Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

Wind 'er up till the valves float. - Unknown.

 

"Everything we have is either too short or bent" Bob Glidden
"You can lead a horse to water, but sitting on his head wont make him drink" Smokey Yunick
"You can afford to be arrogant. You can afford to be stupid. But you CANT afford to be both." Bob Crosbie
"You will never go wrong underestimating the intelligence of the American public." Samuel Clements (ok, so he wasnt a gearhead. Sue me...)

 

Here is one I got from my father-inlaw, We were working on my 71 cutlass years ago and I was reaching under the dash to put in a bolt and could not find the hole he told me to "put a little hair around it.

I say this to people on the streets while driving not sure where I got it from but if they are driving slow I yell out "go any slower you'd be going backwards"

 

I'm more confused than a baby at a topless bar!

That hurt more than a trip down a razor lined slide into a pool of rubbing alcohol.

More plugged up than a cheese eating billy goat.

 

"Not just your run of the mill sayings where the original sayer of the saying has been indefinitely lost to the abyss of time".

 

Never buy a car you can't push. - anon.

....rarer than rocking horse shit.

 

You can lead a whore to water, but you can't make her think......

 

Bondo in your doors is a sign of courage......

 

real hotrods have flames!

take out your rod and play with it !

unfinished because primers finer!

K.eep I.t S.imple S. tupid

when the green light drops the bullshit stops!

drive it like you stole it!

 

"You want a good tuneup? Put on a lighter throttle spring and move the drivers seat up a couple notches".

 

"He who shits fast don't shit long" Jerry Vieira

 

mopar or no no car

Aussie Holden
hold on love de enigines nackered

 

Actually it's not... Ford just numbers the cylinders different.
The firing order is the same as Chevy.

 

That boy could break an anvil with a bannana peel; Dad talking about my little brother.

I've been to two public hangings, a Denver whorehouse and the Wirt county fair and I ain't never seen anything like that; Me

Admit nothing, Deny everything, Demand proof; Guy I used to work with on the Sheriff Dept.

 

Well, I know this some of the time, but remember it even less.

However, I can always remember F O R D no matter how much tequila.
I Hope my honey keeps me off the computer tonight for you guys' sake....

Syncro the mayo or something like that

 

"Packard's were fine automobiles. I
know the one I had was the best car
I've ever pushed!" - my 82-year-old
Dad reminiscing about the used 1942
Packard he that bought in 1950!

Mart3406
=============

 

two i came up with when someone messes up, what a brain, they ought to put it in a jar and study it, and, did your mom have any kids that lived?

 

I got a few:

1 - Bob Hope to Phyis Diller "What did you comb you hair with an eggbeater"

2 - Tighten it a 1/4 before the snap

3 - Don't sweat the small stuff

4 - I've got more miles going backward than you'll ever have going forward

5 - The best position at sex for me is bottom because I'm good at f**king up

 

My auto shop instructor watching me try to install JC Whitney headers on my 390 Fairlaine;
"Dream on broomstick cowboy"..

 

If yer asshole was as big as yer mouth yer guts 'ud fall out. Grandpa again.........

 

Nervous as a cat shittin' razor blades. Yea, Grandpa..........

 

Just thought of another one from my dad. When he'd hear one of the ricer boys with the buzzbomb muffler on his honda dad would say;
"Sounds like a bumblebee in a mayonaise jar".

 

From the old front motor fuel days. Crew chief to driver "Count to 8 and duck"

 

dont sweat the petty stuff and
dont pet the sweaty stuff.

itll buff out

could be worse, you could be the guy that has to clean that up

 

F O R D
First On Race Day
Found On Roadside Dead

He's dumber than a bag of hammers - George Clooney

She can suck the chrome off a bumper!

 

ashley force;

''thank god l got my mom's looks and my dad's mouth.''

Later

 

"The sun even shines on a dogs ass every once in a while".
"Uglier than ten inches of skinned back buzzard dick".
"The f'in you get is equal to the f'in you got".

 

Some great quotes, guys. Been rollin' around reading 'em.

Here's a few...

"She could suck-start a Jumbo Jet"

"When I left, her face looked like a plasterers radio"

"You couldn't hit an Elephants arse with a handful o' rice!"

FIAT - Fart In A Teacup



My Dad:
"Well, shit in yer hat & punch it!"
or
"Well, shit and step back in it!"

I remember being in the car with him & my brother one day when the old man farted. My brother said: "Did you just drop one, Dad?" To which my Dad replied:
"No son, that was two together!"



Sign in a friend's shop...

We do three kinds of work here:-
Fast, Cheap & Good

If it's Good & Cheap, it won't be Fast
If it's Cheap & Fast, it won't be Good
If it's Good & Fast, it won't be Cheap

 

F O R D:

F~~king Owner Really Dumb!

A longtime Ford fanatic buddy after a few beers around a campfire, years ago

 

You won't see it at 100 mph