The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by CPR Customs, Feb 9, 2006.
They actually have Harley condoms that say that!
if sparks dont fly, your too high
The best of all!!!
-Keep it greasy side down
-Shakes like an old dog shittin' logging chains
-If you can't get one good one, get a bunch of shitty ones
-Hand me the "all-16th's" (cresent wrench)
-You'd be better off messin' with the biggest bear ever shit in the woods
-My old teacher, instead of saying yes to a question would say "Does a cat have a climbing gear?" I don't know.. it's what he said all the time.
-Uglier than a bag of hammered dog shit
-Uglier than a bulldog eatin' mayonaise
Old Indians Never Die
Don't let the smoke out
you can push a garage door 200 miles per hour if you have enough horsepower - jaxx
....is a Bullfrog waterproof......
My old man used to ask me if I "fouled a plug" when I farted. One day, he farted and I asked if he spun a bearing.
Thats all I got.
"Slip'n slide with power glide."
Guy at work said this about one of our customers who's just a lil too full of "it"
"If bullshit were snowflakes, that sumbitch would be a one man blizzard."
"Your car is so weak it couldn't pull a tapeworm out of my dogs ass".
"Hey, classy chassis!"
(Actually a double entendre: Can be a complement for a guy's car, but more often heard when guys are staring at a girl's butt.)
"PRIMER IS A COLOR"
"IT IS FINISHED DICKHEAD"
"WHEN YOUR NEED FOR SPEED OVERCOMES YOUR FEAR OF DEATH, YOU GO DRAG RACING"
As nervous as Mike Tyson at a spelling bee.
I like that one, all these are great. Good inspiration.
I like that diamond in a goats ass thing, maybe I'll make into a sticker.
From our own Ebbs Speed Shop logo:
"When the green flag drops, all the bullshit stops!"
If you want more inches STROKE IT !!
I laughed till I cryed at this one...
"Cut it too short and you always weld it back on....
But cut it too long and you're screwed"!!
"That'll buff right out"
"This is the way the factory does it"
"Give it a tap with a hammer
and let's see what happens"
Faster than a cat trying to take a sh#t on a hot tin roof.
If you need a hammer honey check the back seat.
OK, admittedly I'm stealing this from the Venture Brothers cartoon.
"Imma work harder than a cat tryin' to bury a turd in a marble floor"
But I still giggle every time someone says "you don't know shit from shinola"
Easy on that clutch Bill, you'll fuck that engine. (George Carlin's bit where we replace the word "kill" with the word "fuck.")
Rev it higher.
You're doing it wrong.
Here, let me try.
Yeah, I've done this before. (When he hasn't.) (Applies to many things.)
Yeah, I'll bring it back.
I owe you one.
I'm tight on cash right now.
Too rich for my blood.
This always works.
Worked for me.
I know a guy who has one of those.
I could have bought one of those cheap back in blah-blah-blah.
Oh yeah, mine was a lot faster.
I never lost a race.
Most guys were scared of me.
Nobody would race me after that.
I held the record at blah-blah dragstrip back in the day.
You should let me make a pass with it, I'll show you how it's done.
You young guys don't know shit.
You old guys don't know shit.
You guys don't know shit.
That guy's a squirrel.
All show and no go.
confucius say: man who stand in front of car get tired... man who stand behind car get exhausted
" Last night I slipped her the gut wrench "
My uncle always said "anything can fly if you throw it hard enough"
got a few myself, some are variations of other posts though:
"chrome don't get you home, but flat black will always bring you back."
"i use 'german torque', good'n'tight."
"it's all fun and games till someone gets hurt, than it's just fun."
"it's not just good, it's good enough."
"drive it like somebody else rented it."
and one of my personal favorites, "close only counts with horse shoes and hand grenades."
one i forgot:
"if at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer"
haha some great ones
"I rather eat shit that ride in a ford"
"if it dont go chrome it"
"beat to shape, file to fit paint to match"
"two tacos hi" (rates in there with the sparks comment)
" ya snooze ya loose".. something Shirley Shahann didnt do
"could cross thread a mayonaise jar" hehe weve all known someone like this
"fetch this" Old hound dog laying down with the middle finger up
Separate names with a comma.