"Mechanical Genius" comments you've heard?

Got two, One way out there, and the other kinda common but very recent...
Driving a buddies channeled but unchopped A coupe a few years ago and pulled into a Autozone store on central and Camelback. Got out of the car and a young guy runs up to me and says "NICE DUSTER!!!" Huh?! "Ya, those are really rare! Ford made only 5 or 6 of them in 1971 to be retro!!!" Huh?!?! But this is a '31 Ford, and Dusters were Plymouths... "Well, then that's even rarer... a Ford Plymouth... They worked together on this one!!!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.... Have a nice evening?!?!

The second is real common, but I hadn't heard it in conversation in a long time. Stopped by the Salvation Army donation car lot in town here the other day, (in Phoenix this is a great source for older stuff.) and was talking with Mike who runs it about his new '56 Olds outside his office. Mike introduces me and tells this gent about my Plymouth, and how quick it is. This guy says "I have a '69 Charger." Cool. Conversation goes for a moment or two and he says " It's a really rare one with a 215 Hemi, and a factory 8 speed automatic..."

 

Ive got alot of stories like these, but they are all OT. But I will say, I use peoples "automotive genius" as gauge of their personality. Once people find out I am a "car guy" they proceed to try and impress me with a car they use to have, still have, buddy or uncle had... ect. I dont know everything but I know enough to tell when someone is lying to me. Once someone lies to me I have little to no use for them, as I cant trust a thing they tell me. You would be surprised how many people fail this "test". My father in law flunked it badly 3 min after I met him, and I still cant stand him!

 

I went to a auto parts store the other day, they had a holly fuel pressure regulator out of the box. I asked if it was a high or low preasure one. The guy told me it was adjustible. I explained that only in a certain range. WE looked in book and there was two part numbers for two regulators. But the guy wouldnt look at it in the book. He then asked the manager. He then told me it was adjustable. I told him there was a 1-4 psi one and a 4.5-9 psi one. He told me it would work for my car because it worked on his VW and he had 5 psi. I told him my carb was from the '30s and it needed 2psi. He said it would work. I ask him which one this was high or low? He said there the same. I said they had two part numbers. He again reassured me it would work. I laughed really hard shook my head and left. How dumb can you be.

 

I once had an insurance adjuster for a major MARINE INSURANCE CO. Tell me that the nut on my mercruiser's 4cyl. wrist pin must have come loose, and the that when the piston came to a stop at top dead center of its stoke it fell off and thats what the noise I heard was... So I replied "your telling me that a piston comes to a stop everytime at top dead center when its running?" and that Mercruiser 4cyl engines have nuts on the end of the wrist pins?. He said yup! And that I would'nt understand because I never built boats, like him! And what was I doing letting my wife drive a boat anyway (She hit a log just under the surface, jamming it into the outdrive and there by creating alot of damage..It was her boat...LOL), they cant drive cars muchless a boat he says ( ok he was kinda right there...lol) Needless to say after my Ins. Agent heard this we ended up with a new motor, and outdrive.... Idiot's gotta love em

 

I was having a new tire mounted and noticed the large number of weights about to installed. I insisted that the inside of the tire be checked. He tore it down and found a new liner complete with rubber band.

I was having a 1971 chev 16 inch tire fixed in leadvile colorado at the Montgonery Ward tire shop fixed and notised mechanic with a large crow bar trying to remove split rim. I explained to him that chev had a extended lip for safty purposes.

 

He was partly correct, the piston stops at the top and bottom of every stroke. it doesnt stay stopped very long though.

 

I think everyone on here has been asked about a 710 cap at least once. I dont know which story I have makes me laugh more. The kid bragging about his hemi headed rm 250 thats running a bottle. Or the kid that told my friends brother that his dads twin turbo 4000 hp vette can go 440 miles an hour. Or the kid that told my friend about his 527 hemi powered 69 ss charger.

 

While working in a gas station back in 1972 a woman pulls in and tells me she wants 5 gallons of premium gas and no air . I replied 5 gallons of premium and NO AIR !
Then she goes and tells me to put the gas in very slowly because she knows all about that trick .
I asked what trick ?
Her reply, I know how you people rip off the customers by putting the gas in fast ! I looked at her with a puzzled look and said , what ???
Her reply , When you pump the gas in fast all I get is air ! So Pump the gas in real slow so I get all the gas I am suppose to get !

And YES I even had the people ask about changing the bad air in the tires for the good new air too !

OH The joys of working in a gas station !

Retro Jim

 

I've heard that years ago you would want to put the automatic nozzle on the slow setting as the calibration of the pump didn't work as well on the high setting, I didn't see any difference.

 

Ha ha ha these are awsome. One of the best I've had is when this guy argued that his rear axle was held to the leaf springs with a single bolt that went through the axle. Yes I made sure he didn't mean U bolt.

 

Sorry don't mean to ne the grammar police but plural for nauga is naug. Must have been a regional thing. BTW the metal flake ones are really hard to breed and raise, kinda fragile. Bwaahahahahaha!!!

 

A good friend and I worked the counter of a performance parts place when we were two young smart asses. Well this dude comes in and says he wants to soup up his jeep. Ok no problem what do ya want to do? Cosmetics, lift, wheels tires, or go fast stuff? His answer "Just some better brushes for the motor" my response " what is it a fuckin' Powerwheels?!" he turned around and left, we about pissed our selves. Yep I'm an asshole and I'm a lousy salesman!

 

i had a job at a parts store when i was younger and a guy came in and told me he needed an alternator because his engine woudnt run.i said how do you know its the alternator,does it crank?does the battery need a charge?he said the alternator wasnt turning the engine.i said what the alt.doesnt turn the engine the engine turns the alt.he disagreed and stood by it.he thought the battery gave power to the alternator and the alternator turned the engine,i said what happens if you dont put gas in the tank.i couldnt believe what i was hearing.anyways after educating him i sold him a can of horn oil,a kanootin valve,and two adjustable metric wrenches.

 

After crushing my rear axel spring pads due to a healthy launch at the drags. I moseyed over to a well respected rod shop and asked if he had any? He proceeds to tell me they only make 2 sizes of spring pads and I would have to weld bigger tubes to my axles so the perches he has would fit!!!!!!! Now I know this is BS so I go to my rear end guy and after telling him the story he raises his eye brow and breaks out the "Book" he shows my 5 pages of spring perches some where around 50 total. I bring him the rear end and he gets er done!!

 

I had a stupid-visor tell me he once took a 351w apart to find out it had one 302 head and a 351c head .... must of been a pretty neat intake

 

My god
I have only read 3 pages of this and I had to stop. Almost pissed my pants twice laughing!!!!

 

most recently a relatively clueless rich guy with a '700 HP' late model pontiac 2 door was trying to explain a noise from the rear of the car over the phone. of course we don't diagnose over the phone any more than a doctor, dentist or plumber, but we will often try to placate the customer by offering possibilities ... "not sure, could be this or that, but we wont know until we see it"...

maybe a sway bar bushing or end link, maybe an axle bearing or strut/shock bushing... who knows...

he was quick to inform me that his car was full custom and that it didn't have sway bars, rear axles or bushings.

i dont think i can help him.

 

That said, you can get square drill bits... Not much good on anything firmer than wood though... And the last time I used one was in high school wood shop class...

 

I was helping some guys (from up "nawth") put in some equipment at a local plant I was working at.

One guy told me; Go get me a 1 3/8" holtzclaw. OK!
On the way to the tool room I was thinkin' WTF is a holtzclaw?
I asked the tool room guy; "I need a 1 3/8" holdzclaw", he said wtf is a holtzclaw?

Went back to the job, asked the dude "what is a holtzclaw"?

He said, you know, you put it in a drill and it saws holtzs.

 

My buddy was in the military and they got a new commanding officer... some pretty boy richie with no experience. So my buddy decides to mess with him and told him to go grab the keys for the hummer so they can leave after about 2 hours of looking this guy runs into his commanding officer who then shows him that they were all push button starters.....

 

I once saw a 95 Mustang on ebay listed as a 1995 Mustang GT SRS edition. I wondered what that was until I saw the person had taken a picture of the srs logo on the dash.

I did her a favor and explained what srs meant so she could remove it from the ad before someone not as nice commented.

 

This guy says "I have a '69 Charger." Cool. Conversation goes for a moment or two and he says " It's a really rare one with a 215 Hemi, and a factory 8 speed automatic..."[/QUOTE]

Ha, he must have been related to the dude I met in vermont.he had a 65 ford with a 352 part hemi and a heavy duty 8 speed automatic.
Of course, his hood scoops were made from Harley hard bags that should have tipped me off.
must be something in the water up there, cause I also met a woman who said her car needed a new generator. she knew because the battery was dead, and that's all that made a car run. I guess all that v8 motor was there just to turn that generator.

 

friend of mine sold a dude a set of rods ,my friend asked him didnt i sell you some last weak .the guy said yes he needed another set because he didnt have a torque wrench but set his air pressure at torque specs and used his impact wrench.

 

'that carb is too big, it'll dump too much fuel in..."

 

While managing a shop and talking to our 'new' mechanic, a guy who grew up working in his dad's service station, I happened to mention I was rebuilding a 289 for my 66 mustang. I was at the point in the build were I was going to check the crank with plastigauge. He said they used to do that all the time on the rebuilds they did in their garage, you know, lay the thread of plastic on the journal and then spin the crank around so you can check the clearance

Of course if you did that it would smear all over the place and no way could you measure it, like trying to measure the size of a possum based on the grease stain in the middle of the highway

 

=====================
Duh??? That's about the dumbest idea
I've ever heard! The guy obviously
doesn't realize that using gravity like
that can also can have some very
negative consequences too! It should
be obvious that if you mount the coil
upside down, gravity will also cause
the electricity to leak out of the coil.
When you shut your car off and park
it overnight, all the sparks stored inside
the coil will gradually leak and come
morning your car won't start!!!
Sheesh!!!

Mart3406
==============

 

Had a dumbass ex boss, tell that the carb needed to " percolate " because the engine had a miss,

 

"The hydraulic windows in my Cadillac stopped working, when spring hits I'm goi..."

"How the hell would your windows be hydraulic?!?! have you seen the size of those cylinders?!?! Besides, they have enough power to lift a whole car!, They'll brake the glass!"

".......Now what if I tell you my seat was too?"

 

I had a restored flathead Holley carburetor for sale on a little dolly I was pulling at the Portland swap meet last year. Couple of older "carguy" chuckleheads behind me get to hooting about how I'd never sell a 94 for $XXX. So true, but they missed the sign that said 92!

 

Me and a friend go by to see the local idiot's project back in high school and he can't get it started. Didn't take a genius to hear it was way out of time but he insisted that this engine was a special one that timed at 720 degrees. I told him he needed to charge the battery so that he got a good hot spark then sent my bud off to the store with him to get some other part and while he was gone I restabed the distributor and waited for them to return. It lit off on the first try of course and I must have heard him tell everybody who ever had trouble getting their car started after that to be sure the battery was fully charged!