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Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Imperial Kustom, May 4, 2012.

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  1. Master of None
    Joined: Dec 18, 2009
    Posts: 2,279

    Master of None

    Go fast , Go far, Walk home, MOPAR.
  2. johnod
    Joined: Aug 18, 2009
    Posts: 778



    My old plymouth ain't running
  3. "My car's a Pervertible...The top don't go down but the driver does."
  4. Dago 88
    Joined: Mar 4, 2006
    Posts: 2,038

    Dago 88

    Kid: Dad, when I grow up I wanna be a hot rodder.
    Dad: Make your mind up son, you can't do both. :eek:
  5. Junkytudor
    Joined: Jan 15, 2007
    Posts: 18


    "boy you could fuck up a steel ball" -can't remember
  6. Junkytudor
    Joined: Jan 15, 2007
    Posts: 18


    "someone dropped a steamer in the gene pool" - NOFX
    Boden likes this.
  7. Dad would say, "Not bad for a hair lip".. Right after he had just finished a job he was proud of! (He didn't have a hair lip, so it took me a while to figure that one out)
  8. RagtopBuick66
    Joined: Dec 12, 2011
    Posts: 1,182


    "I could give 'em a cannon ball and a plastic spoon and he would figure out a way to fuck up that cannon ball..." me, commenting on a guy I worked with about a year ago. It got a few laughs.
  9. Speed kills;drive a chevy :rolleyes: nicked that one off this web (it was a ford,though):D
  10. I've got an attitude bigger than your old ladys ass

    GM- Get Mechanic
    GMC - Got Mechanic Coming
    Lotus - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
    FIAT - Fix It Again Tony
  11. Rocky Famoso
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
    Posts: 3,000

    Rocky Famoso

    "We worked 80 hour weeks for 30 years to keep from having to get a real job."
    "T.C". Tom Lemon's comment on the rigors of drag racing.
  12. Tighten it until it breaks, then back it off a quarter turn.. I have no idea who it came from...
  13. Rocky Famoso
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
    Posts: 3,000

    Rocky Famoso

  14. hemi gasser
    Joined: Aug 9, 2009
    Posts: 71

    hemi gasser

    Once you hit the apex mash it to the floor and let er eat. ( from an old circle track racer)

    Thats all she had my toenails were in the fanblade.
  15. full up my flatheads oil same time ill be checking the gas
  16. its a shame the people who REALLY know how to run this country are to busy working on old cars
  17. Save a HOTROD shoot a Environmentalist
  18. Rocky Famoso
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
    Posts: 3,000

    Rocky Famoso

    "After the third flip, I lost control............"

    Don Roberts after crashing in the Jade Grenade at New England Dragway in 1975.
  19. DocsMachine
    Joined: Feb 8, 2005
    Posts: 279

    from Alaska

    -Raul Julia, driving (yes, he did his own driving) a '74 Ferrari Daytona, in 1976's The Gumball Rally. Which was also loosely based on Cannonball Baker's shenannigans, but predated the movie Cannonball Run by five years.

    Notable in that all the cars were the real thing (including the two 427 Cobras also used in the filming) and supposedly no camera tricks were used. They were filmed actually driving at 100mph plus.

    As for fun sayings, some of which I probably stole from somebody else on this site... :D

    "Don't act stupid, somebody might believe you."

    "Measure once,
    Cut twice,
    Learn to weld."

    "If it breaks in half you get to keep both pieces."

    "Just getting bigger amplifiers doesn't make the music any better."

    "I make horsepower the old fashioned way. I exaggerate."

  20. rbonazzoli
    Joined: Feb 16, 2012
    Posts: 141

    from Dallas, TX

    Heard from an old timer while looking at a Cadillac. "The problem with those cars is when you have problems, you have problems.
  21. Rok 51
    Joined: Mar 20, 2011
    Posts: 118

    Rok 51

    From one of my mates. "Don't F**k with a good temporary repair".
  22. fleet-master
    Joined: Sep 29, 2010
    Posts: 1,774


    Super Dave Osborne one liners to Mr T...yeah from the A-team...

    "where'd you get your haircut? the pet shop?"
    "you know..I'd have trouble pickin you out in a room full of faggots.."
  23. davo461
    Joined: May 13, 2007
    Posts: 345


    "That ole boy could weld sh*t to glass"
  24. ewob53
    Joined: Jul 3, 2010
    Posts: 35

    from Minnesota

    For every mile of road there are two miles of ditches....
    If you polish a turd long'll get a shiney turd.
  25. Imperial Kustom
    Joined: Dec 20, 2007
    Posts: 269

    Imperial Kustom

    I am glad you and a few others understand this as so many are missing it. But I still like some of this stuff. It's funny. Everybody seems to be having a good time and Ryan doesn't seem to mind, so what the hell!
  26. gasolinescream
    Joined: Sep 7, 2010
    Posts: 614


    Brilliant. Some funny stuff posted there and i've haven't heard many of them being this side of the pond. Here's a few my Dad always comes out with....

    as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike

    nice fella but not quite the full socket set

    the motors that quiet you could hear a flea fart

    My favourite i heard somewhere here on the HAMB and used it the other day and always makes me smile. My brother who has an equally warped sense of humour brought around his new, mega expensive INTENSE downhill MTB.

    Just said, "Bro, there's no doudt about it, that IS the cats ass" and he just cracked up laughing. He rang me 3 days later about something and he was still tickled with the expression and laughing about it.

    Last edited: May 5, 2012
  27. HamberHead
    Joined: Apr 14, 2012
    Posts: 10

    from Cedarburg

    If if Flys, Floats, or F**ks, your better off rentin' it.

    People will treat you as bad as you let them.

    Even a blind squirel gets a nut every now and then.

    People who tell you "Two Weeks", "It's on the truck", "The checks in the mail", or call you "Buddy" are all telling you the same thing.

    Theres only two kinds of problems, ones you can fix, and ones you can't.
  28. Maratrodz
    Joined: Sep 3, 2011
    Posts: 25

    from Wa

    There's two things you don't lone out, your tools and your old lady because they will both come back f**ked.
  29. RagtopBuick66
    Joined: Dec 12, 2011
    Posts: 1,182


    “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” — Better Off Dead
    I still find myself quoting this one ALL the time in multiple situations.

  30. I believe that was John Force.
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