Funniest lines from the parts counter

What's even funnier: if you change a few of the details of this story you've described the "first car" experience of many of us on this forum and how it was viewed by others!

 

If that's not scary enough....Just remember that those are the ones "smart" enough to get hired,.........

4TTRUK

 

On a positive note....I'm one of those who was "spoiled rotten", by a super knowlegeable Lady, who owned and operated a local parts / machine shop with her son. She actually had a new master cyl , as well as wheel cyls for the 51 Ford I had just bought,.... They never discarded a parts catalog. I discoverd that parts emporium when I arrived in Sacramento in 1972, and their list of loyal customers must have been long enough to fill a big city phone book !!!

4TTRUK

 

Well I just got hired at Vato Zone. I guess I should put a little HAMB sticker on my name tag so you local guys can more easily locate someone who has an idea of what your talking about

 

I was a parts department manager for a number of years, as well as being a car nut. I knew that I could manually input minimum stocking levels [such as 2 for brake rotors and 8 for spark plugs] and minimum order quantities [like full boxes instead of receiving loose parts thet might get mislabeled at the warehouse] and did just that.. The owner of the dealership where I worked insisted that we use "matrix pricing" on parts...IOW, the cheaper parts ended up with the highest markup, and the most expensive parts were sold at factory suggested list price. I discovered really quickly that if I wanted to NOT lose all my body shop business and all my maintenance parts business, I had to price those items based on "book" list and not some bumped matrix price. Our gross profit was still quite respectable, and we made decent money on commissions that way.

But when working on my own car, I dreaded going to the McParts stores, because the people they hired were LCD's [lowest-common denominators], for the most part. But I changed my preconceived opinion of that when the local AutoZoo hired one of the former NAPA guys who really knew his stuff, who just happened to be down on his luck for whatever reason. So now when I go into a parts joint, I don't enter with any preconceived notions. Sometimes I end up with somebody who actually knows what they're doing...and other times I end up dealing with Meth-Head Fred, who [as my dad used to say] couldn't find his ass with both hands, using shit for a clue. Not always happy having to walk someone through his [or her--although most women in the parts biz usually get very good at what they do] own catalog system, but some days life just goes that way. So you deal with it, make a mental note, and move on.

 

In the 1980's, when I was in high school, I walked into an auto parts that had a machine shop to have a valve job done on a set of 322 nail head Buick heads. Instead of asking the guy at the counter " How much do you charge for a valve job?", I plopped out " How much would you charge me for a head job?" . He didn't respond. It took me a few seconds to realize what I had done.

 

oops.......


4TTRUK

 

P/G- Parts Guy
M*- ME

My most favorites are:
Me-Yea need brake lines, I need to match them up.
P/G- whats it on?*
Me-55 chevy sedan
P/G-*Its probbaly a 12mm 50deg fitting* "Ummmm, wtf?"

-Or-

At the speed shop
Me- Need some poly-locks, 7/16th's
P/G- whats it going on?
Me- 454, 290' oval ports
P/G- Ohh man, you'd be much better off with some brodix or darts!, You'd make wayy more power.
...Me- Yea, Im sure i would man, what makes you say that?
P/G- Well I mean im straight foward you know, I have a degree in engine building.
Me- Ohh yea, It took a "Degree in engine building" to tell me i'd make more power with a set of $3k alluminum aftermarket heads? Hmmm dang.
Well, seeing you hold a "degree"...You have the 'locks or not?

I spent years doing parts, Still do parts (in Aerospace however) It's the same customers

Just make it easy on yourself DONT BE A SIMPLE CUSTOMER
Don't explain what its in,,,I DONT CARE. I need to know what it came from. When i buy engine parts, I buy them for a 70' chevelle 454 ls-5/6. Guess what, its in a 55' chevy but I've never gotten a wrong part.
Don't, Don't,Don't be the "Yea um its a chevy 350" guy.
Look at it from a logistics point of view.

It's a 350, any year...Should be the same.

 

The guys at the local O'Reilly's know me pretty well by now. When they hire a new person, they love to stick me with them as an initiation.

FNG: "What kind of vehicle is it?"
Me: "Hell if I know anymore."

It's all in good fun, but I can't imagine giving those guys any crap because they're not familiar every single car ever made.

 

When I sold parts, I always got a kick out of the customers who would ask for a fuel pump for a small-block chevy. When asked for the year and model, they'd bellow "They're all the same!" I'd sell them one for a 1955 265....which puts out a maximum pressure of just over 3lbs.......They're "all the same", after all......

 

Me: I need a Ford key cut with this key on one side and this (other) key on the other side (holding 2 Ford keys)

Them: Won't work

Me: It'll be OK...see? (pulling a key exactly like I asked for out of pocket)

Them: Won't work

Me: Just humor me and cut it that way

Them: I'll do it, but it won't work and I can't give you a refund when it doesn't

Me: That's OK, I can afford to gamble the $1.49


Morons abound

 

A buddy of mine told me about that once, and I had never thought that the locks and ignition are only tumbled on one side, it's really a good idea IMHO.

 

Does your store have a magazine rack? If so, check the prices on your computer system.

The Auto Zone closest to me has a rack with a few car magazines (Hot Rod, Street Rodder and so forth); I grabbed one off the rack last year and when the counter person rang it up it was priced at $0.01. I told her that wasn't right and pointed at the price on the front page of the magazine, she asked her manager about it and told me, "that's the price." So, I paid my penny and left.

Last week I went in the same store to get another magazine, but this time it rang up as $10.53. Once again, they asked the manager and told me, "that's the price." I left without the magazine.

 

Oreily's has it.

http://www.oreillyauto.com/site/c/detail/EB00/121G.oap

 

Oh, now THAT is some funny shit! Here's the BEST part; It asks you for your zip code to check for price and availability. So I put it in. It says "Not available online, please call store for details, price and availability." They're almost BEGGING you to fuck with some poor kid behind the counter!

BRB... Gotta go make a phone call...

 

I just called O'Reilly's. Kid on other end of the line asked what vehicle I was working on, I said an '81 DMC DeLorean. He said "Oh, wow! That's cool! What are you looking for?" I told him P/N 121G, and that I got it off their website. Guess what..? Doesn't come up in their system! I was TRYING to get him to pull it up on his screen without actually SAYING the name of the part I was looking for because I knew I would start cracking up. He put me on hold, and I just hung up.

 

You might want to find out what the price is with and without the core charge...

 

Where the FUCK am I gonna get a core?!? (Although, from the picture, I could probably build a core from parts bought at a plumbing/electrical supply store...)

 

Easy chief, I was kidding...

 

That's the problem with texting/email/forums/etc... The person on the other side of the screen isn't able to hear the sarcasm all the time. I was kidding, too. Joking back at a joke.

 

Thank you for your support of the local indy napa shop. I happen to work at an indy napa in a VERY rural area of wisconsin. thank you again.

autozone is the equivalentt of walmart. it sucks.

(general opinion.)
If you find yourself rolling your eyes @ the questions that are asked that seem ridiculous, be patient and work with your counter person. we (customer and counter person) are at the mercy of the computer system. not a day goes by that I look at a prompt on the monitor that i say wtf?

If you still are thinking that you know more than the counter person and would be a better counter person. step up. get a job slinging parts let me know how much you realy "know"

 

we use a central store-based parts catalog and back that up with as many online vendor catalogs as we have vendors, and still get confusing results with them. because every one of them follows a similar ID process, i often have to ask questions that even to me seem odd, yet when all is said and done, that one piece of info JUST might be all the difference between your being happy as a clam or cursing the day of my birth later on. i worked VW/Audi parts for a decade, and it seems like they made changes weekly in their parts designs.... and they're just ONE of a few dozen manufacturers!
for every "HAMB"-type parts request i get in a day (more than a few, actually) i get a hundred "modern era" questions.... it takes a little more effort to dig that far back in my memory!

 

They also have the Mr. Fusion upgrade kit.
http://www.oreillyauto.com/site/c/detail/EB00/121GMF.oap?keyword=121gmf

 

Bwaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaa! I am soooooo gonna mess with Ed the next time in my local O'Reilly's!!!

 

WTF, it's really in their system... I'm going to send this in to our local store and see what happens Monday!!!

 

I have zero complaints about Carquest Kerrville.

 

That seriously made my whole night!

 

You ask for a part off another car model that will work on your custom.
And they want to know what car its going in,
I tell them again i want this part only...
Again what car is it going in.
It does not matter i say again..
and so on .....

 

I ordered mine this morning; backordered till 1955

THAT is some seriously funny s**t - and you don't haveta go 88 mph to get a laff out of it! (I wonder if they stock Plutonium??)

 

(I wonder if they stock Plutonium??)


I'd go with the "Mr Fusion Upgrade"



EB Enterprises - Flux Capacitor

Part Number: 121GMF
Line: EB - Limited Availability

• Mr. Fusion Upgrade

Detailed Description

• Upgrade Kit: "Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor Generator"
  • Replaces Plutonium
  • Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor converts household waste to fusion power (specifically cold fusion)
  • The generator creates 1.21 Gigawatts of power which supplies the time machine's flux capacitor and time circuits using nuclear fusion