The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Imperial Kustom, May 4, 2012.
Even my non-Hamb wife loves this one!
You could put that guys brain in the ass of a ant and it would rattle like a bb in a coffee can!! Mel
Why'd ya stop? The battery volts leaked out when the rod came through the block and cut the battery cable!
Mike Bond said: a chicken's smarter'n nat, and he got just a li'l bitty ol' head.
Arrianne said: Them your legs, or you ridin' a chicken.
I say: Ya gotta see shit where it ain't
My granddad had no patience with anything. If his old Dodge wouldn't start he would beat on it with the crank. If he had difficulty dealing with just about anything he would say "The SOB (he used the real words) that invented that shoulda died before he thought of it!" The other day I was working on my `35 headlight lens and was losing my patience. My wife was trying to help. She said I agree with your granddad. She knew what was coming...
"Come On Man,Lets run again I missed 2nd gear"
"common sense is genius is work clothes" Mark Twain...i think
That car of his wouldn't fall out of a tree backwards!
I cranked it until it boiled over and it never did start!
That is slicker than snot on a door knob!
"make room, I'm on fire" - Cadillac Dave
Fenders are for guitar players......If you have to raise the hood to see the engine, you don't have a hot rod.... All mine!!
"He's cheating, he's cheating, I know that SOB is cheating ! "
How can you be so sure ?
"Because I'm cheating and the Mother F~~~ker just beat me "
The only way this thing could be any slower is if it was backin' up.
.......Busier than a two peckered goat in a sheep farm!..... .......If your gonna back it into the fence........make sure your on the GAS!...... .......Be rainin' pussies.........I'd get hit with a Dick!..... And of course .....you can polish a turd so many times.......it's still a turd!
My ex's grandfather," Don't fuck with partial success"
From my Banker... If it flies fu**s or floats, you're better off leasing!
My garandpa "ill be dipped in shit"
Friend that passed away. "Thats neater than a pickle seeder"
My Dad "if your waiting on me your backing up"
From my Dad..I'm shiverin' like a dog shittin tacks.
"If you can't find 'em, GRIND 'em!"
Oh, and "thats like curring a dead horse" Great friends quote
I couldn't fix your brakes so I made the horn louder.
My mom "If wishes were horses beggers would ride."
" Wish in one hand & shit in the other & see witch gets full first"
Showing my roadster to a young fellow today & I started it up for him. "That thing got a cam in it? Me "How the hell do you think the valves jump up & down?" Every one laughs.
I've had all the fun I can stand
i think it was Super Dave Osborne that said "aaaaahhhh...oooohhhh" whilst lying under yet another pile of bent ,crushed,broken and/or burnt rubble (sorry it was the only attributable quote I could think of )
"Yeah I'm a smartass,, who'd you rather have your life in his hands,, a smartass that knows what he's doing or a dumbass that don't?" Mine..
Keep that shit up & I'll show ya where the bear shit in the rhubarb patch
Crazy as a loon
I got a million of them
Better him than me
Too little too late
Now ya tell me
One foot in the grave & the other on a banana peel
my cars so slow bugs hit the back window.
my luck is so bad, if it was raining beautiful women, l'd get a lesbian.
my wife was in the bathroom making funny noises, l asked her what she was doin', she said blowing chunks. l ask where that fat chinese bastard was so l could kick his ass
Hotter than two goats in a pepper patch
Early bird gets the worm. Second mouse gets the cheese
Truck driver says to the mechanic "I got a bad leak, I think I blew a seal"
Mechanic says "I hope you washed your mouth out."
"Man I was busier than a Bricklayer in Beirut" Dick Johnson after racing a Group A Falcon XE in the "Nissan Mobil 500" at Wellington NZ
" Move Over People Are Racing "
Separate names with a comma.