Rules to live by when workin on your Rod

Too Funny! keep them coming

 

When replacing brake pads on disc brakes, occupy your mind elsewhere to insure that you will forget to pump the pedal a few times before you take off down the street.

 

Always cut wires to EXACT length when wiring. Never leave any extra. That way when you forget the heat shrink and have to cut the wire it is too short. This leaves plenty of extra wire for your next project.

bonus points if the wire is already under a carpet, insulation or headliner. The more stuff you have to take apart makes to replace it makes it better

 

1: When painting a car, it is best to wait until the next door neighbors are either in the house or back yard before opening the garage door to release the plume of vapors.

2: If you cut your fingers deep enough, you have approximately 45 seconds to bandage it before blood starts to really run out and mess up the skin where the bandage needs to stick.

3: If the you are going to cut yourself to the bone or anywhere your skin will pull the injury open to the extent that you must get stiches, it is best to injure yourself late at night when you're almost tired enough to want to go to bed. That way you can enjoy sitting in the emergency room at the local hospital waiting your turn for at least three hours as you try to stay awake. Why do it earlier in the day when it is convenient and quick to go to a prompt care office.

4: Multi tasking is very important. Cleaning parts with carburetor cleaner is to be done over an oil drain pan. These parts need to be painted right away while they are clean. Immediately after the parts are painted, the butane torch makes for Speedy drying time (plus it's cool to play with the flames on your paint. Now that you have to wait for the part to cool instead of dry, grinding can be done on other parts. Make sure the sparks are aimed directly at the oil drain pan full of carburetor cleaner, your waste oil tank won't fill up so fast this way.

 

Just so you know.... WD-40, Acetone, transmission fluid, PB Blaster and a Propane Torch do NOT mix!

That shit will fuckin' Choke You To Death!!!!

Looks like I'm gonna have to burn my clothes and drink some beer to get over it!

 

if you need to climb a lader to get those parts down from up in the roof,tie a safety rope to your neck

 

when you workin on those newr models, a way to check if the clutch fan works is: turn on your engine, make sure the fan is spinning, and shuf a broom handle in it... if it stops the blade..the clutch works!

its even cooler if you use the aluminum handle brooms..

 

You guys are something else......

 

some times when your doing those brake jobs, those pesky ole' springs sure can be tought to get back on arnt they?

so i found that you can replace those stubborn hard springs with little carb springs. they stretch much easier, and wont leave you tired and frusterated after your brake job.

 

When ever you are lighting the oil fired heater in the shop close the damper and light it. Then look inside to see why it wont go.Now open damper and presto flames come straight out the top removing all facial hair eye brows and such. Oh and it smells bad.

 

Measure twice then cut yourself!

 

If you had all of your friends over to work on your car the night before and got really drunk while at it, you should drink hard again before you go how to see how much you got done, failure to follow this procedure may impede forward progress on the project.

 

Always weld out in your dry back yard, in the grass on a hot summer day....next to a gas jug for the riding lawnmower.
And ALWAYS peel out at a stop light and race somebody...in front of a cop!

 

No matter what, sniff every single can of anything you ever open, what could possibly happen.

 

HaHa

Can't believe this thread is still alive! Funny stuff guys!

Always remember to clip on your air chuck and walk away!....BOOM....will remind you!

 

Take great care to make absolutely sure that there are plenty of hiding places for your socket to roll behind / around / under because otherwise you wouldn't get to explore the entire garage cussing and looking for it only to find it 12" from where you were working...

Oh and when using brake cleaner ALWAYS point it at something that will deflect it into your eyes, they can use a good cleaning now and then.

One for the kiddos - Get real close to the rattle can so you can see what you're painting and if you're lucky it will be pointed backwards...directly into your eye. Screaming like a girl for 20 minutes really does impress your friends and besides a bright green eyeball looks cool right? As an added bonus you now have something to try and hide from your mom.

 

If you are ever in Phoenix, stop at Elpolacko's shop. But, If he hands you anything metallic and says "take a look at this", put your hands in your pockets. If you take the bait, you will be handed something that is basically flame hot, which you will drop immediately. The next part of this bit is the casual question "that hot"? The proper answer is to hide the pain and say "nope, doesn't take me long to look at things"! By the way, I fall for this at least once a year!

 

Bwaaaaaahhaha! That is my mantra, except I measure 10x, fuck up the cut, cut myself, throw it and cause more damage!! Gotta love it.-MIKE

 

Always tip old thinners in empty beer bottle ,then forget which bottle it is!!!

 

Man this is some funny shit,still laughing.Keep em coming,LOL.Saw one of those dudes (home owner)on a home improvement show using a dull blade sawzall trying to cut a pipe.After no sucess the dumb ass bare hand grabbed the HOT blade and threw the saw screeming like a little girl.I told the wife ,now that made the show worth watching,LOL.

 

never set the grinder down till it's stopped spinning

 

This one is great, happened yesterday

 

Never start the washing machine until you know where your cell phone is.

 

ALWAYS run with scissors, NEVER wear a condom and by all means, confuse those 2 bits of advice regularly....

 

very true, also if you have a big tool running at about 2000000 rpm in the bridgeport, make sure to wear loose mesh cotton gloves(not me,but someone I know) 80 stitches to put a hand back together is sooooo fun

 

I don't much miss that cell phone..... :O

 

So back early in this thread there were several posts about making sure that you never clamp down things, especially large things using larger bits when working with a drill press. I felt that I need to add to that with this bit of sage advice - when the large, heavy, piece of metal your drilling DOES rip from your grip of steel, by all means, try to catch it at least twice on two consecutive laps there by turning both hands into shredded hamburger, and your fabrication area an outtake from "TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE". When all of this fails to stop the still spinning piece of steel, loose what is left of your temper, make a fist, and as hard as you can - punch the safety shut off switch with your right hand, breaking most every bone in your knuckles. This is done for maximum comedic value so that you too can go through life for a week or two with a pair of hands stitched together and bandaged making even simple functions such as eating, dressing, or simply wiping you ass impossibly painful. This best done in front of a very select group of permanent friends, so that all incoming future friends can be told of vast stupidity for at least the next 18 years and counting. This is best performed if you make your living with your hands in a way where they must be presentable to the general public, such as a sewing machine demonstrator/salesman, or doctor, chef, occupations of this nature. It should go without saying that this should be performed with out any sort of protective hand wear, but you knew that, right.....

 

The ten second rule does not apply in a public restroom.

 

Phillips heads are for removing screws not putting them in,hammers work faster.
Always place plenty of news paper around the object your welding so not to get that messy slag everywhere.
When welding a door or quarter panel dont mask off the window ,just roll it down so you don't get slag on the glass.

 

Stay off of sleep and get plenty of drugs.