Rules to live by when workin on your Rod

When ever possible, use gasoline to clean parts over a storm drain to keep the shop and driveway clean.

 

When airing up a 15 inch tire on a 16 inch rim always do this outside unless you have a 50 foot ceiling in your garage. it could reach 75 feet but your arm will slow it down on "TAKE OFF"!!!

 

Btt

 

If consult HAMB when you get metal in your eye before going to doctor isn't already in this thread it should be!

 

You can be a human milling machine. Who needs all that expensive equipment when you can hand hold a motor tool with a cutting bit.

 

Only scream when you hit your bloody thumb the second time!

 

always clean parts with gas over the nearest storm drain to help keep the shop clean.

 

Always have plenty of beer on hand. This way all your buddies will come over.

They won't be there to help you but they'll make damn sure you either won't get any work done or tell you with every thread on every bolt how it should be done!

 

Only spray Gunk on a hot engine. That way when you hose off the fire extinguisher powder you know you didn't miss a spot.

 

great thread! Oh my god!

 

When using a plasma cover to square up the hole in the roof of a 35 Ford so you can fill it in, just leave the ratty original seats in there because " I'm not shooting sparks that way". And then when the seat catches fire know how to work a fire extinguisher. I didn't do it but my brother with a college degree did it. Luckily I knew how to work the extinguisher.

 

Gaskets are a waste of money, just use silicone. Engines like sucking up chunks of it out of your oil too, it makes your oiling system work 10 times better.

Cutting metal on your bench makes a big mess, so its much easier to just cut steel directly over top of your garbage can, then the sparks can go in there and you dont have to do any extra work.

Finishing one job at a time is a waste of time, its best to start every job at the same time, then they are all finished together.

 

If you follow these rules you may want to Pre-pay for your Funeral, make it easy on the survivers.

 

you don't need to clamp that odd shaped part on the milling machine, just hold it with your fingers, and then when it spins you can get a bunch of cool stitches, not me but I know someone who did, gee that spinning piece of steel is just like a mower blade, your hand was in there? sorry

 

When grinding small parts on a bench grinder, always grab that set of work gloves with the small hole on the finger tip to remind yourself you're alive.

 

Us "fuctards" measure once, cut twice, then ob-long to fit.

 

When ya break an axle stick weld that sucker back together then take it to the track and run the piss outta it..... It wont break.... Some people shouldent be allowed to own a welder.. The funny part is my friends car dident even make it on the trailer before the axle broke.

 

Always carry out of date/ non- operable fire extinguishers. For that greater thrill.

 

When re-wiring your car, use left over speaker wire, and the house wiring left over from your remodel. It's better than automotive wire. Never solder anything, only twist caps and tape. Also rubber grommets are for pussys, rap that shit with scoth tape, and try to pass as many wires through all the different holes in your firewall, and please don't use a fuse block as those tend to catch on fire.

 

rad

 

A couple from my old man, that I often have to fix/live with

When wiring a car, just go out and buy a big roll of black wire. Wire as much as you can, when you run out g buy a roll of yellow. that way whenever you have a problem it can only be one of two wires, the black wire of the yellow wire.

When gas welding, wear polyester track pants, sit on the floor with your legs out straight sit object on top of legs weld from the furthest place towards you. That way, when your crotch catchs fire, you know the weld has been completed. He does this one at least once a month :0

Always leave a random 10ft length of wire threaded throughout the car,that isnt connected to anything at either end. Took me the best part of half a day to work out the wire handn't actually fallen off anything, it just was never conected to anything

 

that's one funny dad

 

This thread delivers. Some of funniest shit ive read in ages.

I actually weld with a beater, but who wouldnt on 100F with about 90% or more humidity? No really, tried to put a jacket on, but i had a panic attak in half a minute. LOL

 

When you are done cutting a peice of metal with the torch pick it up immediatly with your bare hand so it does not have time to cool down

 

Always remove the guard from your grinder

 

4 years, 480 posts & 24 pages of complete nincompoopery.

 

Neighbors bitchin' at ya to build a fence so as to hide all those rusty eye sores (read: "valuable treasures")?

Studies have proven that bent up barn roofing, rotted out swing set poles and five gallons of neon pink paint will calm the nerves of even the most uptight folks.

Also, painting rude things on the roof of the shop with arrows and diagrams is a good idea. Nobody would ever fly a satellite over and take pictures or anything.

 

When polishing stainless trim on a loose cotton buff, always stick the sharp edges into the buff. Then count how many times the piece bounces off the floor/ceiling/walls. When center punching a piece of metal always punch several places, that way the drill can find it's natural location. Esp. if ya don't clamp it down. Always put shop rags with lacquer thinner on them into your back pocket, always..........

 

Don't waste your time installing the steering wheel nut before rolling down an inclined driveway to put the car in the garage (with barely functioning brakes). That would be boring. Don't ask me how I know that.

 

Hilarious! Always take the car with the lowest front end to a funeral. That way when you hit a bump everyone will know that you are there.