The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Imperial Kustom, May 4, 2012.
Go fast , Go far, Walk home, MOPAR.
My old plymouth ain't running
"My car's a Pervertible...The top don't go down but the driver does."
Kid: Dad, when I grow up I wanna be a hot rodder.
Dad: Make your mind up son, you can't do both.
"boy you could fuck up a steel ball" -can't remember
"someone dropped a steamer in the gene pool" - NOFX
Dad would say, "Not bad for a hair lip".. Right after he had just finished a job he was proud of! (He didn't have a hair lip, so it took me a while to figure that one out)
"I could give 'em a cannon ball and a plastic spoon and he would figure out a way to fuck up that cannon ball..." me, commenting on a guy I worked with about a year ago. It got a few laughs.
Speed kills;drive a chevy nicked that one off this web (it was a ford,though)
I've got an attitude bigger than your old ladys ass
GM- Get Mechanic
GMC - Got Mechanic Coming
Lotus - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
FIAT - Fix It Again Tony
"We worked 80 hour weeks for 30 years to keep from having to get a real job."
"T.C". Tom Lemon's comment on the rigors of drag racing.
Tighten it until it breaks, then back it off a quarter turn.. I have no idea who it came from...
Once you hit the apex mash it to the floor and let er eat. ( from an old circle track racer)
Thats all she had my toenails were in the fanblade.
full up my flatheads oil same time ill be checking the gas
its a shame the people who REALLY know how to run this country are to busy working on old cars
Save a HOTROD shoot a Environmentalist
"After the third flip, I lost control............"
Don Roberts after crashing in the Jade Grenade at New England Dragway in 1975.
-Raul Julia, driving (yes, he did his own driving) a '74 Ferrari Daytona, in 1976's The Gumball Rally. Which was also loosely based on Cannonball Baker's shenannigans, but predated the movie Cannonball Run by five years.
Notable in that all the cars were the real thing (including the two 427 Cobras also used in the filming) and supposedly no camera tricks were used. They were filmed actually driving at 100mph plus.
As for fun sayings, some of which I probably stole from somebody else on this site...
"Don't act stupid, somebody might believe you."
Learn to weld."
"If it breaks in half you get to keep both pieces."
"Just getting bigger amplifiers doesn't make the music any better."
"I make horsepower the old fashioned way. I exaggerate."
Heard from an old timer while looking at a Cadillac. "The problem with those cars is when you have problems, you have problems.
From one of my mates. "Don't F**k with a good temporary repair".
Super Dave Osborne one liners to Mr T...yeah from the A-team...
"where'd you get your haircut? the pet shop?"
"you know..I'd have trouble pickin you out in a room full of faggots.."
"That ole boy could weld sh*t to glass"
For every mile of road there are two miles of ditches....
If you polish a turd long enough...you'll get a shiney turd.
I am glad you and a few others understand this as so many are missing it. But I still like some of this stuff. It's funny. Everybody seems to be having a good time and Ryan doesn't seem to mind, so what the hell!
Brilliant. Some funny stuff posted there and i've haven't heard many of them being this side of the pond. Here's a few my Dad always comes out with....
as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike
nice fella but not quite the full socket set
the motors that quiet you could hear a flea fart
My favourite i heard somewhere here on the HAMB and used it the other day and always makes me smile. My brother who has an equally warped sense of humour brought around his new, mega expensive INTENSE downhill MTB.
Just said, "Bro, there's no doudt about it, that IS the cats ass" and he just cracked up laughing. He rang me 3 days later about something and he was still tickled with the expression and laughing about it.
If if Flys, Floats, or F**ks, your better off rentin' it.
People will treat you as bad as you let them.
Even a blind squirel gets a nut every now and then.
People who tell you "Two Weeks", "It's on the truck", "The checks in the mail", or call you "Buddy" are all telling you the same thing.
Theres only two kinds of problems, ones you can fix, and ones you can't.
There's two things you don't lone out, your tools and your old lady because they will both come back f**ked.
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn. Better Off Dead
I still find myself quoting this one ALL the time in multiple situations.
I believe that was John Force.
Separate names with a comma.