Fisher Body Coach

I actually was shot at twice by the same guy. not over his wife though, ....

 

first time was when i tried to rustle a couple steers outa his upper pasture. Midnite, full moon, I was dressed in a rented gorilla suit so if i was spotted they'd think it was bigfoot. how was i supposed to know he stayed up late to watch Johnny Carson. he went to the back porch to take a leak and spotted me. i could hear him yell "it's a monkey, it's a monkey", then i heard the bullet whiz by.

 

can't talk about the second time. statute of limitations hasn't elasped.

 

I have been contacted by the GM Archive Department. they want to know just how I came about owning this Special Limited Edition Coach. it was made for the outgoing GM President upon his retirement. it is the only one in existence other than the 3 prototypes still in the trunk of the heretofor unknown 1948 Corvette prototype designed by Zora Arkus Duntovs mother. I am keeping it until I see how the lawsuit goes.

 

Zora has personnally confirmed that this is the one his mom designed. he asked that I check in a special place for her initials. I did. there they were, Z.D. her name was Zora also.

 

Zora was a quite popular name in the 40s in Lithuwania. i have checked a 1947 Chicago phone book and found 6 Zora Bushmiller, 3 Zora Wankevich, 8 Zora Dombrowski, and 1 Zora Dora.

 

strangely enough, there are no Zoras here in Canonsburg. 2 Ignatzs & 1 Zievbigniev. odd.

 

very very odd.

 

if you think thats odd, wait till you hear this story....

 

it was a cold, dark, stormy night. I had just got home from the late shift at the plastic plant when I heard.....

 

a low moaning coming from the area where i store my scuba gear. it was an odd pitched sound, more like an animal than a human. as I moved my gear I saw a small clawed.....

 

hand reach out as if asking for help. I instinktively reached out.....

 

and grasped it. Immediately i was attacked by what can only be described as a.........

 

an alien being, sorta like a cross between a Howler Monkey and a Norweigan Rat, it began.....

 

rapidly gnawing on my knuckles. I tried to pull away but it had the strength of Bruno Sammartino in that little body. I cried for help, but.....

 

no one came. I didn't know what to do, the pain was immeasurable. I began to sing a lullaby, the one my Gramma sang to me. it stopped.......

 

and gently began singing along. when I paused to take a breath, it would again start to gnaw on my hand. I was running outa energy.. and Verses. I ......

 

began to feel the blood draining from my brain, this is it, I thought, I'm gonna.....

 

pass out, then I'll be devoured. But wait! do I hear someone comin? YES, it's the janitor for the School for the Deaf right next door! My screams were......

 

so loud I could feel the windows rattling. He just kept walking. He had his hearing aid turned off. Soon the loss of blood would....

 

render me unconscious, I began thinking of my family, and how I wished I would have tried that Wendys Bacon Cheeseburger. I was failing Fast. But, just then I....

 

heard the church bells ringing, the carillon noise was deafening. no wonder there were so many deaf people living around here. the gnawing stopped and the creature started to.....

 

retract back into it's hole. it released it's grasp & I pulled back my bloody stump. I rushed to the sink to...

 

rinse off the blood. what I saw nearly made me faint. I began to weep. then I heard the lullaby that Gramma sang. it wasn't me, it could only be......

 

The Beast!! it began to communicate with me telepathetically. telling me how sorry it was and how hungry it had been. he asked to shake hands but with my good hand. I reached out and.....

 

immediatly pulled back... fool me once etc. I looked around for a bludgeon or a cudgel but could only find a club. i began to tease it with my bloody stump, it stuck its head out just far enough to lick the droplets of blood that were falling from my hand. I realized that with its telepathetic powers it knew just what I was going to do, I had to think outside the box.....

 

I began to think of that neighbor girl that I tried to talk to. she would never answer me, wonder why.
the thing began to crawl out a little more as i slowly pulled my bloody stump closer to the club. just as I raised the weapon, it......

 

lunged for my throat, because of my catlike instinks, I was able to dodge its fangs. I was able to give it a heavy blow to its ribcage. i heard bones crack, i began to hear the voice in my head sayin" please don't hurt me". I whispered back, Fuck You, as i began to pummel it, soon it was a ......

 

bloody pulp of hair, bones and huge teeth. I fell back, exhausted. just then i began to hear my neighbor calling -"pretty boy, come here pretty boy, Mommys home". i thought it odd, she had never called me pretty boy before. in fact she had never spoken to me. then I noticed in the mound of guts and gore, a red collar with a tag. i looked closely, it said ..."PrettyBoy"

 

now you know why it's painted blue