Rules to live by when workin on your Rod

Always weaar your GOOD eye glasses when in the shop. You can buy new ones quicker that way.
j

 

Alway adjust ignition timing for easiest push-on breather removal upon backfire

 

OMFG that is just way too funny

 

Boring tasks are less monotonous whilst stoned.

This techinique works well to seat 44" Boggers in your basement.

Me:"Dude, what heppened to your eyebrows?"
Idiot Friend:"The Ether Bunny..."

 

When storing parts for future use, rest assured you'll remember which side of what year & model car they came from - no sense marking anything ...

 

Never, ever, use masking tape on windows! It takes less time to scrape paint off the glass than it does to tape it up and peal it off!

 

who needs a tape measure if i cut it too short ill weld it i need the practice.

 

-Never wear rubber gloves when using caustic acid wash, the caustic acid gets rid of that nasty oil your skin for weeks.

- Don't plug the gas line just put it some where it will probably stay there, or you could let it drain in your ear.

-If it's dark use a bic lighter to check the battery acid level be sure your mouth is open so that you get a good taste.

- You don't need to measure anything I can guess it's the better than trying to find the tape Measure.

- trthere is no such thing a nut going on bolt thery will go either way.

- If the nut starts getting hard to turn it's probably just dirty so you just need a cheater bar to get some more torque on it.

 

Don't worry about which way the buffer wheel is turning...Just stick the sharp end of your chrome to it.

Aluminum brightener works great on your polished stuff.

Cutting wheels work great as grinding disks in a pinch.

If you cut real fast, the torch won't warp the metal.

MSD ignition will NOT shock you after washing out the garage.

Wire wheel disks are always best on 8" grinders. Especially in a tight spot with a flannel shirt.

Acetone works just like neosporin on a cut in the shop. No need to go in the house.

No need to turn off the propane heater when you are using brake cleaner.

If your cherry picker won't go down far enough, an old fan belt hanging on the wall will work fine to pull out that 454.

You should have NO problem working tommorrow, it's only a 18 pack of light beer...pussy!

Every one of these things have happened in my shop...Lately!

 

And, if you're using a propane heater in your garage, only use the non-chlorinated brake cleaner.

I been lauging my ass off at these.............busted on a few and going OMFG at some of the others.

Never use more than a 5/16" chain for pulling an engine. Oh, and you only need a couple of threads in the exaust manifold bolt holes to hold that chain.............or just wrap it around the exhaust manifold.

Unhooking the latch on your trailer BEFORE unloading the car makes it MUCH more exciting!

Vice grips for a steering wheel? Bought a '70 Fury convert with a pair of vise grips clamped on the shaft. From here it gets totaly unrelated, but it reminded me of the story. Fired it up and drove it out of the guy's yard, hooked it to the tow bar on the pickup and took it home. A year later, my neighbor gave me a picture of me and 2 buddies pushing the car into my uphill driveway.

Both buddies: "Why were we pushing it, you drove it out of the yard?"
Me:"I dunno, you were there too"

Tim D.

 

Be sure to always pull coil wire to kill a running engine, Bonus on front disributors to bump fan and slow down engine!

Viet-Nam Machete makes a fine / safe shop tool!

Use "band aid" brand masking tape for deep cuts!

wire wheels in high speed die grinders is home training for your future profession in body piercing.

Dave

 

A small sledgehammer with a loose head keeps things interesting in the garage!

When cleaning a small part using the wire wheel portion of your bench grinder, make sure you clamp said part into a pair of vice-grips. That way, when the wheel catches the part and rips it outta your hand, the small part will have the benefit of having a pair of vice-grips clamped to it when it smacks you in the balls!

Vega engines and transmissions were made kinda light intentionally...so that they PROBABLY won't break any bones in your hand when you drop them onto your hand!

Garbage can lids make cool frisbees. It's a fun little break from the actual work at hand, and...if you catch your buddy off-guard, you get to see him fall down! (Those lids can also serve as sleds in the snowy months...which means from October till May in Michigan!)

Ball bearings left on the floor will eventually leave YOU on the floor!

To seperate a front hub from the brake drum without the aid of a press, send your buddy up onto the garage roof and hand him the hub/drum assembly, then direct him to throw it straight down onto the driveway real hard so that the remaining unbroken studs hit the cement first. After repeating this a few times you will get the satisfaction of seeing the hub and drum pop loose from each other...followed soon after by suddenly wondering why you needed to do that in the first place?!

After racing up from a long ride on your three wheel ATC and shutting it off, be sure to inform your little nephew that it's really hot, so don't touch it! Then...sorta watch him silently outta the corner of your eye as he creeps over, looks around, then reaches out and manages to grab the HOTTEST part...the exhaust pipe! As he starts crying, laugh aloud with a nostalgic tear in your own eye, remembering that you learned the same damn way yourself!

A phillips screwdriver (in the appropriate size, of course) is all the drill bit you'll ever need for general sheetmetal work if you have a big enough hammer to hit it with! (It leaves a nice, beveled hole, too...so screw your buddies when they laugh at your hood pin installation technique!)

An oil drain pan left lying around with old motor oil in it is a good way to get your buddy to finally buy new shoes!

If the mechanic across the aisle from you thinks he's funny by blowing up little sissy balloons with his air gun till they pop, show him who's REALLY cool by drilling a hole in the cap of an empty plastic one gallon antifreeze jug and then epoxy an air tool fitting into the hole. Sneak over to an unattended air hose in the shop somewhere (the further from YOUR bay the better!), then plug the air hose into the chuck and leave the bottle there...getting away as quickly and nonchalauntly as possible. In a minute or two when that thick plastic jug lets go, the resulting BOOM will get EVERYONE'S attention! (We called these things "Prestone Bombs"!)

A transmission linkage installed backwards (reversing the normal shift pattern on your automatic trans) will keep anyone from making a hasty getaway in your ride!

If your buddy is changing a flat tire on the shoulder of a freeway and you need to take a piss while he's busy with that little task...watch where you go because sure as shit, if you happen to go up the embankment a little ways and start whizzin' right about even with where your pal is crouched down by his car, he WILL scream, then jump up and loudly remind you that liquid flows DOWN a hill!

A slingshot and some old SBC lifters will eventually result in glass replacement.

 

There is some funny ass shit posted on here!

Always wear a loose fitting long sleeve t-shirt when working at the drill press.

This way when you're drilling aluminum, those cool curly-Q shavings can extend over to your arm that's holding your material, hooking onto your sleeve, dragging your arm into the drill chuck, and ripping your sleeve off at the shoulder!

 

touching your wedding ring to your wrench and the fender while loosening the positive battery cable off the starter is a good battery test to see how hot it really is.

 

Those black rubber bungee straps work as great drill press vices.

Vance

 

Taking your freshly painted pickup to the upholstry shop 2 days after it is painted for a tonneau cover works wonders for the paint on the rear fenders when they drill the holes in the bed rails for the snaps.

 

Always put your beer close to whatever you are grinding, that way you get extra iron in your diet.

TopHat

 

Its frightening me as I nod and say to too many of these things "Yeh I,ve done that,"But my piece de resistance is always remember to have a fire extinguisher in the garage,and if you smart like me, hide it under 2 tons of shite so that when you really do have a fire,in the blind panic you can,t find it and you burn down the garage complete with hotrod.......nice one!

 

when changing a fuel pump under a large box van outside the shop, don't wait for help dropping the 65 gal tank that's half full. just crawl under there, undo the straps and lower it with a jack. when it slips off the jack and pins your left arm in a chicken wing manner where you can't turn far enough to lift it off with your right arm because of the framerail 3" above your chest, be glad you keep your cellphone in your right pocket so you can tell your boss to come laugh at you before he helps you get it off your arm. then get used to him laughing every time you rub your now sore shoulder

 

always keep the oilly rag pail between you and the grinder.....always keep the cable from the one inch bore drill between your legs so when it catches you go down like a ton of bricks and your girlfriend laughs so hard she wets her pants

 

When firing up a new motor make sure the floor boards and door handles are removed and the windows are rolled up,and both doors securely latched before your helper pours a quart of gas into the carb. The trunk makes a great emergency fire exit.
When you can't wait to take the first test drive when the new engine is running a folding deck chair is a good choice to replace the missing seat. Once again the trunk will serve as an emergency exit!

 

If you haven't paint a car before, just get really drunk and try the spraygun. Show it off to your buddys before you check it out youself.

Ignore the stupid weight charts on the Snap-on engine hoist and listen to the owner of a real topdollar pro stock engine moan when it falls over and crack the crankcase open. MF was crying like a baby..

 

The day this thread started, I knew I had to get up early the next day to go to the garage, and get a good start on the car. So of course I stayed up waaaaay too late, drinking beer and laughing my ass off.

I then got to thinking how we all learn so much from each other, here on the H.A.M.B. Then I realized that we've probably all done at least half of these lame-brained things, and still survived.

I felt pretty good the next day, and got quite a bit done. It was sunny and a little warmer, and I'd been waiting for a day to be able to prep and spray paint some pieces. It was still too cold to leave them outside, so I did the only natural thing. I hung them in our basement laundry area. Unfortunately, my wife considers that her only personal refuge. Of course that was a day that she planned to do laundry, and the whole basement smelled like a body shop.

It's a good thing she's a "car guy" or I wouldn't be alive to type this.

 

Run the tumble dryer in the laundry for a few hours, helps heat up the room before spray painting. Don't worry about overspray on your (and her) laundry , it'll look kinda hep.

 

The best time to play the old acetelyne filled exploding styrofoam cup is when there is wet paint in the area.

 

Vise-grips clamped on the shifter is all you need to hold the chain to install a HD transmission. 140 Lbs ain't nothin' for that little pin.

 

when using a bucket for a temporary seat, never strap it down. makes turning fun!!

 

Always put cleaning solvent and/or gasoline in stirefoam cups,i know my spelling is was wrong.