You always have to keep the invisible guard up...AND be prepared for anything but your sixth sense might be talking to you in many cases... There's alot of distance between me and friends...I guess it's just the groove I'm in...In a twist I've found friends here...Cool. As unfortunate as it is to lose a friend over a shitty deal I hope for anyone dealing with it I that it isn't costly as that just complicates the matter... One thing for sure is if your a bad one around here it gets around...
Reading through the old posts from 2009 and I noticed not many of those guys are around any more. At the very least they are not posting. Just an observation not a commentary.
I was new when this thread started—it inspired me to ditch all my friends just in case one decided to screw me over. 10 lonely years later.. Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
Just kidding. I didn’t have any friends back then either. Except my giant chicken I suppose Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
Sometimes....a friend will just disappoint you because you thought he was a better fiend than he really is. My friend has been a good friend over the years, I helped him build his car, without my help it never would have been done, in the process he learned enough that he figures he's a rod builder now and took on a project for money. Asks me to do the necessary welding, I agree to be paid for said welding, handshake deal. Car goes home, cash is paid, but none comes my way, so.....what to do.....have a good brawl over money, or....learn my lesson and preserve a now tenuous friendship. I've chosen to not ruin the friendship, but to change it to a form that suits me, and I will no longer help him build cars, chiefly because money comes between friends, and currently our friendship is worth more than a squabble over money. If he picks up another project, (he will), I will not help him and the matter will be settled then, to his disapointment, and he will be on his own. Sometimes people are overcome by greed without realising the danger of losing the thing that matters most....friendship.
Just my observation on subject " Friends " You will only have few Real Friends in your lifetime IMO, ( Many acquaintances ) I learned many moons ago that basically there are 2 types of people, Givers and Takers, the giver usually has a need to be everyone's friend and always ends up hurt, as again he was taken advantage of, the taker's, many IMO, taking advantage of givers and when when they have used up one move onto next giver. It's a choice what you want to be. I feel strongly that I do not need the "friend" that I have to buy with my skills/tools/money etc. And this includes family members. This is what my lifetime has taught me through my life's experiences. To answer your question, NO I do not have any deadbeat friends/acquaintances, my choice
I hate to say it but family will do you worse than friends sometimes. I helped my son-in-law rebuild the front end on my grandson's pickup. I got him my discount on parts, free rental on the tools. When we got done he wouldn't even offer to buy my lunch when we went get something to eat. I had a so called friend who came by my shop almost everyday. He bought a 39 Willys sedan and my wife and I drove from florida to northern Michigan to bring it home for him. We had made a deal that I was going to build it into a street gasser . We had agreed on a price and so I went and towed it back to my shop . We got the original motor running and I rebuilt the front end with all new brakes ,king pins and bushings. He started to crawfish on the gasser project . He quit coming every day finally said it would be worth more original. He had been using me as a free mechanic and a storage facility for his car. Finally one day I told him that if his car was not gone I was going to park it in the middle of the highway and leave the in igniton. He came and got the car and left me some stuff for what he considered payment. A shop vac with a bead bearing. He quit going to the Saturday night cruise in's so he would not have to face me. Some friend.
It’s been my experience that “friends” are just someone else that expects you to do things for. Other than my Dad, I have only two close friends. Sadly, when you are a professional mechanic, everyone you run into thinks that they have a right to have their shit worked on for free. I quit doing “side work”23 years ago when I figured out that people are looking for a free lunch. Sadly, my brother also fits into this category too. He only calls when he needs something. Three weeks ago, he asked me to fix his lawn mower, I also got to haul it to my house, took several hours to fix it, still needs a carb, sent him screen shots of the parts, still no parts and the damn thing is in my way. It needs $40 in parts, he has more than enough money to buy a new one, but would rather spend it on other things. Much cheaper to get the big sap brother to fix it. Years ago I would have just bought the parts myself, but not anymore. If it sits here another 49 weeks, (1 year) I’m gonna scrap the damn thing. Thanks for letting me vent. Sent from my iPhone using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
Unfortunately, as a teenager a person that I considered my best friend finally showed his true colors and I realized he was manipulating me for personal gain, and I was gullible. That was more than 50 years ago, today I have many friends both locally and around the world, I have heard it said that if you can count real friends on one hand in a lifetime you are extremely lucky, I consider myself a lottery winner when it comes to friendships today. HRP
I was embarrassed when I added to this thread yesterday because it was 2009 when the last comment was left — I almost deleted my post because I thought people would flame me. But obviously it is a sensitive subject. My wife’s grandfather was a child of the depression and a WW II veteran and he always commented that -the older he got the more people mistook his kindness for stupidity. Imagine living through the depression and WW II and NOW people are more disrespectful!
This from the last post of the old part of this thread, but I really like it. My wife is my best friend, and to me, fits that advice perfectly. I have a lot of acquaintances who I am friendly with, but very few I call friends. I’m fine with that.
Tri power, I think you hit the nail on the head. In my case, I'm generous and considered kind, something some will take advantage of, but I'm also the kind of person who expects those I befriend to do right by me without being prompted to. To have friends, you must be a friend, and sadly, it leaves you vulnerable to being used. I don't think most people consciously set out to use others, it just becomes easier than doing the right thing, consider my friend, easier to keep the money in question because I haven't complained, (because I EXPECT him to do the right thing), I don't need the money, but soon, he will need help. Thats when the arrow will find its mark and a hard lesson for him will be learned. In the end, people are not perfect, and few of us these days are honorable.
I don't loan tools anymore. Why should I pay for you to wear my stuff out? I figure if you really know how to use a tool you'll have your own. Money : some people I won't loan a buck. Others I'll slip them $100 with no expectation of when they pay back. Sent from my LG-TP450 using The H.A.M.B. mobile app
No need to be embarrassed, some of the best threads are the old ones. As for me, I tend to expect too much from friends. A call in the middle of the night or a plead for help and I am on the way. Need help building a deck, moving, what ever...I'm there. I would expect the same from them but I'm usually disappointed. I am still cordial, not hurt or angry. I just mark it in memory and move on. The lasting effect has been that I don't ask others for anything anymore. I figure out a way to do it myself or get a little help from the immediate family. Friends don't have to be limited to those that help out or lend money a good friend is some one that calls or stops by just to say hi or ask how you've been doing.
To follow up on my first reply, I haven't thought of this person in any years and lost contact with him years ago, even his twin brother hasn't heard from him in more than 40 years, I don't hate the man and hold no ill will for him. From what I have been told by his twin brother he had burnt all bridges with the entire family, it's kind of sad that they don't even know if he is still alive. " You see a person's true colors when you are no longer beneficial to their personal life." HRP
Your last line about people not being honorable in this day and age is sort on. Myself, I feel like your word and hand shake should be the mark of you as a human being.
Old thread but many good responses. I have a few friends that I can trust but very few. On the other hand have some family members who can't be trusted or counted on. They are always needing money or want help with a project but will never return the favor. Their message to their children is "use em and lose em"-they think that is the way of life!! Very sad. It is best to not mix money or favors with friends or relative. If you want them out of you hair just loan em $500 or so-you will never hear from them again.
I had a shop partner and a younger brother. Cut ties with both of 'em, after their thievin' ways... Funny thing: Some 'newby' customers came in to have their cars (one was a '40 Standard, newby asks how long I've been working for 'Gary'. I said, "Who?" I pointed to the sign over the shop, which bore my name. The guy was persistent, "Gary told me...and I've known Gary..." I told him to be careful backing his '40 out of the shop. "We're all through here, don't run into any of the Porsches outside," I warned. The next A$$ hat came in with a Model A roadster, said "Bob said come to his shop...You must work for him?" ('Bob' was my brother...) I had had enough. "No, I think he must have fired me...He hasn't been around, and the shop's in my name, and my wallet's in the desk, along with my .45. Tell him that if you see him, O.K.?" The guy was clearly puzzled. My brother got me for more 'I'll pay ya, don't worry...We're brothers!" The actual cash/check thing was $6K+. Car parts? (his roadster/PU, his Merc, and more) More than I could want to remember. So long, 'Bro'. 12 years and counting. Yeah, I have good long term recollection.
I too, thought the same but learned a few years ago from something I read on the web, that there is a third type - givers, takers and match'ers. My interpretation is... seems like having match'ers in your life could be a sign of two giver's... maybe. May not be on point, but I find about every 7-8 years I 'cull the herd' on my so-called friends (sometimes coincides with my interest in a hobby, pursuit, etc). I try to be there for any & all my 'friends'... but... it may sound cynical... I get to the point where I start noticing the takers, one example is phone conversations. They can prattle on for 45 minutes or more, then when they finally ask how I've been or what I've been up, some of them will suddenly find a reason they have to hang up - only to repeat the process a week or two later. I think alot of people have the need to be heard, noticed, feel important or cared about, but are ill equipped to do that for others. I've had former friends occasionally be resentful, because I quietly distanced myself from their selfishness and disrespect. I don't know if I've ever uttered the words " insert-name-here, I haven't heard from you in a while" but I've heard it many times in my life from people I ran into after a period of time having decided it wasn't a mutual friendship. I'm aware some people have that 'one', maybe two friends that would take a bullet for them, and vice-versa. Can't say I've ever had a friend like that. I envy those of you who do... Back to cars!
On the topic of common traits users have ,a few traits I have noticed is that if you give them something they never say thanks or show any appreciation. I think in there warped thinking they see a thank you as acknowledgment fo a possible future payback. The quieter and quicker they disappear the more screwed you are. Even worse is when you give them something and they go on and on every time you see them how much work that thing you gave them was . As if they did you a big f@#*$ing favour by taking it!!
I had a friend years ago to whom I loaned a couple hundred dollars and a lawn mower. It was supposed to only be until his "check" came. Well, apparently, his check never came the same as my money, the lawn mower, and he did not came back. Several years go by and he called me and said the lawn mower needed some work and that he still needed it but he was going to bring it back for repairs. My brief response convinced him that he need not bring the mower for repair.
I love loaning battery chargers to neighbors and friends. Of course I have a really good one but I always take out the one with the alligator clips off and bare wire and a plug in wire with tape on it in several places and a ball of tape where the cord attaches to the plug. I tell them it works but you need to take extra care with it..They usually decline.
I am a very poor social person, at times in the grocery store I will walk out, just cause people are stupid. I met a new friend, I actually want to help him, like others have helped me in the past. My new friend has lost both his arms and has two prosthetic with hooks. I actually bought a truck from him to give him cash to insure and register his other truck. I stuck a few hundred in the truck and sold it back to him. He has not paid me a dime yet, The man has good heart and is out mowing lawns, actually has a couple employees (kids) He is doing everything he can. Couple days ago he needed a tow, I was happy to help him. I was able to fix him so he could drive again and not need a tow. He was worried, he still talking about paying me ... He has some metal siding and a metal welding table that we will work out a trade ... just good people. Listen to your heart and pick your friends careful. I have a rottweiler and a Shepard, they wake me up every morning, they are my best friends.
The Jalopy Journal
