Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

Dad quote the other day. "That thing was so rusty you could sling a cat thru it. "

One of my favoritee " hot rods have three pedals."


Old buddy that passed away racing. I asked when does he shift his front engine digger..His response "Mash the gas till I see Jesus then shift into 2nd" He passed the next run. His heart had a hole ripped in it. He commented he smashed 2nd gear and ran his quickest time.


If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower. – Mark Donohue


If you’re in control, you’re not going fast enough. – Parnelli Jones

 

"if he had a Brain he Would take it out and play with it"

Sent from my DROID device using the TJJ mobile app

 

"Stop dicking the dog and help me out!" - My dad

 

If ya cain't Drive it, Park it & throw rocks at it!!

 

logical add-on to "Keep It Simple Stupid"... "Remember; if it's not there, it CAN't break,& doesn't add weight!)(Especially useful when building racecars!)

 

"you can't fix stupid"

 

''It's the principle of diminishing marginal utility.'': Jim ''Coupie'' Mills

''Did you not wake up this morning thinking this was another opportunity to mess up some bad guy's day? I did.'' eputy United States Marshal Raylan Givens

 

An old drag racer once told me " Spend your money to make a small block run like a big block and half way through race season you know what you got?? Powder nuthin but powder!"

 

Don't let your meatloaf.

 

my dad's wanta play,gota pay.........

 

Asked my did if he had that problem fixed on his tractor and he said: "No, I haven't got a round tuit."

 

You going to spit on the handle or are you going to hoe!


I hear you clucking, but i can't find your nest.


It's not that you don't know it all, it's that so much of what you know isn't true! (Ronald Ragion)


“He needs to tie a gas rag around his ankles to keep the ants from eating his candy ass.” (The Intimidator)

 

Slicker than whale shit on an ice floe"...Robin Williams....
but my all time favorite from a Restoration shop owner I once worked for ....
"There's a dance on Friday night, you bring your wife, and I'll bring some other dirty old whore."

 

"If you can't make it perfect, make it adjustable" -My grandfather.

 

Your ass is finer than 2000 grit sandpaper.

 

Here's a couple for you:

"The bigger the blob, the better the job" Works for soldering and welding, from a coworker.

"Scared me so bad you couldn't have driven a needle up my ass with a sledgehammer" Another coworker.

"Man, we're shitting in the high corn now" Said by a buddy after we pulled an all nighter getting a car finished and fired.

KRH

 

Eric Vaughn on Corvettes, and other fiberglass cars, "I'd rather have a sex change operation as own one."

Pete Eastwood on turn signals on Early Fords, "If Henry wanted them on it, he'd have put them there. And, God wouldn't have given us left arms."

When I was a kid, I frequently carried broken tractor parts to the Wilder Brothers Welding Shop to have them repaired. Their answer to all questions about whether something could be welded, or not, was: "We can weld anything but shit and wood." Several years ago I visited one of the sons, who now has a welding shop, and of course, I asked him if he still used that expression. "No," he said. "I like to tell people we can weld anything but Kryptonite. If Superman won't touch it, neither will we."

 

"If you're not on fire you're not racing." -John Force

 

A sign on a welding shop outside wall just east of Grants Pass ,Ore.
We can weld anything but a broken heart. Had a big picture of a heart that was broke in half.

 

It ain't cheating till you get caught! ?

 

Mosey on down to the corner there and hang a left. Glenn "Fireball" Roberts explaining how to win to a reporter.

Nascar drivers keep going round and round!
Drag Racers get it right the first time! "Me"

Just about anything John Force ever said in interviews in the shutdown area would fit in here.

Was talking to the crewchief of "The Addict" up in the stands a couple hours after they had a tremendous wheelstand at CHRR. Asked him how bad the front end was and he said. That was easy, we straightened that right out. Then he said with a straight face: Hard part was getting the pucker out of the seat!

 

My most recent and fav quote said by myself 2 days ago.
I was Dropping a storage container in my parking lot at the shop for storing crap in that i dont want taking up space in the shop.
A Customer walks up an says " did you ask the township if you can keep that there?"
My Response
"Asking permission to do anything in life always gets you NO where. I do whatever the fuck I want and every body else just better get fuckin used to it"

The customer got a good crack out of that and agreed. Playing by the rules means you finish last. Thats my words of wisdom for today.

 

Thought of another one...
Anytime we see a crapy car build or all around shottie crap work we say:
"someone Gas Monkey'd it up"

 

If it has tits or tires it's gonna cost money.

 

"First I build the car, and then I draw pictures. Are you paying attention, Detroit?"
-Ed Roth

 

I wouldn't have him engineer a fuckin' donut.


My boss about an ex-employee:

 

While working on my truck I asked my buddy a question and he said I quote:: Dont ask me..Your fucking this cat Im just holdin his tail........

 

I like to use the expression when talking about worn parts "that thing's looser than a 2 dollar whore". I'm sorry if this offends any 2 dollar whores.

 

"It's good enough for who it's for."

This could mean low quality, medium quality or high quality goods and/or services.

 

"I am not sure I understand everything I know about this"