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Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Imperial Kustom, May 4, 2012.

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  1. Even my non-Hamb wife loves this one!
     
  2. melsfine39
    Joined: Apr 24, 2009
    Posts: 235

    melsfine39
    Member

    You could put that guys brain in the ass of a ant and it would rattle like a bb in a coffee can!! Mel:D
     
  3. dana barlow
    Joined: May 30, 2006
    Posts: 4,115

    dana barlow
    Member
    from Miami Fla.
    1. Y-blocks

    Why'd ya stop? The battery volts leaked out when the rod came through the block and cut the battery cable!
     
  4. plymuthpu
    Joined: Dec 14, 2006
    Posts: 28

    plymuthpu
    Member
    from ladson, sc

    Mike








    Mike Bond said: a chicken's smarter'n nat, and he got just a li'l bitty ol' head.

    Arrianne said: Them your legs, or you ridin' a chicken.

    I say: Ya gotta see shit where it ain't
     
  5. BISHOP
    Joined: Jul 16, 2006
    Posts: 2,571

    BISHOP
    Member

    weed
     
  6. Bud Reynolds
    Joined: Oct 12, 2011
    Posts: 69

    Bud Reynolds
    Member

    My granddad had no patience with anything. If his old Dodge wouldn't start he would beat on it with the crank. If he had difficulty dealing with just about anything he would say "The SOB (he used the real words) that invented that shoulda died before he thought of it!" The other day I was working on my `35 headlight lens and was losing my patience. My wife was trying to help. She said I agree with your granddad. She knew what was coming...
     
  7. carlos
    Joined: May 2, 2005
    Posts: 1,382

    carlos
    Member
    from ohio

    "Come On Man,Lets run again I missed 2nd gear"
     
  8. "common sense is genius is work clothes" Mark Twain...i think
     
  9. Bud Reynolds
    Joined: Oct 12, 2011
    Posts: 69

    Bud Reynolds
    Member

    That car of his wouldn't fall out of a tree backwards!

    I cranked it until it boiled over and it never did start!

    That is slicker than snot on a door knob!
     
  10. Black_Sheep
    Joined: May 22, 2010
    Posts: 1,222

    Black_Sheep
    Member

    "make room, I'm on fire" - Cadillac Dave
     
  11. Z06-LITE
    Joined: Nov 13, 2010
    Posts: 166

    Z06-LITE
    Member

    Fenders are for guitar players......If you have to raise the hood to see the engine, you don't have a hot rod.... All mine!!
     
  12. "He's cheating, he's cheating, I know that SOB is cheating ! "

    How can you be so sure ?

    "Because I'm cheating and the Mother F~~~ker just beat me "

    Forgot who
     
  13. Engine man
    Joined: Jan 30, 2011
    Posts: 3,476

    Engine man
    Member
    from Wisconsin

    The only way this thing could be any slower is if it was backin' up.
     
  14. groundpounder
    Joined: Jul 1, 2010
    Posts: 260

    groundpounder
    Member Emeritus

    .......Busier than a two peckered goat in a sheep farm!..... .......If your gonna back it into the fence........make sure your on the GAS!...... .......Be rainin' pussies.........I'd get hit with a Dick!..... And of course .....you can polish a turd so many times.......it's still a turd!
     
  15. Tikitaxi
    Joined: Apr 13, 2012
    Posts: 11

    Tikitaxi
    Member
    from NorCal

    My ex's grandfather," Don't fuck with partial success"
     
  16. topperguy
    Joined: Jan 1, 2012
    Posts: 9

    topperguy
    Member
    from Minnesota

    From my Banker... If it flies fu**s or floats, you're better off leasing!
     
  17. Ratbuilder
    Joined: Sep 29, 2007
    Posts: 42

    Ratbuilder
    Member
    from Indiana

    My garandpa "ill be dipped in shit"
    Friend that passed away. "Thats neater than a pickle seeder"
    My Dad "if your waiting on me your backing up"
     
  18. topperguy
    Joined: Jan 1, 2012
    Posts: 9

    topperguy
    Member
    from Minnesota

    From my Dad..I'm shiverin' like a dog shittin tacks.
     
  19. Gasoline Junkie
    Joined: Nov 20, 2010
    Posts: 328

    Gasoline Junkie
    Member

    "If you can't find 'em, GRIND 'em!"
     
  20. Ratbuilder
    Joined: Sep 29, 2007
    Posts: 42

    Ratbuilder
    Member
    from Indiana

    Oh, and "thats like curring a dead horse" Great friends quote
     
  21. I couldn't fix your brakes so I made the horn louder.

    My mom "If wishes were horses beggers would ride."
    " Wish in one hand & shit in the other & see witch gets full first"
    Showing my roadster to a young fellow today & I started it up for him. "That thing got a cam in it? Me "How the hell do you think the valves jump up & down?" Every one laughs.
    I've had all the fun I can stand
     
  22. fleet-master
    Joined: Sep 29, 2010
    Posts: 1,770

    fleet-master
    Member

    i think it was Super Dave Osborne that said "aaaaahhhh...oooohhhh" whilst lying under yet another pile of bent ,crushed,broken and/or burnt rubble :D:D (sorry it was the only attributable quote I could think of :p)
     
  23. Da Tinman
    Joined: Dec 29, 2005
    Posts: 4,226

    Da Tinman
    Member

    "Yeah I'm a smartass,, who'd you rather have your life in his hands,, a smartass that knows what he's doing or a dumbass that don't?" Mine..
     
  24. Keep that shit up & I'll show ya where the bear shit in the rhubarb patch
    Crazy as a loon
    I got a million of them
    Better him than me
    Too little too late
    Now ya tell me
    One foot in the grave & the other on a banana peel
     
  25. skull
    Joined: Jun 26, 2007
    Posts: 498

    skull
    Member

    my cars so slow bugs hit the back window.

    my luck is so bad, if it was raining beautiful women, l'd get a lesbian.

    my wife was in the bathroom making funny noises, l asked her what she was doin', she said blowing chunks. l ask where that fat chinese bastard was so l could kick his ass:eek:


    Later :cool:
     
  26. Sin7
    Joined: Oct 5, 2011
    Posts: 99

    Sin7
    Member
    from Wylie TX

    Hotter than two goats in a pepper patch
     
  27. Sin7
    Joined: Oct 5, 2011
    Posts: 99

    Sin7
    Member
    from Wylie TX

    Early bird gets the worm. Second mouse gets the cheese
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2012
  28. 72IH
    Joined: Dec 22, 2009
    Posts: 115

    72IH
    Member

    Truck driver says to the mechanic "I got a bad leak, I think I blew a seal"

    Mechanic says "I hope you washed your mouth out."
     
  29. Kerrynzl
    Joined: Jun 20, 2010
    Posts: 2,284

    Kerrynzl
    Member

    "Man I was busier than a Bricklayer in Beirut" Dick Johnson after racing a Group A Falcon XE in the "Nissan Mobil 500" at Wellington NZ
     
  30. 53mercury
    Joined: Dec 2, 2010
    Posts: 95

    53mercury
    Member

    " Move Over People Are Racing "
     
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