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Funniest lines from the parts counter

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by 59Apachegail, May 13, 2012.

  1. 59Apachegail
    Joined: Apr 30, 2011
    Posts: 1,378

    from New York

    I know this is o/t but I figured i give it a shot:

    me: Hi I'm Looking for a universal ignition switch...
    Them: I'm sorry sir we only carry ones for vehicles

    me: Hi are those fuel lines stainless?
    Them: no those are not rated for fuel.
    me:Oh really what are they rated for?
    Them:Vacuum only.
    Me:Why is it under the fuel lines sign?
    them:Oh someone must have put them all there by mistake.

    me: Hi I need a stainless steel fuel line...
    them: Well we only have steel ones, but don't worry no one else will really be looking at your fuel lines.

    me:Hi I need stainless steel fuel lines...
    them:We don't carry them.
    me: Can you order them for me?
    them: No but if you go to around the block to pepboys they will have them.

    me: Hi I need these 3/4" bus fuses but the amp I need is not there.
    Them: They stopped making those in the 60's sir anything on the shelf is all left overs.
    me: Oh wow I thought they just opened this place.... (while im standing under the grand opening sign).

    me: Hi I have a caliper I bought here with less than 500 miles on it and it is leaking already.
    them: That is to be expected sir.
    me: Really, why?
    them:Because those things are items that need to be replaced at a regular interval
    me: so how come the other ones on the car haven't leaked and they have 60000 miles each?
    them: oh you got really lucky with those, I would get new ones from where ever you got those from.
    If I think of new ones I'll re-post.
    dan c likes this.
  2. Me: I would like to get a price on a Chevy 350 longblock.
    Parts Guy: What are you puting it in?
    Me: Camaro
    Parts Guy: Oh I don`t think it will fit in a Camaro. You will need to buy a shortblock.
    54fierro and slack like this.
  3. dabirdguy
    Joined: Jun 23, 2005
    Posts: 2,404

    Member Emeritus

    Plastigage? We don't sell plastic. We sell CAR PARTS.
  4. I need a set of R45TS plugs, Reply "what kid of car do you have?". Why? I ask, I just gave you the part number, Reply "it's so I can find them"

  5. I asked autozone for cam grease?assembly lube.the idiot handed me bulb grease and saidbthis should work.i was at a lose for words
  6. Me:
    Need a distributor rotor for a 1957 Ford 6cyl.

    Parts person:
    You'll have to come back when the old guy that knows how to look it up is here.
    Our computer only goes back to 1964.

    Then look it up for a 1970 Mustang 6cyl.

    Parts person:
    You better get the right one or it won't work.

    Ford used the same one for about 40 years.

    Parts person:
    I doubt it.

    Just get me a rotor for a 70 Mustang please.
    54fierro likes this.
  7. Inked Monkey
    Joined: Apr 19, 2011
    Posts: 1,824

    Inked Monkey

    Parts: Can i intrest you in some fuel injector cleaner to gain some gas mileage?

    Me: I don't have Fuel injectors.

    Parts: All cars have them, thats how the motor gets the fuel.
    dan c and The G00SE like this.
  8. trksmth
    Joined: Feb 10, 2009
    Posts: 372


    They had a new guy that was a know it all and a I hated him because he never got my parts right. When I told him it was the wrong parts he'd tell me I was wrong. They were what I asked for. So,The next time I walked in...

    Me: Do you have a radiator for a '69 VW? Then I got my parts from another parts guy that always got it right for me and left.
    Parts guy: 45 minutes later he calls and said, I don't think we have one here, want me to order you one?
    Me: No, call me with the part # and price first.
    I never heard from him or seen him work there again!

    I have to wounder how long he looked for a radiator for an air cooled engine?
    Last edited: May 13, 2012
    50 customcoupe, MyCrustyVW and slack like this.
  9. Me: "Do you have a carb kit for a '73 Plymouth Duster? It's a Carter two-barrel (carb number), 49-state, 318 auto..."

    Counter-girl at Carquest: "What's a carb?" (in all seriousness, too!)
  10. actionrog
    Joined: Mar 13, 2006
    Posts: 99


    me; Do you have a priming tool for a small block mopar?

    Parts; Are trying to paint your car?
    Perry Hvegholm likes this.
  11. I needed an oil fill cap for a sbc......the gal asked "is it 2wd or 4wd?" 2wd I said...
    She comes back with a radiator cap.....
    54fierro likes this.
  12. Brad54
    Joined: Apr 15, 2004
    Posts: 6,014

    from Atl Ga

    I need a dash light for a '61 Chevy C10 truck.
    "Sure. What year is it?"
    Um... 1961.
    C10 truck
    "1/2-ton or 3/4-ton."
    C10 IS a half-ton.
    "V8 or 6cylinder."
    (sigh...) V8
    "What size?"
    (SIGH...) 283
    "What is that in liters?"
    I have no idea, just...
    "Well, it's giving me two choices. 4.6 Liter or 5.3 Liter. Which do you think it might be?"
    Just pick one.
    "2 wheel driver or 4-wheel drive."
    Really?? 2 wheel drive!
    "Automatic or manual transmission?"
    What fucking difference does it make what kind of trans is in it, I need a damn light bulb for the dash! Just pick one and hit ENTER until you get to the screen that has light bulbs!
    (ENTER, ENTER, ENTER, ENTER... scroll scroll scroll...)
    "I'm sorry... we don't have that in stock."

    And that was the last time I went to Autozone for anything but to drop off used oil.

    Perry Hvegholm, OLSKOOL32 and slack like this.
  13. Inked Monkey
    Joined: Apr 19, 2011
    Posts: 1,824

    Inked Monkey

    Me: I need a tube for a 6.70 15 tire

    Parts: What is it on? A trailer?

    Me: No, its on my car

    Parts: I've never heard of tubes in a car tire because you can't run them on the street

    Me: Trailers are on the street

    Parts: But they don't turn

    54fierro and dan c like this.
  14. I asked for gaskets for Ford 351 Cleavland Rocker covers.
    I was asked what year car it was.
    I said it's a 1938 Ford but the Clevo is from a 1970 GTHO Falcon.
    He looked at me with his mouth wide open and replyed............
    Ford didn't make cars that long ago!

  15. I am at checkout with a sparkplug for my lawnmower.

    Clerk: What is your zipcode?
    Me: I don't want you to mail it. I need to mow my yard today, so I am taking it with me.
    Clerk: Blank stare
    cptn60 likes this.
  16. Chrisbcritter
    Joined: Sep 11, 2011
    Posts: 1,885


    I'm waiting for a fellow Edsel owner to chime in here, especially if they hadn't learned to say Ford or Mercury at the counter yet...
    Dixon Bastie and MyCrustyVW like this.
  17. Rusty O'Toole
    Joined: Sep 17, 2006
    Posts: 9,406

    Rusty O'Toole

    Customer: Do you keep car batteries?

    Smart ass clerk: No, we sell them.

    Customer: Well you can keep the one you were going to sell me.
  18. docmike
    Joined: Oct 2, 2011
    Posts: 239


    I sold auto parts for 18 years before moving to selling motorcycle parts. So, from the back side of the counter:

    Customer: I need a water pump for a 77 Olds Cutlass with a V8.

    Me: Which V8 do you have?

    Customer: Aren't they all the same?

    Me: No, GM was using corperate motors in cars then. It could be a Chevy, Buick, Olds, Pontiac. Then if it has air that makes a differance.What is your VIN number?

    Customer: Does it really make that much differance?

    Me: Yes, my catalog lists 8 different water pumps for a V8 for that year, Do you want to guess or should I guess.

    Customer:I guess I better go home and get the VIN.

    irishsteve and 54fierro like this.
  19. Beat2Hell
    Joined: Mar 20, 2012
    Posts: 65

    from So. Cal

    HA! I get that one all the time... "I need a vacuum choke pull off for a 1 bbl carter, 1963 Dodge D100. 3.7, auto."

    Counter person: uh... I don't know foo, I don't think they make that anymore, you said it goes on the what? The carb? Maybe try ebay or something"

    Me: Facepalm

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  20. 59Apachegail
    Joined: Apr 30, 2011
    Posts: 1,378

    from New York

    I learned that the chains only go back to 67 so if I need something I have to say I have a 67 c10.

    Me: I need a coil for a 59 chevy apache
    Them: I'm sorry sir the is no such thing as an apache
  21. Me: I need a clutch for an o/t pickup
    Them: is that a standard or automatic?
    Me: DOH!!
  22. Russco
    Joined: Nov 27, 2005
    Posts: 4,133

    from Central IL

    Just the other day I called Dennis Carpenter and asked if they had a slip yoke for a '51 Ford 3 speed non OD? and the guy says whats a slip yoke?
  23. MissPrint
    Joined: Sep 11, 2008
    Posts: 760


    Not only did the Edsel baffle them. . .so did my 292 Y Block:

    Me: I need a new master cylinder for my Edsel.

    Them: A what? There's no such thing.

    Me: An Edsel. :rolleyes: Nevermind. Here's the part number.

    Them: What engine?

    Me: 292 Y Block. Why do you need to know the engine? What difference does it make? I need a master cylinder.

    Them: Why do you have a boat motor in your car?

    (Side note: I've also been asked if my car is a 4-dr or 2-dr, what color it is, and whether or not it has air-conditioning, in order to buy things like brake pads, plugs, and wires :rolleyes:.)
  24. Smokey2
    Joined: Jan 11, 2011
    Posts: 920


    LADY came to our Parts Counter with this written an piece of paper "710 ".........Yes,
    I need a "710 cap ", men consulted .............a 710 cap, huh ?
    Yes, my husband wrote that on the paper !!!!! That's what he needs for his truck !

    Then, of the partsmen turned the paper OVER !
    O I L !
    What year is your husbands truck, Mam ' .......... Big Smile
    Last edited: May 13, 2012
  25. jroberts
    Joined: Oct 14, 2008
    Posts: 1,631


    Me: I need (pick the part).
    Clerk: What car and year?
    Me: You really don't want to know.
    Clerk: I need the name and year to look it up.
    Me: Here's the part number.
    Clerk: I still need the car and year.
    Me: 1961 Studebaker Champ pickup.
    Clerk: Who makes Studebaker?
    Me: Studebaker made Studebakers. They were their own company.
    Clerk: It is German?
    Me: Let me talk to the old guy in the back.......

    This happens time and time again.
  26. Slick Willy
    Joined: Aug 3, 2008
    Posts: 3,012

    Slick Willy

    Since I used to be the worlds best part guy:p before a career move I usually get annoyed with these threads but I will add this one as heard by me after putting up this sign:

    "If you are dealing with a MARINE application please let us know so we can serve you better"

    (i live and worked in a fishing and boating coastal town)

    Weelll, We had a father/son team, prob. 65/30years old, who just started working for us.

    They walk in the front door and the son says to his dad:
    "Hey, dad, look!(while pointing at my new sign) You were a marine, maybe they will give you a better discount now!"

    So, ya, youre all correct:eek:, but making a life for yourself at $6.75 an hour is not possible, sorry...
  27. That happens a lot
  28. Scottrods2
    Joined: May 15, 2011
    Posts: 56


    From the back side of the counter again - All of these happened in Garland, Texas YEARS ago.

    Girl: I need to get a starter for my boyfriend's Pickup.
    Counter Guy: What kind of truck is it?
    Girl: A Blue one

    Nothing is more fun than when a woman comes and and says "Do you have Brass Nuts?" All the guys at the store can be found rolled up on the floor laughing....

    Oriental Guy: I need Converter for Car
    Parts Guy: Catlalyitic Conveter?
    Oriental guy: NO! I Have Rincoln!
  29. Scottrods2
    Joined: May 15, 2011
    Posts: 56


    Here's one on a great website! Along with a Kuhneutson valve.... Some Wiper fluid?
  30. Beau
    Joined: Jul 2, 2009
    Posts: 1,883


    Them: "What year is it for?"

    Me: "No, I need this part."

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