Art & Inspiration HAPPY FATHER'S DAY[car jokes}

Happy Father's Day to all of the Fathers.
Let's have some fun and tell Dad jokes that our kids think are corny.
Try to keep them car worthy.

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans...

 

They say cars of the future will travel at the speed of sound……would they come with horns?

 

Back in the 70s a guy in a new Vette had a flat in front of St Elizabeth’s Hospital for the mentally ill. In his haste to get back on the road he dropped the lug nuts down the sewer. He sat bewildered until a guy watching from inside the fence told him to take one nut from the other three wheels to get him on his way. The owner exclaimed, “great idea”, what are you doing in that place. The patient replied, “I’m crazy, not stupid”.

 

Good one!

 

Too funny. I like to laugh.

 

What do you call a 4 door yugo? A we-go

 

What has 10 legs and 4 teeth?

5 NASCAR fans in the ticket line

 

What's the difference between an LS Chevy engine, and a bucket of shit?

The bucket.

 

If you were stranded in the desert and could only have one thing with you, what would you have? I'd have a car door, so when it got hot outside, i could roll the window down

 

A guy walks into a Napa store. “Can I get a wiper blade for my Yugo?” Clerk says “sounds like a fair trade to me.”

 

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Lamborghini?….the pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

 

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

 

A friend of mine passed away recently. He was a circus clown so we all went to the funeral in one car.

 

What happened when the Pope took the Pope mobile to Mount Olive?…
Popeye beat the crap out of him.

 

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a 12 inch dick?

I don't have a Lamborghini

 

Flip the ruler over, your reading millimeters.

 

Dang.....I don't have either.....but I do have 39DD !

 

Husband: “Honey, the neighbor is washing the car with his son again!”
Wife: “Poor kid! Go over there and tell him to use a sponge instead.”

 

Don't know if this is a joke, question or both. Why is it, every time I go to a junk yard, I have to pee? And when I do, even if I'm peeing down hill, it finds a way towards run to my shoe!!

 

Those are pretty big...you should probably start wearing a bra.

 

A couple from Steven Wright...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory, but I couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I put a new engine in my car...but I didn't take the old one out...now it goes 200 mph.

 

Unconsciously marking your territory?

 

What do you do with old German cars?
You take ‘em to the old Volk’s home.

 

I was pulled over for speeding in Virginia. I told the cop that I saw a sign that said 66 so I thought I was OK. He gave me a ticket and said it was a good thing he caught me before I got to 495.

 

I got pulled over for running a stop sign. I told him, “I slowed down, isn’t that good enough?” He pulled out his night stick and proceeded to repeatedly pop me in the head. He said, “do you want me to slow down or stop”

 

Gonna ask forgiveness for this one from my southern HAMB friends as its a take off on the accent.
How did NASCAR get its name?
Back in the beginning, Guy walks up to one of the cars looks at the driver and says, "Nas Car".
(translation: Nice car.) Been NASCAR ever since.

 

NOSTALGIA...

Whenever I put my car in reverse I think "Ah, that takes me back"

 

Poor Buzz,
A flathead finatic he was.
Yes he raced on the street ,
And only once was he beat,
Too bad it wuz by the fuzz.

 

I was watching the news and saw a live report about a lunatic driving the wrong way on Rt.81. I called my wife to tell her to be careful because I knew she was on that highway. She said “I know! It’s not just one guy it’s hundreds of them.”