Rules to live by when workin on your Rod

Blue paint has the same consequences... You'd be amazed at how young they learn how to spell "Fart"

 

I was about to buy a set of offical wheel chocks and my Girlfriend says "Don't you have some bricks?" I put em' back on the shelf.

 

weld in the nude

 

always take the safety guard off the die grinder ,,then put it between your legs to grab the pipe

 

NOW, I am forever scarred.

Chains around oxygen and other tanks just get in the way. Frequently, acetylene tanks will fit better if laid on their side.

So it takes two pumps to get full braking - who drives that close to anyone else anyway??

Tires ain't THAT bald; I can't yet see the color of the air!!

Cosmo

 

When welding up a small hole in a gas tank, ALWAYS empty the tank. Gasoline is flammable, so get rid of it. The air left in the empty gas tank can't explode because the gas has been removed.

 

Remember to "Always reinstall spindle nuts with an Air impact on highest setting so they will be good and tight"

 

No need for tack welds. Run full length beads. Thats why they were called hot rods. Warpage? Naw, like they say, "Must be a friendly car, it's waving at everyone that looks at it."

 

but if you are going to do that, be sure you come by my shop and balk at the $29.95 price first. then don't complain a bit when the engine in your 2004 jeep seizes and i have to put a new one in for $4000

 

.....what the hell are jackstands for anyway? why would a jack need a stand

 

While chopping the roof on a coupe, it's acceptable to use a rafter mounted chain hoist with the chain laced through the door windows to lift the body back onto the chassis after tacking the roof and door tops in place. Ignore the sounds of metal cracking or welds popping. The metal is just settling into place. And if it seems like you've been 'raising' it for a while and the car starts to look 'taller'; you're just not used to seeing it chopped yet, it's ok to keep 'raising' it.

Vance

 

For the over 60 crowd.
Whenever you have a "special" part, rare or valuable (like the vin tag that had to be removed to put in hanging pedals) don't just leave it laying around. Put it in a "special" place where it is safe and secure. Do not write down where that special place is.................

 

Don't worry about the roaring sound from the rear end, the new gears just need to "seat in" before you add any 90w.

 

I'm just glad to see that im not the only one that works this way

 

If your hands are rough, use lotion or some form of lubri.........

Oh I thought it said "...when working your rod."

nevermind.

 

Get a nice pewter mug for drinking your beer. The glass bottom lets you see the traffic in front of you.

If you tint the glass properly, you can weld while drinking.

 

Forget all those fancy brake and part solvents, old gasoline works the best. Remember plastic gloves are for sissy's, so just use a brush and your bare hands. Since it's cold, make sure you close the door and fire up the propane heater. Direct vent my ass, you don't need so stink'in vent.

While doing all of the above, feel free to light up if the need arises. The added benefit: you'll find less people want to shoot the shit if you're washing parts in a tub of gasoline with the door shut and a cigarette in your mouth. You get way more done by yourself.

 

...

 

if you dont want to take time to shut off your car, just grab onto your alternator belt to stop it

 

Make sure to always wear a nice flamable fannel shirt when mig welding.
It's really cool to lift up the welding mask and see that your left arm is on fire

 

If I were you, I would be more worried about the symbol painted on the right rear quarter panel. Looks to me like some sort of satanic symbol!

 

when welding overhead, always make sure to not wear gloves so the hot slag falls down your long sleeves and sizzles on your forearm.

 

When welding or cutting, make sure your boots are loose and your pant legs are inside. Makes it easier to get out of them if something hot drops in...
always make sure to leave the gear lube in when swapping transmissions. It makes it easier to bench press that thing if it can slip into place...
If you have a fan or belt noise, lean over the engine and gun it while watching to see what's wiggling... good to stand in line when applying lube too....
make sure your open beer is above something that will be ruined if it gets wet...
if the gasket is leaking, just tighten the bolts more and more....

 

If you need a patch panel but are out of sheet steel, just cut a piece out of that galvanized trash can and weld it right in.

If your clutch linkage has broken, it's still OK to drive. Just put it in second and the starter will be strong enough to get your rod moving until the engine catches.

 

Speed King, I definitely could have gone my whole life w/o that image. Thanks for the visual.

 

when you change the oil, don't forget to leave the cap off so excess oil will fling off the cam.

when adjusting carb on a windy day underneath a pine tree, be sure to park the car so that the carb can breathe in all those needles. Pine scented exhaust.

when welding on your floor, remeber that oil based rust proofers will act to cool the surrounding metal. that was a scary one.

Remember that if you pressure a left hand nut to go the other way long enough, it will quickly agree.

 

this is why i dont have fingerprints

 

I learned this last week:

If you're really fast at pulling a hot wire through a tiny hole in your dashboard there's no need to undo the positive battery terminal. Especially if the end of the wire has a metal connector soldered to it that's bigger than the hole. If you do it just right you'll be treated to a grand display of sparks and, for and added bonus, you get to replace the fried wiring harness.

 

reminded me of another one.

when replacing tube style fuses, it's faster if you don't disconnect the battery to see if you have the proper fuse, and you'll get a nice buzzing feeling when the right one is in place.

 

Check your battery water level with your lighter, if that's O.K. check the gas tank with the same lighter.