The Jalopy Journal
Discussion in 'The Hokey Ass Message Board' started by The_Monster, Sep 17, 2007.
PRICELESS! I vote you for mayor! Down with Funk, he's had enough chances to grow a pair.
I AM THE DUKE OF KANSAS CITY... I AM "A", NUMBER-ONE!!!
way to go ,you should have brought him down here to the coast and give him a bath alley
HAHA! yeah, i've been shot at with a airsoft short pump shotgun with a painted tip, guy tried to mug me in the same parking garage, tried to act like he was going to shoot and accidently did, as soon as i relized i was ok, i took it from him and started chasing and beating him with it untill he hopped over a cars hood and my dumb ass tripped and slid off it.
My dad went to our local Subway sandwich shop one night about 6 months ago. When he came out and unlocked his car a guy walked up and stopped about 10 feet away. He opened his coat and pulled out a pistol out of his pants and said "Give me your money". Dad said "I don't have any money". The guy just sighed and shrugged, then put the gun back in is pants and said "ok.. sorry man" and walked off. LOL
This was near Independence Avenue and Paseo, on a side street (Maybe Tracy or Lydia). Pretty crunchy neighborhood. I agree with what some of these guys are saying. The laws are set up to protect the thugs, not the victims. I laughed my ass off at the Taco Bell story that started this thread, but at the same time, it's scary how bad it's becoming everywhere. Had Brian ran over any of the guys in my story, he probably would have been facing charges and the TV news would show the scumbag's high school cap and gown photo to illustrate the "poor, helpless youth" that was brutally attacked by two men in a truck. Sad
haha! pretty good stories still pouring in
As far as the dude that asked me to hook him up... he was SOO wasted man, theres no way he could focus on anything. His eyes were like glazed donuts.
So as far as him remembering my truck description, maybe... my licence plate, never (hehehe) And remembering why hes got body pains, probably not.
Never thought about what it might of looked like if I was the car behind seeing that. Would of been some show! ...humm...
Or how about inside taco bell?
Imagine sitting down in the restaurant with your friend at the window table next to the drive thru. Youve got your tacos and youre takin a sip of your pop. In slow motion, (like something on a Seinfield episode) you turn to look out the window after hearing someone nuke the pedal in the drive thru lane. With a mouth full of pop you see some dude doing a slow back flip, six feet in the air, looking as if he's trying to touch his toes!
You spray the side of your buddys neck a second after you witness the acrobats final impact, followed by the ragdoll effect and a hearty "BBBWWWaaaaa hahahahaha!"
Back when I was a teenager, I was part-timing delivering pizza for the local Domino's. We had just got a new manager who was fresh out of the marines, and he was "hard core" thru and thru. Totally had that "kill 'em all and let god sort 'em out" attitude... The kind of guy you do not fuck with!
This one day me and him opened the store. We were the only ones there, and in walks a guy who procedes to stick a gun in the managers face............. BIIIIG mistake!
I was just about to freak out, when the menager calmly reaches up [lightning quick] and takes the gun, smacks the burgular across the head with it, then body-slams him onto the floor, and pinned him down good! Almost like something out of a movie it was so quick and professional
The burgular was screaming to "let me go" and "I'm gonna kill you", but he was totally pinned, he wasn't going anywhere! The manager looks at me and calmly says "Call the police"...
I'm on the phone with the police, and the manager keeps telling the burgular "If you keep moving I'm gonna hurt you!"... Well, being that he was stupid enough to be a burgular, he didn't have enough brain power to stay still, so the manager procedes to start breaking his fingers one at a time untill he stoped fighting.
"I told you to be still, now stop fighting or I'll break another"
**Get off me you SOB, I'm gonna kill you!**
"Stop fighting or it's only going to get more painfull!"
**F-you! I'm gonna blow your head off!**
"You better stop fighting before I break all of them"
By the time the police showed up, he only had 2 fingers that were not broken, and the "would be" robber was soooo happy to see the police!
I was totally freaked by the expirence... It took me a few hours before the humor of the situation set in, but it was good for a laugh for months thereafter.
Oh, and the manager,,, his Dad was a big-shot on the police force, so everything worked out VERY well.
They take carjacking pretty serious over in South Africa...
My sentiments exactly. Along with less (non-deserved) entitlements.
...it was so quick and professional.
The BEST thread ever!
Thanks bro! haha
I'd do the same shit. Crazy people out there man...
I've had crackies jump in my bed twice. Once I was in a haggard part of town in my old company truck, an '01 Dodge Ram Cummins Diesel 4x4. I was at a stop light and some lady with a velvet-green tooth came and asked me for some money while I was at the light. I told her I couldn't help her and rolled the window back up. As she went around the back of the truck, she spotted some sandals that were left in the bed by one of the guys I work with, and she jumped in the bed, and started to put the sandals on her fungus-ridden nubs of feet. I jumped out of the truck and told her to get the hell out of the bed or I'd call the police. She didn't seem to listen, so I took a right at the light and pulled into the first parking lot, which happened to be the County Courthouse, where two Sherriffs were sitting chatting. I pulled up next to them and they looked at me like I was crazy with some ratty lady in the bed. I told them to get this crazy bitch out of the bed of my truck. They got herout and tossed her in the car. I told her she could keep the sandals, haha.
And about 5 months ago I was at Jack in the Box in San Antonio, near downtown. I was sitting in my '97 Dodge Ram Dually Cummins Turbo Diesel, and some guy did the exact same thing as MONSTER. He came up between the building and my truck, but couldn't get around the dually fender, so he went around the other way. As I saw him going towards the front of the truck, I turned the wheels left and inched forward so he couldn't get around the grille guard. He went back around to the tailgate and hopped in, then jumped back over to the ground next to my door. I started moving forward, and the dually fender nudged him into the bushes and he fell over. I went around the building, and back up to the drive-thru window to get my food. He was already peddling someone else at the stoplight.
The unconcious floaters of the world deserve no respect.Glad you didnt stop to hand any out.
That's what you get for cruising for crack whores!
Velvet green tooth........ Too funny!!!
I had a guy stick his head in my passenger side window saying he had a gun and wanted money. I calmly reached over and grabbed him by his hair and rolled his neck up in the window until his eyes bulged before the stupid doped ass realized what I was doing and slowly drove on with him begging me to turn him loose. I finally did, when he got to a full run. I reached over and just let the window down a little and punched him in the face hard enough for him to exit. I heard a thump from my back tire, but a glance in the rear view I had only run over his foot. Too bad.
i hate to laugh but bwahahahahaha , what a bunch of crippleheads , man to bad natural selection wouldnt delete these morons
That guys in need of a good old southern ass kicking, though just punching the gas is a quick way to end it. I think that guy got what he deserved, injured or not he was touching and possibly damaging private property. In Texas you could have shot him.
ha ha, man get it on video next time!
Seriously funny posts, guys!
I got a second hand story from a guy with more stories than I can remember. His name is Rob.
Rob was filling up his truck at a gas station. Crackhead loser walks up with a knife and says "I'm gonna cut you! Gimme yo money!". Rob immediatly takes fuel nozzle out of truck and soaks would-be mugger with Reg. Unleaded. Then while mugger realizes what just happened, Rob takes out his lighter and lights it, then asks mugger: "You're gonna what?" Mugger runs away. Pricelss.
almost like the bankers asking us taxpayers to "hook them up"!
I'm almost ashamed to tell this one but I gotta admit I was the dipshit this time. Back in the mid-seventies I was working the night shift in the iron mines in northern Minnesota. I was at my parents house and had passed out on the couch. About 2 o'clock in the afternoon I wake up and see two guys out in the yard loading my brothers canoe onto the roof of a car. Well truth be known I knew the one scrawny little dipshit so I figure I'll put a little fear of the lord into him. I went and got the old man's hairtrigger 30-30 Marlin deer rifle and jack one into the chamber. The idea was to step around the corner of the house and put one into an undeserving tree on the edge of the driveway. So I'm in the kitchen with the loaded gun and I open the door kick the screen door open and the sun of a bitch of a hair trigger releases and I shoot a hole right through the door. Though I about shit myself I kept right on going around the corner and there were 2 guys taking off in the car and the canoe slid off at the end of the driveway. Later I found out my brother told me he had failed to let me know he'd given the two permission to take the canoe. When the old man got home and saw the hole in the door I had to tell him what had happened and he laughed for a long time. Needless to say the rifle was soon destroyed.
I would have stuffed a .357 up his nose!
lol thats funny cuz thats the exact reason I carry both a baseball and a lil asp baton in my cars .... if some shit like that happens i can throw that where the dude was at and go "look officer i was in fear of my life.. the dude came at me with a weapon and got in the bed of my truck... so i did what any good red blooded american would do... i gunned it lol" ... most of my buddies are cops and when they found out the reason why i always carried that stuff not only in my personal car but my work trucks as well they completely understood, nodded their heads and would bust out laughing
I laughed so hard my ribs hurt!
I had a lion get into the back of my truck at a wild animal park . Mostly I didn't move except for my sphincter tightening up ( which he couldn't see). A bunch of freaked out keepers showed up almost instantly and got him out . Then I did a hole shot .
yea Bob, I think I would of stood still till the lion was escorted out as well! The lion could be just as unpredictable as the dude I encountered!
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