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Folks Of Interest I'm devastated. Bad bad news.

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Rickybop, Jan 16, 2014.

  1. 331 ABOD
    Joined: Jan 17, 2012
    Posts: 18

    331 ABOD
    Member
    from minnesota

    I read this yesterday and wasn't sure what to say that didn't sound trite or commonplace. Went to bed, said prayers and tried to put myself in your shoes. Still tough to do, other than, please know you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. In time your smiles will return because she will be close in your heart always. Take good care of yourself too Rickey and check in when you feel ready. I have found comfort talking to the Big Guy Upstairs, He hears us, even in our cold garages. Hang on, WE ARE ALL WITH YOU!
     
  2. roadsterman32
    Joined: Dec 25, 2006
    Posts: 157

    roadsterman32
    Member
    from wi

    Rick, my heart breaks for you. I know first hand the all consuming sorrow you are going through as I too lost my wife 5 years ago in a car accident on Jan 12th. I will be praying for you daily as you move on to deal with this loss. There are really no words that can begin to heal you but I will pass along one piece of advise. DO NOT play the " what if " game with yourself. Do not blame yourself for what has happened. It is not in our control. Take care of yourself, sleep, eat and carry on the best you can right now. I would be more than happy to speak with you personally anytime if you would like someone that has been there to talk to. PM me and we can do that; Be strong and know that you have many people praying for you and just as importantly doing things on your behalf. God Bless.
     
  3. speedfreek155
    Joined: Sep 10, 2011
    Posts: 312

    speedfreek155
    Member

    I'm sure there are no words to describe how you feel , Deepest Sympathies to you and everyone she whose life touched .
     
  4. Very sorry for her loss, RIP Sandy.

    Makes me realize I need be nicer to my wife of 10 years.
     
  5. BamaMav
    Joined: Jun 19, 2011
    Posts: 3,435

    BamaMav
    Member
    from Berry, AL

    Just saw this, so sorry for your loss.
     
  6. lippy
    Joined: Sep 27, 2006
    Posts: 4,075

    lippy
    Member
    from Ks

    Rick, I too just saw this. God be with you and yours. Lippy and family.
     
  7. flatheadfreakv8
    Joined: Jan 27, 2010
    Posts: 86

    flatheadfreakv8
    Member

    Very sad to hear of your terrible news. Are thoughts are with you.
     
  8. HarryT
    Joined: Nov 7, 2006
    Posts: 517

    HarryT
    ALLIANCE MEMBER

    Very sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Jim
     
  9. Doc Squat
    Joined: Apr 17, 2008
    Posts: 1,375

    Doc Squat
    Member
    from tulsa, ok

    I know that there is very little anyone can say to you to give you comfort in your time of sorrow. I would only say to you to remember the good times and be thankful that you had those. My prayers go out for you.
     
  10. Kirk65
    Joined: Jul 15, 2012
    Posts: 3

    Kirk65
    Member
    from Michigan

    You are so blessed to have known a love so true.
     
  11. jkherd
    Joined: Mar 13, 2009
    Posts: 86

    jkherd
    Member

    So sorry for your loss.
     
  12. Inland empire hot rods
    Joined: Aug 5, 2010
    Posts: 821

    Inland empire hot rods
    Member
    from so cal

    Wow, you are very strong to be able to even write the post, I wouldnt have been able to type through the tears if I were in your shoes, so very sorry for your loss! For what is worth, although no one will ever replace your wife, you always will have your HAMB brothers and sisters....Best wishes to you
     
  13. teddyp
    Joined: May 28, 2006
    Posts: 3,197

    teddyp
    Member

    my heart and prayers go out to you and yours you were blessed to have her in your life. i lost my girl that i live with for 32 yrs so i know it,s hard but with god and her in your heart you will move on
     
  14. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    I'd like to share a little more about Sandy with you guys and some of our life together. You deserve to know her better. I've spoken of her being such a sweet and selfless person, but I think some further explanation would be appropriate. And the truth is, I'm simply so proud of the type of person she was, and thankful beyond measure that I was so blessed to be able to hang out with her for 27 years...and I'd just like to do this. It'll probably help me a little, and I think you might enjoy it. Maybe I can even help to further her good influence. Sandy was always an inspiration to me. I've always tried to be respectful, helpful and loving to everybody I meet, but man...Sandy left me in the dust in regard to that. She helped me to uderstand even better, the importance of being forgiving and making efforts to give of oneself...even to people who might be a little "difficult". She believed that most people appreciate kindness...regardless of their outward facade...and she had a knack of breaking them down with her selfless manner...her love...and allowing them to feel comfortable enough to relax and open up.

    Sandy was born in 1952. She was the third oldest of 7 children. Her family lived on a farm quite a distance south of Detroit in the Rockwood/Flatrock area. She's told me many stories from her childhood. I'll share a few.

    Interestingly, even in the 1950s, her family had no running water in the house as we do today. There was water piped in, but no electric pump...just a hand pump at the kitchen sink. Sandy remembers being given baths in the kitchen in a small steel tub. She'd often joke to me that there's no way she'd fit in it today. She told me that when her family moved to a different house years later...with running water...her and her sisters and brothers went nuts playing with the faucets...lol.

    As a little girl living on the farm, Sandy enjoyed making "pies". Her mother would give her old pie tins, and Sandy would take them outside and fill them with dirt and rocks and stuff. She'd use sand as "sugar" to sprinkle on top. But she got the idea that to make a proper pie, she needed eggs too...and she'd take real eggs from the chicken coop...and she'd get in deep trouble for it!

    Another thing Sandy enjoyed when she was a girl, was to play dress-up. Her mother would give her old dresses and jewlery, and high heels, and hats and stuff, and she'd wear them. I can imagine...lol. Funny thing is though, she never was what she referred to as a "clothes horse". She enjoyed getting dressed up when we'd go out, but she didn't have 100 dresses and 30 pairs of shoes. She was a simple dresser most of the time. Jeans or "leggings" and a sweatshirt or t-shirt and tennis shoes or flipflops was her usual attire. We mostly liked to stay at home, so that had a lot to do with it.

    There was an elderly lady who lived alone on the farm down the road from Sandy and her family. Her name was Annie. Much of the time, when Sandy would walk to school in the morning, she'd stop by Annie's house to trade her bagged lunch for a couple of baked potatoes that Annie would always have made. Sandy's mother always helped others in need...mostly with gifts of food, and this arrangement with Annie was perfectly ok with her. And 'til the day Sandy died, she had a love affair with potatoes. She loved to bake or boil (and in more recent times, to microwave) potatoes, then let them cool to room temperature, then add room temperature butter to them. I know...it sounds kinda bland. When I first learned of it, I was like "Room temperature?...really?" But that's what she liked. Truth is though, she liked potatoes pretty much however they were prepared...lol. On the other hand, she never could bring herself to eat cooked carrots or peas. I don't mean she just didn't like them...she couldn't get them down. She'd eat 'em raw, but not cooked...no way, no how. Her family almost always had some kind of desert for after dinner, but if the kids didn't eat all their dinner, they weren't allowed to have desert. So Sandy told me that whenever they had carrots or peas with their dinner, it was a given...she was getting no desert. Awwwww...lol. I have to say though, that she told me she found a method of sometimes dealing with this terrible injustice. She would take the carrots and/or peas into her hand...and stuff them up into the corner of the table...underneath. Lol. Sandy had such an aversion to cooked carrots and anything similar...such as acorn squash or butternut squash. She even had a problem with the smell of it. But get this...she'd cook it for me anyhow...not because I insisted...just because she wanted to. She knew I liked it with butter and brown sugar on hoidays. She called it "a labor of love" and it surely was. Only thing is, she couldn't taste test it. "Rick...come taste the squash to see if it's ok."

    Also as a little girl, Sandy's grandfather (I forget his name) would often take her along with him in his old pickup truck, and they'd ride together to the bar. For you younger guys, remember...this was decades ago...and good or bad, there were far fewer rules and regulations than we have today. So no problem...off to the bar they'd go. Her grandpa would sit and drink his "beverage", and Sandy would sit on the stool next to him and have a soda or a float. More often than not, Sandy's grandpa would be drunk by the time they left, and Sandy remembered that the old truck would be all over the road...they'd be weaving left and right. They didn't drive fast, and it was a short drive on a country road, so the danger was not so great...but it got to the point that Sandy's parents did finally have to put a stop to it. Her grandpa finally lost his driver's license, so he and Sandy simply took to walking to the bar. And Sandy told me that now, rather than the truck weaving down the road on the way back, it was her grandpa weaving as they walked and held hands. Often, they'd also stop by the local police station to hang out. Sandy would sit on the high counter as they talked. The police officers knew Sandy's grandpa quite well. Gee...I wonder why...lol. Because Sandy loved the memory of riding in that old pickup truck, she continued to love old cars...and pickup trucks. And that's partly why she shared my hobby interest.

    In high school, Sandy was involved in a number of extra-curricular activites. She was president of the ski club...though she says she couldn't ski worth beans...and once broke her leg trying. And she loved choir...though she says she couldn't sing worth beans either...though she'd give it everything she had...maybe too much. Her choir teacher finally asked Sandy to only mouth the words. Wtf? When I heard that, I thought it wasn't very nice, and told her so. I like music very much and like to sing a little too and even write songs...and I told Sandy that I believe that anyone can sing, (and make music) given a little instruction and encouragement. Early in our relationship, I couldn't get her to utter one single note. She was too self-concious. She had been repressed. But over time, what with my silly singing around the house, (I'll make a song out of anything) she finally loosened up quite a bit and she'd often join in or even come up with silly stuff of her own...and we'd laugh our asses off.

    After Sandy graduated from high school, she went to school to become a nurse. She helped to put herself through school by working as a waitress. Consequently, she'd often get after me if I didn't tip well enough. I finally got with the program...lol. Sandy went on to work as an awesome nurse for over 40 years. Not just awesome in her abilities, but in the way she always took some time to actually talk with her patients, fulfill their needs and to make them feel like more than just a job she had to do. She was also completely willing to help her coworkers with their work when she could...even helping the nurse's aides. She was loved by her patients and coworkers and employers alike. She was something else. Many many people have told me how she'd light up a room. It seems that wherever she went, she carved a path of love a mile wide.

    Sandy and I got started together a little late in life. We were both in our early 30s. We met on a blind date. Yup...a blind date that actually worked out. I was sharing a trailer with my buddy who's name is also Rick. I think it was 1987. He had a girlfriend named Evy...(Evelyn) a real nice gal who owned a hair and nail salon. Sandy used to get her nails done there. Apparently, both Sandy and I had been bemoaning the fact that so many people in the world seem to be like...I don't know...problem children. Too much pride, selfishness, etc...as if life is too hard, and they don't have the time or inclination or can't afford to give anything of themselves because it might cost them something. We both figured that what Jesus taught us is so simple...to just be kind to others and try not to judge. One day Evy told me, "Rick...I know this pretty woman named Sandy who comes into my shop. And when I listen to her, and then I listen to you, it's like listening to the same person. Would you like to meet her?" Evy had my interest, and I asked her, "Is she tall?...short?...skinny?...fat?...etc." Evy said, "She's proportional." Well, that sounded good enough to me, and Evy made plans for us to meet. On a beautiful sunny summer day, we all got together at a large local park nearby. I went with Rick, and Evy brought Sandy. Omg, Sandy was so beautiful. She wore a pretty purple summer dress, purple flipflops, and purple sunglasses. She had a beautiful tan, awesome long golden hair and a figure that wouldn't quit. My heart was like thump! thump! thump! (Well...I think it was my heart) We were introduced by Rick and Evy, and we said "Hello, nice to meet you." and shook hands. We were both respectful, and I could tell that we were both slightly nervous. But we all grilled some burgers, had a good time, got to know each other a little bit, and at the end of the day, Sandy and I agreed to meet again. Finally, the day came when we were to go on a real date...just Sandy and me. I asked her what she'd like to do...go to a movie?...dinner?...something else? But no, she wanted to go to a park again. It was another nice sunny day, so we went to a different smaller park way out in the country. We stopped and got a bucket of KFC, and we just sat at a picnic table and had a real nice time getting to know each other better and "getting close". I had been working on my car, and she drove. After our date, she dropped me off at the trailer, and we were saying our goodbyes. I was standing at the trailer door as she walked out to her car. Just before getting in her car, she turned to look at me and said, "God bless you, Rick." I was like "Omg." Never in my life had any woman...let alone such a beautiful woman...ever said "God bless you" to me after a date...and rarely even after knowing them for a long time. I knew I had lucked out, and this was one very special lady...at least in my opinion. Now if I could only con her into wanting to stay with me! And I did my best, but as it turned out, she wasn't quite ready. We had a few more dates, but eventually went our separate ways. I wasn't real happy about it, but went on down the road, and we didn't see each other for a time.

    I ended up meeting another woman and hanging out with her for nearly a year. But she ended up dumping me in favor of someone else. My feelings were hurt, and I was kind of depressed for a time. After a while, I got the idea to call Sandy again. She seemed to be a little more receptive this time around, and I think she took pity on me. She knew I had been hurt, (again) and told me..."Rick, it's not you...you're a good man." Her birthday came around soon after, and I used that as an excuse to drop by. I brought her a birthday present, and we sat and talked and made plans to start dating again. And the rest is history...27 years worth.

    Over the course of our life together, I think she must've said "God bless you" to me as many times as she said "I love you"...because she nearly always said them together.
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    Last edited: Feb 9, 2014
  15. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    One of Sandy's favorite websites is called "Pinterest". Themed mostly for women, but with lots of interesting stuff. I used to look over her shoulder as she would when I was on the Hamb. Pics of animals and nature, food, flowers etc...and sayings. She'd save the ones she liked. Here are a few.

    Sandy's beliefs in a nutshell.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

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    I knew how to make her laugh.
    Makes me feel good that I could do that.
    [​IMG]



    ..........Humor with a message.
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]



    ....................Just funny

    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]



    Sandy loved nature. So much so, that she gave herself a nickname...Snow Sandy...as in Snow White. Snow White always had woods animals nearby and birds flying around her...and that was Sandy's fantasy. She obviously would've enjoyed being the ladies in these pictures. They do capture her spirit. Sandy loved nature. She enjoyed nothing better than getting up early to watch the sunrise and view the many flowers that we had planted, and watch the first birds and critters come in that she always fed generously...while having her morning coffee and reading passages from her bible. She'd often comment to me, "Look Rick, at what God has given us."

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
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  16. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    Another one about making her laugh.
    I like this one a lot for obvious reasons.

    [​IMG]
     
  17. Buddy Palumbo
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
    Posts: 3,859

    Buddy Palumbo
    Member

    That was a nice read , Rick . It probably helped to type it out - sounds like she was some kinda gal .
     
  18. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    One of Sandy's favorite YouTube videos. Has to do with her view that we should be grateful to God despite our troubles and pain.



    <EMBED height=350 type=application/x-shockwave-flash width=425 src=http://www.youtube.com/v/3kPXOdXNumY&feature=player_detailpage></EMBED>
    <!-- / message -->
     
  19. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    The time passed so quickly. But the love will last forever.



    Sandy giving her little sister a ride.
    October 1959. She was 7 1/2 years old.

    [​IMG]


    Sandy in the middle, with a few of her siblings.

    [​IMG]


    Sandy's family in order. Father Donald (or "Daddio" as Sandy would humorously call him in later years) in the middle, mother Elizabeth (Lizzy) to the right, oldest brother Donny with his arm around mom, brother Mel to the left, Sandy standing in the middle with the long dress, sister Sharon standing to the left, I think brother Terri is just off camera to the right, sister Laurie sitting, and I think an aunt and uncle in the back, and Auntie must be holding baby brother Larry. Father Don was a hard worker...often working double or sometimes even triple shifts at the oil refinery/storage facility. Sandy's family experienced tragedy in the years to come, and I don't think the family ever really got over it. Oldest brother Donny was killed in Vietnam in the very last months of the war. And Sandy's mother died from a heart attack (as Sandy did) at the young age of 52. Dad continued on raising ther family alone.

    [​IMG]


    September 1964. Sandy was nearly a teenager.

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    High school senior picture 1970

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    Graduated from nursing school.

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    With Mom and brother Mel.

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    "The Three Seesters" Sandy, Laurie and Sharon.
    Wasn't Sandy a beauty?

    [​IMG]


    Brothers and sisters left to right...Larry, Laurie, Sharon, Terri, Sandy and Mel. Donny's in heaven.

    [​IMG]


    With her nephews and nieces.
    Not too long before I met her.

    [​IMG]


    Just about the time I met Sandy. 1987
    In the purple summer dress she wore on our blind date.
    I was a goner.

    [​IMG]


    Sandy and me a few years later.

    [​IMG]


    Seesters. Good times. Blondie.

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    The whole crew at the time.
    Daddio is remarried to Rosie.

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    Even later.

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    And later still. Maybe 7 or 8 years ago.

    [​IMG]


    Camping. About 5 years ago or so.

    [​IMG]
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  20. Talk about true love,,Rick,Sandy must have loved you deeply...:)

    But I gotta ask you did she like the mullet?:D HRP

    [​IMG]
     
  21. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    Yeah, she must've loved me deeply to be seen with Rick Dirt. :D
    Seriously, she did like my hair long, and when I started wearing it shorter, she was a little bummed. But I didn't think it looked as good when I started getting older. She let me hang around with her anyway.
     
  22. metal man
    Joined: Dec 4, 2005
    Posts: 2,948

    metal man
    Member

    ^^^Haha...I think most of us had a mullet at one time or another back then. All of my friends my age had one. Most don't like to admit it now.

    Glad to see you posting again, Rick. I really enjoyed your stories, and some of those Pinterest saves that you posted.
     
  23. 2dr_sedan
    Joined: Mar 25, 2005
    Posts: 265

    2dr_sedan
    Member

    Rick thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss, feels like I know you and Sandy both.
     
  24. J2
    Joined: Oct 16, 2009
    Posts: 16

    J2
    Member

    Very touching tribute.
    Sounds like you are doing pretty good with it all. Truth heals, it just takes time.
    God's Speed
     
  25. Kan Kustom
    Joined: Jul 20, 2009
    Posts: 2,317

    Kan Kustom
    Member

    Just now saw this. Busted out in tears before I could finish what you wrote. Got on today to look up some info on the car I am building and saw this thread and went to it first. Needless to say I couldn't care less right know about my hotrod. What just happened to you has been my greatest fear since the day I met my other half. I would give any material thing I have if it would bring back your wife. Believe me , I mean it. No one loves hotrods and other fun things on this earth more than I do but nothing is as precious as other human beings that God gave us. I hurt for you more than I can express and wish there was something I could do for you but as always I will put you in Gods hands because he always blows us away with his ways compared to ours. Please know how important you are to many of us.
     
  26. jkherd
    Joined: Mar 13, 2009
    Posts: 86

    jkherd
    Member

    She was a wonderful woman, you were truly blessed to have her in your life.
     
  27. ffr1222k
    Joined: Nov 5, 2009
    Posts: 1,059

    ffr1222k
    ALLIANCE MEMBER

    Ricky, thanks for sharing. Sandy sounds like a very special woman.
     
  28. Rickybop
    Joined: May 23, 2008
    Posts: 5,755

    Rickybop
    Member
    from Michigan

    Thanks J2. As far as "doing pretty good with it", I don't know. I seem to be doing a little better than at first. (maybe) And when I'm talking with you guys and posting stuff, I'm mostly ok, but not always. Sometimes the stuff I'm posting gets to me...or one of you guys will say something nice and the tears will come. (so quit being so nice) And see...I just typed the word "tears" and some more leaked out. But overall, I think it's helped to talk about it, and the support you guys give me has helped. But it comes and goes. I'll be ok for a while, (if you can consider walking around in a fog "ok") and then WHAM!!! The worst is mostly when I go to bed and a few minutes after I get up. I don't wanna sound like a baby, but I cry pretty hard every night and every morning. And a few times through the day. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. And when I say "cry pretty hard" I mean real hard...like a newborn baby, but with a man's lungs. Put it this way...it's a good thing the windows are closed.

    But I know that it's normal and expected. It's part of the grieving process. Can't get around it...ya gotta go through it. Denying your feelings can make you weird. Don't wanna do that.

    I've spent a whole week on here with you guys...and you with me...and I haven't done much of anything else. I've got so much to do, going through all of Sandy's and my stuff. I better quit screwing around and get moving on that pretty quick. I've got a bit more I'd like to post, and then probably after tomorrow, I'll get started on the house. Once I do, I won't be here as much. I won't have you guys "by my side", and I'll be more on my own. I know I'm gonna come across a lot of personal things of ours, and it'll make me hurt bad. I don't look forward to it. But it's gotta be done.

    I'm not the first to lose a loved one, and I won't be the last. Millions and millions of others have gotten through it, and I will too. And so will you guys, if and when it ever happens to you.

    I'd rather take this than the alternative...leaving Sandy here to deal with everything alone. We talked about it quite a few times in the past. She and I agreed that we'd each be soooo sad and lonely if the other went first. With all there is to do here, it's better for her this way. It would've been too hard for her, and not fair after all she's done for me over the years.

    You know, we can talk about God and heaven and meeting up again one day and everything. But believe me...it's still horrible. Just horrible. I miss her so badly.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2014
  29. low-n-slo54
    Joined: Jul 25, 2009
    Posts: 1,921

    low-n-slo54
    Member

    That is a great attitude to have! You're right, it won't be easy but it is doable. We will always be by your side, Ricky. One day at a time, brother. One day at a time.


    Posted using the Full Custom H.A.M.B. App!
     
  30. I'm sure all of us would like to know how you're doing down the line; don't forget to let us know. Best wishes.
     

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