Folks Of Interest Kind of personal, but car related

So, many of you guys have seen my dad at the HAMB drags etc. He's with me every where I go, if it's car related. He has been building hot rods from the 50's, he drag raced C/Gas until 1976 and he has built a few hot rods/street rods over the years. Here's a link to a thread I did a while back.

https://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum...dads-gasser-while-under-construction.1044812/

He's having trouble driving these days and he is wanting to stop driving the hot rod and let mom do most of the driving in town. He has had a few instances where he gets his feet mixed up or his reaction times aren't what they used to be.

Guys, this will kill him. All we do is cars. We don't golf or fish or hunt, just cars. This post doesn't really have a point, other than I don't know what to do. I can't stand to see this happen. I consider a lot of you guys family and I don't really know who else to tell that would get it.

Root

 

I don't really know Mark. He tried to give me his 36 last fall and I made him keep it.

 

I am trying to get the Fly back on the front burner. He loves working on that. I may try and keep him busy on that for a while. We have plenty of projects, but I just don't know if not being able to drive will kill the flame.

 

From past experience with my dad, if he wants to give up driving on his own then he's ok with it. Some people know when to quit some don't.

 

I completely understand your situation and concern. I’m facing the same thing with my Dad. He’s my best friend and I’m really lost without him being in the shop with me. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I’m completely with you on this one.


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If he is ready to "let mom drive", let mom drive!

My dad got to the point he was concerned that he would do something that could hurt someone and he didn't want to take that chance. The day my dad decided he needed to quit driving was the last day he drove. I think he rather enjoyed riding and looking out the side windows, something he could not do when driving.

They went everyplace mom would drive. Any time he got a chance to ride someplace with someone else, he was all ready for it. I think maybe he thought he had been doing the driving long enough, and it was someone else's turn to drive, he was ready to ride and look out the windows.

Dad had a series of things he always did that he would hand over to other people as his abilities deteriorated. He sensed when it was time for himself to quit doing things and let other people take over. He handed over a lot of stuff to people the last few years of his life, and he was perfectly OK doing so. He was really content doing things without having any responsibilities concerning them. I hope I'm that smart when my time comes. Gene

 

Sorry- but we all have a time...... Just push, and keep doing so. Light the fire again if it's dimming, or seem's to be. I know the rope's, so, in my honest thoughts, push, engauge, connect.
This is very rellavant to things car related and here....
I once posted a thought before, long ago............ Once it's over, it's over.
So with NO disrespect, Get POP back in the groove, no matter what it takes.

 

He's a straight line guy. Always has been....

 

As was stated,if he thinks it's time then that's his decision.
Might come off as cold but if he made a choice then abide by it.

 

Root, man I feel for you and your dad, but you really should take your dad up on taking the 36 and replacing it with the fly to give him something to occupy his time and I agree take him for a ride as often as possible.

You are fortunate that he recognizes he has a problem and not fighting to get the keys, I've been there and it's a lesson in futility.

Like you I feel like the hamb is a huge dysfunctional family but we all share experiences both good and bad, hopefully you and your dad can share some great times getting the fly back up and running. HRP

 

Sorry to hear he's got to back off. But he knows his limits. Glad for you both that you're close.

 

When my son was 21 I took the keys out of my pocket and ask my son "Do you know what these are?" His answer was there the keys to your hot rod. My reply was "Some day you'll have to take these away from me and I won't like it. Man up and do what's necessary"
It sounds like he's asking for your help.
I just turned 79.

 

I have had a few chances to drive a couple of nice cars, and at the end of the day I decided that I enjoyed looking at them more than driving them. If Dad says its time then its time, but I would take him out on some back roads with the 36 and ride with him. My dad taught me everything, and I know I would honor his wishes, even if I didn't agree with it. Its a tuff spot in life.
Tony

 

Dad is 80. It seems too early to me. I will do whatever he wants, but I think it won't end well.

 

Just something to ponder, and I hope this isn't too insensitive... last week here locally, an 88 year old man was dropping of his grandchild at school. He got the pedals mixed up, or something along those lines, and accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and hit and killed a teacher that was on drop off duty... sounds like since he's willing to give it up, then that makes it that much easier. Like others have said, that doesn't mean anything has to change except he's in the passenger seat rather than behind the wheel.


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On the other hand my father in law didn't want to give up and believe me, it was time. I sympathize with what you and your dad are going through but honestly I think it is a blessing that he is comfortable dealing with his new found short comings. It may be tough on him but you and mom are there to offer support and drive him around.
If dad were stubborn consider the ramifications of an accident involving serious injury or loss of life. How would your family deal with the remorse and possible financial ruin?

 

I think something similar happened with dad recently, minus the running over innocent people part.

 

You are a blessed man to still have your dad in your life, and he knows what the is asking. HRP

 

I'll never forget the day my mom stopped driving. She was VERY independent. She ran errands in her car all day and every day. Doing for others kept her busy and she loved it. One day, I went to visit her and she handed me the keys. I asked what was wrong and she replied, "Nothing... yet. It's just that time."

Personally, I commend your dad for realizing that it was time. There are way to many incidents, where an elderly person (who shouldn't have been driving) caused harm to others or themselves.

 

You got that right Fred. HRP

 

I agree that 80 seems far too young to have that happen [heck I am only 6 years from it] but be very glad he recognizes that it is time. Keep him in your car related activities as you can and take him on as many drives as you can. He will still enjoy the experience I bet. He is lucky to have a son involved in the same activities he likes.

 

Aunt Betty decided it was time to stop driving in her early 90's, she was very proud of the fact she never had and troubles driving, she just knew it was time. She was the most independent person I knew, and she had a lot of good years with others doing the driving for her. Bob

 

Here for you, Root.
It absolutely does all happen too fast...too soon. It sounds like you're having a harder time with this than your dad is. That's normal...that's usually the way it is. The more we love our dear ones, the harder it is to accept...to come to grips with...the loss of what we once had with them. And it's often less difficult for those who are experiencing the physical limitations...and worse...than for those of us who witness it.
Best I can say is focus on what you have together now, and be grateful and happy for the present. And express and share that gratitude and joy often with those you love.
It's obvious that you're a great son. Much respect and heartfelt best wishes to you and your family.

 

My dad knew when it was time to stop driving. He wasn't into cars, but he knew. Sounds like you've still got some car building to do together. Shows, drags, what ever you can do together is well worth it.

 

My dad is 90 . He had a couple of close calls last year, one day my brother met him at the old folks home where they had gone to visit my Aunt.. They both parked their cars and started to walk to the front door. My brother turned around and saw Dads car rolling down the street. He ran down the street jumped in and stopped it. He had left it in neutral with the brake off. A month or so before that he parked my moms Toyota in the driveway and left it running for 8 hours, It has the keyless Ign..My Dad is no longer driving and my Mom is very relieved. We try to keep my dad involved with everything we do house projects car projects etc. He just really enjoys the interaction with us.

 

Just remember the man above has everything covered and you need to believe in that and just enjoy your time with him. Make the most of it and no regrets.