What's your favorite saying from Texas

Roothawg dont forget where all your Oklahoma players came from. We grow em here and loan em out to you guys so you can feel better about your tiny little state with those fancy bumps on it what are they called hills.

 

Up here in West Sconsin me and my buddies say "I reckon you're fixin' on fixin' the wreckin' on that"

 

"Spinnin like the button on the shit house door"
"I spent a year in Texas one weekend"
"Turnin to the right"
"Cunthair is stronger than a catline, it'll drag a man clear across the country"
"So dumb he's trying to push a chain"
"Ain't no hill for a stepper"
"Sign the toursheet (pronounced towersheet"
"You don't eat a great pig like that all at once (explaining why he has a three legged pig"

After thirty years in the oil patch, there must be about a million more, but I'm to old and dumb to remember them

 

After thirty years in the oil patch, there must be about a million more, but I'm to old and dumb to remember them[/QUOTE]

Texas oil patch sayings??? How about "Off your ass and on your feet, outta the shade and inta the heat". Means lunch is OVER. I'm real glad I haven't heard that one in a while.
Larry T

 

"We were twistin' off"!

I'm still not sure exactly what that means. Twistin' the cap off a beer bottle I think. I'm not from Texas but I got here as soon as I could.

pigpen

 

Twistin' off is either loafing when you should be working or quiting a job, also called draggin' up.
Larry T

 

This post is great, but I fear Ryan will find it and -- let's admit it -- it's definitely OT. If you find it Ryan, how about two new categories on the website?
(1) An OT category we could scan quickly to see if any frivolities like this pique our interest
(2) An auction category where we could list the goodies we'd like to contribute. I've got some great mags from the 1950s-1960s that I'd like to auction, but I'm afraid they'd get lost in the daily rush. Having a separate area could help. (Admittedly, it might hurt 'cause low-life’s would skip right by it, but there ain't no lowlifes on the HAMB, right?
(3) And here's my Texasism. In the heartland here, where we have the open-bottle law, you can end up in the hokey if they find an open (ever uncapped) bottle of hootch or beer in your car. We understand this isn't a law in Texas, so our dreams are of retiring to a state where directions are "Take the main road for half a six-pack, then angle off at the fork for two long-necks until you reach the river. It's about five minutes further from there."
Not advocating drunk driving, just admitting that four hours in an un-air-conditioned 1953 Chevy five-window on an arrow-straight highway might need some kind of liquid replenishment.

 

Flater than piss on a plate.

....Like trying to poke butter up a wild cat's ass with a hot awl.

Doesn't know if his ass was punched, bored or chew out by a gopher.

She's so ugly, her mother must have slapped her with the ugly stick.

Why don't you make like a good little dog, sit down, lick your nuts and bark at the moon.

Your ass is sucking buttermilk.

Where you going to find two men and a small boy, quick.

If that wasn't the stupidest thing you done, I'd slap you silly.

Don't know your ass from a knot in a fence post.

 

Draggin' up what?

pigpen

 

TEXAS LINGO
a mess of - unit of mass
dern near - almost
et - as in "I et to much attha barberque, Myrtle"
Plumb - totally
goshdawg - exclaimation
dawg - four legged animal found under the porch
dawggonnit - exclaimation of frustration
high tail it - go at a rapid speed
hit the road - leave
hollard - yaled
didjya ever - have you ever
Wanna - want to.
Smackdab inda middlof - directly in the middle
Shootfire - of course
auda do - should do
aughten to - ought not to
a spell - come on over and visit a spell (a while)
dadgumit - curse word of exasperation
a fur piece - measure of distance
Where 'bouts you from? - What is your hometown
Howdja git here? - reason for ones relocation
Mosey on down--walkin' in that direction.
gotta skeedaddle lickety split--have to leave "right soon."
A hoot and a holler - close
Zackly - precisely. "I don't know zackly where in Texas darlin'
Rhonda hails from."
Zat-is that? "Zat yo dawg? He's the spittin' image of you!"
Yo-possessive of you. "What's yo name, sweetheart."
Continya-continue. "Let's continya "speakin' suthun." This shore
is fun!
Gimme-give me. "Gimme smore biscuits smothered in gravy."
Ail-sick or ill. "Gimme smore ale so I can cure what's ailin me."
Bad off-in real bad shape. "Jim Bob's in the hospital and boy is
real bad off! He didn't even recognize his dawg!!!"
Beholden--indebted to. "I'm right beholden to ya for loanin me
that thar huntin' dawg."
Cheer--furniture used for setting. "Pull yourself up that thar cheer
and setchursef down for a spell."
Shore 'nuff--sure enough.
Drank--a drink. "Wanna drank somethin'?"
Get by with--to get away with. "Bobbie Sue will never let you get by
with that farfetched story."
Figger--figure. "Peggy Sue's got a great figger!!!!"
Jest--just. "Jest married."
Skeeters and chiggers-damn bugs that annoy the "hale" out of a person.
Body--person. "Cain't a body git any damn service in this restaurant?"
He's too lazy to hit a lick at a snake.
This knife's so dull it wouldn't cut hot butter.
It's cold as a well digger's tail.
He's just as happy as if he had good sense.
That boy can run faster than greased lightening.
She's pretty as a speckled pup.
It was rough as a cob.
This here's better'n snuff, ain't half as dusty.
I'm full as a tick.
That ol' boy's tough as whit leather.
She's fat as a tub o lard.
She's limber as a dishrag.
He ran like a scalded dog.
She was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking
chairs.
She's so ugly she'd run a dog off'n a meat wagon.
He took off like Moody's goose.
That stuff's as scarce as hen's teeth.
He's done gone and got Yankee rich.
She's sorry as a two dollar watch.
He's so poor he'd have to borrow money to buy water to cry with.
I tell ya', I'm plumb tuckered out.
He's slick as an eel.
He's so buck toothed he could eat corn-on-the-cob through a
keyhole.
He's wild as a peach orchard hog.
He was steppin' in high cotton.
......If'n - If - If'n you ain't gonna tell, needer am I.
Colder than a witches tit in a brass brassier
Crazier than a run over dawg!
Ya betch'er sweet bippy
You savey ? - Do you understand me.
Yesseree, Bubba.
Nut'nduin - I will not, would not, could not, should not do that.
A redneck would rather push his Harley than ride a "rice burner"
Pardy - Going over to momma and ems for a pardy (party).
Nuf - Nuf said (enough)
Earl - Hair Earl, Motor Earl (oil), Radio Earl (aerial).
Eyetalian - my daughter is marrin' that Eyetalian (Italian) fellow.
Didji - Didji know or didji hear (did you)
Pony-ac - I'm going to buy me a brand new Pony-ac (Pontiac).
Yeller - I going to buy me a brand new yeller (yellow) pony-ac.
Buy me - used as a verb seems to be unique to the South (see above)
Auta (should)-"I auta go to work but ahm tared."
Barn (born)-"I was barn in Texas."
Ded (not alive)-"He ded."
Fusstist (a number that comes before second"--}This is my
fusstist Hurricane Punch at Pat O"Briens."
Heaven (having)-"I'm heaven some folks over foah dinnah."
Rat cheer (not there but here"--}Lay the books rat cheer."
Thud (a number after two)--"This is only my thud mint julep.
Outside of Texas they say "get" instead of "git," "pretty" rather
than "pertty , "can't" not "cain't."
Kinda (kind of)--My arm kinda hurts a tad bit.
Suppah (supper)--Suppah comes after dinnah.
Catchup--Pass the catchup so I can catch up with ya.
Earrainian (person from iran_--Saddam what's his name is Earrainian.
Ain'tcha (aren't you)--Ain'tcha goin' to ask me to dance?
Axe (opposite of tell)--Axe me to pass the biscuits and gravy.
Shore nuf (sure enough--Shore nuf you're as "pertty" as my pickup
truck and "perttier" than my dawg.
Out chander (out yonder)opposite of rat cheer(right here)
Forgit--opposite of remember. Sorry LuLu Belle--Didn't mean to forgit
your name.
banes: I love them pinto banes.
flares: The wild flares bloom in the spring.
raffle: fer shootin' squirrels
all: black stuff from the ground
mash: start a car by mashin' the starter button
fixin': A'm fixin to quit this silly stuff

 

1: FUCK YALL, I'M FROM TEXAS
2: Damn son, are you ate up with the dumb ass or what?

 

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE THE SIGN THAT SAYS"YOU ARE NOW LEAVING TEXAS",

 

Funny, mine's just the opposite.

 

One of my favorite things about Texas speech is the way we have adopted the ancient Asian style of making the same word mean many different things by changing the emphasis and intonation.

A simple word like 'Hey' in Texan can mean so many different things.

Start softly and move the volume up through the word and it's a greeting: You see your friend getting out of his truck, "Hey Bob." If things aren't going so well with Bob he'll reply in kind but in a low tone, trailing off at the end, "Hey."

Say it enthusiastically and everyone will turn to look at whatever your pointing to: "Hey, lookit that fuuuhhcked up pickup goin' down the road."

Say it too loudly at someone and get in trouble in a hurry. As in "Hey!" and Bob will reply, "You got a problem son?"

And of course there are the big Texas words that are usually used by officials and religious leaders:

Impyoonty - Like when the DPS pulls you over for 85 in a 65 and the cop says, "Son, do you thank you kin drahv lahk that with impyoonty?"

But my favorite of all the Texan words/phrases is: jeweet?

I'll leave it to my fellow Texans to answer back correctly.

 

No offense meant Benzine but I think the word you're lookin' for there is 'bobwahr'.

 

Ah ett me a big ol burger an sum fries, whad jeweet?

 

"Jeweet? No Jew"? Did you eat? No did you? Okie Larry.

 

"He/She's so ugly the tide won't take him/her out!"
My Dad's favorite "It's colder than a witches titty in a brass bra"
Or " Boy, you could f#!* up a crow bar"

"Tighter than a welldiggers ass" ?????
"Brick shy of a load"
"Move it just a cunt hair"
"Over yonder"

 

You're missing the rest. You could fawk up a crowbar in a sand pile.

 

"Some guy from Wisconsin fucked my wife while I held his balls off the hot sand."



JOE

 

When I was a kid (ok Im' still a kid, so, half a century ago) I would ask my born and raised in West Texas, Dad;
"Daddy, why don't we go to Texas on our vacation?
And he'd say;
"Why? There ain't nothin' there!!"


True story

 

gayest thread ever. where's Hankcash?

 

Yep nothin here , especially if yall are looking for old iron , it's all gone ,no use and coming and looking for it , I will never tell where it is , I mean went!

Yeah a few years ago we drove to Elpaso from East Texas and believe me there is nothing there! That is the longest point across the state and I had hell keeping awake, especially with the wife and kids all snoozing! I talked to a guy from West Texas a week ago and he said " I don't see how you live over there you can't see nuttin , all yall have is trees and hills."