it wasn't a problem. The way I wanted it. Not your way. At the time I didn't care about your way.

 

I just found out 3 weeks ago I have bladder cancer. Then a few days latter they called and said they found more in both lungs,then when I got the patholigy reports there are suspect things in both kidneys. My family and a very few close friends have been told . It is a very personal thing ,and I for one dont like all the we are sorry ,your in our prays,etc,etc. Went thru that for 3 years when My wife had ovarian cancer ,she finialy lost that battle. So what Im doing is taking pain meds and every day I can Im out in the hotrod,cant work on it much anymore but thankfully it doesnt need much. Its just another bump in the road ,in my case a big pothole ,but Im gonna hotrod till it gets bad enough I cant . Then hope the end comes quick and as little pain as possible. My best friend just had 5 bypass surgery and is starting the recovery,we joke as he gets better I get worse,but what can ya do ,enjoy what time ya got left.

 

There's no right or wrong here. Cancer has nothing to do with old cars, and yet being ill has everything to do with old cars.
If you don't want to read about it, don't click on the thread.
Everyone deals with stuff in their own way, and I respect you all.

 

Thanks for all of the comments back about this. I'm still trying to come to grasps why someone would just hide from the world and not try to enjoy the time they have left with friends as well as family.

All I know is, the day they tell me I have 30/60/90/365 days left, it's going to one hell of a party. I can't take it with me, so I'm going go out having the best time that I can.

 

I think they hide from it, because they want to die with some decency. My family is riddled with cancer, and Ive lost alot of good people to it. I watched my decorated WW2 vet grandpa go from the strongest man I had ever known, to a living corpse over a few months. All for a few more months. A few years later the president of our Jeep club passed away from cancer. He refused treatment and didn't tell anyone. I found out later he lived 6 months from his diagnosis, and got the most out of it. Didn't spend his last months bed ridden due to chemo or radiation. He spent it with his wife, at their retirement home in the woods. If he would have made it another month we would have went Jeepin I am sure of it. He was in his mid 70's and lived a full life. I totally understand why he did what he did. I am only 26, but I know there is a good chance that cancer is whats going to kill me, and I know someday I will have a decision to make. I think If I ever get told I am terminal, I think I will refuse the treatment. I would rather have a 6 months ALIVE then a year half-dead.

I think you would have to have walked in your friends shoes to understand, I never have but I do get it. I have seen what cancer TREATMENT can do to people, and we still had to bury them. I would rather die with some dignity, then try to fight a fight that I can not win.

 

I doubt anyone is actually attempting to hide. Perhaps it is more a matter of not wanting to be treated any differently than you always have been. Maybe it's about being able to hold your head up high, and to not be pitied. Some of us prefer retaining some dignity over being showered with sympathy. Although I'm sure your concerns are well-meaning, some prefer to deal with their own inevitable mortality privately, and I think we should honor those wishes.

 

No offense pesonally, but your rant sounds a little selfish. It sounds like it needed to be about what you thought they need instead of what works best for them. Prayers to the Lord for strength and understanding as your friends deal with this situation.

 

Cancer is a hot rod topic. There's cancer of cars, and there's cancer in us.

I for one prefer to keep my cards close to my chest. But damn it, this place is family.

If I only had one arm, and I needed to pull an engine for overhaul, would there be some of you who would help out? (I know some would, and some would probably just want to drop the hoist on me).

Some here also get the big C. The treatments will flat ass zap your strength. Is there going to be anyone to help?

It goes back to, some of us were raised to be self sufficient, and don't want to ask for help. Some of us were taught not to air our dirty laundry in public. We were taught as men to tough it out, and keep our mouths shut, no matter how much we hurt.

Believe me, (I'm a survivor too, for now) having the big C is not something that I went up and down the street with the loud speaker blaring that I got it. But when someone asked, yep I got it.

Sympathy, I don't need it. But from a lot of you guys here, who went thru it too, the words of encouragement meant a lot to me.

When I couldn't drive the HellRaiser over to the Breeders that year. I had to have help driving the car over. So I know what it's like to sometimes, having to reach out for a little help, be it with a wrench, a couple of bucks, or just plain ole encouragement from the family.

But the end of my piece here, How each person handles their personal pain, is an individual thing. Sort of like how to build a ride. The final way it comes out, is up to me, whether you like it or not.


HellRaiser

 

Very personal stuff,up to the individual.I wouldnt tell some dickhead that would put it on an internet hotrod forum,Give yourself an uppercut!!!!

 

So if i read this correctly, your feelings are hurt because someone else got cancer. Having lost 2 friends and a niece in the last 10 months you learn to respect how each person deals with this. I'm was there simply for support no matter how they needed it. For you to have a problem with how others deal with this is actually YOUR PROBLEM. Instead of taking things so personal, realize that your friend is the person with the real problem and respect how he choses to deal with it. Just be supportive however he needs you to be.

 

Well said.....

 

Its not just cancer either, my father in law has ALS. He will be lucky to see his first grand baby that is due in December. The people had have cancer or other terminal diseases don't want to talk about it they live it. Others that are affected don't really want to talk about it either, they to live it. I understand totally why nothing was told about your friends cancer. As much as you try not to treat them any differently you will. Please just enjoy the time that you do have left with them.

 

Life is a * Terminal Illness * Do your best to live and treat other's accordingly

 

my mom has had cancer 3 times 1987 breast cancer,,97 colon,07 skin... she jokes that shes on a 10 year plan..with that said this is how she handles it..inside im sure shes always worrying about it...she never does the cancer walks or survivor events..her thought is cancer has taken too much of her life and it wont get anymore of her time...
i also lost a friend ,,he didnt tell anyone until he was pretty far along..sadly we didnt get to spend as much time with him as we would have liked..but it was his thing ,he had his reasons for keeping it to himself..
it could be a guy thing..dont want anyone to worry or make a big deal about it..you know how we are,,,we dont need help and we can handle everything,... but i do understand how you feel .. its ok to vent,,,,,