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Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by Imperial Kustom, May 4, 2012.

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  1. Rocky Famoso
    Joined: Mar 30, 2008
    Posts: 3,000

    Rocky Famoso
    BANNED

    At 30 miles an hour, and 30 feet away, no one will ever see it.
     
  2. BOWTIE BROWN
    Joined: Mar 30, 2010
    Posts: 3,253

    BOWTIE BROWN
    Member

    IF IT HAS WHEELS OR TITS YOU WILL HAVE PROBLEMS WITH IT .....My ole man 1956.
    BUILT FORD TOUGHT WITH CHEVY STUFF .......BOWTIE BROWN 1967bc.
    "AND THE BOWTIE ROLLS ON"
     
  3. 1great40
    Joined: Jan 1, 2008
    Posts: 466

    1great40
    Member
    from Walpole MA

    A few from my father:


    (after reviewing my latest report card)
    Boy, you had better be a damn good guitar picker 'cause you're goin' nowhere with your brain.

    (upon my turning 16 and heading out at night with my buddies)
    Boy, I've been everywhere you're gonna' go, seen everything you're gonna' see and done everything you're gonna do. So don't come home and try to lie to me about it!

    And finally:

    "The laziest guy in the shop figures out the easiest way to get something done"
     
  4. stainlesssteelrat
    Joined: Nov 23, 2010
    Posts: 583

    stainlesssteelrat
    Member
    from ms

    from me.

    HOTRODING :because basketball, baseball , football and golf only requires ONE ball.
     
  5. wastedchilhood
    Joined: Feb 5, 2012
    Posts: 21

    wastedchilhood
    Member

    You don't run first and get gas mileage to. One of the hoods at 9 mile and Northwestern in Detroit. 1955
     
  6. oddcraig
    Joined: Aug 14, 2011
    Posts: 87

    oddcraig
    Member

    Shake N Bake - Ricky Bobby
     
  7. mart3406
    Joined: May 31, 2009
    Posts: 3,055

    mart3406
    Member
    from Canada

    "They sure don't make cars like
    they used to.....thank god!
    " - quote
    from my 82-year-old dad, who would
    know and who once claimed that the
    1942 Packard he owned in 1950 was
    "The best car I ever pushed!" :D

    Mart3406
    ==============
     
  8. Iceberg460
    Joined: Jun 6, 2007
    Posts: 880

    Iceberg460
    Member

    Common phrases in our shop:

    The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the beat of the meat. (if you don’t got the part lined up right it isn’t going fit)

    Another for when some FNG won’t stop beating on something with a hammer: Swing your purse at it!
     
  9. 1965 general foods now Kraft.
    Shake-n-bake
     
  10. RayMiller
    Joined: Aug 9, 2005
    Posts: 463

    RayMiller
    Member

    I used to apprentice for a guy building cars and he always used to say " doesn't that just frost your balls?" when ever something didn't go right.
     
  11. Somebody whines something like "its too far, its too heavy, I can't do it, "
    Reply is " if this was easy, I'd have my little sister over here doing it "
    After a while its reduced to " want me to call my sister"

    Picked it up from an older mentor when something was not going well - "awe fuck me running" and a slight variation of more than one way to skin a cat, " there's more than one way to eat a pussy and we'll get this one licked too"
     
  12. afaulk
    Joined: Jul 20, 2011
    Posts: 1,191

    afaulk
    Member

    An 80 year old man to his grandson at our local track, pointed to my zoomies and said "now thats a stereo, kid". Al Hoffman at Gainesville, in 99, said to a NHRA Official "how about bothering somebody else with your f....n stupid rules".
     
  13. Dad: everyone is born with a dick, it just falls off the dumb ones.
    Me: real hotrods have three peddles.
     
  14. BenzDoctor
    Joined: Oct 12, 2009
    Posts: 30

    BenzDoctor
    Member

    Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while - Dad
     
  15. gasserjohn
    Joined: Nov 9, 2008
    Posts: 1,219

    gasserjohn
    Member

    when i over heard people commenting on the dominator holley on my 327 tunnel ram in myA i would say in a loud voice '''AT 10,000RPM MY 327 THINKS IT'S A FUCKING BIG BLOCK !!!'''
     
  16. 03GMCSonoma
    Joined: Jan 15, 2011
    Posts: 248

    03GMCSonoma
    Member

    I always heard "The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat and inversely proportional to the mass of the ass."
     
  17. 1964countrysedan
    Joined: Apr 14, 2011
    Posts: 1,131

    1964countrysedan
    Member
    from Texas

    After offering some advice to a guy while he was working on his car, he said "Hey! I am screwing this cat, you just hold the tail."
     
  18. denis4x4
    Joined: Apr 23, 2005
    Posts: 3,709

    denis4x4
    ALLIANCE MEMBER
    from Colorado

    Fred Offenhauser: " I'll sell it to you at cost as long as you understand that cost includes a fair profit for me."

    Bill Thomas to a customer on the phone: "I can't return your money because I spent it already."
     
  19. "You could run that thing into a wall of ice at 100mph and it STILL wouldn't be cool...."
     
  20. SICK1
    Joined: Jan 2, 2012
    Posts: 18

    SICK1
    Member

    Man there is some great ones on here that im surely guna use in the future.. heres one I heard awhile back when I was at a buddy of mines paint shop and been using it ever since..

    He had told his helper to finish taping off a car while we went to grab more beer.. We got back and he still wasnt done.. My buddy jumps out and tells his helper...
    You still aint done?
    Nope..
    Boy I tell you.. You got 2speeds.. slow and SLOWER!!
    We all were rollin!!
     
  21. skull
    Joined: Jun 26, 2007
    Posts: 498

    skull
    Member

    dad;

    son, marry a good cook, the love fades but ya always'll be hungry.:D

    Later :cool:
     
  22. Last edited: May 20, 2012
  23. Brad54
    Joined: Apr 15, 2004
    Posts: 6,015

    Brad54
    Member
    from Atl Ga

    An old guy once told me "90-percent of all fuel problems are electrical." I have yet to prove him wrong.

    (15-year-old Me, trying to bolt something together up behind a panel, strictly by feel because you couldn't get a line of sight on it): "...can't find the hole..."
    (Dad's Mopar-racing 45 year old buddy) "You want me to draw some hair around it for you?"

    Another he told me that I still use: "You want sympathy? Look in the dictionary between Shit and Syphilis."

    -Brad
     
  24. Mooseman
    Joined: Apr 4, 2007
    Posts: 309

    Mooseman
    Member

    "The brakes work great when they work good"

    Heard that one the other day.
     
  25. bowie
    Joined: Jul 27, 2011
    Posts: 2,642

    bowie
    ALLIANCE MEMBER

    When A guy would take credit for somthing they didn`t do themselves, my Dad would say : " Yeah; just another case of the tail wagging the dog"
     
  26. BenzDoctor
    Joined: Oct 12, 2009
    Posts: 30

    BenzDoctor
    Member

    Them - How does "such n such" work?

    Me - P.F.M.

    Them - P.F.M.?

    Me - Pure F-ing Magic
     
  27. evs1
    Joined: Oct 3, 2010
    Posts: 160

    evs1
    Member

    Guaranteed to not be found on a bumper sticker or at Spencers;

    That's cockier than a three pecker billy goat.

    Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
     
  28. A hard to find part is made out of " unobtainium "

    when it goes really wrong and every thing goes to heck it's called a
    " cascading failure "
     
  29. 5w32
    Joined: Jan 17, 2006
    Posts: 1,062

    5w32
    Member

    keep er between the ditches
    keep the shiney side up
    doesnt know if he was punched ,bored or dug out by a groundhaug
    going thru life with one oar in the water
     
  30. solos10
    Joined: Nov 25, 2007
    Posts: 46

    solos10
    Member
    from so.cal

    Women are like used cars, you just have to find one with a set of problems you can deal with.
     
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