Old Time Sayings? from the Hot Rod Garage

One of my favorites and recently heard Tickle say it on Moonshiners:

"It ain't illegal till you get caught.."

LOL

 

Looks like a dimond I'm a goat's ass

Sent from my DROID device using the TJJ mobile app

 

Some from my dad...

" you lose more shit than a leper on a pogo stick"

"you could fuck up a stainless steel stick"

"colder than a metal toilet seat in the Klondike"

"you are as useless as tits on a bull elephant"

"like a monkey fucking a football"

"stewed, screwed and tattooed"

"you want sympathy? Look in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphillus' "

"shit for brains"

"fucked up like Hogan's goat"

Plus a whole bunch more, some already listed here...

RIP old man, 12 years this week...

 

Lord put your arm around me and your hand over my mouth!

 

Every time my dad would ease to the back door or his shop to take a leak, he would say
"You can beat it, you can hit it, you can bang it against the wall; but it will wait til it gets in your britches before the last drop falls"

 

my dad use to say; BOY, YOU COULD TEAR UP AN ANVIL WITH A FEATHER!

 

"We're shittin' in tall cotton now!!" One of mom's favorites!!

 

Busy as a two-p#### billy goat.

 

Women are cheaper to rent than they are to own...

 

here's a few more............

That's enough to give a dogs ass heartburn

Is all the meat on a hogs ass pork?

if its got tits or tires you'll have trouble with it.

i whored one and my sister whored the other.....

used to could= usetacud

he went to shit and the hogs ate him.....

ill kick ya so hard youll be wearin your dick for a necktie....

 

...and from my great uncle Dorrell, who had thousands of them:

I was shaking like a collie dog shittin' peach seeds...

Hotter than a two-dolla pistol.

Hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell.

Headed toward the cabbage patch (Front-end alignment issues.)

Doesn't than frost your nuts?

Boy, you'd tear the horn off an anvil.

Awkward as a cub 'coon playin' with its peter.

Oh, she'll be ready in a couple more ice cream seasons.

 

And I almost forgot:

That food was so hot I went to take a sh** and set the woods on fire.

 

remembered some more....

pull a Hank Snow, and be Movin On...

she's meaner than dried up owl shit....

colder outside than a turd in a dead eskimo.....

its colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.....

that thing ie... trailer " pulls like a cat by the ass".....

you fuck with the bull, you'll get the horn...

that dudes goofy'er than a bedbug...

 

Should have been writing all the phrases that my dad used over the years, could have wrote a book. My favorite is when he tells a complete stranger that, "that's shinier than a diamond in a pig's ass". Always gets a strange look from the people before they crack up laughing.

 

And more from my Uncle Dorrell:

...can't make a silk purse from a sows ear.

...ugly as a mud fence in a hail storm.

...pretty as a speckled pup.

You don't hafta dig a trench to trim a mule's ears (about any situation I was over-thinking.)

...looks like it was beat near ta death with an ugly stick.

(About watching me take a nasty spill on a motorcycle) Boy, you bounce like a dead cat.

(About a beat up project car) ...looks like you found that way down in the gooney bushes.

 

so cold it would freeze the nuts off a brass monkey.

What are you waiting for...a Bondi tram? (Bondi trams haven't run for over 50 years)

That girl looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch.

 

"Were not a building a piano here kid - get the hell outta the way"

 

One of my favorites from my uncle from years back-" Stock up now, before the hoarders get it all"

 

If I had that car and they had a feather in there ass we both be tickled.

that ole trucks so weak it wouldn't pull a greasy strang out of a cats ass
some of my Pop's

 

From my old man: what'd they say when the monkey stuck his tail in the fan?

"It won't be long now...."

 

Useless as tit's on a bore hog.

 

Sign hanging in the shop where I worked: shop hourly rate: $35, if you watch:$45, if you help: $55. Boss always used to say: "It only goes together one way.

 

Add onto that, "if you laugh: $65.00"
Also: That makes as much sense as a screen door in a submarine.

 

Small correction
It should be
Its cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

Comes from Man O War days when the cast iron cannon balls were set up on a brass monkey - when it got real cold the two metals contracted at different rates and the balls would roll off and go every where

 

Hotter 'n a whores heart on Saturday nite!

 

Hotter than a nickle whore at a preacher's convention.

Useless as tits on a bore hog.

Well, looks like you've won the wax-coated celluloid fire tongs.

Jinglebollixed (ruined)

nuttier than a pet coon

gear-jumped to a fifth dimension (when something that should fit doesn't, no matter which way you turn it)

 

what did the monkey at say after he pissed on the cash register... thats gonna run into money

what did you do with that box ? what box? the box you stood on to kiss the elephants ass...

how many rings? 48 what ? 48 rings around a bulls ass

wanna play rabbit? ill poop and you grab it.

oh so many more from the mouth of my pop

 

You never find enough time to do it right but you always find enough time to do it over.

Tighter than Dick's hat band

Shit's gona hit the fan now!!

That guy will argue with a sign post and take the wrong way home everytime.

Is your body bullet proof? Steal from me and find out.

Dumber than a shit house rat

Crazier than a pet coon

Blacker than Codie's ass

 

A couple from my first boss...
Sweatin' like a whore on nickel night!
Wish I'd been born rich instead of so damn good lookin'...

 

She's rougher than a weekend in the Cook County Jail

Looks like Ray Charles did the body work