Funniest lines from the parts counter

Not the sharpest customer.

We get to work in the morning and it looked like somebody took a hammer to one of our windows. It was an old building and it didn't have safety(laminated?) glass. There was a basketball size hole and the glass looked all splintered but barely holding together. It was a large piece, probably 8x10 ft tall.
Customer gets there right as we are looking at it and STICKS HIS HEAD THROUGH THE HOLE!

"What happened?" He says.
We yell at him. "You're about to lose your head is what's gonna happen!"

 

Its funny what makes sense to one man, and not to another!

This is OT, but the point is valid.

Vw golf/rabbit runs lifters on an OHV engine. They are known to bleed out, to such and degree that they have a hard time starting when cold. And the make a lot of noise, but does it for the longest time.

The Volvo OHC 2.3 runs lifters and is adjustable by shims. So they can be noisy and and you just swap the shims to a thicker, and the noise is gone.
And one of the few cars that had no valve interference. So for the customers that are half ass broken we sell them a Tbelt kit throws it in the trunk and ask them to call us when it snaps.
I can do it down town in the snow,from the valance, with 5 tools in rush hour traffic, taking the same time as in the shop.
And on a summer day I rather do it outside instead of inside a NO A/C shop!!

Or the old Opel/GM four banger (2.0 and 2.4) ran an OHC setup with chain an rocker arms that at punched out of flat steal and has a not inside that tightens up lash, I believe early SBC do to. But it also runs lifters.
And the common practis to adjust them is:
Remove valve cover.
Put cardboard over the chain( oil spray shield)
Start up the engine.
Lean over it with a T-wrench and correct socket and you tighten them till they are soundfree. And here comes the oldschool trick: nobody used degrees, so greybeards use turns (self explained) or a side or half a side (meaning the side of a nut (1/6 of a turn) or half a side (1/12 of a turn). And they nedded half a side after noise free.

But for a fair stretch of time, we had a lot of cam failures or burned valves. Because some (a lot) dumbass DYI did em noise free and half a turn, not half a side.

Or for a period we could make good money on new mechanic ad big shops trying to do old engines.
Small Opel/GM pushrods mills (1.0 and 1.2) need to be set at 5degrees BTDC. And most youngsters set the timing light at 5 degrees and time the engine. And if the owner ran it on 92 octane it would Ping, and not run like its suppose too.
But on that engine the mark is 5degrees.
So there was a lot of customers to pick up from big shops

But the rule of thumbs is mostly if you are young, you only know what you been told, and very rarely is the "shut up and listen approach" not used enough in school. It's the talk laud, people will listen and you get respect approach.

And I would wish that we had more people like you on our side!!!

The general approach when I need a part for my stuff, I go in to a shop and ask for; the guy who worked here for an eternity, but I can't remember his name. And when he comes to the desk I tell him I need parts for a car that is "Frankenstein" and I have no registration or VIN, and we need to go old school, like books and I take the blame if I got the wrong part!
And then I can get most stuff I need.

And that guy works at most shops, and has a different name in all shop, but most of the time he is on duty. and I bet you are him too!

Please bring more story's. You bring funny stuff!

 

Not sure what's going on around here lately, but in the chain stores, the girls seem to be taking over (not that I have a problem with that, I find a girl who knows cars quite attractive! It just sets up this story) ;-) So I'm trying to get my 392 back together, and one of the main stumbling blocks is the rope seal has spun in the block. So I found myself with a little free time yesterday, and I hit the open stores for a couple of things. I wasn't holding out much hope any of them would have this, but I'm there so I figured I'd ask. I knew I was asking for a virtual impossibility, so I smiled and prefaced the question with "OK, stupid question of the day time...I'm looking for a Sneaky Pete. Do you have or know what one is? The look the girl (who was the shift manager, by the way) gave me when I asked was priceless! Kind of a confused/ shocked "Did he just ask me something inappropriate?" look. I smiled and explained what one was and what it was used for, and now she knows what one is and what it's used for. I wasn't trying to be funny, when I googled rear main seal installation tool, only two came up, one from a company I've never heard of, and one from Kent Moore tools, and low and behold, they call it a Sneaky Pete! We bad s good chuckle about it after that and I told her I didn't really expect they would have them or even know what they are, but I was there and it didn't hurt to ask. She thanked me and said "Well, at least I know what one is now! I learned something new today!" The first store I went to didn't have everything I wanted, so I ran down to the other one and Bingo! There are two girls (one of whom is also the shift manager there!) and a guy working the counter there, so to avoid a repeat of the last store, I go him (he looks about 18) and ask who's the oldest person working in the store right now? He replies Paul is, he's 24, but he's at lunch right now. So I asked him if he had any idea what a Sneaky Pete was, and he said no. Before I could even explain, he spun to the manager and yelled "Jamie, do we have Sneaky Pete's here?" She just looked at him like a dear caught in the headlights and said "WHAT"? It was slow so she and the other girl both head down to our end of the counter and we have another Sneaky Pete lesson. To their credit, they did try to suggest places that were open on Sunday that might have it, but the suggestions were not that useful (Harbor Freight and Sears). Oh well, I had nothing to lose and they all know what one is now!



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" We don't really believe in Fords here"
-Pepboys cashier

 

Okay this one is on me.
Years ago I went to a auto parts store in my area and recognized the guy behind the counter. I said weren't you married to my wife's cousin. He looked at me and said "I can't believe you are you trying to get a discount from me by mentioned my X wife? Well I guess I was. "My bad".
Gary

 

A good parts man is a priceless asset to a mechanic, and the good ones are almost never paid what they are worth. Maybe the rotten wages are what attracts quite a few poseurs and one of the best pretenders worked at a GM store that a good buddy wrenched at. This guy was famous amongst the other guys for almost never getting it right, taking a real long time and asking questions which indicated no clue.

One day at coffee the subject of this idiot came up, and one of the crew said `he knew what was going on. Seems he had jumped the counter when the dude was at the retail counter to look for something in the back and heard the guy make a phone call and ask questions which suggested he was talking to another GM parts guy (turned out to be a good buddy)

Anyway, a plan was schemed up and a day or so later, with everyone but one mechanic hiding against the wall, Potter goes up to the counter and orders connecting rod return springs for a 283. A power pack 283, manual trans pink convertible, rear antenna etc. etc. P Man blows him off with being too busy, but he`ll get them in a minute. So Potter walks away then doubles back to the wall.

P Man is heard dialing the phone, then asks his buddy the part number for connecting rod return springs. Naturally there was a giant laugh, so clear it could be heard by everyone.

P Man left shortly after.

At a GM store I worked at, there was about 6 bays along the service area front wall, one for each stall. There was a second row of stalls behind them, with a big side door for access. Nice, clean and airy shop. This was back in 80-81 or so.

Anyway, my stall was in the second row and right in front of me was a Kiwi`s stall, right behind the front row service door. One day I look up as the Kiwi drives in a brand spanking new plastic pimpmobile and pops the hood. Minutes later I notice he has gained a customer. He`s on the left side, customers on the right side. A few minutes later their positions are reversed. Then reversed again. I don`t remember how much later it was that suddenly the Kiwi yells FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFF so
loud that everything in the shop stopped and all you could hear was the occasional snap-on tool dropping on the cement. To this day I have no clue where the customer went to, he just seemed to disappear.

Guy next bay over to me got a new vette with a no second gear complaint. It was about 2 weeks old. When cold, it shifted 1-2-3 perfect. When it warmed up, suddenly it went to 1-3
and second only returned when it was cold. Pulled the pan off (it was a TH350) and then said come and look at this shit. Sliding my whore board under what did I see but a bunch of epoxy all over inside the case, in the manual valve area.

He comes back from the tower and says they won`t warranty the case, gotta put a valve body in it. Now 350s had their fair share of problems, but being a cast iron body with sintered steel valves they almost never screwed up. So, they order a VB. He pops it in and guess what...same crap. OK, so they tell him to pull the trans. This was when cats were first coming in so getting it out was a bitch.

In a case like this, everything inside is perfect, there is no slipping it either works or not. So, everything was perfect. The suits decide to re-seal it, so he does. Same problem, so now they start blaming him. He pulls it and reseals it again. Same problem. This went on for quite a while but finally the suits quit playing let`s try this `n that and they finally ordered a case.
Case closed.

 

I called a local hydraulics parts store looking for some German [DIN] fittings for 6,000 psi hose. They didn't have them which didn't surprise me and I asked if they were available. He checked and said they are only sold in boxes of 10 and the warehouse only has 9.

 

Just at Napa.

Me: "I need a 5/16 -18 heli coil kit"

Parts guy: "what's the year make and model? "

 

Seems a lot of these are things you can (usually) just go out to the shelves and grab them yourself. (straight lengths of brake line, HELP! parts, heli-coils, etc...) Stop making it more difficult than it needs to be. I get it, some parts guys are morons that won't admit it, but sometimes we do it to ourselves. It's the good ol' "ask a stupid question" scenario.

I'm lucky to have a couple local parts stores that are filled with guys that know what they're doing (around here people fix their own junk because the don't have the cash to pay for labor) and the new O'Reilly's in Cloquet brought in a manager that KNOWS parts! Good lookin woman too! I went in with an O/T turbo car, had a check engine light come on and had them put the scanner on it. Got the code for a junk O2 sensor... $260 for a new one. She says she'd sell me one, it's in stock, but she thinks I might want to look for a boost leak first. So, I pop the hood and sure enough, boost sense line to the MAF sensor slipped off the little plastic T fitting. Slide it back on, add a small zip tie to secure it better and I was good to go.

Go in there with old hot rod parts, rock crawlers, Jeeps with who knows what driveline, and she can find what I need and get me the RIGHT part the first time. Always impressed with her, just wish she wasn't married... lol

 

i just couldn't resist. "la fong--large l, small a, large f, small o, small n, small g. la fong, carl la fong!"

 

I get a kick when you ask for a part they want to know unrelated details of the vehicle to look up the part, motor size transmission type 2w or 4w drive and you are looking for a bulb.
I always go through the vehicle specs before they ask , 305, auto, wagon 2wd and add the colour is brown. Some parts people get and other don't.

 

i get a kick of all the people who think parts guys are morons , but when it's 8 pm at night and you are having trouble getting a brake caliper off you call looking for advice.

or call wanting to know what size wrench they need to take something off...easy answer: the one that fits

or you can't get the front brake rotor off the front hub , so you take the axle nut off and it still won't go.....it's rusted on

or they guys that insist that they bought a Wal-mart battery at your store and need warranty.

 

instead of dealing with the moron parts guy , why not look up the bulb number yourself in the owners manual that came with your car? then you can just say give me a 9007 bulb or whatever

 

31 pages and I haven't posted I can't believe I missed this one.

Not so funny but "They don't make parts for that any more"

Funny? I used to work over on the rough side of town with a friend in the *world's largest mom and pop parts store. Anyway we used to here this from customers all the time, "I gots me a Bruick deuce n a quater, with a fo barrels carburetors and dual exhaust mufflas." That translates to I have a Buick 225 with a four barrel and dual exhaust for the language impaired.

*true although I think they called it independent not mom and pop. Covered a city block square.

 

From the other side of the counter....
customer: My car keeps foulin the plugs.....
Me: lets see one.
customer hands me a plug that is soaked with antifreeze..
me: I think you have a head gasket probelem.
Customer: no man, I been readin about it, I think its high speed glazin.
Me: I doubt that......
Customer: Phhh, and they say you used to turn wrenches..you a dumbass, its high speed glazin. warranty these plugs out.
His car was a chevy Cavalier!

The dumbass is not always behind the counter, guys.

 

One time I needed a vacuum check valve for my o/t van.
The parts goes goes oh you know that just to keep the vacuum in the engine.
I said no it is to keep the vacuum to the heater blend door. Right now when you step on the gas the air goes to the floor.
He said oh then it's not the check valve. When you step on the gas you have MORE vacuum.
I say no when you step on the gas you have LESS vacuum. A vacuum is an absence of air.
He says no you have more. The engine uses vacuum to draw in the air. The more vacuum, the more air goes in!
I say, ok just sell me the part...

 

I was using that an a example. Some of the search functions they have seem to want to know all the details of the car IE auto or std 2wd or 4wd, ext cab reg cab to order an alternator belt. On my truck all you need is engine size to figure out the belt size. The older guys get it when I say it's silver. A little humour that's all??
Because someone is young and no experience in a low paying job I don't automatically consider them morons. Lots of experienced high paid morons out there

 

This is something that professional mechanics disguises on a higher level. The difference of the Vacuum you get from under a butterfly or in the middle of a runner. And what effect it has if you locate your ignition vacuum hose in the middle of a runner. Or you adjust/syncro webers with a IR, and put you vacuum tubes to fare away from the butterflies.

But yes he is not all wrong, but also not dead on.
This is what happens when people don't get all of the fact, but just knows enough to be dangerous.

And yes, some time the parts guy is right too!
We have a shop in town that has 6 guys employed, one knows about dirtbikes, and about rebuild an engine, and about doing basic machine work.
They have a guy that knows a lot of difference cars and spans over 5 decades, and is experiences with old english automobiles. 3 guys that are average, and mostly does new cars, but it takes time to build a relationship where you can tell them that they are wrong. Or give me the part I want on my own risk, because my car disagrees with you PC, or I'll make it work!

The last guy is so off the chart, he is among old mechanic known as FG or Forrest Gump.
He doesn't known pi$$ from paint, or his a$$ from a hole in the ground.
But this doesn't apply to all shops or all parts guys, but most shops has a guy who's mother dropped him on his heads ones to many, drank when pregnant or just liked chocolate/junkfood/weed more then here kids, and if you can't find him at your local shop, it might be you self!
Rant over, and I'm not targeting any of you!
Don't feel this as an attack.

That's just life.

 

I think every store has one of those. Haha
The problem with the one we had was that he DIDNT ask the questions. Customers loved him though.

I would have a customer who didn't have enough info for me to sell him what he needed(engine size, year, etc).
They would go to Ralph and they would leave with something, right or wrong.

People would walk in " Ralph sold me the wrong part 3 times already! Where is he?"
Me " he's on break, what are you looking for?"
Them " I'll wait for him"

*names have been changed to protect the innocent. Lol

 

Not really parts, but I had a customer in the hardware store this week looking at tape. He said, "all these say they are for painters. Don't you have any that are just masking tape?"

 

That's why you can't find the right parts on the computer, you can't spell Cavalier.

 

I was at advance looking for a radiator hose for my model a project . I told the guy what I was looking for a custom hot rod project and same old crap he had to look it up in the computer. Ok I'll play this AGAIN .What year ... 31...what engine.... Chevy 305.........sir they didn't make a 305 In 1931 ..... NO SHIT! We went round and round again till he let me find what I wanted.


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Why are all of these posts re hashes of the 50 other "Stupid Parts Guys" threads on this site. As far as the questions that the "morons" ask, for the hundredth time, the computer won't go to the part until it gets the info that it needs. We all have computers, we know how it works. The magic crusty, grouchy old man who knew every part number and every interchange for every car ever built is a myth. I worked with a guy who was a walking encyclopedia of British cars and part numbers. He used the books and microfische (no computers then) constantly.
Yet, these redundant threads keep showing up for a number of reasons. For liars to spin their yarns of the drooling, inbred counter man and how he stands no chance against his Mensa level intelligence and rapier like wit and wisdom. For the whiners to rail against the aforementioned "stupid questions". For the assholes who claim to go the parts store with no other reason than to screw with them. They actually fit into the first category since I doubt that anyone would waste their time asking for a Johnson rod just to get a cheap yuk. If true, then who is the moron???

 

I thought the thread was about comments or questions asked by Customers- I am sure I have asked my share of dumb questions if the truth be known. And I don't mind someone having a laugh at my expense - or having a quiet chuckle to myself if I observe someone else making an innocent albeit funny response
Can't imagine why someone would want to 'set someone up' on either side of the counter to humiliate them- makes you wonder who's the ignorant one

 

hey that' s southernese or as my buddy called mush mouth , I used to get that all the time when I worked parts as they used to come in when a local chemical company or oil plant did a major rework as all the guys came from down south . whats worse is after dealing with them folks I often started twanging myself .

 

Had fun today got some plugs for a 08 O/T colorado , the parts guy says the person who programmed the computer screwed up as it only lists it as a 5 cylinder not a 6 , well I told him the computer is right its a 5 not a 6 , then he told me no one makes a 5 cylinder motor or any motor thats odd cylinder count , thank goodness he wasn't around when radials were popular as they are all odd cylinder motors . and also didn't Volvo and Audi also make a 5 cylinder in the 70's ?? I think even Ford experimented with it in the late 30's

 

Why would I want to, I've been trying to forget they even exist for 30 years.

 

I run parts three days a week for the local NAPA since my retirement. It's a good store with a good mix of old heads, and some younger guys that really get it.
Any way, I was waiting behind the counter for my next run. Lady comes in & one of the younger guys steps up.
"Can I help you ma'am ?"
"Yes, I need a (so&so) for my car."
"OK ma'am, what kind of car do you have?"
"A white one."
He turned around & shot me a grin. Just another day at the counter.

 

Yes, Volvo and VW/Audi have 5 cylinder engines and there are quite a few 3 cylinder engines on the road today.

 

Heard that one few times, haha

Me " what size engine?"
Them "I don't know? Does it matter?"
Me " yes, the parts are different, there is a 1.5 or a 1.6 that year"
Them " oh, it a 1.5..... Because it's not that fast"

I would also have accepted " it's the bigger engine because it's a four door" , " it's the smaller engine because it gets good gas mileage" or " it's the bigger engine because it has a sunroof"
Haha