The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by CPR Customs, Feb 9, 2006.
"Nothin' some bailing wire won't fix!!!"
MoonshineRoyal, YOU are cruel . . .BUT FUNNY!!! (Good thing you're not PRESIDENT, or you'd have to issue an apology! LOL)
"Runs like a stip-ed-ass ape."
"Runs slicker than a minner's (minnow's) dick."
"Damn! The only thing HOLDING IT TOGETHER is the rust!"
WOW!!!! Last time I saw one like THAT, it was spreadin' cow shit all over a field !!!
Jeez, man, you drive like my sister!
THANKS, though, HarleyJockey61, for:
"Anybody DIE in that wreck?" Laughed my ass off, since i hadn't heard it in so long. Oldies are WORTH repeating (of course, for the benefit of the NEXT generation! LOL)
my dad used to tell me to wish in one hand and shit in the other and see witch one fills up first
Or when my buddy wanted to borrow my car i handed him a screw driver and said, "Start it like it's stolen
"No, seriously, I'm not knocking your Ford.....it knocks enough on it's own"...
I came up with that one a few years ago in Ford vs. Chevy argument/pissing contest. It was the winning comment that night.
A few others:
"If that ride was mine, I would drop....straight off a cliff"
"The problem is the loose nut behind the wheel"
"It's shakin' like a nervous Chihuahua outside in the cold"
Haha that one reminds me of this one...
International=13 letter shit spreader..
My dad's a John Deere guy, IH's and JD's are like Fords and Chevies, Fords and JD's are worth the most Nobody wants a shit spreader or termite food....
Gotta remember that one!!
hot rods pissing off the D.O.T. since 1927 (or what ever year)
Woman: Wow that's really Loud!
Man: Yeah, I took the restricter plate off, give the red devil a little more juice. But it's not exactly street legal so keep it on the down low.
There's also WINNERS and Whiners.
Driver about his mechanic. "The boy could screw up a bowling ball with a rubber mallet."
Mechanic about his driver (after a crash). "He ran out of talent about half way thru turn 3."
And don't forget the good ol boy saying. "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Hell, I could sell 'em for half that price if I didn't have any!!!!
how's my car look? she's a fifty footer. at night. in the rain.
and that, my friends, is the truth.
"Stand on it!"
Real men have 9 inchers
thats not what it stands for. but i cant tell you because its a secret
that's james dean's quote, except its live fast, die young, and have a good lookin corpse
Torque Specs? Just get it as goddam tight as you can,
then go another half turn.
HIGH SPEED KILLS! Be slow and safe-drive a ford.
If it aint broke it aint mine
And from early speedway days;
Someone thru a fight and a race broke out.
when somone tells you something wont work or look right...
fire up the buick with starting fluid after the new 305 transplant it backfires out the carb and catches the air cleaner on fire.
after i beat it out and dent the top hat i look at andrew and say
She was a cadillac in her day boy!
he sez; whenever the hell that was!
1.)The back window of my drag car (one day) it will say "Harder to catch than a greased up midget"
2.)My old auto shop teacher would say about my cars "Boy, that thing wouldn't pull a greased needle out of a horse's ass"
3.)A friend of mine always jokes about his beater car he says "I stopped at the station, checked the gas and filled up the oil"
this one gets said around the shop alot.. " smash to fit, cualk to seal, paint to match."
also had a shirt and sticker that said : If you're reading this, You Just pulled me over"
still have the shirt, the sticker got ripped of by the law at the VW nationals in Maryland last year.
mopar- my old pals are retarted
when building a car you can only pick 2 of the following three options
fast,reliable,cheap, you cant have all 3.
Lets go shit on someones street!
Separate names with a comma.