Starting fluid seems to get rid of oil stains on other things. Try it on a warm header, not a hot one.
I think that I would try a non-clorinated brake cleaner before I would use starting fluid on a header. Also diesel fuel or kero on a rag usually is good for cleaning oil type stuff. Perhaps even some tar and bug remover? I would use them on a cold header only.
I have ceramic coating on my headers on the 34 and I used Mothers on it and it came right out. Stunk a bit when it got hot but it went away and the so did the stain. I really should buy stock in that company.
'48 Caddy porcelain exh manifolds were oil stained, I had some lacquer thinner, took it right off. BUT... Modern days, I like Mother's, as Billy said. Hell, I like sisters and daughters, too...long as they're not mine...
Speedway sells a "purple polish" that works for me on some roadster headers from Patriot that are ceramic coated to a chrome style finish.