Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

It takes 4,689 bolts to build a car but only one nut behind the wheel to destroy it.

 

About a truckdriver pulling up for the third time:

"He'd have trouble backing up a toilet".

My favorite New Yawka (not the car) philosophy:

"sometimes, its just easier to ask for forgiveness after you did what needed doing, than to ask for permission before doing it."

 

Faster than a turpentine cat! If i have to explain that one...... well lets move on...
And on the trunk of our drag car.......I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you!

 

"mercury is just a ford with bolts tightened"

 

I wung er up to eleventy-five-hundred (11,500 rpm's) and side stepped the clutch. -" crowbar larry lewis

 

I work on a plumbing counter, but it can work anywhere.

Them- damn man, how did you do that?

Me- I was just back there digging around in that box of make shit happen.

 

driven by a little ole lady from passadena....

 

That thing couldn't do a hundred unless you dropped it out of a airplane.

351 and it still don't run

Your mommy know you took her car out tonight?

 

From Gumball Rally: "What's a behind a me...does not a matter!"

 

One I forgot about fitment of parts, any parts, fits like a bicycle in a airplane hanger

 

"If brains was dynamite, he couldn't blow the wax outta his ears!!"

"If brains were money and it cost a nickel to go around the world, he couldn't get outta sight!!"

From my Missouri-raised Dad---

 

My father would say about a rod knock
"Sounds like a washing machine full of hammers"

 

I'll go with: "Another half turn and it'll be tight!"

"I wonder how tight I can wind this baby?"

And I'll just leave with my signature........

 

If it doesn't fit....... force it.

 

My favorite (when I was working as a mechanic) and a tight-wad customer would come in and want their neglected vehicle fixed for as little as possible....

'Don't worry, I don't see any problem your money can't fix'

And a saying by a former workmate who regularly got his ass chewed for mistakes...

'Dammit, I keep forgetting... it's Fuck off, not up!'

'I'd rather be shot out of a cannon than squeezed from a tube"

Hunter Thompson, commenting on fast motorcycles...

 

when you gonna let the midget out of the oil pan ( rod knock )

98% of fords made still are out on the road , the other 2% made it home ..

that paint job has more sags in it than a 80 year old lady with DD's

or more runs in it than the Boston Marathon

 

If ya gotta fit a hood to keep the engine dry then ya aint driv'n it fast enough! - friends dad explaining to his wife why hotrods don't have hoods.

That's as loose as a cock in a sock! - my dad.

 

My Pop

Just torque it down till it snaps and then back off a quarter turn

 

How about"I got two words for ya,and they ain`t MERRY CHRISTMAS".
Good luck.Have fun.Be safe.
Leo

 

Harder than a whores heart.
Finer than frog hair.
Now that is one slick wrinkle.
If you have to ask how much it is,you don't need it.
Mechanic to customer " Not sure what that noise is,but it sure sounds expensive"
Same difference.
Rare as hens teeth.
About a usless as putting socks on a rooster.

 

I bought a Harley wrist watch,Ya wind it up and leaks oil all over my hand.

 

"It's a Ford, if it ain't smoking or leaking, it's empty"

 

"There is a replacement for displacement...it's called boost." (A guy I worked with.)

"Nice car...do they make them for men too?" (As above.)

"Grind 'em 'til you find 'em." (Used that one on my old F1.)

 

"I ain`t had this much fun, since the first time I jacked off"----Pops


"GM spent millions of dollars designing that car....And you made it so much better with a torch"--- step dad!

 

My 'bucket' list is very short, but my 'fuck it' list is growing.

 

I had a sign on the dash of my Cab-Over semi in the ‘90s,
“Some people are alive, simply because it is illegal to kill them.”

“Just torque it down till it snaps and then back off a quarter turn.”
My dad said this while I was rebuilding my first motor, so I did. Broke several rod, crank and flywheel bolts, but learned a lifelong lesson. When a bolt is stretching you can feel it, so STOP!!! And get a new bolt.

Personal favorite: “Ride ‘em cowboy.” Said on the CB to the trucker boogying in the hammer lane.

 

Several from my very dear stepdad:

After my older brother wrecked his third car: The boy couldn't drive a nail in a box of sand.

After trying for several miles to get around two cars on the interstate: I think they are having a race to see who can go the slowest.

While explaining cars and women to me: It aint the initial investment son, it's the maintenance that kills you.

While talking about his 40 Ford: Son, drag racing is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

 

If it has tits,tires or tracks......... It's trouble. If it floats, flys or fucks........just rent it.

 

Kick the tires, light the fires and let's roll!


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He's so weird he makes up his own firing orders.