The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Imperial Kustom, May 4, 2012.
At 30 miles an hour, and 30 feet away, no one will ever see it.
IF IT HAS WHEELS OR TITS YOU WILL HAVE PROBLEMS WITH IT .....My ole man 1956.
BUILT FORD TOUGHT WITH CHEVY STUFF .......BOWTIE BROWN 1967bc.
"AND THE BOWTIE ROLLS ON"
A few from my father:
(after reviewing my latest report card)
Boy, you had better be a damn good guitar picker 'cause you're goin' nowhere with your brain.
(upon my turning 16 and heading out at night with my buddies)
Boy, I've been everywhere you're gonna' go, seen everything you're gonna' see and done everything you're gonna do. So don't come home and try to lie to me about it!
"The laziest guy in the shop figures out the easiest way to get something done"
HOTRODING :because basketball, baseball , football and golf only requires ONE ball.
You don't run first and get gas mileage to. One of the hoods at 9 mile and Northwestern in Detroit. 1955
Shake N Bake - Ricky Bobby
"They sure don't make cars like
they used to.....thank god!" - quote
from my 82-year-old dad, who would
know and who once claimed that the
1942 Packard he owned in 1950 was
"The best car I ever pushed!"
Common phrases in our shop:
The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the beat of the meat. (if you dont got the part lined up right it isnt going fit)
Another for when some FNG wont stop beating on something with a hammer: Swing your purse at it!
1965 general foods now Kraft.
I used to apprentice for a guy building cars and he always used to say " doesn't that just frost your balls?" when ever something didn't go right.
Somebody whines something like "its too far, its too heavy, I can't do it, "
Reply is " if this was easy, I'd have my little sister over here doing it "
After a while its reduced to " want me to call my sister"
Picked it up from an older mentor when something was not going well - "awe fuck me running" and a slight variation of more than one way to skin a cat, " there's more than one way to eat a pussy and we'll get this one licked too"
An 80 year old man to his grandson at our local track, pointed to my zoomies and said "now thats a stereo, kid". Al Hoffman at Gainesville, in 99, said to a NHRA Official "how about bothering somebody else with your f....n stupid rules".
Dad: everyone is born with a dick, it just falls off the dumb ones.
Me: real hotrods have three peddles.
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while - Dad
when i over heard people commenting on the dominator holley on my 327 tunnel ram in myA i would say in a loud voice '''AT 10,000RPM MY 327 THINKS IT'S A FUCKING BIG BLOCK !!!'''
I always heard "The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat and inversely proportional to the mass of the ass."
After offering some advice to a guy while he was working on his car, he said "Hey! I am screwing this cat, you just hold the tail."
Fred Offenhauser: " I'll sell it to you at cost as long as you understand that cost includes a fair profit for me."
Bill Thomas to a customer on the phone: "I can't return your money because I spent it already."
"You could run that thing into a wall of ice at 100mph and it STILL wouldn't be cool...."
Man there is some great ones on here that im surely guna use in the future.. heres one I heard awhile back when I was at a buddy of mines paint shop and been using it ever since..
He had told his helper to finish taping off a car while we went to grab more beer.. We got back and he still wasnt done.. My buddy jumps out and tells his helper...
You still aint done?
Boy I tell you.. You got 2speeds.. slow and SLOWER!!
We all were rollin!!
son, marry a good cook, the love fades but ya always'll be hungry.
Ed...is that you?
An old guy once told me "90-percent of all fuel problems are electrical." I have yet to prove him wrong.
(15-year-old Me, trying to bolt something together up behind a panel, strictly by feel because you couldn't get a line of sight on it): "...can't find the hole..."
(Dad's Mopar-racing 45 year old buddy) "You want me to draw some hair around it for you?"
Another he told me that I still use: "You want sympathy? Look in the dictionary between Shit and Syphilis."
"The brakes work great when they work good"
Heard that one the other day.
When A guy would take credit for somthing they didn`t do themselves, my Dad would say : " Yeah; just another case of the tail wagging the dog"
Them - How does "such n such" work?
Me - P.F.M.
Them - P.F.M.?
Me - Pure F-ing Magic
Guaranteed to not be found on a bumper sticker or at Spencers;
That's cockier than a three pecker billy goat.
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
A hard to find part is made out of " unobtainium "
when it goes really wrong and every thing goes to heck it's called a
" cascading failure "
keep er between the ditches
keep the shiney side up
doesnt know if he was punched ,bored or dug out by a groundhaug
going thru life with one oar in the water
Women are like used cars, you just have to find one with a set of problems you can deal with.
Separate names with a comma.