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internet "bullying" on the HAMB

Discussion in 'Questions & Suggestions' started by birdman1, Apr 24, 2015.

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  1. birdman1
    Joined: Dec 6, 2012
    Posts: 1,366


    First off, I am not crying about this, but I just want to bring something I finnd interesting to your attention. Awhile back I entered a post about my 1939 Ford tail lights. I put 1959 caddy tail lights in it . The title of the pos twas "I hate my tail lights". In the post I asked for ideas on how to make it look better without any body modifications and no painting as I have COPD and cannot be aroung paint fumes.
    I got many helpfull ideas as I expected i would. But I also got a lot of nasty remarks about my car and they were not in good fun anymore. It snowballed into many more degrading remarks. Like I said, I am not crying, not the point I want to make here. There is so much internet bullying going on with our grandkids. For men and women our age to do the same thing is setting a very bad example to our grand kids. I had my own engine rebuilding shop years ago, and found that people will say something nasty over the phone, then when they were face to face with me, it was very toned down. I think the internet has taken that one step further. It is so easy to slam some one with a few strokes of the key board, not near so easy over the phone, and much tougher to say if face to face. And I have been quilty of doing it also. I just never realized what a profound effect being slammed by some one on the internet has on people. From now on I am going to try to think before I type, and ask myself if I would say this to him or her in person. Not saying anyone is a bad person, just want you all to know words can hurt. thanks, Hnery
    wex65, oldcars.acadia and 1927graham like this.
  2. silent rick
    Joined: Nov 7, 2002
    Posts: 4,586

    silent rick

    you should have been around 12-15 years ago, you probably would have cried
    Germ, prewarcars4me, Dave50 and 2 others like this.
  3. alchemy
    Joined: Sep 27, 2002
    Posts: 17,908


    Yes, it was a whole different place a decade ago. It's pretty nice-nice nowadays.
    kiwijeff and 1927graham like this.
  4. 117harv
    Joined: Nov 12, 2009
    Posts: 6,590


    3. Did you disrespect another user? We believe verbal battles through the internet are bullshit and as such, we delete all that we can. Further more, if you can't express an opinion without bagging someone else's, maybe you should rethink the validity of your opinion?

    The above is taken from the rules sticky. I see on other forums and have heard stuff out in the world that is less than flattering to this site. All of us are labeled because of a hand full of users...

  5. There are all kinds of folks online, some who want o help and others who like chaos.
    Kan Kustom likes this.
  6. So I just read the whole tail lights thread and didn't see any "bullying". Maybe the mods deleted the bully posts?

    You can't be soft on the internet. I'm reminded of a quote by one of the great thinkers of our time:

    "The players gonna play play play, the haters gonna hate hate hate, I'm just gonna shake shake shake, shake it off, shake it off."

    Sage advice.
    Texas Webb likes this.
  7. I remember your thread and agree, there were quite a few unnecessary remarks that were less than helpful, and that's putting it mildly. Some guys don't know how to communicate any other way since that's what they learned growing up and haven't made an effort to change.
    You can say things in a way that is to the point and helpful, or be negative about something you don't like be less than helpful.
    I think what Harv is saying is that yes, there are some that cast a shadow on the rest of us.
    Thanks for having the courage to speak up. Some think you should shut up and suck it up, blah blah blah. Takes more courage to address it! Opinions can be expressed in a positive way. Tim
    1927graham, Texas Webb and 56shoebox like this.
  8. Blue One
    Joined: Feb 6, 2010
    Posts: 11,256

    Blue One
    from Alberta

    It's tempting at times to express your opinion in a negative fashion, something I have fallen victim to in times of mental stress, tiredness or just plain crankiness :) ( The old cranky guy syndrome :D)

    Sometimes I feel like one of the old guy hecklers sitting up in the balcony :D ( Muppets in case you missed that)

    I have received a very nasty PM from another member and that in itself is another issue.
    I can pretty much guarantee that he would not have said to my face what was in the PM.

    It would be a better place if we could restrain ourselves. It's an ongoing struggle to have cooler heads prevail.
  9. there are plenty of sites that are too "nice-nice", this site has always been a little more like the boys hanging out in the garage. and boys will be boys. however i do remember your thread and there were definitely some ass holes commenting.
    kiwijeff likes this.
  10. Birdmanl
    I hopefully didn't say anything in the thread that could not be considered as anything but good ribbing. I remember the thread in question just don't recall my responses. That said I have been known to say things that other people don't appreciate, sometimes because they are true and always because I believe they are true and with me what you see is what you get.

    We are pack animals, we think that we are civilized but the truth is that we just live in houses. If the leader of the pack (who can change in an instant) jumps on someone we all join the feeding frenzy, it is our nature and we never really grow out of it. It is just the nature of the beast.

    There are two ways to deal with a bully if you think someone is bullying you. One is to ask them for their address or offer yours. I don't suggest that to the masses, but it works for me. The other is to call them out, not I'm gonna kick your ass call them out that is what the exchanging of addresses is about, but point out that they are being a troll, or a bully. That sometimes works because for the most part none of us want to wear that moniker and if it doesn't the other option is to consider the source. Then of course there is always the report button isn't there.

    A long time ago I came up with this idea and it has worked for me, "I refuse to let myself to be influenced by fools" of course I figure that anyone who would try and push me around is one and it works really well for me. Aside from a report button on my HAMB interface I also have an ignore button in my head.

    All that said I don't doubt that I have called Alchemy a bad name at one time or another and if or when I did he probably called me one back. He knows I like him and I think he likes me. :D
  11. wvenfield
    Joined: Nov 23, 2006
    Posts: 5,477


    Yes you are. The last two days I got to do what is a rarity and spend them both working on my car with two friends. We said nasty stuff about each other all day.

    It was great fun.
  12. It helps to have a thick skin.
  13. belair
    Joined: Jul 10, 2006
    Posts: 8,862


    Someone go get Germ.
  14. 117harv
    Joined: Nov 12, 2009
    Posts: 6,590


    A member here will start a thread asking a question about this or that, comments are made that don't answer his question, but suggest a different route. We all have done this, myself included when I first joined, I refrain from doing it now. If a thread has posts from the OP or the title says opinions, then it's fair game, but as the rules state, with respect.
    kiwijeff likes this.
  15. luckythirteenagogo
    Joined: Dec 28, 2012
    Posts: 1,265


    For what it's worth, the quickest way to get people around here fired up is to talk about throwing 59 Caddy tail lights on something. That's as good as chumming the water.
  16. wvenfield
    Joined: Nov 23, 2006
    Posts: 5,477


    LOL, I agreed they looked good on something once.......I still do but I know that if I don't want replies telling me how unimaginative they are that you just move on.
  17. bustedwrench
    Joined: Dec 22, 2009
    Posts: 131


    We all see a car or a modification, from time to time that we don't like. I think if you see something you don't like or agree with, just keep scrolling. Many times we may ask for opinions, or suggestions, and in that case you have to accept that not everyone is going to like your ideas. But even if that is the case you can express it diplomatically. You don't need to bash someone.
    kiwijeff likes this.
  18. Ryan
    Joined: Jan 2, 1995
    Posts: 20,271

    Staff Member

    A lot of people online tend not to be people... I hated your taillights to, but the thing to do is to encourage you to make the changes the car needs. Not bag on your for where it is.

    And trust me, I know what it's like to be bagged on the internet. I'm numb to it now.
  19. thirtytwo
    Joined: Dec 19, 2003
    Posts: 2,641


    I seem to remember YOU making some uncalled for remarks on another thread awhile back..... What comes around goes around bud....
  20. raidmagic
    Joined: Dec 10, 2007
    Posts: 1,438


    One of the reasons I let my membership lapse and left the site for a while. I now only read and lurk these days. Rarely post unless it can be done without tempting the vultures.
    Kan Kustom likes this.
  21. 117harv
    Joined: Nov 12, 2009
    Posts: 6,590


    Here are three options we have when a thread is full of drama or about to get that way, 1 report it, 2 ignore it, and 3, write a nasty opinionated reply, read it to make you feel better and then delete it without posting.
    gwhite, ffr1222k and kiwijeff like this.
  22. It also helps to know that we are not always going to agree (and sometimes never).

    Edit: I want to ad a disclaimer to something I said earlier my ignore button doesn't always work. A couple of years back a fella who decided that he should send me hate mail suggested that I was not sure who my dad was (not necessarily in those terms) which may or may not be true but in either case it is not something that anyone should suggest even in gest. I was not able to ignore that.
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2015
  23. I've been a member since 09, and even back then, it was a lot harder than now. I tried to fit in and behave as others here did, and was rude only if someone was rude to me first.
    Dealing with people up close and personal for 30 years, I'm no slouch, and take no crap, but as time went by, the Hamb has gotten mellower, and I tried to change with it, and feel I have. I'm no bully, but I can hold my own very well.
    I've received a bully PM, and delt with it.
    Its very easy also to take what's typed, and take it out of context. We all have different sences of humour as well, so we need to be carefull how we type.
    The car guys I know arnt sensitive new age types, and can usually handle a degree of crap, but we are living in a global world now, so Gotter roll with it.
    I too remember your thread, and the rude comments, but most here know, that asking opinions can be a real mixed bag of fun.
    I've seen some interesting things in this area in my time here, and learned to stay away from drama threads as much as possible, but still read em.
    Car guys are car guys, we are an opinionated bunch, and as such, we need thick hides if we want to participate. Jmo.
    ffr1222k likes this.
  24. joeycarpunk
    Joined: Jun 21, 2004
    Posts: 4,446

    from MN,USA

    I think people are thin skinned when it comes to opinions of a personal nature, yet often are the ones asking for opinions of said modification. Too many what color should I paint something threads, or which wheels should I run. You can't possibly get a general consensus of how do you like my choice or was this the right choice. Yet people build with no such plan or vision as to what they prefer. How do you build a car that way? This will open you up to all sort of criticisms with no real right answer if you are building what YOU like or state you want to build in a certain era then make huge departure with tuned port injection cause that's what was available or what you can afford and then try to defend said choice. The veil of the keyboard and space will create internet tough guys or comments a person would never say in person unfortunately. But have a plan, accept criticism when asking for it and respect opinions when asked for right or wrong, mine included. ;)
  25. Sooo Joey,
    My Willys is not selling so I am thinking I should turn it to 2WD and making it into a *mud bogger with slicks instead of starting a new thread what do you think about my idea. ;)

    *mud bogger with slicks is beaner for "gasser"
  26. luckythirteenagogo
    Joined: Dec 28, 2012
    Posts: 1,265


    I say go for it as long as it's plenty of those 59 taillights and and it's painted flat primer black with skulls all over it.
  27. joeycarpunk
    Joined: Jun 21, 2004
    Posts: 4,446

    from MN,USA

    Sir gassiness, it will probably sell if you get enough people chiming in on whether that is the right course of action. Personally it's missing '59 Caddy tail lights. If it had them it would have sold already......And I don't like the way you said and implied "Sooo". ;)
  28. But you still like me right? :D

    Personally I like '59 Caddy lights, but they have to be done to my taste and not anyone else's :rolleyes:
  29. Dude, you've got to get over it. The HAMB can be a tough place. So what? Don't let it ruin your self esteem.

    BTW- I have yet to see a "bully" on the HAMB. There are some folks who have strong opinions and some who might be less than nice at times. Maybe it's just a matter of whether you view yourself as a victim or not.

    Off the top of my head, I think there are some simple rules/observations that not only apply to the HAMB but to life in general.
    1. There is rarely a reason to not be nice. I appreciate straight talk but that doesn't mean being rude or disrespectful. I try to treat others that way and I expect to be treated that way in return.
    2. Other people are not always going to be nice.
    3. When you ask for someone's opinion you need to be ready to receive it.
    4. Don't see yourself as a victim. Don't be a whiner.
    5. So called "bullies" are easily marginalized. I simply eliminate assholes from my life. No, that doesn't mean they are buried under the house. It just means that I ignore them and refuse to deal with them. Why would I when there are so many decent people out there?
    6. Have a sense of humor and don't take yourself or others too seriously. My mother taught me this when I was very young and repeated it often. This bit of advice has probably helped me more than any other. (Actually, I think this should be #1 on my list)
    7. It's no sin to make a mistake. Admit when you're wrong and own up to it like a man.
    8. Be an honorable person. Your word and your handshake should be gold.
    9. Never, ever, show weakness on the HAMB. You will be descended upon by a pack of wolves and torn to shreds. If that happens, see #6 and get over it. :D
    10. That being said, I think the folks on the HAMB are better than most, even if they're a little rough around the edges at times. It is kind of fun to watch a FNG who takes himself too seriously, get eaten. :eek: I do feel sorry for them sometimes. Just saying. Newcomers should approach the pack with humility and with their tails down.
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2015
    kiwijeff and barett like this.
  30. The hamb is made up of all kinds of people and I can assure you the Hamb is a much more kinder,gentler place than it was a mere 10 years ago.

    The membership is full of type A individuals that are ambitious, rigid, sensitive, impatient, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point. People with Type A personalities are often push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and bull shite!

    I'm right and you are for me and Beeno! icon_lol.gif

    I for one wont tip-toe around a subject if ask for a opinion,it will be honest,frank and to the point..if I hurt your feelings you might be on the wrong site,the hamb was at one time designed for Hoodlums,some of them are still here. :D HRP
    kiwijeff likes this.
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