Funniest lines from the parts counter

I was at a parts store last year and I was doing some fitting and needed a little teflon tape to go with my parts. Asked him if he had any in his shop and he replied 'never heard of it'. I said 'pardon'. He said 'never heard of teflon tape, I dont think there is such a thing, but I have liquid teflon'. Hmmmmmm, havent been back since.

 

I was looking for a Thermostat Housing gasket for a small block Chevy.........After the usual Year, Make, and Model thingy and 20 minutes.......I was told it was a dealer only item........LOL.....After a while I just found amusement in the Stupidity.....

 

Needed a set of valve cover gaskets for my car, so I head on over to the local "outta-parts" store. As I walk through the door, I get the, "Hi, can I help you find anything?" catcall from the polo shirt wearin' team members. As I'm casually walking toward the row with the performance stuff (where I know for certain that the Mr. Gasket parts I need are hanging) I say, "Yeah, I need valve cover gaskets." "What year, make, and model?" It is at this point that I recall this very thread, and rather than play Stump the Chump and tell him it's for a '74 350 with Dart heads in a '56 Chevy, I simply say, "Uh, let's go with an '85 Blazer with a 350." I know this is in their computer, I know the parts will fit, and I know I'll get what I need. By this point I have already found said Mr. G parts and I'm walking up to the counter.

Dude: Is it an early 85 or a late 85?
Me: Uh, let's go early. I'm not actually working on an 85 Blazer, I just know that the same part is what I need.
Dude: Oh, okay. Is it 2wd or 4wd?
Me, somewhat dumbfounded: What? Uh, 4wd is fine.

Now, at this point, it's time to ask me which engine my "Blazer" has. I can see the screen, and at this particular store it gives the likelihood of a vehicle having a certain engine based on production numbers. For my "Blazer" it says:
305/5.0L - 80%
350/5.7L - 15%
376/6.2L - 5%

I say, "350." As he keys this in, he says to me "Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." What? What the piss is that supposed to mean? Benefit of the doubt? This dude so badly wanted to follow his computer and tell me I had a 305 that he doesn't believe me that I have a 350? Worse, THE GASKETS ARE THE SAME!! It doesn't matter! Well, Mr. Polo Shirt Team Dude, I was giving YOU the benefit of the doubt that you were working here because you actually had an interest in cars, and this wasn't just a paycheck for you. Clearly I was wrong.

One more tip...as a rule, the guy in the "Isky Racing Cams" t-shirt with grease stains on his pants who smells like GoJo orange ISN'T the guy to whom you need to give the benefit of the doubt. Just give him what he asks for.

 

wowwwwwwwwwww......i work the commercial side of autozone in palmetto florida....ive seen and heard all this crap before. 99% of our employees including MANAGERS have no friggin clue clue what a distributor or anything pre 80s is. i have a huge following of car guys with vintage tin that come in specifically for my knowledge since i drive a 55 chevy and wife drives 61 caddy. hell, i even ride a harly so they all come see me too. it baffles me how dumb our employees really re and most are under 21 years old and dont even work on cars! this goes for all parts stores not just autozone. most shops i deliver to even ask me questions about stuff they are working on and want me to hang out after work to help lol. my wife works at slicks garage in palmetto...and when she calls napa for parts and give part #s they still cant find it. she called about parts for a sbc and the kid asks what car is it for. she said"doesn't matter, you have part #s" and he still pesters her. so she says "it doesn't matter, it's going into a 36 FORD." the idiot replies "they didnt come with a small block chevy...." no shit! that's why she avoided the question! seriously...its amazing how dumb most parts guys are and how littlle experiance they have with cars......need anything...call me instead hahah and yes, we have assy lube in islle one and stainless steel fuel line...we carry everything or can get it, most parts guys just dont wanna be nice and flip through old catalogs like ill do to find and get whatever someone needs...ill do anything to get parts for old school rides...

 

Maybe this has been mentioned,maybe not.When the counter guys asks what year? What transmission and all the shit,it's the way their computer is set up.It's a menu and to get to the part number you need to fill in the blanks.. Some counter guys know the info may not apply and fill it in themselves.Others don't know or don't care.
Nothing personal,but some of you come off as rude fucksticks and if that's the way you are in real life then expect poor service...

 

Just got back from the good parts store that I deal with, was shootin' the shit with one of the counter guys and he proceeds to tell me about a guy who called 5 minutes before closing one day, said he needed a hydraulic hose made as he had just broke one in the middle of a job, said he could be there in 20 minutes, asked if he would stay a little late to help him out.

Counter guy said he would, 45 minutes later the guy shows up, hands over the hose and says, make two while you're at it. Guy makes two hoses, rings it up and tells him the total. The guy starts bitchin' about how long it took to do the hoses and that he's gettin' ripped off cause there's no way it should cost that much.

Counter guy takes the hoses, cuts them in half and tells him to get the fuck out and don't come back.

He's a damn good parts man.

 

I can't stop laughing! It's so funny some of the questions and answers people got....
The Turtle Wax was a Killer!

 

truckedup.....AGREED....most people in general are assholes and dont wanna even work there, personally i love my job and i love being 28 years old and startling the older guys when the need something for a 50's or 60's car. wife and i arent rude fucksticks...however, i do work with quite a few. maybe they are just lazy or too young and dumb. personally i never even use that stupid computer or program. if its old i already know part numbers and where they are on our shelf. one of our managers spent 2 hours looking for a intake and permadry gaskets for a 454 oval port big block...i came back from delivering my parts to a shop and he needed help, obviously...half a minute later i had everything ordered on its way and paid for and the guy walked out happier than a pig in shit and told me he'll only deal with me from then on.. those things make my job worth it. but most of the time its still a shitty job.

the worst is people who dont know what they drive or whether its a 4cyl or 6 cyl...one girl came in and said she needed a headlight bulb...so...... me: what kind of car are you driving? her: its white. wow. its not just parts people, its also some customers. for instance. wtf is a 2001 BRUICK 88. hmmmmm two cars in one..

 

Truckedup, I agree. What I typed above was what was going through my head, save for the dialogue in quotes. At no time did I argue or try to "one-up" the counter guy. Where would that have gotten me? I already had what I knew I needed, he was just going through the motions. My yelling at him would have improved nothing, proved nothing, and solved nothing. I'm a firm believer in that whole "catching more flies with honey than with vinegar" adage, so I try to be polite and professional even in the face of utter stupidity. Sadly, much like quality parts store employees, folks like me are a dying breed...

 

Customer walks in and asks for front brake pads for his 1997 Chevy S-10. We go through the motions of year and make without issue, then comes model: Me- "Is it a two or four wheel drive?" Guy- "Um... What do you mean? It has four wheels..." Me- "Does it have a transfer case? Or a front differential?" Guy- "I'm not sure... What does it matter? I mean the brakes are the same aren't they?" Me- "The brakes are completely different in design." Guy- "How can I tell?" Me- "Your front end looks like it has an off center rear axle instead of the independent front it would have if it were two wheel drive." Guy- "It is a four wheel drive." So I get the rotors and pads and send him on his way, then after about two hours he walks back in covered in sweat and dirt looking all pissed. He walks up to me and loudly says "This shit font fit! Don't you know anything about cars!" I reply calmly "Sir, you told me your truck was a four wheel drive, I got the parts you requested. If you have the parts I can help you out and get you the two wheel drive parts." The guy walks out, and after another two hours, and as I am leaving, he pulls up and says "I can't find the parts, can you just give the parts to me and I'll bring in the wrong ones later?" I go get the right parts, and he tries to leave without paying, I stop him and he says "Why are you stopping me? I'm gonna bring the other parts back." me- "You have to pay for those parts and bring in the others and do a return." guy- "Why?!?" long story short... He left without the parts pissed and hasn't come back.

 

guy came in and the other parts guy gets him the part he needs. a couple hours later he is back all pissed and proclaims all us parts guys don't know shit because he got the wrong part. parts are exchanged per his new description. a couple hours he sneaks back in and comes up to me and asks for the first part again. you mean that WRONG part you got because none of us know shit? not even an apology

 

Customer: "I need a set of spark plugs for a 74 Capri."

Me: Sets four spark plugs on the counter an asks "anything else?"

Customer " I need eight of them"

Me: Ok what engine do you have in it as the book says it takes four"

Customer "350".

Me, " That must have been some work putting a 350 in a little Mercury Capri".

Customer "No it's a Chevy Capri not a Mercury."

It's pretty common locally that certain people can't buy parts unless they lay their registration on the counter to show the parts people and then they miss as some of these guys are masters at cobbling Mazda engines in old Datsuns and other crap.

 

Huh? I thought S-10s never had a live front axle and were always IFS, 2wd & 4x4 for the entire time they existed...

 

As a customer, I saw an old guy ask for a chevy starter. The parts guy asks "for what car?". Mister know-it-all says "they're all the same". So the parts guy explains about different flywheels etc, while the old fart refuses to say. Finally after 5 minutes he tells him.
If I was that parts guy I would have gotten a starter at random. "here you go asshole, see you in an hour."

The other day a woman asked for oil. What kind? She didn't know. So the guy spends 5 minutes explaining about oil.
I finally break in with; 'It will say on the Oil Cap!". [FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!]
Oh right. Now they discuss if she will go get it, or he will go with her.....

 

Yeah to me the worst part are the other customers, I can deal with the kids behind the counter. Got stuck behind a dude the other day trying to decide if he wanted the el-cheapo air filter or the one with a lifetime guarantee.

 

Walked into the local old school parts store to get spark plugs for my old Jeep.Kid behind the counter was 19 at most.I ask for plugs for a 47 CJ2A.The kid hands me four Champion J8 plugs packaged as individual lawn mower plugs. " These will work in an old flathead" he says. Not all youts are stupid.

 

Went to the slick and shiny new parts store to buy a universal in-line gas filter. Had the old AC brand filter with the OE parts number on it. "What's it for?" He says. OK I'll pay the game. "It's came off a 1966 Chevelle Malibu. He bangs on the computer keys for a couple minutes, writes something down, runs in the back and comes out empty handed. Bangs on the keys some more then finally asks me "Who makes a Chevelle Malibu?" I tell him. He bangs on the keys some more then runs in the back and comes out with a box that is half the size of the filter I have in my hand. "That ain't it I say." "Yes it is." He says. "No it ain't, pal." "Yes it is." Thanks pal. I'll go to NAPA."

 

So I am talking to a customer and this HUGE guy is going off at one of the guys in the store. The guy looks like he threw man-hole covers instead of frisbees for fun, he was intimidating until he got into his turquoise Prius.... Then all his intimidating look and demeanor went away... I asked the guy why he was pissed and he told me that the guy was pissed because He was talking about cars with him and he said his Prius could outrun the parts guys 66 V8 mustang and the parts guy chuckled.... The only way that Prius would outrun a V8 mustang is if the mustang was missing a motor and wheels.

 

Maybe in a distance race... Say 500 miles? The Mustang'll have to stop for gas at least once!

 

Me I need parts for a 1974 GMC motor home.
Parts Guy, One of two things happen GMC did not build a motor home or is it a P-51 motor home chassis?
Me, No!
Me, I give up and tell them I need parts for a 1974 Olds Tornado 425.
Parts guy, I thought you need parts for a GMC motor home?
The GMC engine is a Olds 455 front wheel drive that was beefed up.

 

Or this one how did you install a 1958 261 school bus engine in your 1950 P/U?

 

With duct tape and mechanics wire, just like the factory never did!

That question always gets me, "how did you put X into Y?"

Unless it was a big fab job (like a big block into a micro car or something) I never quite know how to answer that one...

 

Just reading some of this shit reminds me of too many real experiences, I think I should start restoring old ambulance's, or maybe a Hearse.

It's pretty bad when the managers ask me to give the new guys a chance, I told him I already did.

 

a guy came in Friday night saying he must have a stuck thermostat because he is leaking freon out his vents. my co-worker started questioning him , so i took it as my chance to go to the back and hide around the corner. i could hear the conversation and after a little while he asked "where is the other guy , maybe he knows more?"

his response was "if i have to go to the back and get him you will not like anything he has to say". it was all i could do to keep from laughing

he sold him a new thermostat and wished him good luck

 

I call bull shit theres no way you can 35 extra horses what would that be like 40 horses.

 

Also how do you get RWHP out of a FWD car?

 

Dude I wouldnt know a honda from a toyota....

 

As juniors ,We had an auto shop teacher who had a Mechanical engineering technology degree (ya they made him an auto mech teacher ) go figger' , Anyway , he just annoyed us, he knew nothing,,, So we were doing carb work , sent him to the parts store for three feet of 3/16 fallopian tubing ,,,,, the parts store did not have it , so they sent him to the other local parts store , next day in class , not a word , don't know if he ever found out , or the parts stores either

 

Honda + fart can + fool + PFM = 40 RWHP

 

This kid comes in behind me , I had just gotten a small scooter battery , they give you the bag of acid to install in the new battery , The Kid behind me is bouncin off the walls , his teeth grinding away .
he asks the counter man if you can get acid in bulk . The counter man is quick , he tells the kid that two cases will be in at 10 AM the next morning .
Steve , the counterman, calls me at 9;30 so I can watch the action , and talk to the cops , who he also invited to join them. The kid shows up early , He was tweekin hard again . the sale is made , and in walks Johnny Law , the kid is put in cuffs , and he says , outa nowhere , " you can't prove I was gonna cook meth out of that shit." "You just told us". was the reply,,,, I found out later the tweeker kid had over $2000, a couple guns , and was packing a BUNCH of meth ,